


Home Across the Hall

by Starlight1395



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Drinking, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mental Decline, Non Idol AU, Panic Attack, Polyamory, Self-Harm, Sexual Humor, Sick Fic, Some comedy, anxiety and depression, cursing, eventual ot8 - Freeform, half idol au, minho mom-friends the fuck out of the others, past self-harm, past trauma, shameless flirting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 96,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29137389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/pseuds/Starlight1395
Summary: When Minho was selected to be a part of his university's new program, the only thing he was really looking forward to was being able to take his classes online, and having his nice, new apartment paid for by his school for the next two years. Sure, he would be more isolated than ever before, but that's never bothered him.That is, until he meets Bang Chan, with his stupid curly hair and stupid cute smile, who in turn introduces him to the six most chaotic boys he had ever met. At first, Minho never thought he would fit in with them, but once some secrets begin revealing himself, he realizes he can offer a lot to the boys in the apartment across the hall.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Everyone
Comments: 108
Kudos: 263





	1. Moving Stress and Soju

Minho thought he was going to pass out - not from exhaustion, despite how tired he was, but out of frustration. He had been going up and down the elevator of his new apartment building for hours, but it seemed like he hadn’t made a dent in the piles of boxes stacked in the back of his rented moving truck.

Was he thrilled and downright honored to be one of the first people chosen by his university to test a new program where highly motivated students are given an opportunity to finish their degree while interning for the university? Absolutely! They gave everyone in the program an apartment in the same building and a two year contract, which meant Minho had guaranteed housing for at least two years as he finished his degree.

Was he still fucking tired? Yeah.

The main downside was he didn’t have many friends, so there was no one to help him move into his new apartment. He had originally been living outside of the city with his parents, driving himself to campus for classes and to use their dance studios, which was a hassle but it ended up saving him thousands in room and board. Now, his new apartment was a ten minute walk from the main campus, and he was getting paid to tutor students online.

It was the perfect situation, but he was still frustrated. He didn’t think he owned that much shit, but apparently he was a full-blown hoarder, if the stacks of boxes had anything to say. His mother may have gone a little overboard getting him things for his apartment, but he knew part of that was an early apology for not being able to help her son move.

“Jesus fucking Christ...” He growled, trying to hit the elevator button with his hip but missing over and over again. The pile of boxes he was currently carrying were too tall to really see around, so he was just trying to hope for the best as he randomly shoved his hip against the wall. He had planned on getting all the boxes up to the apartment so he could return the empty truck back to the rental place, but the sun was already going down and he wasn’t even halfway done yet. It was looking as though this was going to be a two day project...

“Here, let me get that for you,” a voice suddenly came from behind him, making him jump and almost drop the topmost box in his pile. “AH! I got it!”

A set of hands came into view as the top box was taken. Minho found himself face to face with what might have been one of the cutest boys he had ever seen. His clearly bleached hair was grown out, showing dark roots, and had dimples that popped out as he gave Minho a shy smile.

“I’m guessing you’re just moving in?” He asked, hitting the elevator button.

“Mm, first time living on my own,” Minho didn’t know why he gave that detail to a stranger. Now the adorable boy with the faint accent knew he lived alone, which raised the odds of being murdered just a little more. Maybe it was because there was something... familiar about the boy that put Minho at ease. “Um, thanks for grabbing that for me.”

“No problem,” The boy smiled again as they stepped into the elevator car. “Which floor?”

“Nine,” Minho said as he tried to adjust the boxes in his arms. His muscles were aching but he still had so much more to carry. “Such a fun floor to live on when you’re moving everything on your own.”

“Nine? I live on nine too,” The boy’s eyes widened in pleased shock. “What a small world! Do you really not have anyone to help you?”

“Mom’s a nurse, so she works weird hours, and my dad... isn’t really someone I would rely on for something like this,” Minho glanced away, trying to fight a sneer. While his father still lived at home with his wife and son, he was barely there - physically, in the house, or emotionally in either of their lives. “I’m about to give up for the night though. I’ve been doing this for like... four hours.”

“Would you want some help?” The boy asked, his curls bouncing a little with the movement of the elevator.

“You don’t have to do that,” Minho’s ears burned a little. Even if he was exhausted, he wasn’t the type of person to ask for help unless there was no other option. “I think I got most of them already. It’ll just be a few more trips in the morning.”

“I really don’t mind,” The boy continued, and Minho was finding it hard not to give into his puppy dog eyes. “I’m Chan, by the way. Bang Chan”

“Lee Minho,” He smiled a little as he bumped his front door open with his hip. Was it dangerous to leave his new apartment not only unlocked, but propped open? Probably, but it saved him so much time and stress to not have to put the boxes down just to unlock the door each and every time he made a trip. “That can go over there, with that pile.”

His apartment, much to his relief, came furnished with the bare essentials - a bed, a couch, a desk, microwave, oven and stove, fridge, table. Nothing too fancy, but just enough to live somewhat comfortably.

“So these apartments do look the same as ours,” Chan said, looking around. “We were wondering, since ours is one of the bigger ones and there aren’t many three bedrooms in this building.”

“Three rooms?” Minho blinked - just how many roommates did Chan have? “This is just one bedroom... I don’t know what I would do with all that open space.”

“It gets used up surprisingly fast,” Chan chuckled, and Minho found the sound to be very pleasant. It made him want to smile back. “Seven boys in one apartment doesn’t leave much room for anything else.”

“Seven?” Minho knew Chan was joking - there was no way the apartment complex would allow seven people in one apartment, even if it had three rooms. It was a safety hazard, not to mention loud for the people around them.

“We were given special treatment,” Chan winked, putting a finger up to his lips, playfully swearing the other boy to secrecy. “Seungminnie’s Aunt manages this apartment building, so she was able to bend some rules to let us all room together.”

“I do love some good rule breaking,” Minho nodded approvingly. “Play the system before it plays you - I have to admit, I’m impressed.”

“Sometimes I wonder if it was even worth it,” Chan ran a hand through his bangs. “I love my boys, I really do, but sometimes I kind of wish we did spend up splitting between two apartments. At least that way I could separate them properly when they start fighting. Do you know how hard it is to put someone in timeout when they share a room with the person they’re arguing with?”

“I couldn’t even begin to imagine,” Minho chuckled as he opened the nearest box, which contained his kitchen things - bowls, plates, utensils, pots and pans. He placed that one off to the side and kept searching for what he was looking for. The box under that one was filled with books, which was also not what he wanted. “Fuck... why do I have so much shit?”

“It’s better to have something and not need it than need it and not have it,” Chan said confidently before helping Minho by moving the box of books out of the way. Under that box was the one Minho had been searching for, which contained his bedding supplies. He didn’t have the energy to make the bed up properly, but he could throw together something on the couch for the time being. “But seriously, when I moved out on my own for the first time, I had triple what you have here.”

“This isn’t even all of it,” Minho wanted nothing more than to flop down and sleep for approximately three days, but he couldn’t. “I don’t know why my mom thought I needed this much. It’s not like I moved across the country.”

“She’s just looking out for you.”

“I mean, yeah, but look at how much work I have to do now,” Minho whined, his shoulders slumping a little. Normally he was more composed than this, but he was more exhausted than he could ever remember being, and he hadn’t even gone grocery shopping yet. “I just wanna go to bed... And I still have to set everything up for classes next week.”

“You go to school?”

“Mm, I’m technically a senior, but I’m doing a special program that has me interning with my university after I graduate.”

“That’s so cool,” Chan grinned warmly. “I’ve been taking courses here and there, but it’ll be awhile before I actually get any kind of degree.”

“It’s... I’m honestly still not sure how to feel about it.”

“Why don’t you take a nap, and then come over to my place for dinner?” Chan suggested, his eyes shining. “I have a feeling shopping isn’t on your radar tonight, and we’d love to have you over.”

“I don’t know...” Minho was thrilled at the invite, because that meant he didn’t need to worry about cooking, but at the same time he was almost tempted to have sleep for dinner and deal with the rest in the morning.

“Please? I promise it’ll be fun,” Chan practically begged, and who was Minho to deny such a thing? “I’ll even make extras so you can have it for breakfast, so you don’t have to finish unpacking on an empty stomach.”

“I-I guess when you put it that way...” Minho was surprised at how thoughtful Chan was being, especially when he hadn’t even considered what he would do in the morning.

“Perfect! We’re directly across the hall. Just let yourself in - I’ll leave the door unlocked for you,” Chan seemed to bounce in place. “We normally eat around seven.”

“You all eat together?” It had been forever since Minho had a real sit down dinner, and he was a little surprised to hear that Chan managed to wrangle together six other boys to do just that.

“I try to get them to eat with me as much as I can, but they’re always so busy,” Chan’s smile dropped a little. “We... we all work really hard, but I try my best to give them chances to relax.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Minho found himself saying. “Even if it’s just once in a while, a family dinner is something really special.”

“Mm, I really treasure nights like this,” Chan’s eyes turned up, fondness making his cheeks flush a little. “They’re my everything.”

“Sounds like you have a good group of kids,” Minho’s chest ached for two entirely different reasons - Chan seemed to love his friends so much, and that made Minho happy for him, but at the same time he couldn’t help but wonder when the last time - if ever - someone made a face like that while talking about him. “I’m looking forward to meeting them.”

“They’re going to love you,” Chan grinned, showing his dimples again. “Ah, I’m so excited! I should go tell everyone the plan. Here’s my number, okay? Text me so I have your contact too! I’ll see you tonight!” He jotted down a string of numbers on Minho’s palm, using a pen that had been sitting on a nearby box.

“Mm, see you in a bit,” Minho chuckled as he walked Chan to the front door. Sure enough, the other boy went into the apartment directly across the hall, the sound of shouting and laughing filling the hallway for the few seconds his door was open. Minho retreated back to his own apartment and looked around at the chaos that was his living room. He looked at the phone number Chan had written on his palm and shot the other boy a quick text before sighing and shaking his head. “What the fuck just happened?”

* * *

  
Minho felt as though he had gotten nothing done as his alarm went off. He set it to give him a little time to freshen up for the dinner at Chan’s apartment, but even though it had been several hours, his own apartment seemed even more destroyed than before. Boxes lay in various stages of unpacking, several thrown into an uneven tower in the corner while the contents were scattered in smaller piles around the living room. Crumpled newspaper littered the floor, almost completely covering the hardwood and making it a bitch to walk around without almost slipping every two steps.

A pile of posters and painting to hang up. A pile of curtains, blankets and pillows for the living room. The blankets, pillows and sheets for the bedroom were on the couch. A pile for his school things, and a pile for shoes, and another pile for miscellaneous things that he had no idea what to do with.

He went to his bathroom and sighed again - he had been sighing way too much, and he was starting to get on his own nerves. There were boxes stacked in the bathtub that contained his shower things, towels, makeup, and things for his medicine cabinet. He knew he would have to unpack it sooner rather than later, but he was just so... tired.

“I can’t cancel,” He told himself. “Chan invited me. I can’t not go. It would be rude and I can’t piss off my neighbors on my first day here...”

Minho quickly started to unpack his bathroom, setting out his toothbrush, putting his towels in the closet, placing his various shampoos and soaps and face washes in the shower and scattered his makeup on the sink. Normally he did his makeup in his room, but there was no space to do so seeing how his bedroom was more mess than room.

Pulling out his phone, Minho threw on his current favorite playlist and put it on shuffle. The familiar heavy bass of the first song filled the air as he applied a thin layer of foundation to cover the bags under his eyes and some red around his eyes. Nothing too extra, but after the day he’s had, he deserved to feel cute.

The vocals of his favorite artist broke him from his work. He hadn’t realized the song had changed until CB97’s familiar voice started singing. Stray Kids was one of his favorite bands, even though they were a little more underground. He was thankful that his friend showed him one of their songs, because they quickly became one of his main comforts when life got too hard to deal with.

Stray Kids produced some of the most interesting music Minho had ever heard, and even though none of the members have shown their face - they only released lyric videos and the occasional twitter update - their voices were so distinct that he could tell each of them apart almost instantly. There had been rumors that Stray Kids might be talking about signing with a real label, but Minho didn’t believe it. CB97 seemed like the type of person who wanted to make his fame through his own work, which was what they had been doing from the start. Everything they did was self-produced, which was just another reason for Minho to be absolutely, head over heels in love with CB. He didn’t need to know what he looked like to know CB was a beautiful person.

“I guess that’s as good as it’s going to get...” Minho sighed again. He wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch and go to sleep, but the painful growling from his stomach pushed him to grab his phone and keys before heading towards his front door.

“Minho!” Chan opened the door after the first knock, Minho’s first still raised in shock at how quickly the other boy greeted him. “You came just in time. Sungie and Changbin are setting the table.”

“Oh how fancy,” Minho teased a little. “All of this for lil’ old me?”

“When they heard we were having a guest, they all made a point to be home.”

“Ah, now I feel really special...” He said, feeling less certain. He wasn’t anything important, so why would Chan’s roommates be so excited to meet him?

“Channie hyung never brings anyone home.” A face poked out from around a corner. Sharp eyes turned up with a shit eating grin, his long black hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, two strands hanging down around his face.

“Don’t scare him off!” Another voice snapped. Minho saw a hand reach out from around the corner and grab the first boy’s ear, tugging him away. “You’re supposed to be helping me get the food ready.”

“Seungmin’s bullying meeeeeee...” The boy whined dramatically, earning several chuckles from around the apartment.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch he wouldn’t need to bully you.” A third boy walked out of the kitchen. He was wearing a large hoodie, his soft brown hair sticking out from under a beanie.

“Jisung! Language!” A short boy scolded, smacking the boy in the beanie on the back of the head.

“Changbin hyung, you hit too hard...” Jisung pouted, slinking away.

“Normally it’s ‘hit me harder daddy~” the first boy teased, earning yet another smack.

“They seem... lively.” Minho said, raising one eyebrow as he watched the boys run around the apartment.

“That’s putting it lightly...” Chan sighed, suddenly looking exhausted.

“Are they always like this?”

“It’s worse most days,” Chan blinked, his tone flat. The change in tone from how Chan sounded when he answered the door was so abrupt, Minho couldn’t help but laugh. Chan’s face instantly brightened at the sound, the fake-frustrated frown evaporating. “Ready for some introductions?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Minho chuckled and followed Chan to the kitchen table. It was piled high with plates and bowls and dishes containing food. It looked as though they had prepared a feast for the whole apartment building, but seeing how the boys were staring hungrily at the food, Minho had a feeling there wouldn’t be many leftovers.

“So that’s Jisung,” Chan pointed to the beanie boy, who was already sitting. “The one who hit him is Changbin. Hyunjin was the one who tried to expose me. Seungmin and Jeongin are the ones actually helping set the table, unlike everyone else. Felix is...” He looked around, his eyebrows furrowing. “Where’s Felix?”

“He ran out to get something.” Seungmin answered.

“But we're about to eat...” Chan’s shoulders slumped a little.

“Don’t worry hyung, he’ll be back soon.” Jeongin said, patting the older boy on the arm.

“So Minho...” Hyunjin sidled over, a flirty look on his face. “What do you do?”

“Um, I’m a dancer?” Minho blinked, not having expected the attention to be turned to him so quickly. Hyunjin instantly brightened, his eyes sparkling as he nodded, urging Minho to continue. “And I technically go to school? I’m part of a program with my university to test the, um, the options of online classes.”

“Oh?”

“Basically, they’re paying for my apartment for the next two years so I can take classes from the comfort of my living room, so they can see how well students can learn in their new online courses.”

“So what are you going to school for?” Hyunjin questioned, leaning against the doorway.

“I’m getting my major in literary analysis, but I’m working on a minor in dance,” Both degrees his father had told him several times were useless. Did Minho specifically pursue them, even though he did actually have some interest in communications or hospitality, just to spite his dad? Absolutely. “I’ve always loved writing, but dance is what I really adore. I figured I’d have a better chance at getting a job writing though. I had my eye on some entertainment companies that might need backup dancers for music videos and stuff though. I won’t apply until I know what’s going on with this whole program though.”

“Wow, you’re handsome and talented,” Hyunjin’s smirk grew. “Talk about the whole package-”

“Ya, show a little respect,” Chan scolded lightly. “He’s older than Changbin.”

“Oh shit,” Hyunjin’s eyes widened before his face curled back into a smirk - this one even more shit eating than the one before. “In that case... you’re amazing, hyung.”

“Can you keep it in your pants for five minutes?” Jisung threw something. Minho watched the bottle cap fly through the air and bounce off the side of Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin blinked in shock for a moment before spinning on his heel and racing over to where Jisung was sitting. He wrapped the other boy in a headlock with one arm, using his other hand to pinch his round cheeks.

“What was that Sungie?” Hyunjin asked menicingly.

“N-nuffing-” Jisung struggled, finally pushing Hyunjin away as he rubbed his poor, red cheek.

“It’s nice to meet you, Minho hyung,” Seungmin bowed his head a little. “Hyunjin was right though. Channie hyung never brings anyone back, not even friends, so this is a little bit of a big deal for us.”

“You all make me sound like some sort of shut in...” Chan pouted, wrinkling his nose as he finished placing napkins around the table.

“Not a shut in, hyung,” Changbin cooed. “Just too busy to have friends.”

“That’s not better!” Chan cried, throwing a napkin in Changbin’s face.

“I’M BACK,” The door slammed open, the knob hitting the wall with a loud crack. Minho jumped, but it seemed this was normal enough that no one else flinched. There was the sound of the door closing again before a small blonde boy with freckles raced into the kitchen. He was holding two paper bags and had the brightest smile Minho had ever seen on his face. “I’m here, don’t eat without me!”

“Lix, where did you go?” Chan asked, sounding like a mildly disappointed father. Minho had a distinct feeling that Chan acted more like a father figure to his friends than just scolding them when they fought.

Felix just grinned again as he placed the bags on the counter. He pulled out two green bottles from one bag and held them up triumphantly. The room exploded in cheers as the others realized that Felix had brought the party to the dinner.

“I don’t think we should be drinking-” Chan tried to say only to cut himself off with a fond huff. He shook his head and went over to the counter, unpacking the rest of the bottles from the bags and put most of them in the fridge to keep them cool.

Minho thought it was cute, how even though he tried to be the responsible one, Chan was weak to the wants of his boys.

“Now that everyone’s here,” Chan said, turning to his roommates. “This is Minho. He moved into the apartment directly across the hall.”

“Nice to meet you!” Felix smiled and shook the older boy’s hand energetically before going to take his seat.

“Now that everyone’s here, can we eat?” Hyunjin asked, his eyes trained on Chan. His gaze didn’t waver, which Minho found interesting seeing how the younger boy had been practically undressing him with his eyes mere minutes before. Chan must have a huge impact on the others.

“Mm, we can eat.” Chan chuckled and sat, gesturing for Minho to do the same. Chan sat at the head of the table, with Minho to his left and Felix to his right. Next to Felix was Seungmin, Hyunjin sitting to Seungmin’s left. Next to Minho was Changbin, who was next to Jeongin. At the other end of the table was Jisung, who seemed to perk up when he realized he was allowed to sit at the other head. Minho wondered if they had assigned seats, or if they rotated with whoever got to the table first.

Even though he had only known then for a few minutes, the latter option seemed more in character for his new friends.

Dinner was... interesting. Minho had very few memories of having actual sit down dinners, but even with his limited experience, this was like nothing he had seen before. They weren’t shy about teasing each other, tossing things across the table when someone asked and stealing food off each other’s plates when they weren’t looking.

“Here hyung, try some of these,” Changbin put some greens onto Minho’s plate with his chopsticks before turning back to whatever argument he was having with Jisung. “Are you kidding me? Everyone with EYES knows she’s going to fall in love with her childhood friend!”

“Just because dramas are coded to do that doesn’t mean it has to be that way!” Jisung argued back. Minho was almost afraid to know what show they were talking about. “There’s just as much reason to hope that she’ll fall in love with the barista.”

“Pass me that bowl, Minho hyung?” Jeongin asked, pointing to one of the many dishes that weighed down the table. Minho nodded and handed it to the younger boy, who grinned in thanks before piling the contents of the bowl onto his plate.

“So hyung, what kind of dance do you like?” Hyunjin asked. There was a smear of sauce at the corner of his mouth. Without saying anything, Seungmin reached over and wiped the sauce away. Hyunjin didn’t bat an eye, which told Minho they were all close enough for something like that to be normal.

“For personal projects, I like doing lyrical, but I’m part of a cover team with my university. We learn a lot of choreography for different idol groups, so we get a pretty wide variety of styles.”

“Are you working on something specific now?” Felix asked, equally as interested in the conversation.

“We finished learning a Seventeen song last month, but we haven’t decided on what to do next,” Minho smiled a little to himself. “Half the group wants to do another Seventeen choreo, but the other half wants to do something for Twice or Itzy.”

“I love Itzy!” Felix’s eyes shined. “I’ve been teaching myself their choreography whenever I have the chance.”

“Next time we get together, I’ll let you know,” Minho felt much more relaxed now that he was talking about something he was familiar with. “If you’re free, you should totally come with me. The others will be thrilled to have some fresh talent.”

“Really?” Felix seemed to be bouncing in his chair.

“Really!” Minho laughed outright. Maybe it was the soju that was starting to make his limbs buzz happily, or the overall atmosphere, but Minho was feeling more relaxed than he had in weeks - months, even.

Conversation never lulled at any point, which was the most mind blowing thing to Minho. As soon as one story ended, another started up. No one was left out, even if they weren’t activity contributing. Every once in a while, Chan would lean over and whisper an explanation for an inside joke, or give context for whatever story was being told. It made Minho feel... included. It made him feel like he belonged with this group of boys he had just met. They gave him opportunities to jump in and add his own commentary, but never seemed put off or awkward when he didn't have much to say.

By the time the dishes were empty, Minho felt warm from the inside out. It had been ages since he had a real, home cooked meal, and even longer since he drank with friends - normally it was take-out and a bottle of wine by himself, so this was... amazing.

“Here, let me help.” Minho offered, starting to collect the dirty bowls. Chan gave him a grateful smile as they cleared the table. The dishes piled up on the counter, but as soon as Chan started to load the dishwasher up, Minho felt a hand on his wrist. He grabbed his drink just before he found himself being pulled out towards the living room, where the others had already congregated.

They had pushed the coffee table out of the way and formed a lopsided circle with half of them sitting on the floor with the others sitting on the couch. Felux pulled him down so they were sitting next to Hyunjin. There was a space left between Minho and Jisung.

“Wanna play cards?” Jisung asked, already shuffling through a stack of white cards.

“Like poker?” Minho asked, not understanding how you could play card games without playing cards. Jisung stopped shuffling for a moment, looking at the older boy in disbelief, before bursting out laughing.

“Likes Cards Against Humanity,” He shook his head, passing out piles of seven cards to everyone in the circle. “You’ve never played before?”  
Minho just shook his head, feeling a little silly. Thankfully, no one teased him - in fact, Hyunjin instantly started explaining the game, no condescending tone to be heard.

“Is it too late to jump in?” Chan asked, sitting next to Minho. His thigh pressed against his, and Minho tried to pretend he didn’t like how warm the other boy was.

“Nah, we’re just starting now,” Seungmin reached forward and took one of the black cards from one of the many stacks that were scattered around the circle. “Daddy? Why is Mommy crying?”

Minho bit back a snort. He reached for his drink, the burn of the soju completely worn off by that point. Skimming through his cards, he wondered if any of his were actually funny, or if he would be the only one to laugh.

“Go with that one.” Chan whispered, pointing to one of the cards in his hand. Minho blinked before huffing a laugh and doing as he was told. It had been one of the cards he was going between anyway, which meant at least he and Chan had similar senses of humor.

An hour or so later, Minho thought he was going to throw up from how hard he was laughing. Hyunjin had tried to get through his round, but somehow they all managed to read each other’s mind, and every single answer to have something to do with porn, which made Hyunjin laugh harder and harder with each attempt, which in turn made everyone else lose their mind.

“Wh-why are you laughing so hard?” Jisung struggled to take a breath. “I know for a FACT you own half of those sex toys why c-can’t you just say their names?”

“You’re j-just jealous I won’t use them on you,” Hyunjin cackled, falling back and covering his face with his hands. His cheeks were flushed and his cup had been emptied long ago. Minho was getting low himself, but he didn’t want to get up - partially because he was having a good time, but also because he knew if he stood he would realize how badly he needed to pee and he didn’t want to deal with that. “I pick... this one.” He held up a card and Minho cheered.

“Thank you~” He grinned, taking the black card and adding it to his quickly growing pile of victories.

“Not fair! Minho hyung’s been winning everything!” Jeongin pouted at his own much, much smaller pile of black cards. “Tell him to share.”

“Maybe you should just be funnier Innie.” Changbin pinked the younger boy’s cheek gently, causing Jeongin to swat him away and pout even more. After a moment, he leaned over into Changbin’s side, letting the older boy cuddle him closely.

“I think it’s bedtime.” Seungmin stood, almost falling off balance before catching himself. He seemed to be one of the least intoxicated but was still pretty far gone. Minho wondered if Felix bought too much alcohol on purpose, just to see his friends fall apart.

“Night Minnie!” Felix called, his eyes shining. His own face was flushed, but he seemed more amused by everyone around him than the game itself.

“I should probably head back too,” Minho yawned. “I have to finish unpacking and return the rental truck in the morning...”

“When do you think you’ll be up and alive?” Jisung asked..

“Uh... two?”

“Perfect.” He gave Minho a thumbs-up before flopping down and crawling over to Hyunjin, who was still laying on his back. He dropped himself onto Hyunjin’s chest, the taller boy huffing at the sudden weight falling on him, before wrapping his arms around the boy pressing him into the ground.

“I’ll walk you back.” Chan said, standing and holding a hand out for Minho. He hauled the other boy to his feet, steadying Minho as the room began to spin a little.

“Night Minho hyung!” A chorus echoed as the two oldest went towards the door.

“Thanks for coming,” Chan said once they were in the quiet of the hallway. “I knew they would love you.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” Minho giggled lightly. “You saved me from another night of eating take-out all by myself.”

“Well, you’re welcome over here anytime,” They stood outside of Minho’s door. “Even if we’re not all home, you can just let yourself in whenever. There’ll always be food in the fridge and probably some sort of alcohol, knowing how we are.”

“Thank you,” Minho said again. He leaned a little bit against Chan’s side as he tried to pull out the right key. If he had known he would be drinking, he might have left the door unlocked, but hindsight is always 20/20. “And, um, you’re always welcome at my place too... if you need to get away from everything. It’ll be way quieter at least.”

“That sounds... perfect,” Chan’s breath tickled Minho’s ear. “Thank you.”

“Mm, get home safe okay?” Minho said, scowling cutely at Chan as he finally managed to unlock his door. “Text me when you’re... when you’re back, okay?”

“I will,” Chan’s smile was radiant. The faint flush across his nose only made him look that much softer. “Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Mm, definitely.” Minho offered him a smile that was quickly cut off by a yawn. He felt something brush against his cheek as he entered his apartment, locking the door firmly behind him. He went to the bathroom and halfheartedly wiped his makeup off, telling himself he would shower when he wasn’t drunk. Before he even had a chance to brush his teeth, his phone was vibrating.

 **Chan-Neighbor:** Made it back safe ^o^  
 **Chan-Neighbor** : thank you so much for this evening. It’s been a while since everyone’s been so happy.  
 **Chan-Neighbor** : Sleep well and drink lots of water!

Minho smiled at his phone, tapping at the screen for a few moments before slipping from the bathroom. His couch hadn’t been made up into a proper bed, but there was a pillow and a blanket, and that’s all he needed. He plugged his phone in and placed it on the coffee table, just within reaching distance, and instantly fell asleep.

 **Channie~** : Sleep well and drink lots of water!  
 **Me** : you do the same :) see you tomorrow :)  
 **Channie~:** Looking forward to it ^w^


	2. Um... Surprise?

Minho cracked an eye open and instantly prayed for the sweet embrace of death. No... death wouldn’t be enough to make up for how he was feeling. He needed someone to break into his apartment, shoot him in the face then clog dance on his body.

But since that wasn’t going to happen, he just rolled over and sat up, letting his head fall onto the back of the couch. Fuck... his ceiling was so boring.

After a few moments, he sat up properly and checked his phone. He had a few notifications - a text from his mom, and one from Chan, some spam emails and other emails from his university, push notifs for various apps that he never actually checked but never got around to deleting. Checking the time, his face twisted in a disgusted scowl. How was it even legal to be awake this early?

An even more pressing question: how could he hear Jisung screaming from the other apartment so clearly?

He sent Chan a quick message before stretching, moaning obscenely as his spine cracked loudly.

 **Me** : How are you physically awake this early?

Since he was awake, he decided to try to get his shit together. Taking his phone, he went to the bathroom and dug through one of the two boxes left in the tub - both filled with miscellaneous things that he has yet to find a home for. He let out a triumphant hum when he found his bluetooth speaker and quickly hooked his phone up. A ding came through the speaker, telling Minho he had a new message.

 **Channie~** : I’d have to go to sleep first :’)  
 **Channie~** : But good morning! I hope you aren’t too dead after last night

He chuckled and shot back a response. He let the music play as he started the shower, giving the water a few minutes to heat up before actually stepping in. Throwing his dirty clothes to the side, Minho caught his reflection in the mirror that hung over the sink.

What he saw was familiar, but not quite right. The bags under his eyes were about the same, if not a shade or two darker. The residual makeup was smeared around his eyes from him rubbing his face in his sleep - the same eyes that held a painfully familiar emotion. He was fine, though. He had been fine for a year, and he was proud of himself for that, even if no one else knew.

His fingers subconsciously went to his thigh, tracing the pale white lines that blended in with his skin. Most of them you wouldn’t be able to see unless you looked really closely, but there were a few that were very obvious. Those were the ones where he went too deep - the reminders of his lowest points.

But he was fine now. That’s what he kept reminding himself as he finally stepped under the shower. The water was scalding, and he really hoped that the building had a good water heater, because if all his showers could be like this, life would be a little better.

The opening beats to one of his favorite songs started to play. He remembered when it was first released, and how much discourse sprung up around it. He thought it was ridiculous, because it was an amazing song by itself, but also because it seemed like random people were coming out of the woodwork just to start shit.

“Side effects may include...” The song played, Minho singing along under his breath. He didn’t think he had the best voice, despite his friends in his cover team saying he should sing along with their performances.

Unfortunately, the water began to cool before he was ready, forcing him to rinse the rest of the conditioner from his hair before he was truly ready. He wrapped a towel around his waist, making a mental note to buy a second laundry basket to keep in the bathroom so he wouldn’t have to dredge his dirty clothing between rooms. As he left the bathroom, there was a furious knocking on his door.

 _‘Was someone hurt?_ ’ was the only thing going through his head as he raced to the door, throwing it open to see...

“Mornin’ hyung!” Jisung chirped, letting himself into Minho’s apartment without any hesitation. Seungmin followed behind, but at least he had the decency to look a little bashful for bursting in.

“Why are you awake so early?” Minho groaned, closing his door and adjusting his towel. Normally he didn’t have much shame when it came to nudity - dance and musical theatre through most of his life erased any need for modesty - but he couldn’t help but be the slightest bit self conscious, seeing how he was wearing nothing but a bath towel wrapped haphazardly around slim hips.

“Hyung sent us over with breakfast!” Jisung seemed completely unperturbed by his new neighbor being one wrong tug away from being completely naked in his living room. He held up a large tupperware container with a bright smile.

“Oh...” Any frustration he might have felt instantly washed away as a soft smile took its place on his face. “Thanks, then. I just woke up, so breakfast hadn’t even crossed my mind.”

“Channie hyung said that would probably be the case,” Seungmin took the container from Jisung and went to the kitchen. “Do you have bowls and stuff?”

“Uh, should be in the box over there?” Minho pointed to the one that may or may not contain his kitchen utensils. Seungmin nodded and got to work reheating the food, so

Minho took the opportunity to slip back to his bedroom to get dressed.

Since most of his clothing was shoved into one of three rolling suitcases - the rest of his fancier things in garment bags which were still hanging up in the rental truck - it wasn’t hard to throw an outfit together out of whatever was just sitting on top. He covered his damp hair with his towel and went back out to the living room, drying it as he walked.

“Here hyung.” Seungmin handed him an almost too-hot-to -hold bowl with a pair of chopsticks resting on top.

“Thanks Minnie.” Minho didn’t think Seungmin had any idea how grateful he was, but the near sexual moan that he made after taking the first bite might have been enough to tell the younger boys that he was enjoying the food.

“So what are your plans for today hyung?” Jisung asked, laying haphazardly over the arm of the couch.

“Well,” Minho paused to swallow. “Mainly emptying out the rental truck and sending it back. I wanted to get as much unpacked as I could, but at LEAST set my bedroom up so I can sleep in an actual bed tonight.”

“We can help.” Seungmin offered instantly.

“Yeah! Don’t know how much help we’d be unpacking, but we can help carry shit.” Jisung added.

You don’t have to.” Minho said weakly, only to be stopped by two matching looks of ‘are you kidding me?’ Minho just chuckled and finished his breakfast, putting the dirty bowl in the sink to deal with later.

“Ready?” Jisung hopped to his feet.

“Mm, let’s get this done.” Minho chuckled as they headed towards the elevator.

“That’s the last of it, right?” Seungmin asked as he put a box down on the coffee table.

“Thank fuck,” Minho huffed, his own box being just too heavy for him to be happy. Then again, none of this made him happy to begin with. He put some music on and threw his phone onto the counter, hoping that shuffle would be kind to him. “I want to sleep for a thousand years...”

“Oooh what’s this from?” Jisung asked, already going through the box he had just brought up from the parking garage. In his hands was a costume from one of Minho’s solo dance performances.

It was monochrome, with black gems sewn in to emulate the look of smoke as thin, grey fabric hung from the arms and legs. The dance was the story of the beauty of death, his costume representing the soul as it traveled through its last moments of life. That was the performance that got Minho into the university he was currently attending, so that in itself made the costume special, but also it was made for him by his ex girlfriend.

They were still good friends, to that day. It was probably because they only broke up when she realized she wasn’t actually into guys, so there was no ending argument to drive a wedge between them.

“Dance costume,” Minho answered, realizing he had been quiet for a touch too long. He went over and rubbed a thumb over the beading of the shoulder. “I’ve had dozens of costumes over the years, but this one’s special.”

“It’s so pretty hyung.” Seungmin smiled, peering over Jisung’s shoulder to see what the other boy was holding.

“It’s a shame Hyunjin isn’t here,” Jisung snickered. “He’d probably cum on the spot if he pictured hyung wearing this.”

“I-” Seungmin looked like he wanted to argue, but the fact that he just let his objection trail off told Minho everything he needed to know.

“It’s been a few years, but if I can find my notes for the choreography I could try to learn it again.” Minho chuckled at the interaction between the younger boys. He hated to admit it, but he was a little jealous - he had never been close enough to someone to be able to tease them so easily, even around others.

“Seriously?” Jisung’s eyes sparkled. “That would be so cool!”

“Hyunjin and Felix both really like to dance too,” Seungmin added. “They’d probably be super happy if you taught them some stuff, but they won’t ask first. Hyunjin, maybe, but Felix would never say anything unless he was asked first.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Minho said, making a mental note to talk to Hyunjin and Felix about coming to the studios with him at some point. The song changed and Minho instantly felt himself perk up. “Ah, I love this song.”

It was one of Stray Kids’ earlier songs, from before one of their members left. There had been no explanation as to what happened - all the information the fans got was that the lyric videos shifted to only have the remaining eight. Soon after that, Stray Kids started releasing their older songs with just the eight of them, replacing the missing member with J.One’s voice. Minho didn’t know what happened with the member who left, but if the rest of the group acted as though he never existed, he had a feeling it wasn’t something good.

“Y-you know this song?” Jisung choked a little, the costume falling from his hands and back into the box.

“Of course,” Minho scoffed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “They’re one of my favorite groups! They’re a little underground, but I’ve basically forced all my friends to listen to them. I even started choreographing some of them, but they never felt complete for some reason.”

“So you’re... a fan?” Seungmin sounded hesitant.

“A fan? I’m in love with them,” Minho laughed easily, taking one of the boxes containing books over to the bookshelf that came with the apartment. It was obviously old, the shelves bowing a little and things written on the fake wood here and there, but he was just happy he didn’t need to get a new one. “All of their voices are so amazing, but they’re so unique too. It’s incredible that they’re able to be so distinct but so... so together at the same time, you know? And all their music sounds so different but it’s also so clear that it’s a Stray Kids song. There’s just something about them that have like, a signature almost.”

“Who’s your favorite then?” Jisung asked, typing something on his phone.

“I love them all, obviously,” Minho scoffed before his face softened. The change wasn’t missed by Jisung and Seungmin. “But... CB is my favorite. There’s just something about his voice that’s so soothing... whenever I get stressed, or start having a panic attack, I listen to his solo songs and it calms me down enough to shake the mood I’m in. I hate to be cheesy, but he’s kind of saved my life? Ah, that sounds overdramatic! I mean that... he’s gotten me through some really tough times - yeah, that’s better.”

“It sounds like you really like him.” Jisung said, almost as if prompting Minho.

“Like him?” Minho spun around and chuckled lightly. “I’m head over heels in love with him! I don’t even have to know what he looks like to know he’s a good person.”

“WHAT’S WRONG-” Chan threw the door open, making Minho scream and throw the book he had been holding. Jisung whined when the book hit him in the arm, but Minho was too busy trying to figure out if his heart was still in his chest or if it had beat halfway down the street already. “Jisung said there was an emergency-”  
Chan took in the scene before him, his face melting from fear to confusion. Minho went over and grabbed his phone, quickly turning the music off and turning to Chan, who was looking at Jisung threateningly. Seungmin sidled away, standing more behind Minho than next to Jisung, to avoid Chan’s glare.

“Jisung? Why would you text me, telling me there was an emergency, if there was no actual emergency?” Chan sighed, wrapping one arm around his waist and pinching the bridge of his nose with his other hand.

“Minho hyung,” Jisung called over. Minho looked at him, raising a single eyebrow. “What was it you were just saying?”

“What?” Minho could have strangled Jisung in that moment. His heart still hadn’t calmed down from the shock of Chan bursting in, and it was making him a little nauseous.

“What were you just telling us about?” Jisung tried again, once more seeming to be prompting Minho to say something specific.

“Uh... I was telling them about my favorite group,” Minho furrowed his brows, turning to explain something not even he understood to Chan. “I don’t get why he would-”

“Hyung was telling us about how he’s a huge fan of this group called... Stray Kids,” Jisung recounted, an obviously fake look of surprise on his face. Seungmin just shook his head, but Chan froze, his eyes widening cartoonishly. “He was saying how they’re his favorite group, but that his favorite was... what was his name?”

“CB97.” Minho answered without hesitation.

“Ah, that’s the one,” Jisung grinned. “He even started choreographing some of their songs because their music helped him through so many dark times.”

“Jisung...” Minho warned, not sure why the younger boy seemed so adamant about pushing these little details.

“How much did you say you liked CB?” Jisung asked, narrowing his eyes at Minho, almost like... a challenge.

“I’m in love with him,” Minho rolled his eyes. “If he asked me to run away, I’d be halfway through faking my own death before he could even finish asking. Obviously I like them all, but he’s... special.”

Minho’s face softened again, as it always did whenever he talked about CB. There was just something about the singer that turned him into a marshmallow, even if strangers would call him sharp and intimidating.

There was a sound behind him, but when Minho turned around, the last thing he expected to see was Chan crying silently, a hand clapped over his mouth to muffle the sounds of his sobs.

“Shit!” Minho rushed forward, not sure what to do. He pulled his sleeve down over the heel of his hand and began dabbing at the tears that he could reach, internally panicking. He had never been good at consoling people. “Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

It was that moment that Jisung lost his shit, laughing so hard he almost doubled over while Seungmin just watched with a mildly amused expression. Minho, despite not knowing what the fuck was going on, wanted to smack Jisung for some reason.

“What did you do?” He scowled. “Why did you make Chan cry?”

“It’s just that...” Jisung was cut off by another bout of laughter. Seungmin huffed a chuckle of his own and continued where Jisung left off.

“Minho hyung, meet Bang Chan, or rather... CB97.”

“What?” Minho all but screeched, whipping his head around to stare at Chan, who was still trying to get himself under control.

“Well, we’re all part of this real underground group. You may have heard of us? We’re called Stray Kids... And, well... For the last few weeks, our views and streams have been dropping,” Seungmin continued. “Hyung’s been extra stressed because he thinks it’s something he did that’s making people stop listening to our music, so hearing you talking about how much you loved us...”

“Thank you...” Chan whispered, scrubbing the tears from his face. “I- you- it means so fucking much that you-you support us...”

“Wait... you’re not kidding, are you?” He felt faint.

“I’m J.One, and Seungmin is the only one that actually goes by his real name,” Jisung grinned at the gobsmacked look on the older boy’s face. “Jeongin is IN, and Changbin hyung is SpearB. Hyunjin picked his last name to be his stage name, so he’s Hwang, and Felix is Yongbok.”

“Oh... holy fuck...” Minho glanced back at Chan, who was being consoled by Seungmin.

“We have such cute fans~” Jisung grinned, and Minho felt his face flush in embarrassment before instantly going white as snow.

“You-” He choked. “I can’t believe I confessed my undying love to my soulmate and I didn’t even realize he was RIGHT THERE! Oh my GOD! I didn’t even ask him on a date first! I can’t be going around confessing my love without asking him on a DATE! What the fuck? Oh my god, he really is as hot as his voice sounds! Jesus Christ! How could you do this to me?” He smacked Jisung’s arm, which sent the younger boy into another fit of laughter. This time, he actually fell to the ground, wrapping his arms around his middle as tears rolled down round cheeks.

“Soulmate?”

Minho spun around to see Chan smiling brightly at him, his eyes shining and red. Minho instantly felt his face flush again, and he wondered if you could pass out from blood rushing in and out of your head this many times.

“Um, well...” He stuttered, looking anywhere but Chan. “I just... um, I-”

“Since you forgot to ask me on a date, can I ask you on one?” Chan asked, his dimples showing as he grinned. Minho’s brain bluescreened.

“What?” He said incredulously, as if Chan had asked him to tattoo the word fuck across his forehead.

“Can I take you on a date?” Chan asked again, his own cheeks starting to color. “Um, we could go grocery shopping and get coffee? I can show you around the area too.”

“I-” Minho resisted the urge to pinch himself, because there was no way this was actually, really happening to him.

“I just figured, since you haven’t gone shopping yet, you’d like some company.” Chan didn’t seem put off at all by how long it was taking Minho to respond.

“S-sure,” He squeaked, sounding like he was going to pass out. “Wh-wh-when did you wanna go?”

“Well, how about around noon?” Chan asked. “That gives me a chance to change.”

“But you already look perfect,” Minho said without thinking. “It’s not fair.”

He didn’t realize he had said anything out loud until Chan’s face lit up bright red and he tried to cover his eyes with his hands. Both Jisung and Seungmin cooed, teasing their oldest hyung.

“Hyung loves it when you compliment him,” Jisung added slyly. “Especially when you remind him how handsome he is without makeup.”

“Jisung-” It was Chan’s turn to squeak, pulling his hoodie up over his mouth and looking at the floor. Minho’s heart skipped a beat at how fucking cute Chan was.

“The only other thing he loves being complimented on, other than saying how pretty and talented and kind he is,” Seungmin joined in. “Is saying how good his music is and how much you like his work.”

“Both of you! Back to the apartment!” Chan snapped, but it was clear there was no real anger behind his words.

“But who’s gonna help Minho hyung get ready for his big date?” Jisung asked innocently, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout. “What kind of friend would I be if I left him to flounder all by himself?”

“I dunno if I’d flounder...” Minho grumbled, only to be waved off.

“So, as the good person I am, I’m going to stay here and help him get ready.”

“Fine...” Chan sighed. “Just... don’t bother him too much, okay?”

“Me? Be a bother?” Jisung scoffed, sounding offended. Seungmin snickered at the obvious fake anger in his friend’s tone. “Hyung, if i didn’t know any better, I’d think you don’t... trust me...”

“Seungmin, let’s go back,” Chan shook his head. “And Minho?”

“Mm?” Minho turned, looking Chan in the eye. He felt the back of his neck burn - he had found Chan attractive before, but now that he knew Chan was the same CB97 that he had been in love with for years... it made it hard to maintain eye contact.

“I’m looking forward to our date.” Chan winked and slipped from the apartment, leaving Minho and Jisung alone in the living room. They stood in silence for a few moments, Minho feeling as though he were still drunk.

“What the fuck just happened?” He found himself asking yet again. Twice in as many days, all because of Chan.

“I just got you a date,” Jisung grinned, linking arms with Minho. “Now how about we go see what we’re working with? Have anything with chains or rips?”

“I...” He could barely wrap his head around what just happened. “Yeah, s-somewhere.”

“Perfect~” Jisung sang, already helping himself to Minho’s open luggage. “Chan hyung dresses like he’s homeless half the time, but he’s got a thing for the ripped jeans and chains and graphic tees.”

Minho just nodded along, staring blankly at the floor and trying to comprehend the last twenty minutes.

Chan was CB97. okay.

Chan heard him confess his love. Not great, but not bad.

Chan asked him on a date after listening to Minho have a mild breakdown. What?

Chan would be back in... an hour and a half to take Minho on said date, where they would do domestic shit like get coffee and go grocery shopping.

“Fuck...” Minho threw himself onto the mattress, burying his face in one of the spare pillows he had tossed there to get out of the way. “I shall be passing away...”

“Nope! No dying until after your date,” Jisung hummed without missing a beat. “I should call Jinnie over. He’s really good with makeup.”  
Minho rolled onto his back, arms splayed out to his sides, and stared at the ceiling.

“Here hyung! Try this on,” Jisung seemed to have no pity for Minho’s existential crisis, breaking the older boy from his spiraling by throwing an armful of clothing directly at his face. “Go on a spiritual journey later, I’m trying to get you laid.”

“Jisung-” Minho choked, smacking himself in the face with the clothing as he bolted up.

“What?” He scowled before turning back to the two belts in his hands, weighing his options. “I want you to get laid just as much as I want Channie hyung to get his back absolutely blown out, so this is basically killing two birds with one stone.”

“Are you this blunt with everyone?” Minho realized there was no point in fighting it, so he started looking at the things in his arms. He had to admit - Jisung picked out a pretty good outfit. Not one he would have picked for himself, but he could tell it would look good.

“Nah, only people I’m comfortable around.” Jisung didn’t turn around, far too focused on trying to untable one of the harnesses he found in the second suitcase. All of the frustration that had been building in Minho’s chest instantly melted away at the younger boy’s words.

Even though he only knew Minho for two days, Jisung still deemed him someone to trust - someone to be comfortable with. It warmed Minho’s chest in an almost unfamiliar way. He shook his head a little, a small, fond smile on his lips as he started laying out the outfit he had been given. It was actually pretty good - he couldn’t help but imagine Chan’s face when he saw him in it.

“Ooooh hyung’s gotta crush~” Jisung cooed, earning a pillow to the face.

“Shut up and help me pick out accessories.” Minho scowled, fighting back a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was I planning on updating so soon? Nope! Am I using writing as a coping mechanism to ignore the ever looming fear of a total mental breakdown due to school and this job interview I have for a job that's absolutely going to destroy me? YOU BETCHA 
> 
> This is way different than the other AU I'm currently working on, so I keep finding myself writing the dialogue super formal XD For a medieval royalty au it makes sense but not for a modern college au :') so if any of the interactions feel weird, it's because I'm in medieval mode


	3. First of Many

“Aaaaaand... done!” Hyunjin grinned at his handiwork, handing Minho a small hand mirror to see the finished product. While his makeup wasn’t outrageous, he could barely recognize the boy looking back at him.

His skin was smooth with a faint blush along the bridge of his nose - Hyunjin had even added light freckles along his cheeks and across his nose. His eyes were expertly lined with a soft black that Hyunjin had smoked out, and there was red shadow under his eye, making the shape stand out. He had finished the look with a thin layer of mascara and golden highlighter that seemed to glow in the light.

“Oh...” Minho breathed, unable to look away.

“Ah! Channie hyung is going to lose his mind,” Jisung did a little excited dance from where he was sitting on Minho’s still-unmade bed. “I should record his reaction.”

“He’ll actually smother you in your sleep if you do that.” Hyunjin deadpanned, but Minho could see the mischievous glint in Jisung’s eye only grow brighter.

“Hey hyung!” Jisung cried suddenly. Minho, without thinking, turned to look at the younger boy, only to notice the phone pointed at him a moment too late. The sound of a photo being taken was almost drowned out by Minho’s whine.

“Nooooo,” he groaned, swatting at Jisung. “Don’t take pictures of me! I never look good in pictures...”

“Oh shut up hyung,” Jisung teased as he showed Hyunjin the photo he had managed to snipe. “Look at this.”

“Channie hyung won’t be the only one losing his mind over this one.” Hyunjin let out a low whistle, his eyebrows raised to his hairline as he stared at the picture.

“Lemme see.” Minho wasn’t pouting - he absolutely was NOT pouting, no matter how much Jisung and Hyunjin might say differently, if they were asked. Jisung handed his phone over, a grin growing on his lips.

“Don’t bother erasing it hyung,” He sang, and Minho didn’t know how much chaos could fit in a single boy. “I already sent it to the groupchat.”

Minho was about to retort when he actually saw the picture. It wasn’t bad, despite his initial fears. In the photo, his eyes were wide and almost shocked, a sense of innocence in his expression. He looked... good.

It was thanks to Hyunjin’s makeup and Jisung’s outfit, he rationalized. Otherwise, it wouldn’t look nearly as good.

Before Minho had a chance to give the device back, the notifications started pouring in, the phone vibrating almost violently. Hyunjin’s phone was doing the same, and he just grinned at the incoming messages, all of which were in reference to the picture of Minho.

He groaned, throwing Jisung his phone and resting his forehead on the desk. This was a nightmare - unless he was performing, being the center of attention made his skin crawl. Ironic, seeing how so many people thought he was this cocky, self-absorbed dancer, but that was only because of how he held himself on stage.

Outside of dance, Minho rarely talked to anyone. Most of his friends were from his dance team, or from high school back when they didn’t really have much choice but to be friends. It was one of the main reasons he took the position in his university’s program - so he didn’t have to talk to anyone in class. Talking to Chan the day before was a fluke, and now everything was turned on its head.

And now all of Stray Kids - the group he _idolized_ \- was talking about a picture of him that he didn’t even take. He couldn’t help but wonder what they were saying. Were they mocking him? He probably looked ridiculous in all this makeup - he didn’t have the face for a look like this. They were probably-

“Damn hyung, you better be careful or you’re gonna be stolen right out from under Channie hyung’s nose.” Jisung chuckled, his eyes quickly scanning the messages.

“Huh?” Minho asked. He winced when he heard the tremor in his own voice.

“Heh, Chan hyung is yelling at everyone to at least wait until after your date before trying to steal you.” Hyunjin smiled at Minho, and Minho was struck once again by how absolutely beautiful the younger boy was.

“I call dibs on the next date with Minho hyung!” Jisung cried, sending the voice memo to the chat. Exactly five seconds later, the notifications started screaming at them again. Minho could just barely see the grey bubbles flooding the screen, often broken up by what he could only assume were memes relating to whatever they were talking about.

He wondered what it was like to be part of a groupchat that was as chaotic as the Stray Kids one seemed to be. Was it exhausting? Or was it energizing?

A knock at the door broke Minho from his thoughts. In an instant his stomach sank to the basement and he looked at the younger boys in horror.

“What do I do?” he hissed, his eyes wide.

“Answer the door?” Hyunjin raised a single eyebrow.

“But-” Minho could feel his breathing pick up a little. “What if I’m not what he thought? Or if he’s disappointed? O-or if he gets to know me and realizes I’m boring and never wants to talk to me again and-”

“Hyung!” Hyunjin cupped Minho’s cheeks, forcing the older boy to look directly at him. “You need to breathe. You’re going to force yourself into a panic attack if you keep doing that.”

“Hyunjin-” Minho could feel his throat start to sting.

This is one reason why Minho preferred his own company over the company of others. As confident as he could seem, he had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety at a young age. In high school, he would have panic attacks near daily, the anxiety filling his veins and replacing his blood with a cloying fear.

Years later, he was better, but his anxiety still got the better of him sometimes.

“You’re okay hyung,” Hyunjin’s voice softened. Minho could hear talking somewhere else in the apartment. Jisung must have let Chan in. The thought made his eyes widen. Chan couldn’t see him like this! He would hate him- “Chan Hyung won’t think any of those things. He going to love your outfit and he’s going to love you- Hey, focus on me, okay? In, and out, yeah? Breathe with me hyung.”

Minho did as he was told, following Hyunjin’s exaggerated breathing. After a few moments, the ringing in his ears started to calm and he could feel his shoulders slump as the tension left his body.

“Thank you Jinnie,” he whispered, feeling exhausted. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that-”

“Please don’t apologize,” Hyunjin’s pretty face twisted. “You shouldn’t apologize for things you can’t control. I’m glad I was able to help, at least.”

“I’m not used to people seeing me freak out...” Shame curled in his chest. “Ah, I’m so embarrassed now...”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Hyunjin reassured him, gently fixing the strands of hair that had fallen loose. “None of us are perfect, but that doesn’t mean we’re broken. Are you feeling better? We can stay here for a few more minutes if you want.”

“No, I’m good,” Minho gave Hyunjin a small smile - it was so different from the wide, curling grin he often wore. This one was soft, scared almost. It was real. “We shouldn’t keep our company waiting.”

Hyunjin chuckled and put a hand on the small of Minho’s back comfortingly as they made their way to the living room. True to his assumptions, Jisung and Chan were chatting in the center of the room, not really having a place to sit seeing how Minho’s belongings were still scattered across every flat surface.

“Minho-” Chan cut himself off, his eyes widening as he looked Minho up and down.

“H-hey,” Minho winced at himself. Why couldn’t he be chill for once in his life? “Um, you look nice.”

And he did. He had changed into a pair of light wash jeans and an oversized pink sweater, a chain hanging at his hip. Minho was once again shocked at how perfectly Jisung managed to pick his outfit, because he was the exact opposite of Chan, with his black jeans and dark patterned button up and harness on his thigh.

“You look gorgeous,” Chan smiled, his eyes turning up. It was obvious how sincere he was being, and the realization made Minho’s chest ache. “So I was thinking coffee first, seeing how I don’t think either of us got much sleep last night.”

“Coffee sounds perfect.” He could feel his lips curling up in relief. As bad as caffeine was for anxiety, he was addicted enough that just the thought of coffee made the tension in his chest lighten.

“Awesome.” Chan hesitated for a second before holding out his hand. Minho could almost feel the steam coming out of his ear as he took Chan’s offered hand, their fingers slotting together nicely. Chan’s hand was large and made Minho feel... safe.

They made it all of two steps towards the door when three phones started going off at once. Both Chan and Minho spun around to glare at Jisung, who was grinning at his screen. Chan pulled out his own phone and saw that photo the younger boy had sent - it was the moment that Minho took Chan’s hand, both of their faces clearly glowing. Minho felt heat crawling up the back of his neck, but he guessed he didn’t mind all that much.

What was hardest to believe was that he was the one causing that look on Chan’s face.

“We’re going,” Chan groaned, taking Minho’s hand again and tugging him towards the door. “If any of you try to spy on us, I’ll... I’ll...” He trailed off for a moment before pouting. Minho felt his heart counteract at how cute the other boy was. “I’ll think of something that would be an appropriate punishment...”

“Ah, hyung is scary as always.” Jisung covered his face, but it was clear fear was the last thing he felt.  
Minho covered his mouth to hide a giggle. Chan glanced over at him and his entire face softened. With a final tug, Minho found himself heading out on his date with THE Bang Chan.

* * *

“Fuck, this is exactly what I needed,” Chan sighed happily into his coffee. Minho had been mildly horrified at the other boy’s order, but Chan had paid, so who was he to complain? His own iced caramel macchiato was obviously superior to Chan’s iced americano with an extra shot anyway. “Yours good?”

“Mm, want a sip?” Minho asked, offering his straw without thinking. When he realized what he did, he wanted to do nothing more than take the question back and pretend it never happened, but Chan was already leaning down to wrap his lips around his straw.

“Oh wow, that’s really good.” Chan blinked, causing Minho to laugh a little.

“You’re never had a caramel macchiato before?” He asked with an amused huffed. “It’s the most basic thing on the menu. I always get it when I go to a new place because it’s almost impossible to fuck up.”

“I’ve probably had one at one point,” Chan grinned and sipped his own coffee, wrinkling his nose at how bitter it was compared to Minho’s. “But I’ve gotten so used to these.”

“That much caffeine can’t be good for you.”

“Probably not, but they help when I’m at the studio until three in the morning.” Chan said easily, switching his drink to his other hand so he could lace his fingers with Minho’s again.

“Tell me about it?” Minho asked. When Chan shot him a questioning look, he clarified. “About the studios, and how you produce, and... well, everything.”

“You’re so cute,” Chan smiled again. Minho thought if the older boy kept doing that, his heart might actually explode. “Well, for the last three years we’ve been renting one of the studio rooms at Yellow Wood entertainment to work on producing, and maybe once a month we’ll rent some time with a recording booth. We try to get all of our recording done in one day, which is stressful but leaves us with enough material to work with for a while after.”

“That’s so much,” Minho frowned a little. “When do you guys take a break?”

“Ha! That’s cute,” Chan shook his head, taking a long sip of his coffee. “We already live a pretty cushy life - Me, Jisung and Changbin probably work the hardest to write and produce the songs, so some of the others have taken part time jobs to help with income. Our music brings in enough to cover rent and food, but they still like to pitch in.”

“Oh?”

“Mm, Lixie works at the cafe we just went to, but he’s off today,” Chan explained easily. “Seungmin works part time at the public library, checking in books and shelving them and stuff. Jeongin sometimes takes tutoring jobs here and there for the local high school, and Hyunjin had gotten a handful of modeling gigs for smaller companies.”

“And they still work on Stray Kids songs on top of all of that...” Minho suddenly felt a little inadequate. What was he doing, other than leeching off his university’s ignorance? If his school knew how this specific brand of online classes and online tutoring would work, they would have no need for the program nor the internship that’s guaranteeing Minho work and housing for the next two years.

“Hopefully we’ll be getting a little more attention soon though,” Chan looked both ways before tugging Minho across the street. The crosswalk was about a block up, but no one was coming and it’s not against the law if there’s no one there to see you. Minho gave the older boy a questioning hum, urging him to explain. “Well, we’ve been talking with YW about signing as a full idol group under their label, but it’s been... way too fucking complicated.”

“Oh, so the rumors were true then.”

“Rumors?” Chan shot Minho a questioning look.

“Mm, there have been some rumors that you’ve been talking about signing with an entertainment company, but no one’s been able to confirm it.”

“Ah, no matter how hard we try, things always slip out,” Chan sighed and huffed, blowing his bangs from his eyes. “We’ve started to make some progress, but...”

“Is something wrong with what they’re offering?” Minho could physically see Chan’s shoulders slump a little.

“It’s a bunch of things,” Chan bit the inside of his cheek. “We knew when we first even considered signing properly that we would have to show our faces. Lix and Jinnie have already started choreographing for our earlier stuff, and Seungmin’s been sketching out ideas for full music videos, but I still... I dunno, I guess I’m hesitant to put our identities out there. We’ve made it this far without anyone finding out who we were, and because of that we’re able to go out and get jobs without being harassed and we can... do this,” Chan held their hands, which were still held together, up for emphasis. “All we wanted to do was make music and reach out to people, but would giving up our entire lives be worth it?”

“Is there a way to compromise?” Minho’s chest ached at how scared Chan sounded. “Like, releasing individual dance videos at first, where you’re all wearing masks, then finally one with everyone together? That way you can build suspense, which would grow your fanbase, but it would also give you some privacy - at least for a little bit.”

“That’s... genius,” Chan stared at Minho as if he had just casually explained the meaning of life outside of the local grocery store. “That could work... If we...” he trailed off, clearly lost in his own thoughts. He tucked his coffee against his body as he quickly typed out a text on his phone. Minho thought it was odd that Chan didn’t just take his hand back to do so, but he wasn’t exactly complaining.

“Wait...” Minho realized something that made his stomach sink a little.

“Mm?” Chan glanced up for a moment before looking down to finish his message - most likely relaying Minho’s idea back to the others.

“If you sign to YW, does that mean you’ll lose creative license over your work?”

Chan froze, and Minho instantly knew he hit a sore spot. The older boy bit the inside of his cheek again as he hit send and slipped his phone back into his pocket. They entered the grocery store, grabbing a cart and heading into the produce section, which was right next to the entrance.

“Yeah, that’s another reason why I’m starting to hesitate,” Chan said after a few moments of silence. Minho didn’t interrupt him, giving the older boy a chance to gather his thoughts. “A lot of what our songs are about... you never really hear about it in that industry. Suicide, insomnia, depression... no one wants to talk about the dirtier sides of life, which is one reason why we do. We want people who listen to our music to know they aren’t alone in those dark feelings. If we sign, there’s a chance we’d lose that connection. Sure, we’ll get more funding and promotions, and after a while if we get popular enough there’s a chance we’d get more freedom, but is it really worth the trade?”

“That’s a shitty situation,” Minho didn’t know what else to say, because it was true. On one hand, they were being given the opportunity to have their music heard by more people - the chance to film full budgeted music videos and create choreography to their songs that no one else would be able to do quite the same. On the other hand, they would give up their freedoms. They would have to give up what made them Stray Kids. “Hyung, I-”

“Ah, they’re having a sale on strawberries this week,” Chan said suddenly, pulling Minho from his thoughts. “What kind of fruits do you like?”

“I was just going to get some granola bars and pasta and shit,” Minho said awkwardly. “Whenever I get fresh stuff I forget I have it and it goes bad before I can eat it.”

“Well, good thing you’ll have me to help you remember,” Chan hummed happily as he put two cartons of strawberries into the cart. “My boys are exactly the same, so I started freezing a lot of fruit and using them for smoothies and stuff when no one is awake enough or too hungover to make breakfast.”

“You really don’t have to worry about me...” Minho felt awful. Chan already had so much on his plate, with the other boys, and this situation with YW, and everything else. He didn’t need the added stress of babysitting his neighbor, who _should_ be perfectly capable of feeding himself-

Minho barely bit back a yelp as something cold touched the back of his neck. Chan just grinned at him, holding out his now empty cup of coffee. All that was left was the ice, the condensation making the perfect weapon to get someone out of their thoughts.

“Don’t bully me,” Minho pouted, rubbing the water off the back of his neck. “We’re on a date, you can bully me on a date.”

“Forgive me then,” Chan brought their entwined hands up, pressing a light kiss to the back of Minho’s knuckles. Minho proceeded to then short circuit and not notice Chan putting grapes, a pineapple, lettuce, and tomatoes into his cart as well. “Doesn’t hurt to have the basics.” He hummed mostly to himself as he tossed a few more things in - carrots, a green pepper, three apples, a peach.

“There’s no way I’m going to eat all of this before it goes bad.” Minho looked at the cart with a sense of dread - the bottom was already covered and they hadn’t even left produce yet.

“Don’t worry, fruit and veggies go way faster than you think,” Chan just grinned at him, leaving Minho no opinion but to follow along as they moved to the next section of the store.

It was... nice. Minho had never been one to go grocery shopping all that often. When he lived at home, he would occasionally go with his mom when their schedules lined up, which was nice, and sometimes he would go by himself when he wanted to make something particular, but he never went with someone else like this before.

It wasn’t a date that most people would consider a date, but it was almost painfully perfect. There was something so domestic about how Chan would tease him, then instantly turn to rattle out some recipes he knows for this or that. Minho stopped looking at the things Chan was putting in his cart, because he just liked listening to the older boy talk.

Besides, Minho realized whatever he didn’t eat could be given to the pack of wild animals across the hall from him. Given what happened earlier that day, it would be safe to assume they would be letting themselves in and out of his apartment at any given moment, so having extra food in his fridge would probably be a good thing.

All too soon Minho found himself being led up to the registers. He realized he was actually a little disappointed that their trip was over so soon. He had been enjoying himself far more than he ever thought he would. Grocery shopping would be forever ruined for him now, because Chan had made their date so disgustingly perfect.

“Wait-” Minho was cut off by Chan inserting his card into the reader. Chan just grinned cheekily and typed in his pin.

“I’m the one who picked out most of this,” He reasoned, as if it was enough to make Minho accept him paying for all of his groceries AND his coffee. “It would be fucked up of me to grab stuff for you then make you pay for it.”

“But-”

“Ah, carrying all of this is going to be a bitch...” Chan muttered, taking the recipt before Minho could see it and looking at the several bags they had put back in their cart. It wasn’t many in the long run, but too many for two boys to carry several blocks to get home. He tapped at his phone for a few seconds before nodding, locking it and slipping it back into his pocket. “The Lyft should be here in about two minutes.”

“A Lyft?” Minho spluttered. “How much is it going to be? I can pay you back-”

“Minho,” Chan said softly, gently pinching the younger boy’s cheek to get him to stop talking. “Let me do this? I haven’t been able to spoil anyone in forever. The boys don’t let me do anything for them anymore.”

Minho opened his mouth to say something, only for him to sigh and roll his eyes a little bit. Chan took it as it was meant to be taken - as fond but begrudging acceptance. Before either could say anything else, a car pulled up to the sidewalk. The window rolled down and a woman called out.

“Bang Chan?” She asked, confirming she was, indeed, the right driver. Minho helped Chan pile the bags into the back of the car and climbed into the backseat. It wasn’t too long of a drive, but Minho honestly wouldn’t have minded going around the block a few times, if so just to keep feeling Chan’s leg pressed against his own.

“I texted the chat so hopefully someone will be coming down to help us,” Chan said as they unloaded the bags and watched the car drive away. “Hopefully one of them will actually check their phone.”

“We could probably get it all up in one go-” Minho was cut off by the front door opening.

“Did you really need help to carry that?”Changbin asked, raising an eye at the number of bags at the other boy’s feet.

“I mean, probably not? But it’ll be easier this way.” Chan chuckled, grabbing as many as he could. The three made their way back into the apartment building, Changbin complaining about something that Jeongin did earler that morning. Chan just listened and nodded, humming occasionally to let Changbin know he was still listening. Minho thought it was cute, and the fact that Changbin was ranting with him there made him feel oddly included.

It made him feel like he belonged.

“I’ll let you get back to your date,” Changbin’s grin curled as he wiggled his eyebrows. Chan smacked the back of his head gently, causing the younger boy to snicker. “I’ll try to keep the gremlins from barging in.”

“I could just lock the door.” Minho deadpanned, pushing the door open.

“Technically Seungmin has a skeleton key for all the apartments,” Changbin shrugged easily. “He probably won’t let anyone use it though.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Chan carried the bags into the apartment, putting them on the counter. “You don’t have to worry about your privacy being invaded. I’ll talk with them so they stop barging in.”

“I don’t care if they do,” Minho found himself saying. “It’s... kinda nice? Keeps me from isolating myself.”

“If that’s the case...” Chan hummed. Changbin slipped out, closing the door behind him, leaving Minho and Chan alone once again. They worked together, putting things away where they belonged and prepping some of the fruits to go into the freezer. After about an hour, Minho realized he hadn’t dreaded any of the clean up like he normally would.

Putting groceries away was almost as obnoxious as unpacking from moving - something he still had to do and dreaded more than anything - but for once, he almost... enjoyed the domestic parts.

“We should order take out.” Minho suggested as he cleared the couch.

“We just went shopping.” Chan chuckled, piling some books onto the coffee table.

“I’m tired through,” Minho pouted a little. He went to put the things in his arms into his bedroom, Chan following close behind him. “I was hungover less than ten hours ago and we were out being perceived by the public... I think we deserve a break.” And this was his opportunity to pay, finally.

Minho stopped, surprised at what he saw. His bed had been completely made, and it had been made extremely neatly - hotel levels of neat. There was a small note on one of the pillows.

“Hyunjin must have done this before he left.” Chan commented. Minho checked the note, and sure enough it was from Hyunjin.

_Hyung! I can tell how stressed unpacking is making you, and I saw all your bedding shit in the living room. Take a nap and feel better! -Hyunjin_

“How could you tell?” Minho asked, folding the note and tucking it carefully into is jewelry case that was sitting on his desk.

“He’s the only one in the apartment that makes beds like that,” Chan pointed to the way the comforter was tucked in at the foot of the mattress. “His grandmother taught him the way she learned to do it when she was a kid.”

Minho couldn’t help but be struck by an unnamed emotion. There was something about the fact that Chan could tell his boys apart by the smallest things that made his chest ache a little. Chan knew his friends so well that something as tiny as how a blanket was tucked was enough to tell him who had done it.

Had there ever been a time in his life where someone care enough about his small habits to memorize them? He genuinely didn’t know.

“Here,” Minho grabbed one of the many take-out menus he had taken from the apartment lobby. He knew himself better than anyone, which meant he knew he would be using each and every one of these menus at some point soon. “Pick what you want.”

Chan took one of the menus and scanned it as Minho started to fold some of the laundry from his suitcases, slowly filling his wardrobe one shirt at a time. Once Chan made a decision, Minho snagged the menu back and placed the order before the older boy had a chance, earning him a playful scowl from Chan.

“Wanna watch something?” Minho suggested. He was starting to get bored of re-folding the clothing he had been digging through for the past two days, but he was proud that he managed to put away one and a half out of the three suitcases.

“Sounds perfect.” Chan smiled, and it melted Minho’s heart.

“I just don’t get it!” Minho complained, laying across Chan’s lap. They had finished eating a short while before, leaving te dishes in the sink to deal with later. “Why is it so hard to make a show like this realistic? No college aged kid would ever act like that!”

“Drama directors have literally never spoken to an actual college student,” Chan chuckled, carding his fingers through Minho’s hair mindlessly. “I haven’t even gone to real college and I know they don’t know how kids act.”

“What kind of college have you done then?” Minho remembered Chan mentioning something about online classes.

“I try to do a single course each semester,” Chan said easily. “It’s not too much of a workload that way, and I can chip away the credit requirement a little at a time.”

“What are you going for?”

“Communication and broadcasting,” Chan said, surprising Minho a little. He had pictured the older boy going for something related to music, but it made sense that he was going for communications - it would be helpful for promoting Stray Kids. “The worst part is that since I’m not going fulltime, I don’t qualify for any financial aid, so I have to pay for each class out of pocket - another reason that I can only manage one per semester.”

Minho frowned. He knew how expensive college courses were, and he knew he was privileged enough to qualify for some pretty hefty scholarships, so he barely had to take out any loans what so ever. He wondered if there was any way he could talk his way through his his program to see if there way any way he could help.

“You’re amazing hyung.” Minho whispered, part of him hoping his words were lost in the couch. By how Chan’s hand stilled in his hair, it was safe to assume the older boy had, indeed, heard him.

“You’re amazing too,” Chan said after a moment. “There’s just something about you... Can I tell you something?”

“Mm, of course.”

“Hyunjin was teasing me yesterday about never bringing anyone home, but he was right. I... as outgoing as I try to seem, I have a hard time connecting with others. Outside of my boys, I don’t really have any friends. I’m familiar with some of the people who work at YW, and I’m still in contact with my family, but that’s it. The day I saw you... I didn’t feel anxious at all. Talking to you was the first time I’ve initiated a conversation with a stranger in forever.”

“Um, actually... it’s kind of the same for me,” Minho said, picking at a small hole in the upholstery of the couch. “The main reason I took this internship thing from my school was because I didn’t have to physically go to class anymore. I always hated being called on - I would always stutter and say stupid shit that made no sense. When you first came up to me, I was kind of scared. I never know what to say to new people.”

“The others too,” Chan moved his hand from Minho’s hair to his waist, his thumb gently rubbing the strip of exposed skin there. “I try to get them to branch out and meet new people, but it takes them a long time to open up. It took Seungmin almost six months before he trusted us enough to talk about what was bothering him... I’m not going to say anything else about that because those aren’t my stories to tell, but... I’m being completely honest when I say I’ve never seen them take to someone so quickly.”

“Really?” Minho felt honored.

“Really,” Chan smiled down at him, letting his hand run a little farther up Minho’s back. “When Jisung stayed back this morning, I didn’t know what to do. He’s always been so clingy, especially with me and Binnie. I almost felt like a mom who’s kid left for college for the first time.”  
He chuckled, and Minho couldn’t help but laugh with him. His hand was so warm on his back, and he was so comfortable. So many things were going through Minho’s head, he didn’t know which one to say - thank you, for befriending me? I can already tell I’m going to rely on you all? This all feels like a dream that I’m scared that I’m going to wake up from and walk around for months with this hole in my chest where you should have been?

“I’m glad I got to meet all of you,” Minho finally said. “I can tell you’re special.”

“Minho?”

“Mm?”

“You can say no, if you’re uncomfortable,” Chan said shifting Minho so the younger boy was seated on his lap. “But... can I kiss you?”

“Me?” Any coherent thought he might have had immediately flew from his brain.

“You,” Chan gave him a small smile. If Minho didn’t know any better, he might say it was almost anxious, the way his mouth just barely lifted at the corners. “You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. I’ll completely understand if-”

Chan was cut off by lips crashing against his. It wasn’t soft, or sweet, but his eyes still fluttered closed as his arms wrapped around Minho’s slim waist. Minho brought his arms up around Chan’s shoulders, wrapping them around his neck and letting his fingers tangle in the older boy’s curls as he tilted his head, deepening the kiss.

Chan tasted like spicy noodles and milk tea and something else - Minho couldn’t quite place it, but it was addicting. Chan’s tongue prodded at his bottom lip, letting out a soft sigh as Minho opened his mouth.

Minho let out a light yelp as one of Chan’s hands trailed up his chest, his thumb brushing against the younger’s boys nipple. Minho found himself grinding down against Chan’s hips, his eyes flying open when he felt something hard poking back at him.

He ground down harder, grinning at the whine that left Chan’s lips. He felt so powerful - Chan, someone so strong and proud, turning to putty under his touch. Chan kissed down his throat, sucking harshly every few moments. Minho hoped they would turn into dark bruises, so he could remind himself.

He could remind himself for days how he had been the one to make Chan moan breathlessly and buck up against him desperately.

His skin felt too hot, especially in these tight jeans Jisung picked out for him. He had never wanted to be in sweatpants for than in that moment - it would probably be more comfortable for both of them. A low growl came from Chan’s chest and Minho felt himself being picked up. His legs wrapped around Chan’s waist as the older boy’s hands cupped his ass, Chan never breaking the kiss as he carried Minho towards the bedroom. Had Hyunjin anticipated this? Is that why he made the bed for them?

Chan placed him down on the bed oh so carefully, as if he was something delicate - something that needs to be protected. For the first time in his life, Minho actually felt small and safe. He had always been the dominate one in his past relationships, but Chan didn’t make him feel weak in a bad way - he made Minho feel weak in a treasured way.

“Ah-” He gasped as the feeling of Chan’s hands undoing the button of his jeans. He wanted Chan to make him feel good - he wanted to make Chan feel even better. As soon as Chan started to shimmy his jeans down his hips, Minho froze.

Chan instantly stopped, sensing the change in Minho’s mood. He gently tugged the younger boy’s jeans back into place but didn’t touch the button again.

“Hey, are you alright?” He whispered, almost afraid to speak too loud.

“Yeah...” Minho sat up and brought his knees to his chest. He could feel the heat that had been burning through his veins quickly cooling as the panic began to settle in.  
What if Chan hated him now? What if Chan thought he was a frigid whore? It wouldn’t be the first time someone thought he was a slut with tight legs. He just wanted to make Chan feel good, but now his breathing was picking up and he could feel a cold sweat breaking out across his fevered skin.

“Hey, Minho look at me,” Chan said, his voice breaking through Minho’s thoughts. When Minho didn’t turn to face the older boy, Chan physically took Minho’s cheek and gently forced him to meet his eye. “It’s okay. I’m not angry. The only thing that matters to me is that you’re comfortable, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’m sorry...”

“Please don’t apologize,” Chan hummed, pulling Minho against his chest and tucking the younger boy’s head under his chin. Minho tensed for a moment before instantly relaxing against Chan’s chest. “Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to if you’ll feel uncomfortable. If you want, we can just go back out to the living room and watch a movie.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Minho sighed. “I really, really do. I want it so much that it’s kinda scary... I just- all my past relationships have been based solely on sex. Every time I meet someone I like, we fuck right off the bat, and then everything falls apart after that. I don’t- I don’t want to lose you like I’ve lost everyone else.”

He knew it was probably too much to be sharing seeing how he had literally only met Chan the day before. He knew this, but he couldn’t stop.

“I really like you, and that scares me a little,” he continued. “Because every time I meet someone that I really like I drive them away because I can’t keep my fucking legs closed-”

“Stop,” Chan said firmly. Minho felt his stomach drop, his eyes stinging. Chan must have noticed the change in Minho’s face, because he wrapped his arms around the younger boy more securely, but making it clear Minho could leave if he wanted to. “Minho, baby, what you’ve done in the past with other people doesn’t determine who you are or what your worth is. You could have slept with a hundred people and that wouldn’t change who you are. Anyone who told you that you’re broken, or dirty was wrong and I would personally beat them up if I could.”

“Hyung...” Minho sniffled a single tear working its way down his face.

“I think you’re beautiful,” Chan whispered, his breath fluffing Minho’s bangs. “If you wanted to sleep with me, I’d be more than willing. If you want to wait, I’ll be as patient as you want. If you never want to go farther than this, then I’ll never push you for anything more. Did I like kissing you? So much. Do I want to make you feel good - pull those cute little sounds from you every time I touch you? So badly... but you’re still the first priority here. What I want means nothing if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“I... I want to go farther,” Minho admitted, his face flushing. No one had ever been so... open, in a sense. Most of the people he had been with wanted to rush to the part where either he fucked them, or they fucked him. The rest was just filler. “I just...”

“Mm, it’s okay,” Chan stood, easily picking Minho up with him. Minho let out a yelp but Chan was holding onto him firmly, his hands holding the younger boy’s thighs rather than his ass this time. “Wanna put something stupid on that we don’t have to pay attention to?”

“Yes please...” Minho murmured as Chan gently put him down on the couch again. Part of him still felt guilty for stopping them halfway, but Chan was doing so amazing in making him feel better about the whole situation. He was so understanding it was almost scary.

Chan typed away at the laptop hooked up to the television, giving Minho a chance to get himself under control. He sniffled quietly and wiped away the last of the tears that clung to his eyelashes.

“Ah, perfect,” Chan grinned, putting on some playlist of a series Minho had never heard of and going back to the couch. He easily say and pulled Minho onto his lap, wrapping his arms around the younger boy’s waist and cuddling him as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and it made Minho’s heart go wild. “So, this is one of my favorite playthroughs these guys did. It’s so stupid, but it’s so funny.”

Minho hummed, leaning against Chan’s chest. He could hear the older boy’s heartbeat strong and clear, and for some reason it put him at ease.

Minho tilted his head up and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Chan’s mouth. The older boy jumped a little, having actually been focusing on the episode, before smiling and returning a proper kiss. His mouth moved against Minho’s, but never bit at the younger’s bottom lip, or tried to push his tongue into Minho’s mouth.

As the video played in the background, Minho let Chan kiss him gently. It was almost nothing more than pressing soft smiles against each other, rather than actual kisses, but it was something that made Minho lightheaded. When was the last time someone kissed him just to kiss him - not with the intent to push it farther and farther until there was no turning back? It was almost like Chan just... liked him.

It was nice.

* * *

  
“Let’s hope he didn’t lock the door...” Jisung whispered to himself. It was nearing midnight and Chan hadn’t returned to the apartment. In fact, no one had heard from him in almost five hours, which only ever happened when he locked himself in the studio.

So Jisung took it upon himself to hunt their oldest friend down. There was only one place he could be at this point, and part of him kind of hoped he would be able to catch Chan and Minho in a... compromising position.

The groupchat would go WILD.

The knob turned easily and his grin only grew. Jisung slipped into the apartment, closing the door silently behind him. Whatever was playing on the TV was in the middle of changing episodes, and Jisung realized it was the one letsplay series that Chan always binged whenever he was stressed.

He was planning on making a beeline for the bedroom when he caught something in the corner of his eye. On the couch was Minho and Chan, fast asleep. Chan was laying on his back while Minho was directly on his chest, one of Chan’s arms around Minho’s waist and the other dangling off the edge of the couch.

Jisung was mildly disappointed that they were both fully clothed, but the hint of bruising peaking out from Minho’s shirt was enough to make his grin come back. There was just enough light coming from the television for him to take a decent picture.

He snapped a few, from a couple of different angles.

“Nice!” he cheered silently, sending them to the groupchat. “Shit-”

Chan stirred briefly before settling again, his nose pressed against Minho’s head.

Jisung froze, waiting for his hyung to stop moving. If he was caught, he’d be grounded for a week. Even though he sent the pictures already, Chan wouldn’t do anything if he didn’t find out until later.

When he realized he was in the clear, Jisung snuck from the apartment and scurried back to his own. As soon as his own door closed, he could hear his friends all but screaming from their rooms.

“JISUNG-” Hyunjin cried, and Jisung wondered if anyone would think to look for him if he hid in the bathtub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me again! I'm hoping to keep updating at a fairly steady pace but with the semester starting it may take a little time in between uploads. Hopefully no more than like, half a week though? Because I'm really having fun and I don't want to stop for too long or else all my motivation will just POOF into air XD
> 
> Also the whole Jisung sending compromising pictures to the chat is going to be a reoccurring theme and I'm very excited lmao


	4. Rusted History

Minho groaned and rolled over, pulling the pillow closer to his chest. Just as he was about to go back to sleep, he realized something.

He should have fallen - because he remembered passing out on the couch with Chan, so how was he able to roll over?”

Crackling an eye open, he realized he was in his room, under the nice clean sheets of his bed, one of his pillows wrapped in his arms like his life depended on it. Had Chan carried him back to the bedroom? After what happened the night before, he wouldn’t put it past the older boy to be so thoughtful.

He sat up and yawned, rubbing his eyes and looking around for his phone. Of course, it was sitting on his bedside table, plugged in. He picked it up only to see a handwritten note underneath.

_Minho- I’m so sorry that I had to leave before you woke up, but I got a call from YW and they said I needed to come in ASAP. I had really been looking forward to waking up with you and making breakfast, but I’ll have to make it up to you soon! ^o^ I’ll let you know when I get out of the meeting, but the boys would probably love it if you went to hang out for a while. -CB_

Minho let out a chuckle. He hadn’t been worried about waking up alone - he was used to it, and honestly waking up next to someone might have even made him anxious. The fact that Chan was so adamant about making it up to him though... his chest warmed. He reread the note again, feeling his ears burn a little.

Chan really was an enigma, wasn’t he?

He shot the older boy a quick message, letting him know he got the note and was looking forward to seeing him later, and finally got out of bed fully. He stretched, his back, hips, and knees all cracking loudly and in far too many places. He winced, but so was the life of a dancer. Before he left his room, Minho tucked Chan’s note next to Hyunjin’s safely put away where he wouldn’t lose them or mistake them for scraps left over from moving.

Speaking of moving, he still had a few days before his semester officially started, which meant he needed to get his ass in gear with his apartment. It would be hard enough to focus on classes while in a new environment to behind with, but if it looked like a war zone? He would never be able to get anything done! So he begrudgingly added ‘finish unpacking’ to his mental list of things to do, right after ‘go to the bathroom’, ‘brush teeth’ and ‘make coffee’.

It was currently 11am and Minho was starting to wonder how long he would have before someone was knocking on his door - or more likely, just waltzing through as though they paid his rent.

In all honesty, the thought was kind of comforting. Knowing that he was going to have company and that he wasn’t going to have to be alone all day put him at ease, if not also intimidating him a little as well. He wasn’t used to it.

Going in order of his mental checklist, he used the bathroom and brushed his teeth, taking a few minutes to wash his face as well when he realized he still had makeup smeared all over his skin from the day before. It almost looked like Chan had tried to take his makeup off but was too afraid to rub too hard. Minho’s heart fluttered at the thought.

After he had freshened up, Minho made a beeline for the kitchen. Maybe one day he would actually invest in one of those fancy café-level coffee makers, so he could brew all the fancy espresso drinks he wanted right from home, but for the time being he threw one of the one-use cups into the machine and put his favorite mug under the spout.

The smell of coffee filled the air and his shoulders relaxed. Damn, he really trained himself to respond to caffeine, didn’t he? Pavlov would be proud.

Dumping an obscene amount of sugar and cream into his mug, stirring it with a single chopstick that he first wiped off with a napkin, seeing how it was leftover from dinner the night before. He knew he should use a spoon, or at least a clean chopstick, but hey - his immune system was flawless and his stomach made of steel. It wasn’t like he would get sick, and it was just easier.

Standing in the middle of his living room, Minho wrapped one arm around his waist and rested his other elbow on it, sipping his coffee as he scanned the absolute disaster that was his apartment. It felt like it had been ages since he moved in - ages since his belongings had been scattered to all four winds like some sort of heathen - but he reminded himself that he had technically only been there for three days.

This was only his second morning in his new apartment, so he had a little bit of a pass to not have his shit together yet.

“I should probably start with my clothes,” Minho said to himself, trying to catalogue what needed to be done. The one thing he actually wanted to do, which was decorate, would probably be the last thing he got to, much to his disappointment. “Gotta put my books away, find places for the miscellaneous crap... why do I own so much shit?”

His apartment didn’t respond. With a sigh, he went back to his bedroom. Connecting his phone to his bluetooth speaker, he threw on his fun playlist (compared to his depression playlist, that he listened to when he was sad, to make himself even sadder) and placed his phone on his desk to keep it out of his way.

He knew he would feel better as soon as everything was settled, but the getting of the motivation to get things settled was the hardest part.

Starting with his dresser and closet, Minho finished putting away his clothes, piling the luggage into each other like a Russian nesting doll before slipping them under the bed. It took maybe twenty minutes, and he instantly felt better. The room seemed so much neater now that there weren't big ass bags all over the floor. He then started hanging up the fancier garments, leaving most in their bags, but pulling out the things he figured there was some chance of wearing at some point into the closet with his coats, and sweaters, and button ups. With his clothing all put away, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest.

He sipped at his now cold coffee, skipping a few songs that he didn’t feel like listening to before starting to organize his desk. School things went in the big drawer, two mugs on the top to hold pens and such. Pictures and knick knacks scattered along the shelf on top. Normally he would do his makeup at his desk, but he was thinking he would find it easier to just keep everything in the bathroom. The lighting was better there.

Now that he had finally gotten going, he found his momentum was surprisingly strong. If he kept going, he might even be able to finish most of the work before dinner.  
The kitchen was mostly put together, as was the bathroom. His bedroom was set, so that just really left the living room, which would be the hardest one to do.

Just as Minho was going into the kitchen to make another cup of coffee, his front door swung open.

“Hyung!” Felix grinned brightly and rushed over to him, leaving Changbin to close the door behind them. The smaller boy’s arms were filled with bags, and his cheeks were faintly flushed.

“Did you run here?” He asked with a laugh. Felix just nodded and made a beeline for the kitchen.

“Mm! I dragged Binnie hyung out to get baking supplies, and since Jisung never did the dishes I figured I could borrow your kitchen.” Felix prattled, unloading his bags onto the recently cleared counters.

“Is that alright?” Changbin asked, seeming to be the only one that understood what privacy was.

“Of course,” Minho chuckled. He had been working for a while now - it would be nice to take a break, especially if Felix was going to be baking. “Have you heard from Chan yet?”

“Hyung? No, the last thing he said in the chat with me and Sung was that the meetings were running long and filled us in on what they were talking about.”

“Ah, I see,” Minho was a little disappointed, but he wasn’t going to voice that. Chan had a life and a career of his own, and he knew he was being a little selfish wanting the older boy to spend more time than he already was with him. “What are you going to make, Lix?”

“I normally make brownies, but I found a new recipe for cheese danishes and I wanted to try it! I don’t think I’ve ever actually made pastries before, so this’ll be... interesting...” Felix made the breadface, looking down at the box of premade puff pastry in his hands. Minho couldn’t help but chuckle and go over to the sink to wash his hands. “Jinnie’s been feeling a little off today, so I figured this would cheer him up a little.”

“What can I do to help?” Minho asked. Apparently it was the right thing to ask, because Felix instantly brightened.

“Can you dump the cream cheese into a large mixing bowl?” he asked, wiping down, drying and flouring the counter.

Minho did as he was told, listening to Felix talk about whatever was on his mind. Minho was impressed at how long the younger boy could talk without taking a breath, but it made sense seeing how - despite his sunshine appearance - Felix did have a decent amount of rap lines in their songs.

“So then he looked me dead in the eye and told me to go fuck myself,” Felix waved one hand in the air as he spoke. Minho thought it was cute that the younger boy used his hands to talk. “And, like, I was drunk at the time, and I was there for a good time, NOT a long time, so I looked him dead in the eye and went ‘why don’t I go fuck your dad instead? Call me step-daddy, Princess’ and when I saw he went WHITE-”

“Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this?” Changbin asked through his laughter.

“Because Channie hyung doesn’t know I went out that night,” Felix pursed his lips before looking away awkwardly “If he found out, he’d kick my ass.”

“I wish I had stories like that,” Minho chuckled, washing the bowl the cream cheese filling had been mixed in. “I think the craziest thing I’ve ever done was go skinny dipping with my last boyfriend.”

“You’re so cute hyung,” Felix grinned, and Minho felt his ears warm. The younger boy took a step closer, poking Minho’s arm playfully. Minho took a step back, and Felix took a step forward. When the small of his back hit the counter, his eyes widened, and Changbin just watched with a smirk as Felix cornered him. “Makes me wanna eat you up.”

“I-” Minho’s whole face lit up, any coherent thought he might have had completely flying out of his head. Felix continued to grin up at him, his eyes sparkling in a way that seemed a little dangerous, his lithe body leaning closer to Minho with each passing second.

“Minho? Sorry it took so long to get out-” Chan opened the door to the apartment, freezing at the sight of one of his best friends pressing his not-boyfriend against the counter, eyeing Minho up like he was something to eat.

“A-Ah! Chan, w-welcome back...” Minho called over weakly, his heart beating just a little too fast against his ribs. Felix moved back easily, humming a song under his breath as he and Changbin started to drizzle icing over the still-warm Danishes that were cooling on the countertop.

“I can see you’re busy-” Chan said playfully, only for Minho to cut him off.

“Not too busy for you though!” He physically clapped a hand over his mouth when he realized what he had said. The apartment fell silent for a moment before Chan let out a ringing laugh and went over to the younger boy, wrapping his arms around Minho’s waist and kissing him happily.

“Glad to hear it,” He smiled into the kiss, and Minho couldn’t help but smile back. “So what’ve you been up to today?”

“Uh, I managed to get most of my shit together with unpacking,” Minho leaned back but not moving away from Chan’s loose embrace. “All that’s really left is the living room, but Lix and Binnie came over before I could start that.”

“Mm, want me to help?” Chan offered, pressing soft kisses along Minho’s jaw. There was something so casual and intimate about the gesture that made Minho’s throat sting a little.

“You’re probably tired,” Minho said with a chuckle. “You don’t have to-”

“I asked if you wanted me to help,” Chan interjected. “Not what you thought I’d want to do.”

“Oh...” Minho blinked, having been caught off guard. “Um, I’d like it if you hung out, but you don’t have to do any work... just you being here is good.”

“You’re so cute~” Chan cooed, gently nipping at one of the many bruises littering the younger boy’s throat, causing him to yelp a little. Felix and Changbin glanced at each other, biting back a laugh.

They had all seen the picture from that morning, but seeing their hyung being so cute and touchy with Minho was enough to make them giddy. They loved Chan, and they could already see how happy he was as he continued to tease Minho, neither of the older two seeming to remember that there were others in the kitchen.

“Well, I’ll leave some of these here with you,” Felix said, breaking the silence. Minho jumped, his entire face going bright red, but Chan seemed unphased as he wrapped his arms completely around the younger boy. “That leaves enough for everyone else too.”

“Lix?” Chan called.

“Mm?”

“Don’t let Jisung have one.” He grinned almost angelically at his friend, who couldn't stop from snickering a little. They all knew something was going to happen, but not being able to have something that Felix baked would absolutely kill Jisung.

“Are you gonna be home for dinner?” Changbin asked, smirking at Chan.

“Maybe,” Chan shrugged easily. Minho’s neck burned at the implications - Chan might stay for dinner again? For the second night in a row? That sounded... very nice, actually. “I’ll let you know when it gets later.”

“Sounds good,” Changbin gave his friend a thumbs up and grabbed Felix’s hand, the younger boy’s other hand filled with the container housing the Danishes. Minho’s eyes widened a little at the sight of Changbin’s thumb easily running along the side of Felix’s hand, as if they had done it a thousand times before. Where Changbin and Felix... “Minho hyung.”

“I’m here!” Minho yelped as a left over instinct for when he could be called on in class when he wasn’t paying attention.

“If you can get him to nap at some point, do it,” He pointed at Chan with his chin as they made their way to the front door. “He’s been staying up way too late recently, and if Jisung’s Minchan update this morning showed us anything, it’s that you can get him to sleep.”

“And that Channie hyung likes to bite.” Felix giggled, wrinkling his nose playfully as Chan glared at him.

“Minchan?” Minho asked, but Felix and Changbin had already scurried from the apartment, leaving him alone with Chan once again.

“How are you baby?” Chan asked, turning Minho so he could rest his forehead on the younger boy’s, looking into his eyes with a soft smile. Chan laced his fingers together at the small of Minho’s back, pulling him against his chest.

“G-good.” Minho couldn’t look Chan in the eye. He wondered if he would ever be able to look at Chan without instantly getting flustered - as much as he joked about being in love with CB97, he really did have a lot of feelings for the voice behind the songs, and now that he knew who Chan really was...

He could melt any time Chan opened his mouth. His voice, familiar and soothing before he found out, was now addicting.

“How did the meetings go?” He asked, finding the stability to his words. Chan rolled his eyes and rested his forehead on Minho’s shoulder.

“They’re driving me insane,” he muttered, letting the younger boy hold his weight. “Every time I think we’re making progress, they throw a thousand stipulations for the stupidest fucking things...”

“What happened?” Minho hummed, steering them towards the couch. As soon as they were seated, Chan pulled Minho into his lap and hid his face in the younger boy’s shoulder again, as if he were trying to avoid the world.

“I brought up your idea, about the dance practices one at a time. At first they seemed to like it, but then they started picking it apart and turning it back on me. They basically put me on the spot to list who I like best to be the order of the videos released...”

“They can’t do that!” Minho huffed, getting angry on Chan’s behalf. How could they make him choose favorite when it was clear to anyone with eyes that he loved them all equally and so fully that he would do anything for them?

“They did though,” Chan sounded exhausted. “I tried to stall for as long as I could, and eventually they just kinda... gave up. They- they implied that I’m too young to be making such big decisions, and that maybe signing with us at all would be a mistake. How could they possibly work together with a bunch of kids, right? Obviously we don’t know what we’re doing, seeing how we’ve done everything ourselves up to this point. Clearly we need them more then they need us, because a bunch of fucking kids could NEVER be able to handle the big, bad entertainment industry-”

Minho shifted and cut Chan off with a kiss. He could physically feel the older boy melt into the kiss, a soft sound escaping his lips as he let Minho distract him. Minho took control of the kiss entirely, cupping Chan’s face as he guided his tongue into the other boy’s mouth. Chan offered no resistance, allowing Minho to do whatever he wanted.

Too soon, Minho was pulling away and smoothing Chan’s curls down with gentle touches, smiling at the older boy as he did.

“It’ll be okay.” he said quietly. Chan was silent for a moment.

“How do you know?”

“Because everything’s gotta be okay in the end, so if it’s not okay yet, then it’s not the end.” Minho relayed the mantra that got him through all of high school. There had been a few instances where repeating that to himself literally saved his life. Looking back, it was terrifying how often Minho was mere minutes away from killing himself.

Looking back, he wished he could have told fifteen year old him that it would be worth it - that he would meet people worth staying around for.

“Mm, I like that,” Chan hummed, hugging Minho tightly. “Thank you.”

“Of course hyung,” Minho smiled, pressing a kiss to the older boy’s forehead. “Do you want to take a nap? You can crash in my bed for a while.”

“I wanna hang out with you,” Chan mumbled, clearly exhausted. So clearly exhausted, in fact, that Minho’s chest ached - did Chan want to be with him that badly? “Maybe we can nap later.”

“Mm, in a little bit then,” Minho chuckled as wiggled out of Chan’s arms. “Did you eat yet? I can make you something.”

“They fed us in between meetings,” Chan sighed and let his head fall over the back of the couch. “Wasn’t even that good... so much for being a successful company...”

“If you want anything, help yourself to my fridge,” Minho offered, peeling the tape off of one of the final boxes. Chan glanced over at him before standing and going to peer over his shoulder. “Do you... want to help?”

“Sure,” Chan’s face softened into a small smile. “Just tell me what to do.”

“These books go on the shelf,” Minho gestured to the one behind them. “I don’t really have a real organization system. Normally I just try to keep the same sized ones and series together, so all the small paperbacks together, and all the tall hardcovers together. It really doesn’t matter where you put them.”

“Yes sir!” Chan gave a mock salute and a goofy smile before taking the box and carrying it closer to the book shelf. Minho turned and went back to his own task, which was going through the various posters and paintings he brought, deciding which room they would look best in.

Chan took three books at a time, putting the small books with the small books and the larger books with the larger books. Thankfully, most of Minho’s series were all from the same print, so they were all the same size. He mused over how horrified Seungmin would be to see how unorganized Minho was, but Chan himself could appreciate the chaotic brand of organization the younger boy seemed to have.

He hummed along with whatever song Minho was playing, both boys working in a comfortable silence. He felt his ears warm any time one of his own songs came on, and he couldn’t help but instantly pick the songs apart, thinking of all the things he should have done better with it.

Hearing Minho singing along so beautifully to his own songs awakened something inside of Chan that he couldn’t quite name.

“Would you want to be in one of our new songs?” Chan asked without thinking. Minho jumped, dropping the frame he was holding. Thankfully the glass didn’t break, but unfortunately it did end up slamming against the top of Minho’s foot, causing the younger to let out a string of colorful curses.

“Wh-what?” Minho raised an incredulous eyebrow at Chan, who was smirking at the scene before him. “Why me?”

“Your voice is so clear,” Chan said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I can already think of at least three different bridges that your voice would be perfect for.”

“I couldn’t,” Minho shook his head. “I sing for fun. I’m not good enough for anything professional.”

“Think about it?” Chan could tell Minho was struggling with himself. He saw how the younger boy’s face lit up before instantly crumbling. All he needed to do was help Minho see how amazing he was, and he knew the younger would love recording with them.

“Mm, maybe...” Minho trailed off, taking a stack of posters and going to his bedroom.

Chan smiled to himself and continued putting the books away. He was almost done with that box, the last few things at the bottom looked more like journals than books. Looking closer, he could tell they really were journals.

He put the first two on the shelf, thinking to himself that he thought the notebooks were really nice. Maybe he would ask Minho where he got them. Leather bound with a snap holding it shut - something like that would be perfect for his lyric notes. The one he used now didn’t have a clasp, and the scraps he would jot ideas down onto would always slip out.

Reaching for the last book, he noticed it was the only one without a snap on the front. As he held it out to put on the shelf, something slipped out from between the pages.

Whatever it was hit the carpet with a near silent thump, and Chan felt himself freeze.

A single razer sat between his feet, the edge covered in something he had a sickening hunch wasn’t rust. It was clear this wasn’t something he was supposed to see, but what should he do now? Pick it up and pretend this never happened? Sit Minho how and ask if he was okay, because clearly this blade wasn’t hidden in a journal for opening boxes?

“What’re you looking at-” Minho came back out, seeing Chan staring down at the floor, the elder’s face pale. His own heart stopped when he saw what had caught Chan’s attention.

He stepped forward and snatched the blade, holding it between three fingers as if it was natural for him to do so.

“Minho-”

“It’s fine hyung,” Minho felt like he was going to throw up. “I... I didn’t know I had any of these left.”

“Are you...?”

“I’m a year clean,” Minho whispered, going to the kitchen and wrapping the razer in a paper towel before burying it in the trash. “Where did you even find that?”

“It was... in that journal.”

“Oh,” Minho’s shoulders tensed. “It’s really old then. That was my journal from when I was... fifteen, I think?”

“Minho...” Chan whispered, his throat stinging. He only knew the younger boy for a few days, but it was clear how strong and loving he was. It made sense, in a way - it was always those who loved fully that hated themselves the most.

“I’m fine, really,” Minho chewed the inside of his cheek. This was the last thing he wanted to discuss with Chan. He had hoped that the older boy just... wouldn’t notice the scars on his thigh when they finally fucked. “It’s... it’s not important-”

Minho was cut off by arms wrapping tightly around him. He froze, letting Chan’s warmth soak into his body. This wasn’t supposed to happen. The last time one of his partners found out about his... ways of coping, they laughed at him.

They said he was overreacting, and that cutting was for fifteen year old girls. They told him that he was too old for stupid shit like that, and that no one would ever want to put up with all the extra effort it would take to love him.

But Chan was different, it seemed.

Chan held him and whispered how proud he was of Minho. He told Minho how strong he was for fighting for so long.

Minho burst into tears, hiding his face in Chan’s shirt. To Chan’s credit, the older boy didn’t even hesitate. He gently brought them both to the floor, so Chan was kneeling on the carpet with Minho in between his legs. Chan hummed a wordless song, holding the younger boy gently as he let Minho sob out almost a decade of pain.

“It’s okay baby,” Chan hummed as Minho’s cries started to calm. “You’ve survived so much... I’m so proud of you.”

“Hyung...”

“And-and you never have to be alone again, yeah?” Chan continued, his voice finally showing the fear he felt when he first saw that blade. After all, this wouldn’t have been the first time he lost someone to the cold touch of a razer. “You have us now - all seven of us. You never have to be alone ever again.”

“Thank you...” Minho sniffled, embarrassment starting to burn at the back of his neck. He hadn’t broken down like that in... months. He almost never cried, and he genuinely couldn’t remember the last time he cried at all in front of someone else.

“No, thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me?”

“For not pushing me away,” Chan murmured softly. “And for sticking around. I’m so lucky that I got to meet you.”

“... hyung...”

“Do you... ever feel like you’re supposed to meet certain people?” Chan asked, sounding almost afraid of Minho’s answer. Minho just nodded - he knew exactly what Chan meant, because that’s exactly how he felt the day he met the older boy in the lobby. “When I met the others... one by one I felt like I was finding the people I was meant to have in my life. I thought I had met everyone, but when Wooj left...” His voice cracked painfully. Clearly it was something that still cut Chan deeply, but Minho wouldn’t pry unless the older boy wanted to talk about it. “But then I met you, and everything felt like it... fell into place. It felt like you belonged in my life. I know it sounds stupid but-”

Minho cut him off with a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“It’s not stupid,” Me whispered, settling against the older boy’s chest. “I... I get it.”

“Mm,” Chan’s face softened into a smile as he watched Minho for a few moments. “Want to take a nap?”

“Yes please...” Minho said softly. Chan chuckled and easily picked the younger boy up, carrying him back to the bedroom. They curled up under Minho’s blankets, facing each other. He felt so safe and warm next to Chan - he could fall asleep any second.

Chan beat him to it, falling asleep almost instantly. Minho was finally close enough to see the dark circles under Chan’s eyes, and thought the older boy looked so pretty when he was relaxed.

Jisung wasn’t there, so Minho took things into his own hands. He snuck his phone into his hand and snapped three pictures of Chan sleeping. He realized he didn’t have anyone’s number other than Chan’s, but that was fine. These were for him, no one else.

Minho put his phone aside and snuggled against Chan, the older boy unconsciously shifting to hold him close. Did Chan often sleep with someone in his arms? He seemed almost too used to it.

He let his eyes flutter shut, the smell of Chan’s shirt calming him. He wondered if his bed would smell like Chan in the morning.

He wouldn’t mind if they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how I tell myself I can stagger my updates between my two current fics so there some sort of updating schedule but instead proceed to update both at the same time XD Soon I'll be focusing solely on this one though, so updates may or may not becoming a little more frequent!


	5. Getting Closer

“Text me when you’re heading home,” Chan said with a smile. “Are you sure it’s okay that I stay here?”

“I told you,” Minho adjusted his bag with a fond shake of the head. “You can crash here whenever you want. I can’t imagine you get that much quiet time at your place.”

“That’s an understatement,” he grumbled, pulling Minho’s pillow closer to his chest. He was laying in the younger boy’s bed as Minho got ready to go to the dance studio at his university. He still had three days before his semester started, and he wanted to get back into his routine before things on campus got too busy. He had offered Chan a chance to sleep in his bed to avoid the noise that would inevitably wake him up in his own. “I just... I dunno. I guess I feel bad.”

“Don’t feel bad,” Minho knelt on the bed just enough to press a kiss to Chan’s forehead before standing back up again. “I’m not planning on staying long anyway. Maybe an hour or two at the most.”

“Mm, I’ll probably still be here then...” Chan’s eyes were struggling to stay open.

“Go to sleep, dummy.” Minho chuckled, flicking the lights off as he left the bedroom. He left the door open a crack so Chan would be able to see via the hallway light if he happened to wake up before Minho got back.

Slipping from his apartment, he was greeted by two familiar faces. Hyunjin and Felix instantly brightened, rushing to the older boy’s side.

“Hyung!”

“Morning you two,” He grinned at them. “How’re you feeling Jin? Felix said you were kind of off yesterday.”

“Better,” Hyunjin grinned back, but Minho could see how pale the boy was. It was concerning, because if something was wrong, Hyunjin didn’t seem the type to admit it, even if it was something really, really wrong. “I was just tired.”

“Where’re you going?” Felix asked, cutting off any chance Minho had to press Hyunjin about his health.

“I was going to head over to my university’s dance studio’s for a bit. I haven’t gone in like, two weeks and I can feel myself getting fat.”

“I think you’re perfect, hyung.” Felix hummed, easily wrapping his arms around the elder’s waist and resting his cheek on Minho’s shoulder.

“Can we come with you?” Hyunjin asked, his eyes shining.

“We were going to go to the apartment’s gym but a real studio would be so much more fun.” Felix chirped, not releasing Minho from his hug until Minho chuckled and ruffled his hair. Felix pouted and stepped back, trying to smooth his bangs back into place.

“I don’t see why not,” Minho started walking towards the elevator, the two younger boys trailing close behind him. “What were you going to work on?”

“Well, remember how hyung was talking about signing with YW and getting our own music videos?” Hyunjin asked, not waiting for Minho to nod before continuing. “Well, Lixie and I have been playing around with different choreography for some of our earlier songs. We’ve gotten, like, ninety percent through a few already, but there’s always something missing...”

“Maybe you can help!” Felix took Minho’s hand, lacing their fingers together easily. “I can already tell you’re super talented, hyung!”

“I-I-I can try,” Minho felt his face warming. How was it that Felix was so good at flustering him? He didn’t even do anything and he got Minho blushing like the younger boy had started stripping right in front of him. “I can’t guarantee anything though... I haven’t done my own choreography in a long time.”

“Ah! This is gonna be so much fun!” Felix was practically vibrating in excitement. Minho just smiled at him, letting the younger boy chatter on about the different moves and combinations he and Hyunjin had been working with. Hyunjin would occasionally chime in, working the schematics of the moves out verbally. Minho could picture what they were describing pretty well, but he would need to actually see them dance to be sure.

The campus was close, and he was glad it was a nice day. There had been so many times when he had to scramble across campus in the pouring rain to get to his car, or trudge through knee deep snow to get to class on time.

It was actually gorgeous out, and for a moment Minho wondered if they should skip the studio all together and find a nice spot somewhere on campus to hang out for a while. He knew of an area behind the art building that had been recently renovated to have benches and paths to run along the scenic rain-runoff pond.

“Oh wow, so this is the school you go to,” Hyunjin whistled, impressed. “I’ve heard their dance program is the top in the area.”

“Isn’t it super hard to get accepted?” Felix asked, looking around with wide eyes. Minho realized when he and Chan were talking about college, the older boy didn’t mention any of the other boys taking classes. He wondered if anyone else was enrolled anywhere.

“I mean, I guess?” Minho shrugged, using his ID to open the door to the arts building and letting the younger two enter before him. “I was accepted because of a solo I choreographed back when I was a senior in high school. I did more of my personal work back then, but I’ve had less time to do that much thinking in the last two-ish years. That’s why I joined the cover group - it was easier to learn pre-done choreo when my brain was already made of mush.”

“Do you remember any of it?” Felix asked, and Minho could almost see the stars shining in the younger boy’s eyes.

“My solo? Um... maybe?” Minho hadn’t even listened to the song he had danced to in what felt like years. “I haven’t really thought about it in a while.”

“If you remember anything, can you show us?” Hyunjin looked equally as starstruck. Minho suddenly felt a little awkward - these boys were looking at him as if he were some sort of celebrity, when in reality he was the one who found himself starstruck around _them._

Who was he next to them? He was just a normal college student, but they were Stray Kids. They were the ones who saved his life. He was nothing compared to them-

“Hyung?” Hyunjin’s voice broke through his thoughts. Minho blinked, not realizing he had stopped walking until he saw both boys looking back at him.

“Ah, sorry,” He gave them a tight smile and caught up with them quickly. He went ahead to unlock the studio door by waving his ID against the scanner mounted on the wall. He missed Felix and Hyunjin glancing at each other as they entered the studio. “God, it feels like I haven’t been here in forever.”

Even though it had only been two weeks, part of him was a little surprised that everything looked exactly the same. Since it was open to anyone on campus with an ID, the studio tended to get moved around almost daily. He plugged his phone in and set his cover playlist on shuffle without a second thought, the actions like second nature to him.

Music started playing through the speakers, and Minho smiled to himself as the third speaker on the left, mounted on the wall, remained almost fuzzy. Over the years, he had used this particular studio so often that he had watched - or rather, listened - to that speaker slowly blow out over time. It was like a testament to his dedication.

Minho went and sat down in the center of the room, instantly starting his stretching routine. Felix and Hyunjin joined in, copying the older boy. They had their own warm ups, but they wanted to follow Minho.

He let himself get lost in the burn of his muscles. Straddle stretches and reaching forward, forcing his chest to touch the ground while his legs stayed completely out to either side of his body. Laying on his back and following through to lay on his stomach, letting his hips pop out of place in order to move properly. He moaned loudly as he swiveled to put his hips back into place, the crack almost loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Hyung...” Hyunjin whined a little. Minho looked over and saw both of the younger boy’s faces were bright red.

“Oh, sorry,” Was he taking too long to stretch? He was almost done, but he couldn’t skip past his arm and shoulder stretches - the last time he did, he pulled a muscle and couldn’t leave his bed for almost three days. “I’m almost done... sorry if I’m taking too long...”

“It’s okay!” Felix chimed in with a smile. “You’re stretching warmups are really nice! I can really feel the burn. I’ll have to remember some of these for next time we’re working.”

“If you’re sure...” Minho trailed off. He quickly finished his warmups, stretching just enough to prevent being hurt but not nearly as thoroughly as he would have liked. He didn’t understand why they looked so flustered all of a sudden. Did he do something wrong?

“Hyung, can we see you dance? Please?” Felix all but begged.

“If you want,” He chuckled, handing Felix his phone. “Pick anything off this list. Some of them are a little older so I probably won’t remember it perfectly but this is a playlist of all the songs my group has covered.”

“Wow... there are so many.” Hyunjin commented, peering over Felix’s shoulder. Minho huffed a chuckle and went to stand in the middle of the room, moving his head side to side to stretch his neck as he waited for the two to pick a song.

Soon, the familiar opening notes to a SVT song came on. His face lit up a little - this was one of the more recent ones they had learned, so he was fairly confident he could do the choreography as close to perfect as he could manage.

His body started moving on its own, the combinations and counts basically ground deep into his muscles. His expression changed and morphed with the music, smirking cockily at the two boys before turning into a bright grin as he hit the turn perfectly. He let out a breathy laugh, his blood thrumming through his body and making his heart beat loudly in his ears. How had he forgotten how much he loved dancing? It felt like he was on drugs with how his head seemed to float.

He found himself singing along, belting out the notes without meaning to. He only really did that when he was alone, because it helped him memorize the counts easier, but he found he didn’t mind singing in front of Felix and Hyunjin. Sweat was dripping down the back of his neck, but he felt as though he could keep going for hours.

Too soon, however, the song came to an end and Minho hit the final pose, panting but grinning wide. For a moment, all was silent as Felix paused the beginning of the next song, before the room was filled with the sound of clapping and cheers.

“That was so good!” Felix handed Hyunjin the phone and threw himself on Minho, wrapping his arms around the older boy’s neck and knocking them both back onto the studio floor. Minho tried to prevent himself from pressing against the younger boy, to keep his sweat from getting on Felix, but Felix seemed to have a different idea because he held Minho close and nuzzled his nose against the older boy’s cheek.

Minho’s heart began beating even faster, and it had nothing to do with the dance.

“Let him up Lixie,” Hyunjin chuckled. Felix pouted but did as he was told, crawling off of Minho’s chest and sitting on the floor next to the older boy. “That was seriously amazing though, hyung. You looked like a real idol! A little makeup and some fancy clothes and you could be ready to step onto a debut stage.”

“Ah, I’m definitely not that good,” Minho shook his head, finally starting to catch his breath a little. It was almost painfully clear he hadn’t been into the studio in a while - normally it took at least two or three run throughs before he started getting winded. “It feels good to be back at it though.”

“Can I pick another song?” Felix asked. Minho chuckled and nodded, pushing himself back up to his feet.

Hyunjin took the opportunity to pick a song of his own before Felix could make it back over to the phone. Minho took a deep breath and waited to hear what he was going to be dancing to...

“Oh.” Minho blinked, almost surprised. He hadn’t thought about this song in forever, and he was worried for a moment that he wouldn’t remember any of it, but much to his surprise he instantly jumped into it.

His body moved to the music, his thighs pushing against his sweatpants tightly as he fell to his knees, his hips thrusting up into the air before he flipped around and kept himself up with his arms before slowly grinding against the floor. He had learned this song when he was a sophomore, and the president of the group had been hesitant to teach the younger students because it was so sexual, but in the end they did a busking event with this exact song that got them way more funding than they had before.

Without thinking, he bit his bottom lip in concentration. He was less sure of the second half of the song, because they spent twice as long on the first half when they were learning it initially. Every couple of seconds he felt himself hesitate, bouncing from foot to foot until the music got back to a place he was familiar with.

He wondered if he was doing the choreography justice. It had been a while since he had tried it, and he knew he wasn’t as sensual as the idols who originally performed it. He found it almost awkward to swivel his hips as wide as he needed to, or the hand gestures that insinuated something more. He had never been the most attractive person - he had been called, on several occasions, ‘somewhat plain’. They said he had a nice smile, and could move well, but his personality was a little... flat.

He never let it show how badly comments like that hit. He didn’t mean to be flat, but he was just so used to hiding everything he felt.

The song ended and Minho let his shoulders slump a little. He was exhausted all of a sudden, and it was only partially physical. He glanced over at Hyunjin and Felix, and for a split second it almost looked like Hyunjin’s hand hand had been between Felix’s legs, but when Minho blinked Hyunjin was standing to the side, pausing the song on the elder’s phone before running over.

“That was amazing!” He grinned, his hair falling into his face. “Hyung, I couldn’t keep my eyes off you!”

“Ah, thanks,” Minho awkwardly ran his hand through his sweaty bangs. “Are you sure it wasn’t too awkward? I could feel how stiff I was around the chorus-”

“Shut up,” Hyunjin chuckled, gently flicking Minho’s forehead. “You were crazy good. Made me all hot and bothered...” He trailed off, smirking seductively and tapping Minho on the tip of the nose.

Minho spluttered, able to hear his heartbeat in his ears. Why would Hyunjin joke like that? It wasn’t like he found Minho attractive, right?

His face relaxed when he realized it must be a joke. Chuckling, Minho shook his head and ruffled Hyunjin’s hair, purposely messing it up and earning a scowl from the younger boy. Going over to his phone, he saw there was still no text from Chan, which meant the other boy was probably still fast asleep.

“You two...” Minho shook his head with a smirk. Felix pursed his lips and looked away but Hyunjin just grinned back at the older boy, not seeming the least bit ashamed of his words towards Minho. “Here, which songs have you started on? I can queue a few up for you.”

Hyunjin listed a few titles off as he and Felix stood in the middle of the room. Minho added them to the list and sat with his back against the wall, ready to watch with a keen eye. He remembered their words about helping with their choreography, and even if he couldn’t actually do much, he could at least try.

The familiar beats of Hellevator thrummed through the speakers, and Minho was instantly floored by the instantaneous change in the two boys before him. Their playful grin melted into serious expressions, their eyes hardening and their shoulders squaring. It was almost scary how completely different they were acting.

Felix and Hyunjin moved together perfectly, as if they had been born to dance side by side. Their bodies twisted and jumped and rolled in sync as they smirked at each other. It almost felt as though Minho had been completely forgotten, the music being the one and only thing on their mind.

Maybe thirty seconds from the end, they stopped abruptly. Minho was a little surprised at how they managed to switch back to the boys he was becoming so familiar with.

“Aaaand... that’s all we have for this one,” Hyunjin pouted a little, pushing his hair from his face. “We have ideas of what we want, but it’s hard without everyone here, and until we can get them to set the time aside to work with us, we have to just fuck around with what we’ve got.”

“Which is just the two of us.” Felix finished with a small sigh. Minho could see how they seemed to deflate. He knew how stressful it was to choreograph a solo, but he could never fully understand how much stress they must be under to come up with full choreography for seven bodies all on their own.

“Well, I think it looked amazing,” Minho smiled at then, his chest warming with pride. “It’s obvious you know what you’re doing, and even unfinished it was phenomenal. When it’s finished I can tell it’s going to be absolutely mindblowing.”

“You think so?” Felix looked close to tears.

“Mm,” Minho opened his arms and Felix quickly dove in for a hug despite being hot and sweaty. “When people see your choreography, they’re going to fall in love instantly.”

“Like you did?” Hyunjin teased, but there was an air of vulnerability in his words.

“Th-that’s different...” Minho muttered, his cheeks warming again.

“I was super jealous when Jisung told us how in love with Chan hyung you were before you even knew who he was,” Hyunjin pouted, twirling a lock of hair around his finger.

“Like, I get it - Channie hyung is perfect and sexy but like... what if I wanted to be your favorite?”

“Yeah hyung,” Felix chimed in, giggling at the look on Minho’s face. “I kinda wish I was your favorite instead of Channie hyung.”

Minho groaned and covered his face with his hands, unable to put up with their teasing anymore. Hyunijn and Felix chuckeld at Minho’s expense, tugging at the older boy’s clothes to get his attention.

“Wanna see another song?” Hyunjin offered after a moment.

“Sure.” Minho was painfully relieved that he would no longer be the victim of their teasing.

Hyunjin and Felix took their positions again, gesturing for Minho to hit play. As the song started, Minho couldn’t help but focus on Hyunjin a little more than Felix. The taller boy was pale, his breathing seeming to be a little heavier than Felix’s, even though they had been dancing the same amount. Minho frowned a little, watching how Hyunjin started to sweat harder as the song played. Was it because he was wearing sweatpants? Was he overheating?

Before he could ask, the song ended and Felix was dragging him to his feet.

“How can we make this transition smoother?” He asked, quickly showing Minho the part he was talking about. Hyunjin watched, using small, minute movements to follow along as Minho played around with different steps and spins.

It had been so long since he worked on his own choreography, and he forgot how much fun it was.

Minho pushed his way into his apartment, his body aching, his clothes soaked through, and his heart glowing with happiness. He had spent way longer than he anticipated at the studios, using most of the afternoon working with Hyunjin and Felix on different choreo. It had been exhausting but extremely rewarding.

The apartment was silent, and Minho assumed Chan must have gone back to his own place. There was no way he was still sleeping after all.

Making his way into his room, he almost yelped when he heard someone else moving around. Through the faint light coming in from the hall, Minho was able to see a bundle under his covers, With a soft smile, Minho dropped his bag onto the ground and silently grabbed a fresh pair of boxers before slipping out again. He showered quickly, patting himself dry and quickly getting dressed, leaving his hair damp as he made his way back to the bedroom.

“Mm, Minho?” Chan grumbled as the younger boy slipped under the covers next to him.

“I’m back,” Minho smiled and pressed a kiss to Chan’s cheek. The older boy was hot with sleep. He wanted to curl up against Chan’s chest and soak in his warmth. “Is sleeping more going to fuck with you?”

“Probably not,” Chan yawned and pulled Minho close to his chest, not seeming surprised to feel Minho’s bare skin under his fingers. “I need to get whatever sleep I can get...”

“You need to take better care of your health.”

“Mm, probably...”

“You’re cute.” Minho chuckled. He could feel his sore muscles melting into the softness of his mattress and he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep.

“You’re... cuter...”

Minho smiled as he let his eyes close. He could never nap for long, so whenever he popped awake he would drag Chan out of bed and make them both food and it would be domestic and he will be so extremely happy.

* * *

  
Minho chuckled at his phone, reading the screenshots Chan was sending him from the SKZ chat. Apparently the others were getting on Hyunjin and Felix’s cases for monopolizing so much of Minho’s time, Hyunjin trying to get Chan in trouble for the same reason, and him being instantly teased harder.

Simultaneously, Felix was texting him in a separate chat that was just for him, Minho and Hyunjin - lovingly nicknames Danceracha, after the producing trio - giggling about how Jinnie was pouting from where he was laying on the living room floor. He even sent a picture of Hyunjin looking up at the ceiling and flipping the camera off.

He looked back up at his computer. He was taking four courses, but only two were a type of hybrid course, where he would tune into the lecture twice a week via his laptop and do his work online. It was part of the program’s research to see what forms of online classes worked best for the student body.

This was his final class of the day, both of his video lecture classes were on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The whiteboard hanging behind his desk in his room was already covered in scribbles of due dates and assignments he needed to do that week.

Two days, four classes, one week, and Minho was already DONE. How was he going to survive another fourteen weeks of this? On the second ever class, his one professor admitted that the essay he was assigning was a big grade but he’s not going to bother teaching the material, so read the seven sources and good luck. It wasn’t a hard essay topic, but the sheer AUDACITY of this professor... it really made Minho want to cry, honestly.

He sighed and closed his laptop, resting his forehead on his desk for a moment. It was only two in the afternoon and he was contemplating crawling back into bed for a little while to try and recharge. Chan wanted to hang out later and maybe make dinner for the boys, but Minho was just so tired.

He wondered if his meds had stopped working. He had been on them for a while now, so he guessed it made sense that they would stop being as effective after some time. He needed to talk to his university appointed psychiatrist about potentially going on something else...

But he didn’t want to have to deal with that time in between. He had switched meds once since high school, and the three-ish weeks in between stopping the first one and the second kicking in were awful - he was irritated all the time, nauseous, couldn’t sleep, unable to concentrate, and he even developed a low grade fever. It was a shitty time and he would prefer to avoid that again.

Minho sat up and pushed away from his desk, his joints cracking loudly as he stretched and twisted his spine. He needed coffee - that would shake this funk he was in. He only had one cup that morning, which explained everything.

It didn’t, but if he kept telling himself that coffee would fix all his problems, maybe one day it’ll work.

Something in his chest didn’t feel quite right - it was almost like there was a weight pressing down on him, pinning him to the floor. It made it hard to move... hard to care about anything at all. He knew he should check his phone, but he left it back in his room, next to his computer. Why was he so tired? He just wanted to sleep - just for a few hours... or a few days...

Or forever-

He physically shook the thought from his head. He couldn’t let himself go down that path again. He knew from personal experience that the second he let his footing slip, he would be barreling headfirst into a depressive episode.

His apartment seemed eerily empty. No music, no movement, no life. He suddenly missed his cats more than ever. It sucked, being away from them for the first time in his life, but it was moments like this that made him realize how much he had come to rely on their silent companionship.

Was he lonely? Should he call Chan? Would being with someone else make things better, or would it make things a thousand times worse? He wished he could just know what he wanted, because then at least he would have a goal - at the moment, Minho was in what felt like limbo... nowhere to go and nothing to do. Sure he had homework, and he should do his laundry, and there were dishes in the sink that needed to be done, but he just couldn’t do it.

His eyes stung. He hadn’t felt this isolated in so long. The logical side of his brain screamed that all he needed to do was walk five feet across the hall and he wouldn’t be alone anymore, but the larger part of his mind whispered sweet nothings about how he deserved to be isolated and alone - that he didn’t deserve to be happy-

The door slammed open, voices instantly filling the small apartment. Dread filled Minho’s body - he would have to host now. He would have to socialize and talk to people and pretend that everything was alright when clearly everything was NOT alright and-

“Angel, we brought take out” Chan smiled warmly, pulling Minho close and kissing the corner of the younger boy’s mouth. Minho leaned into the kiss, fighting back tears. Chan looked at him closely, his smile falling a little. He took Minho’s hand and rubbed this thumb along the back of his knuckles, trying to comfort him. “We brought soju, but we can just have a movie night if you’re tired.”

“No, it’s okay,” Minho took a deep breath. “This’ll be good for me...”

“Were classes bad?”

“Just frustrating.”

“Mm, well, we’re here now and you’re not allowed to think about anything stressful anymore,” He grinned, showing his dimples. Minho’s heart fluttered at the sight. “No more bad thoughts tonight. Just you, and me, and our friends, and some shitty take-out, and way too much alcohol, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Minho gave a weak chuckle. The weight on his chest was already lighter, as if just being around Chan was enough to make his stress melt away.

“Hyung! Come take shots with us!” Jeongin called from the kitchen. Minho and Chan both turned, a small smile tugging at their mouths. Chan took his hand and tugged him towards the kitchen, where all the take out containers had been laid out buffet style, and there were far too many green bottles - and some cans of beer, and a few bottles of wine? - sitting on the table behind eight red solo cups, all laid out in a row.

“We don’t have enough shot glasses, but the second notch on the cup is the same amount,” Seungmin explained when he saw Minho’s confused, slightly horrified look. “Felix wanted to write all of our names on the cups too.”

“This one’s yours hyung.” Felix bounced over, handing Minho a cup that already had a healthy pour of chilled soju in the bottom. His name was written along the side in fancy script, hearts and smiley faces decorating around the rest of the plastic. Minho smiled at the sight, gently tracing one of the hearts with his thumb.

Maybe he wasn’t as alone as he thought. Maybe...

Maybe he really did belong.

“You shouldn’t drink too much,” Seungmin turned to Jisung and Changbin, who seemed to be gunning to start taking shots. “Aren’t you going to the studio tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung waved off his concern. “It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve worked hungover. Besides, we’re here to cheer hyung up and that’s exactly what we’re going to do!”

“Cheer me up?” Minho turned to Chan, who held his own cup in one hand as he wrapped his over arm around the younger boy’s waist.

“Your messages started sounding kinda off while you were in class,” Chan said, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I figured if you were feeling shitty, this could cheer you up... and if you were fine and I was just reading into it, it’s a fun excuse to get wasted.”

“You guys are so cute,” Minho grinned fully for the first time in what felt like days. Everyone stared at him, their eyes shining and their faces bright. It was as if Minho’s smile was enough to make everyone giddy.

“To Minho hyung!” Jisung cheered, raising his cup in the air.

“To hyung!” The others parroted, all throwing back their shots at the same time. Minho wrinkled his nose a little at the sudden burn, but looking around he saw no one else seemed to blink at the taste of the soju - not even Jeongin, who was already going around and refilling everyone’s cups.

“Let’s get some food in you,” Chan chuckled, handing Minho a paper bowl. “You’ll be able to drink longer if you eat something first.”

“Oh yeah?” Minho teased, taking the bowl and letting Chan fill it with a little of everything for him.

“Mm, can’t have you tapping out early on us,” Jisung called over. “You can’t be a loooooser!”

Minho let out a faux-offended gasp, causing everyone to laugh. Without another word, he threw back his second shot, maintaining eye contact with Jisung as he did so. He watched Jisung’s gaze jump down to his throat, the younger boy breathing in deeply as he saw the way Minho swallowed the soju.

Maybe it was the warmth that was already growing in his stomach from the two consecutive shots on a mostly empty stomach, but he was feeling a little bold. Was it only... three in the afternoon? Yes - but that only gave them more time to play.

“Hyuuuuung...” Hyunjin whined, his cheeks flushed, one of the bottles of wine gripped firmly in his hand. He had forgone the cup and was now sipping directly from the bottle, letting whoever was closest take a sip of their own now and again.

“Yes Jinnie?” Minho purred, opening his arms. Chan had gone back to the kitchen to pick at what was left of their late lunch-early dinner. It was now long past sundown, and they were all pleasantly plastered in Minho’s living room.

Hyunjin worked his way over to Minho, accidentally kicking Jisung as he went. Jisung huffed before turning back to the game he was playing with Changbin and Jeongin - it was some version of Never Have I Ever, but if Minho was hearing it correctly, they were listing weird kinks they fantasized about, and if anyone else also fantasized about it at some point had to take a sip. Part of him wanted to listen in, because one of the only things he managed to catch had something to do with tentacles and bondage, and Minho would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about the conversation.

“Mm, hyung...” Hyunjin sighed happily as he curled against Minho’s chest, his lips pressed against the elder’s pulse point. Minho’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment at the feeling, the warmth in his gut only growing. Hyunjin was almost too warm, making Minho sweat a little.

All evening - especially after everyone was sufficiently wasted - the others had been extremely touchy with him, and he was absolutely thriving off the attention. He loved the way Hyunjin nuzzled his chin, and the way Jisung licked the split soju off Minho’s fingers when Jeongin tipped his cup over, and how Changbin perched Minho on his thigh, accidentally making the older boy grind down a little. He craved how Jeongin hugged him from behind and rested his chin on the older boy’s shoulder, his breath hot against Minho’s throat. He adored how Seungmin played with his hair, braiding and unbraiding the longer bits with steady, strong fingers. He had been pleasantly surprised when Felix laid his hand flat against the older boy’s bare stomach, secretly moving Minho’s shirt up as they cuddled on the couch, watching Jisung and Hyunjin compete in Just Dance.

If he had been sober, he might have been uncomfortable, but the fuzziness in his head and limbs made him want to have someone touching him at all times. He wanted to know there were others with him - wanted hands on his skin to chase away the chill of his own mind.

“Jinnie, you’re crushing him,” Chan chuckled, gently pushing Hyunjin off of Minho. The younger boy whined as the loss of contact, only to instantly be sated as Jeongin pulled him into his lap. Chan turned to Minho and did the same, pulling the younger boy against his chest and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Fuck, you’re so cute...”

Minho shuddered as Chan kissed along his throat, leaving light nips as he went. Minho almost begged for Chan to leave more marks, since the ones from that first date were fading away far too quickly. A soft sigh escaped his lips as Chan’s hands gripped his waist. Chan’s fingers could almost meet around his middle, and the realization only stoked the fire in him.

Chan bit down, making Minho gasp. He hadn’t noticed the talking had gone silent, but Chan scanned the room carefully. He bit farther down Minho’s throat, coaxing out more beautiful sounds from the younger boy. Six pairs of eyes were glued to them, various expressions painted on their flushed, drunken faces.

Chan smirked as he slipped his hand up Minho’s shirt. Hyunjin scowled and looked away, trying to pull Jeongin’s attention back to him. Changbin swallowed thickly and turned back to Jisung, who had been telling him about some idea he had about a future song. Seungmin continued to watch, his eyes more curious than anything, while Felix just pouted, going to sit in Changbin’s lap. The older boy wrapped his arms around Felix’s waist, tugging him closer as he continued to talk to Jisung.

“Hyung...”

“Yes baby?” Chan looked down at Minho, who was starting to slump against his chest.

“... ‘m tired...” He slurred, his eyes suddenly too heavy to keep open.

“Want to go to bed Princess?” Chan asked, brushing Minho’s hair from his face.

“Don’t wanna leave...”

“I think it’s about time everyone went to bed,” Chan knew what Minho meant - he didn’t want to leave the others, even if he was far too drunk to really know what was going on around him anymore. “Alright everyone, time to wrap this up.”

“But hyuuuuuung...” a chorus whined back at him, causing him to chuckle.

“Minho’s tired,” He said, and everyone instantly quieted down. “We can all sleep on the floor, like we used to.”

“Mm, I’ll get some blankets.” Changbin gently moved Felix from his lap and stumbled over to Minho’s room, returning moments later with the blankets and pillows from the bed clutched in his arms.

The boys quietly started tidying up, knowing the rest would be left for hungover them to deal with in the morning. Minho had passed out despite the talking and moving around the apartment. By the time Chan came back over, he was only mildly surprised to see Hyunjin curled against Minho’s chest, both boys fast asleep in each other’s arms. He smiled softly and laid down on Minho’s other side, pressing his chest against the younger boy’s back.

Changbin came out of the bathroom and left the light on before flicking the switch for the living room down, casting them in darkness. The faint light from the bathroom was enough to see just enough to not step on anyone as they settled down to sleep.

Felix laid down directly onto Changbin’s chest, the elder flat on his back. Jeongin and Jisung were both curled into either side of Seungmin, who had one arm around each boy.

Minho shifted, feeling arms around him from both sides. He probably should have been more self conscious about it, but he was so drunk that his only option was to hum happily and settle back down again, his lips pressed against Hyunjin’s forehead as Chan’s hips dug into his ass.

He knew the morning was going to suck, but it would be so worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait to post this but the next chapter is one that I've been WAITING to write since I thought up the concept of this fic. What happens next was one of the quintessential scenes that I had been planning, and I just AH I'm so excited to start working on it :D 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's been reading and commenting and kudoing! If anyone wants to scream about things, my twitter is @ 25boyfriends and my DMs are always open! Even just a 'hey about your fic' or 'did you see the new comeback teasers?' would make my day! I love making new friends ^o^ 
> 
> Also I've been hinting pretty heavily at the ot8, which I had intended on leaving somewhat as a surprise but I'm just a sucker for being loved, and mayhaps I'm lowkey projecting onto to Minho but this is AO3 and what am I doing here if not projecting or venting XD


	6. Sickening Revelations

Minho stretched and sighed. After several hours, he was finally done with his homework for the week - somehow he managed to get everything submitted that he needed to, which meant he had an entire weekend to do whatever he wanted before the next modules opened up and he was once more swamped with bullshit.

Maybe he would reward himself with a nice bath. He had picked up a bathbomb the other day but was saving it for a special occasion, and what was more special than finally having more than ten minutes to himself? As he left his bedroom and started to make his way to the bathroom, he heard someone banging at his door.

Frowning, Minho went over. Chan and the others had gone to the YW building to do their monthly recording day, and Chan had warned Minho that they probably wouldn’t be back until late, so who could possibly be trying to get into his apartment?

Minho looked through the peep-hole and gasped, throwing the door open.

“Stupid hyung...” Hyunjin muttered, his eyes half lidded and glazed. “Ch...changing the locks...”

“Hyunjin, what’re you doing?” Minho instantly brought the younger boy in, thinking he was drunk. The second he touched Hyunjin to hold him up, he could feel how unnaturally hot his skin was. “Holy fuck, you’re burning up! Does hyung know you’re sick?”

“Not sick,” Hyunjin pouted and weakly tried to push Minho away, but it was clear he had no strength left. “Just... tired.”

“Come on aegi,” Minho hummed, pulling Hyunjin towards his bedroom. The boy let himself be manhandled, not giving any sort of resistance. The second he was laid on the bed, he curled into a ball, burying his face into the pillow. “What can I do?”

“Hyung...” Hyunjin began to sob weakly, and Minho’s heart shattered. “It h-hurts...”

“Oh Hyunjin...” Minho’s throat stung. “Wait here. I’ll get something to help, okay?”

Hyunjin didn’t respond. He just continued to sob weakly, his whole body trembling from the fever. Minho rushed to the kitchen and filled a bowl with cool water, throwing a few ice cubes in to keep it from getting hot, a washcloth, and a bottle of water that was sitting on the counter, waiting to be put into the fridge. He wished he had thought ahead to stock his first aid kits better, but as it was he didn’t have a single cooling patch, so he needed to improvise.

On the way back to the bedroom, he stopped into the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of Advil. He didn’t know if Hyunjin would be able to stomach anything, but if he could get the boy’s fever down, the sooner he would feel better.

“Hyung... come back... please...” Hyunjin sobbed, and Minho instantly wanted to cry. Had he been calling out for him the whole time he had been out of the room? Crying, alone, and in pain? It had barely been two minutes, but in the state Hyunjin was in, that was an eternity.

“I’m here aegi,” He knelt on the bed, putting the bowl on the side table. “Turn to look at me?”

Hyunjin did as he was told and flipped over, groaning as his muscles ached in protest - he seemed more flushed then when Minho first brought him into the apartment, which was terrifying because he had already been far too hot.

“Can you sit up for me?” Minho asked. Hyunjin wheezed for a few moments before shaking his head, crying a little harder. “Shh, it’s okay. Hyung is going to try to bring your fever down, okay?”

Hyunjin nodded minutely, his eyes losing what little focus he had. Minho dipped the cloth into the water, wringing out the extra before folding it and placing it on the younger’s forehead, causing him to whine for a moment. As soon as he felt the coolness cutting through the heat radiating from his skin, Hyunjin relaxed a little. Minho used the corner of his sheet to wipe the water that was dribbling down Hyunjin’s temples.

Once the cloth was warm to the touch, he repeated the actions - dipping it into the water, wringing it out and replacing it on Hyunjin’s forehead. After fifteen minutes of doing this, Hyunjin’s fever seemed to at least stop rising. He had yet to fall asleep, but he was in that hazy in between state.

“Hyunjin, baby, can you sit up for me please?” Minho knew the younger boy didn’t want to, but he had to. Hyunjin whined but did as he was told, needing Minho’s help to do so. His shirt was soaked through with sweat, and he was shaking violently. “Can you take these for me? Here’s some water. I know you don’t want to, but it’ll make the pain better.”  
Hyunjin nodded weakly, throwing back the pills and sipping at the water. Minho let out a breath once he knew the boy had manage to keep them down-

“SHIT-” Minho scrambled to grab his trashcan and shove into Hyunjin’s hands just in time for him to heave violently, throwing up the pills and the water. Minho felt his own stomach rolling at the sound of his sobs, broken up by dry heaves.

“Hurts...” Hyunjin whimpered, his voice rougher than before. He sounded so small and pitiful, and there was nothing Minho could do to help him. He tried to think about what his mother used to do when he was sick, years ago. The last time he had really fallen ill had been back in early high school, and he remembered her bringing him room temperature ginger ale and cooling patches for his forehead. She made him broth with toast and rubbed his back when he would throw up.

“I know aegi...” Minho felt useless. He rarely got sick himself, and never had to take care of someone as sick as Hyunjin was before. He quickly sent Chan a quick text, hoping the older boy would see his message soon. “You’re soaked... you’ll only feel worse if you stay like this... Come on Jinnie, we’re going to take a bath, okay?”

“Cold...”

“Wanna warm up? The bath will make you feel better.” Minho coaxed Hyunjin from the bed, helping him stumble to the bathroom. He wondered if Hyunjin was even aware of what was going on around him. “Here, sit right here for a second. I need to strip the bed.”

Hyunjin just nodded, letting Minho move him into a sitting position, his back resting against the corner between the wall and the tub, so he hopefully wouldn’t fall over. Minho felt his forehead and winced - it was still so warm. He threw the faucet on, turning the knobs so the water was just warm to the touch before promising to be back in a minute and rushed back to the bedroom. As quickly as he could, he pulled the sweaty sheets off the bed and threw them into a pile on the floor. Not having the time to redo the sheets completely, he started laying towels down on top of the mattress. Minho tried calling Chan as he did so, keeping the phone pinned between his cheek and his shoulder.

“Please pick up...” He muttered, trying to work as fast as he could. The phone kept ringing and ringing, finally sending him to voicemail. “Hyung, he’s really fucking sick... I don’t know how much I can actually help... His fever isn’t going down and he threw up the pain killers... I’m going to help him take a bath to get the sweat off which will hopefully make him feel at least a little bit better... please call me back when you get this or just- just come home. I need you...”

Minho ended the call and placed his phone on the side table before going back to the bathroom. Thankfully, Hyunjin hadn’t moved a single muscle, panting lightly as his head hung down, chin pressed against his chest.

“Hyung...”

“I’m back aegi,” Minho said softly, brushing back the boy’s sweaty bangs. “You’re doing so good for hyung. Can you take your clothes off for me? We’re going to take a bath and you’re going to feel so much better.”

Hyunjin whined and clunkily tried to take off his shirt, only for the soaked fabric to stick to his body. Minho gently helped him peel it off, tossing it over to one corner. He would wash his clothes along with the sheets as soon as he had the chance. Getting his pants off was a little harder, seeing how Hyunjin couldn’t stand without aid.

Minho felt his heart stop. With Hyunjin bare, a dangerous secret was revealed to him.

“Hyunjin...” Tears started to drip down his cheeks, his thumb ghosting over the still healing gashes in the boy’s thigh. They looked days old at the most, the skin still red and puffed from healing.

How had they missed this? Did any of the others know? He could see how some of the deeper ones were just a little too red - infection was starting to set in. He would need to clean his leg before bandaging it. There was no way he could just leave Hyunjin the way he was, which meant the younger boy would instantly know Minho knew.

“Come on, let’s get you washed up,” Minho turned the water off, double checking that it wasn’t too warm - too cold and he would go into shock, but too warm and it would only drive the fever up - and helped Hyunjin into the tub. The water was just high enough to cover Hyunjin’s legs, going up to right under his ribs. He shuddered as the water cooled his flushed skin. “How does that feel?”

“Good...” Hyunjin muttered tiredly, letting his forehead rest against his knees.

“I’m going to get the sweat off, then we can go back to bed, okay?”

“Mm...” At least Hyunjin was responding now. Minho had been beginning to panic with the younger boy being unable to focus on anything.

With gentle touches, Minho wiped the sweat from Hyunjin’s fevered body, hoping the water would be enough to draw some of the heat away from him. All he needed to do was to get the fever to break, and he could help Hyunjin genuinely start to feel better. Until then, however, all he could do was try.

Hyunjin was muttering something under his breath, but Minho couldn’t quite hear. Part of him wanted to ask Hyunjin to repeat himself, just to know what was going on in his mind, but he knew the younger boy had no idea what he was saying in the first place.

“...’s not fair...”

“What’s not fair?” Minho asked, helping Hyunjin from the tub. His body seemed cooler to the touch, which was a good sign. It put Minho’s heart at least a little. He began drying Hyunjin’s hair, carefully patting the water away.

“....” He muttered something else, but it was too quiet.

“I can’t hear you aegi,” Minho said as he carefully began smearing the medical cream on the cuts, watching to see if his touches were causing Hyunjin any pain. The younger boy didn’t even flinch as Minho began taping down the gauze. He was far too familiar with covering cuts, but he had never done it for someone else before. “Can you speak up for me?”

“...wanna kiss...”

“Wh-what?” Minho blinked.

“Make me feel better,” Hyunjin lifted his head, staring in the general direction of the older boy. “Wanna.... Hyung kiss please.... Make it stop hurting?”

“Ah, I don’t...” Minho trailed off. He wanted to do whatever he could to make Hyunjin feel better, but...

His mind flashed to Chan. They weren’t dating per say, but he had the feeling that kissing his not-boyfriend’s best friend broke some sort of bro code. He couldn’t do that to Chan - he couldn’t cheat.

“I can’t Jinnie,” Minho whispered, his heart shattering as Hyunjin let out a quiet sob. “I’m so sorry aegi... come on, let’s go back to bed.”

“It’s cuz of Channie hyung right?” Hyunjin asked through his sobs. “He-he always sh-shares... please hyung... please...”

“I’m sorry,” Minho whispered, helping Hyunjin stand. “Painkillers will make the hurt go away.”

He set Hyunjin on the edge of the bed, hoping the younger boy would stay upright as he dug through his wardrobe. With patient, careful movements, Minho pulled a pair of loose boxers up over Hyunjin’s hips, the hems completely covering the bandages on his thigh. It made his heart ache at the sight - it was just so damn familiar.

“Can you take a few sips?” Minho asked, handing Hyunjin the water bottle again. This time, he was able to drink a few longer sips, washing the taste of sick from his mouth.

When Minho was sure Hyunjin wasn’t going to throw up again, he handed the younger boy three small orange pills. Hyunjin looked at them blankly for a moment before swallowing them. They both sat in silence for a moment, testing the waters to see if he would be okay.

After a few seconds of Hyunjin not throwing up, Minho deemed him well enough to lay back down. He pulled the blanket up over Hyunjin’s shoulders and began running his fingers through the boy’s hair, humming a soft song as Hyunjin drifted off to sleep. Minho set an alarm for four hours - Hyunjin would need more painkillers by then - and took the cloth from the bowl of warming water. It was still cool, but not nearly as cold as it had been. Hyunjin’s fever had melted the ice within minutes, but he wrung out the cloth and placed it on the boy’s forehead nonetheless.

“You’re such a handful...” Minho huffed with a small smile. Hyunjin didn’t stir, his breathing steady and slightly nasally. Leaving the door open, Minho gathered the sheets and the clothes from the bathroom, taking them over to the small washer that was in the closet across from the bathroom. He wasn’t sure if it was large enough to handle the sheets and the extra clothing, but he figured this was as good as any chance to test the capacity.

Checking his phone, he let out a disappointed sigh - still nothing from Chan.

Minho went back to his room and replaced the cloth on Hyunjin’s forehead. It wasn’t nearly as warm as it would have been an hour ago, which meant his fever had finally broken, and he would hopefully only get better from there.

Sitting at his desk, Minho opened his laptop and looked at his work for the upcoming week. If he was going to stay awake all night for Hyunjin, he might as well be productive.

Minho almost didn’t hear the sound of the front door opening and closing quietly. It was only when he felt a hand on his shoulder that he realized he had been staring blankly at his computer screen for who knows how long.

“Hyung?” He rubbed his eyes sleepily. He immediately glanced over to Hyunjin, who was still sleeping peacefully.

“Have you been awake this whole time?” Chan whispered, smoothing down Minho’s bangs.

“Mm, needed to make sure Jinnie got the fever reducer every four hours.” Minho put his laptop aside and went over to the bed, checking on the younger boy. He was pleased to see the towels weren’t nearly as sweaty as the sheets were before. Feeling his forehead, Minho noted his fever was mostly gone. He was still a little warm, but it was leagues better than it had been the night before.

“I’m so sorry.” Chan murmured, hugging Minho from behind. He hid his face in the younger boy’s hair, relaxing a little now that he had Minho in his arms.

“What’re you sorry for?”

“I should have gotten here sooner,” Chan said softly. “I was in the booth recording samples and didn’t have my phone on me. I didn’t realize how late it had gotten until I saw all your messages and calls... god I felt like an asshole when I realized I left you all by yourself... I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay hyung,” Minho chuckled, turning around in Chan’s arms and pressing a kiss to the corner of the older boy’s mouth. “I just wanted to keep you updated.”

“How’s he doing now?”

“Way better,” Minho smiled a little. “His fever was really bad when he first got here. He thought he was trying to get into your apartment and that you changed the locks. He was super flushed and his whole body felt like it was on fire. I helped him wash off the sweat, and the warm water seemed to help break the fever. It’s only been getting better since then. Hopefully when he wakes up he’ll be more aware of what’s going on. He hasn’t thrown anything up since the first time I tried giving him pain killers, so again, hopefully he’ll be able to stomach toast or tea.”

“Thank you for taking care of my boys,” Chan whispered, his breath hot against Minho’s throat. “Not just Hyunjin. All of them. They really adore you, you know. You’re all any of them talk about anymore.”

“Ah, I’m sure that’s not true...” Minho chuckled awkwardly. He wasn’t anything special - he was the one who found himself thinking about them more than he felt he should.

“It is though,” Chan chuckled. “You should have heard them in the studios. I have recordings of them complaining that you weren’t there today.”

“R-really?” Minho’s face warmed.

“Mm, you’ve really made an impact on them,” Chan pressed a kiss to Minho’s forehead. When the younger boy didn’t respond, he sighed a little. “Why don’t we lay down? Jinnie’ll be happy if he wakes up with someone holding him. He’s always been extra clingy when he’s sick.”

“How did we not realize he was sick before?” Minho asked. “Looking back, it was so clear he had been feeling off...”

Hyunjin’s thigh flashed in Minho’s mind. He didn’t know if Chan knew anything about it, and it wasn’t his place to bring it up - at least, not until he spoke to the younger boy. He knew he would feel betrayed if someone did that to him, speaking to someone else without his knowledge or permission.

“We don’t see what we don’t expect,” Chan let out a long breath. “We’ve all been so focused on other things, and he’s been pretending to be okay... I should have said something sooner. Maybe then we could have gotten him some medication and forced him to rest, and it wouldn’t have gotten as bad.”

“He has us now, though,” Minho whispered. Chan took his hand carefully and hummed in agreement. “You should sleep. You’re probably exhausted.”

“What about you?” He chuckled, cupping Minho’s cheek and running his thumb under the younger boy’s eye. “You’ve been up all night.”

“Mm, I couldn’t leave Hyunjin alone.”

“Come on, let’s go to sleep.” Chan tugged him towards the bed. Minho was too tired to argue. As much as he wanted to stay up in case Hyunjin needed him, Chan’s words were so warm and inviting, and he was already being laid down in front of Hyunjin. Chan curled up behind him, holding the youngest close to his chest despite the faint fever. Minho followed suit, lovingly trapping Hyunjin between them. He could feel Chan’s hand reaching over Hyunjin’s form to rest on his waist.

It was a little too warm, but his eyes stung painfully. He had definitely been looking at his laptop screen in the darkness of the room for far too long.

“Go to sleep baby.” Chan whispered, and Minho couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Goodnight hyung.”

“Sweet dreams, aegi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone for reading and commenting and kudoing! I'm having a lot of fun writing this so far, and I'm really excited about some of the plot points I have planned out for later! I'm glad y'all seem as hyped for the ot8 as I am XD I was a little worried at first, but it seems we're all on the same page here


	7. Forever Your Shoulder to Lean On

Hyunjin woke up feeling a little squished and VERY warm. He suppressed a groan and he took stock of his body. His head was throbbing painfully and his muscles ached in a way he wasn’t familiar with - this wasn’t anything like when he pushed himself too much while dancing. His mouth was dry, and his stomach was rolling.

Overall, Hyunjin felt like death warmed over.

Cracking his eyes open, he found himself staring directly at Minho, the older boy barely even three inches away from him. Minho was sleeping peacefully, his face relaxed but the bags under his eyes looked painful.

When had Hyunjin gone to Minho’s apartment? He remembered feeling off for the last few days, but during recording it seemed to get worse and worse with each passing moment, until he felt like he was going to collapse. He sucked it up and asked Chan to go back early, giving the older boy a tight smile when he asked if everything was okay.

Once given the okay, he made the somewhat long walk back to the apartment buildings. About halfway through, his head started throbbing and his body felt too hot. After that... it was all a bit of a blur.

He remembered something cool against his forehead, and gentle fingers through his hair. He could vaguely recall Minho whispering something to him, but he couldn’t remember what exactly the older boy had said. At one point, he could have sworn he was wet, but why would he-

Shifting, Hyunjin felt his heart drop through the floor. He peeked under the covers and saw he was completely bare, except for a pair of boxers that were absolutely not his.

Careful not to wake Minho, he reached down. All he had to do was run a hand over the fabric to confirm his worst nightmare - Minho knew. There was no other explanation.

He knew, and he bandaged Hyunjin’s thigh.

He knew, and he was going to hate Hyunjin for being weak and pathetic.

Before he could panic more, he felt something shifting behind him. Glancing over, Hyunjin felt his eyes widen. Chan was sleeping behind him, his face half shoved into the pillow, his mouth parted slightly. No wonder he was so warm, but when did Chan even get there?

They were so cute when they were sleeping, Hyunjin though to himself. If only he had his phone...

Reached a hand around, he carefully patted Chan’s ass, grinning when he felt what he had been looking for. Chan didn’t even twitch as Hyunjin pulled his phone from his back pocket and unlocked it. The device was almost dead, but there was enough battery for Hyunjin to do what he had planned.

**To SkzNation:** if anyone’s awake come to Minho hyung’s apartment right now. There’s a photo opportunity ;)

He carefully slipped the phone back into Chan’s pocket, knowing the older boy would scold him later but it would absolutely be worth it if he could commemorate this moment. He had no idea if anyone was actually awake, seeing how it was only seven in the morning, and everyone tended to sleep in after a recording day.

Before he could wait to hear if anyone would let themselves in, Hyunjin felt himself drifting back to sleep. The lull of the warmth surrounding him, and the steady beat of two hearts working in time was enough to make it impossible to keep his eyes open.

Hyunjin sighed and went back to sleep. Hopefully he wouldn’t ache as much when he woke up a second time.

* * *

  
Jisung snuck into Minho’s apartment. He was starting to become very proficient at getting into the older boy’s house without being detected, and he knew for a fact that it would come in handy one day.

Making his way to the bedroom, he wondered why Chan of all people would text them to come take a picture. When the older boy didn’t return to the apartment the night before, they weren’t too worried - he seemed to spend much of his free time with Minho anyway - but the fact that Hyunjin was also missing... that raised a few red flags.

He grinned wide when he saw why he had been summoned. Hyunjin slept between Minho and Chan, his face buried in Minho’s chest as Chan’s arm stretched out across both of them. It was almost painfully domestic - they looked like a family.

Jisung snapped a few pictures, his grin falling a little. Did this mean Chan would have less time for them? Jisung loved being around Minho, but would the addition of another person into their lives mess up what they had?

Their group dynamic was a little strange, but it worked so well for them. That was why they never expanded their circle - they didn’t want to disrupt what was already perfect...  
But now Minho was there, taking a spot that had been empty for far too long.

Jisung sent the pictures to the chat and left the bedroom, making sure not to make a single sound as he went. He saw the washer in the closet had finished whatever it was washing, but Minho had yet to switch it.

Glancing over to the bedroom, Jisung deemed it safe. He opened the washer and threw the damp sheets into the dryer. He frowned when he recognized Hyunjin’s clothes mixed in with the wash - why was Minho washing Hyunjin’s clothes? Did something happen?

He clicked the dryer on and closed the closet door so the sound of the running dryer wouldn’t wake the others. Just as he was about to head towards the door, he heard a whisper calling his name.

“Sungie.”

“Hyung.” Jisung spun around to see Minho standing in the hall, leaning against the wall with a tired smile. He looked exhausted.

“Can I see the pictures?” he asked with a soft chuckle. Jisung at least had the dignity to look a little ashamed as he went over. Minho took his phone and scanned the pictures, his face melting at the sight. “We look so...”

“Comfy.” Jisung supplied, even if that wasn’t the word he wanted to use.

“Mm, comfy,” Minho handed the phone back with a yawn. “What’re you doing up so early? Hyung said you always slept through the morning after recording.”

“I just popped awake and saw hyung texted the chat, telling someone to come over quick,” He chuckled awkwardly. “I’m guessing it was Jinnie, cuz hyung looked conked the fuck out.”

“Yeah, I don’t think either of them will be waking up any time soon.”

“What... happened?”

“Hyunjin was really sick last night,” Minho’s soft smile dropped, exhaustion lining every feature of his body. “Like, really sick. If I couldn’t get his fever to break when I did, I would have taken him to the hospital. Thankfully it started to go down around.... Three this morning?”

“Were you up all night?” Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“I couldn’t leave him alone,” Minho hummed in response, his eyes stinging. “I’ll take a nap later.”

“Hyung...”

“You hungry aegi?” Minho yawned, all but slurring his words. Jisung couldn’t help but feel his chest warm at how much Minho seemed to care for him.

“Hyung, come lay down with me.” It wasn’t a question, and Minho seemed to realize that, even through the thick layer of fatigue that was clouding his mind. Jisung led the older boy to the couch, laying down first before tugging Minho on top of him, letting their legs tangle together as Minho rested his head on the younger boy’s chest.

“Sung?”

“Mm?”

“Last night... Jinnie said something about Chan ‘sharing’,” He sighed, letting his stinging eyes close. It was so nice to feel Jisung’s arms wrap around his waist. It made him feel secure. “He wanted me to kiss him but I... I couldn’t do that to hyung...”

“You’re too good,” Jisung sighed, wondering if they were making a mistake by dragging Minho into their lives. Minho was so genuine and good - he would only be hurt if he got himself involved in their bullshit. “He, uh... it’s kinda hard to explain.”

“You don’t gotta... if you don’t wanna...” Minho yawned against Jisung’s chest.

“We have a... Special relationship,” Jisung whispered as he started to run his fingers through Minho’s hair. “We’re all kinda fucked up in our own ways, and- and it’s hard to open up to other people because of that... and since we’ve all been living together for a few years now, it was convenient to... you know...”

“Do you sleep together?” Minho asked, able to connect the dots, but just barely.

“Mm, it’s not exactly a polyamory thing, cuz we’re not dating each other,” Jisung explained. “Like, I still love the guys, but as friends, you know? But at the same time, when I’m stressed, or lonely, or scared, they know how to comfort me in ways... in ways normal friends wouldn’t... do you- do you think that’s weird?”

He didn’t know why he was so scared. So far, Minho hadn’t shown any sign that he was uncomfortable with how touchy they were with him, nor with how close they all seemed to each other. This was the main reason they never brought any one new into their group - it was hard to find someone open enough to accept that part of them.

“Nah, it’s not weird,” Minho yawned again, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes from the strength of it. Jisung’s chest felt like it was concaving with relief. “I’m actually... a lil...”

Jisung waited to hear the rest of what Minho had to say, only to realize the older boy had fallen asleep on his chest. With a soft chuckle, Jisung began to sing softly. He kept one arm wrapped around Minho’s waist, keeping him in place, before pulling out his phone. He didn’t know how long Minho would sleep for, and he knew there was no going back to sleep for him once he was awake.

He might as well scroll mindlessly through twitter.

The second time Hyunjin woke up, he felt marginally better. His head didn’t pound nearly as much, but his mouth felt like ash. Sitting up, he saw Minho wasn’t in bed anymore.

He wondered where the older boy had gone.

“Mm, Jinnie?” Chan’s gravely morning voice grabbed the younger boy’s attention.

“Morning hyung.” God he sounded like shit. Did he throw up at some point? That would explain why his mouth was so gross.

“How’re you feeling?” Chan sat up and instantly began fussing over Hyunjin, brushing the boy’s hair from his face and pressing a cheek to his forehead. Hyunjin was still a little warm, but it was nowhere near as bad as it had been when Chan got there that morning. He could see the flush on the boy’s face, but felt a little more at ease when he saw the recognition in Hyunjin’s eyes. “Is there anything you need? Water? Advil? I can make you toast-”

“I’m fine hyung,” Hyunjin chuckled weakly. “Just... kinda tired, and kinda achey.”

“Here, Minho left these for you,” He slid out of bed and went over to the desk, where a half empty bottle of water and a small white bottle of pills were sitting. He tipped two orange pills into his palm and uncapped the bottle before bringing both over. Hyunjin took the painkillers and the water with a grateful smile, throwing the pills back in a single gulp and draining the bottle without hesitation. “Do you want more water?”

“Mm, I didn’t realize how thirsty I was.” Hyunjin handed the empty bottle back to Chan, who nodded sympathetically.

“Minho said you threw up at one point, so I’m not surprised you’re dehydrated.” He said, grabbing something from Minho’s closest. For a split second, Hyunjin wondered just how close the two older boys were, if Chan was so comfortable going through Minho’s things. “Here, you’ll get sick again if you walk about naked.”

He handed Hyunjin a hoodie. The younger boy took it, sneaking a glance down at himself. The bandage on his leg was completely hidden, but it felt like a glaring beacon of his own uselessness. He slipped the hoodie on, and was pleased to see that it went down to his knees, the sleeves falling far past the ends of his fingers.

The two made their way out of the bedroom, only to stop dead. Chan motioned for Hyunjin to wait as they peered around the corner.

Jisung was singing softly to Minho, who was passed out cold on the younger boy’s chest. Jisung was scrolling through his phone, mindlessly playing with Minho’s hair. He didn’t seem to notice Chan and Hyunjin watching him from a small distance away.

Hyunjin could barely bite back a giggle as Chan took his phone out and started to record Jisung, zooming in on the boys on the couch. Though it was soft, Jisung’s singing was just loud enough to be heard in the video.

Chan quickly typed out a message and sent the video to the chat.

**To SkzNation:** Payback UwU

After a moment, Jisung’s eyes flew open. He whipped his head around and stared at the other two, betrayal written clearly across his face. Before he could say anything, Minho began to stir.

“Mm, Sungie? How long was I asleep for?” He grumbled, sitting up so Jisung could shake some feeling back into his legs.

“Not nearly long enough,” Chan came over and pressed a kiss to the top of Minho’s head, smiling as the younger boy sleeping leaned against him. “Why don’t you go back to bed for a little bit?”

“Gotta remake the bed,” Minho mumbled, mostly to himself. “Wash the towels... make sure Jinnie’s okay-”

His eyes flew open when he realized something important.

“You two are idiots!” He cried, smacking both Jisung and Chan. They looked at him in shock, rubbing their arms even though the hit wasn’t painful at all. “I kept Hyunjin here so he wouldn’t get the rest of you sick! And you- you both stayed here! Why do I even bother? I can’t take care of everyone at the same time-”  
Minho was cut off by a gentle kiss. Chan smiled brightly at him, eyes turning up with pure affection.

“Sorry baby,” He murmured, nuzzling Minho’s cheek. “I couldn’t leave you alone though. I won’t get sick - I never do.”

“He’s telling the truth,” Jisung chimed in. “He never gets sick.”

“Still,” Minho frowned. “I don’t want you to bring this back to anyone else.”

“I promise I’ll be careful when I go home,” Chan said, gesturing for Jisung to nod in agreement. “Shower immediately and wash our clothes in their own load.”

“Mm, I guess that’ll work,” he looked to the side, not wanting to argue too much - he didn’t want them to think he was being bitchy or pushy. “You should do that now before the germs set in any more.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works, but if it’ll make you feel better,” Chan smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Minho never really had anyone kiss him so gently before, so all the kisses to the cheek and the forehead and the nose made his head spin. “Come on you two, let’s head back-”

“Actually, I’d prefer if Hyunjin stayed here for a little bit,” Minho cut in abruptly. When he received three confused looks, he backtracked. “I just... I’d feel better if he stayed here and slept off the last bit of his fever. What’s the point of you being careful about not getting anyone else sick if he goes back before he’s better?”

“Ah, you’re so thoughtful,” Chan grinned before turning to Hyunjin. “Be good for Minho, okay? Keep me updated with how you’re feeling.”

“Why does it feel like my dad is dropping me off for a playdate?” Hyunjin grumbled, but his cheeks warmed regardless.

“Jinnie, can you wait for me in the bathroom? I want to check your temperature.” Minho asked. The younger boy nodded and shuffled back to the bathroom, still too disoriented to put up much of a fight.

“Take care of him for me?” Chan asked softly, causing Minho’s heart to melt.

“Of course,” He pressed a kiss to the corner of the older boy’s mouth. “Anything for our boys, right?”

Chan let out a quiet squeak, his face blooming bright red when he realized what Minho had implied. Before he could say anything, Jisung was pulling towards the door. Minho watched, amused, as the door clicked shut behind him.

His smile dropped when he remembered what he had to do next.

Going into the bathroom, he saw Hyunjin sitting on top of the closed toilet seat, anxiously fiddling with the sleeves of the hoodie. Minho belatedly realized it was his own, and thought the younger looked adorable in it.

“Hyunjin.” Minho grabbed his attention. Hyunjin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if he were expecting the worst.

“Hyung.”

“Here, lift your head for me,” He went over and pressed the back of his hand to Hyunjin’s forehead. “That’s good, you seem to be cooling down. Did hyung give you the painkillers?”

“Mm, two of them, about twenty minutes ago.”

“Good, I’ll set an alarm to remind us to take more in a few hours,” Minho did as he said, tapping the alarm into his phone before placing it on the counter. “Hyunjin, aegi, we need to talk...”

He watched Hyunjin pale. The younger boy stuttered for a few moments before giving up and quietly letting the tears run down his face. It broke Minho’s heart to see him so... so defeated.

“Baby, I’m not angry,” He whispered, taking the boy’s face in his hands. “If it’ll make you feel better, I can show you mine.”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, his voice cracking a little. Minho smiled sadly and stepped back. He slipped his sweatpants down, kicking them to the side. He was left in just his t-shirt and his boxers, but he found he didn’t feel that exposed.

Minho lifted the hem of his boxers, letting the expanse of scarring be seen. Hyunjin sucked in a deep breath, his hand subconsciously reaching out and tracing some of the larger, deeper scars.

“Hyung...”

“I’m a year clean,” Minho said, running his own fingers along one of the raised lines. “It’s been... it’s been a fucking bitch, but I’ve made it, but I know how it feels to be scared, and alone, and wanting to take that out on yourself. I’ll never be angry, or upset, or disappointed in you for this. I just want to help - I don’t want you to be alone... Does anyone else know?”

Hyunjin shook his head, a hand covering his mouth to avoid crying harder.

“That’s alright aegi,” Minho knelt in front of Hyunjin, taking his free hand and rubbing the back of his knuckles comfortingly. “We can get through this together, yeah?”

“But...” He trailed off, looking ashamed.

“Can I check your leg?” Minho asked, understanding that Hyunjin wasn’t going to continue. He saw the trepidatious look on the boy’s face and smiled softly. “I just want to redo the bandages, okay? I clean them and put some cream to help them heal. Did you know that some of them were getting infected?”

“Mm, they usually heal fine though,” Hyunjin looked away, as if he didn’t feel worthy enough to look Minho in the eye. “Just kinda itchy.”

“Yeah, that’ll do it,” He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. It worked a little as a small smile tugged at the edges of the boy’s mouth. Finally, Hyunjin sighed and nodded his head, looking away as if simply seeing the cuts would physically harm him more. “Don’t worry aegi, I’ll be gentle.”

Hyunjin nodded again, screwing his eyes shut tightly. Minho hummed a soft song as he carefully peeled the tape from the gauze. He knew if it was left on too long, the adhesive would tack to the skin more and it would be a bitch to rip off. Thankfully the tape peeled off easily - the hard part ended up being pulling the gauze away.

“Ah, I’m sorry baby...” Minho whispered as the cuts stuck to the gauze, making the younger boy flinch. “Hyunjin, can you look at my hands?”

He did as he was told, reluctantly looking. He sneered at his own leg, disgust filling his eyes. It broke Minho’s heart to see so much disdain in his face - Hyunjin was such an amazing person, and he had done nothing to deserve such painful feelings.

“See this here?” Minho pointed to the red, puffed skin. Hyunjin’s sneer deepened, but he nodded. “It may look ugly, but you know what this means? It means you’re healing - your body wants you to survive as much as I do. It’s doing everything in its power to make sure you heal and live a healthy life.”

“Hyung, I-”

“And these here,” He continued, running a finger along the fading white lines. “Look at how light they are. You’ve been fighting even when you didn’t know it, and I’m so proud of you Jinnie. You’re so fucking strong.”

“I’m not strong...” Hyunjin whispered, covering his face with his hands. “I’m weak...”

Minho took Hyunjin’s wrist, pulling the boy’s hand from his face and placing it against his own chest. “Feel that?” Hyunjin nodded. “That’s your heart, aegi. Feel how strong and steady it is? It’s just like you - strong, and steady. As long as your heart is beating, you’re fighting, and surviving.”

“You make it sound so... inspiring.”

“Because you are,” Minho took Hyunjin’s hand and pressed a light kiss to the back of it. “You inspire me everyday Hyunjin. You inspire the others. You inspire your fans. You’re amazing, and brave, and so talented.”

“Hyung...” Hyunjin sobbed gently, his eyes shining as tears ran down his face. “How... how did you manage to fight it for a whole year? I can barely go a week before I just cave... no matter how hard I try, I always break.”

“Before I say anything else, I need you to look at me,” Minho tapped Hyunjin’s leg, making the younger boy look up. “Aegi, baby, relapsing doesn’t mean you lost. Even if it’s just one day longer than the last time, it’s progress. You may think you’ve fallen, and failed if you relapse, but can you fall if you’re standing still?” Hyunjin shook his head.

“Exactly. The only way you can fall is if you’re moving forward. So if you feel like you aren’t making any progress, or that you’re stuck, remember that - remember that you’re constantly moving forward.”

“Thank you hyung.” The adoration in Hyunjin’s eyes was so painfully genuine.

“Of course,” Minho smiled, coaxing a smile in return from the other boy. He carefully started wiping his thigh and reapplying the ointment with gentle, steady touches. “When I feel like cutting, I make a deal with myself.”

“A deal?”

“I tell myself that I’ll do something, then I’ll let myself cut,” He said easily. Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed in shock. “I’ll tell myself that if I can clean my entire room, I’ll hurt myself afterwards - clean my room, do the dishes, take a shower, jerk off a few times. If I finish that task, then I can hurt myself, but because I distracted myself with whatever the fuck I was doing, I managed to wait for the urge to pass. By the time I’m done showering, or jacking off, I’ve calmed down enough to think a little clearer.”

“And that works?”

“It has for the last year,” Minho chuckled a little. “There were a few times where I could feel the urge lingering, so I would stall a little. Like, I told myself I would clean my room, but by the time I was almost done I could still feel that itch, so I would find other things to do. I would vacuum, and alphabetize my books, and change my sheets, and clean my windows, and dust the ceiling fan. I guess deep down I didn’t want to relapse, so I kept stalling and stalling until the urge was finally gone.”

“...” Hyunjin muttered something, his ears turning red.

“What was that?”

“N-nothing.” He looked away, his face flushing red.

“Come on aegi, I want to feel included.” Minho teased lightly, taping new gauze down firmly. Hyunjin bit his lip before sighing and rolling his eyes.

“I said... I wouldn’t mind helping hyung with that other distraction...” He pouted, looking away again. Minho furrowed his brows in confusion for a moment before he realized what the younger boy was implying.

“Wh- but- I- you-” He spluttered, covering his face with his hands. He only looked up when he heard a light chuckle coming from above him. Peeking around his fingers, he saw Hyunjin smiling at him, a hand over his mouth as his shoulders shook.

“You’re so cute hyung,” He said, sniffling a little as he wiped the last of his tears from his face. “Careful, I might just snatch you away.”

“You could do so much better than me,” Minho shook his head, standing and offering a hand to help the younger boy up. He pointedly ignored the frown on Hyunjin’s face.

“Chan hyung too... all of you guys, honestly. You all could do so much better than me. I’m just... I’m plain. You’re all so special and you’re changing lives all around the world... I’m nothing compared to that-”

Minho froze. Hyunjin leaned back, smirking a little bit. Touching the corner of his mouth Minho stared at the younger boy in shock. Did Hyunjin just... kiss him?

“Don’t say that shit about yourself,” Hyunjin stepped back, shaking his sleeves down over his hands and pulling the hood up over his head. “We all know it isn’t true, even if you don’t... but don’t worry. We’ll convince you one of these days.”

“Aegi... promise me something?”

“Hm?”

“The next time you feel like hurting yourself, come find me,” Minho tugged the younger boy towards the bedroom. He could see the exhaustion started to glaze Hyunjin’s eyes over. “I don’t care if it’s three in the morning. Text me, call me, break into my apartment and wake me up. I don’t care how late it is, or what I’m doing, alright? You come first, understand?”

“But-”

“Would you be upset if I came to find you when I wanted to hurt myself?” Minho asked quietly. He saw the recognition flash through the younger boy’s face.

“Of course not...” He muttered after a moment.

“I wouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t,” Minho pushed Hyunjin down onto the desk chair before stepping across the hall and grabbing the sheets from the dryer. “Anytime you need me, I promise I’ll be there for you. Anything you need me to be distracted, I’ll do it.”

“So you’re saying... you’d help me masturbate if I asked?” Hyunjin asked with a little giggle, pulling his legs up to his chest as he sat back in the desk chair. Minho froze for a moment, the sheets only on halfway. The silence stretched on as he finished putting the bottom sheet on the mattress.

“Hyunjin?”

“Mm?”

“Last night, you said something about Chan hyung ‘sharing’,” Minho began tucking the top sheet in. He heard Hyunjin make a soft sound. “And then I talked to Jisung this morning. He told me about the... relationship you all have with each other.”

“He... did?” Hyunjin sounded scared.

“Mm,” Minho didn’t look back at Hyunjin as he tugged the comforter back on the bed, tucking the ends in. It wasn’t nearly as neat as the way Hyunjin had done it, but it was good enough. “I gotta admit, I was a little shocked but... but I’m happy for you guys.”

“What?”

“It’s hard to find people you can genuinely trust that much,” Minho’s hands stilled over the blankets, finding no more wrinkles to smooth. “I... I’m glad you all have each other. I can’t imagine how stressful it must be to do what you do, and having so many around you that- that understand you and how to help you when things get to be too much... I just- I’m really happy for you... and I understand if I don’t fit in with that. Just being able to be your friend and keep you in my life is more than I deserve.”

“Hyung...” It sounded as if Hyunjin wanted to say more, but he was cut off.

“Come here aegi, you’re probably exhausted,” Minho smiled at Hyunjin, but there was something tight and closed off in his expression. Hyunjin opened his mouth, but it seemed whatever he wanted to say was caught in his throat. “You can have more painkillers in about three hours. I’ll wake you up then, and if you’re feeling up to it, I can make you something light to eat.”

“Yes hyung.” Hyunjin muttered, crawling into the freshly made bed. The sheets and blanket were still warm from the dryer, and he instantly melted into the mattress, burying his face in the pillow. He hadn’t realized how tired he really was.

Minho sat on the bed next to him and pressed a hand to the boy’s forehead.

“Still warm,” He frowned. He was hoping Hyunjin’s fever would finally be gone, but that was to be expected, he supposed. With how bad it was the night before, he wouldn’t be surprised if it ended up being a few more days before Hyunjin was back to the right temperature. “Go to sleep baby. Hyung’ll be here when you wake up.”

That was all Hyunjin needed. His eyes fluttered closed and his breathing evened out within seconds. Minho’s heart ached - if he could take this pain away from Hyunjin and bare it himself, he would in a heartbeat. He would much rather himself be sick than any of his boys suffer for even a moment.

But he couldn’t do that - he couldn’t take Hyunjin’s fever or the lines on his leg away from him. What he could do, however, was be there for Hyunjin. He could stand by the boy’s side and be a shoulder to lean on when things got too hard.

He might not be as special as Hyunjin and the others - he might not be as talented, or be able to change as many lives - but he was loyal, and he had so much love to give.

And give he would, for as long as Chan and the others were willing to accept it from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the obligatory A/N where I say I doubt I'll be able to update as quickly as I have been, and then completely disregard that to continue updating as often as I have been. Since I normally push all my school work off until Friday, I'm hoping to work on the next chapter later tonight into tomorrow!
> 
> I love you all so much :') thank you so much for your support and liking my writing. I know it's kinda cheesy but the absolute sarah tanning I get from seeing the comments and knowing that there are real, actual people out there that read my fics and go 'yeah, that's pretty good!' I read so many fics and talk about them all the time to my friends, but for some reason it never really dawned on me that other people do the same with my fics? Like?? It's wack yo


	8. What Are We?

Minho struggled to keep his eyes open. After the sleepless night of nursing Hyunjin back to health, he realized there was an extra credit assignment he could do to bring his grade up for the one class he was most worried about. At the moment, his grade wasn’t bad at all, but with a course like this, he KNEW having a cushion would potentially make or break his GPA.

So after staying awake all night with Hyunjin, and spending the following day napping on and off, Minho stayed awake all of last night as well to finish this project. He managed to get it in only an hour after the initial due date, followed by an apology and an explanation - he had been taking care of a sick friend, which was why it was late. Thankfully his professor was forgiving and didn’t take any points off.

Now he was falling asleep in his class, barely able to keep himself from nodding off right at his desk. His notes were a mess and he knew for a fact that he wouldn’t be able to read them again if his life depended on it.

There were five minutes left of class. Why did he feel so damn tired? Sure he was up late the last two nights, but he napped for a good portion of the day before with Hyunjin, the two wrapped around each other as the younger boy’s fever simmered. He managed to cobble together a fair amount of sleep, so why was he so bone tired?  
Class ended and Minho eagerly clicked off, stretching loudly. The various snapping sounds was enough of a rush to wake him up a little, so he decided to take his things and relocate - maybe a change of scenery would keep him awake in his next class, which started in.... thirty minutes.

Perfect. He set his laptop and notebook down on the coffee table in the living room before making his way over to the kitchen. The fridge was still filled to the seams with all the food he and Chan had bought earlier that week, and he had been pleasantly surprised to see that the older boy had been right - the produce was being eaten at a pretty consistent rate. He had gotten into the habit of making scrambled eggs with various vegetables mixed in, which helped.

He got to work, mixing up the eggs and throwing in some chopped peppers, some diced onions... he peeked in the fridge and saw some broccoli already prepped for eating. He threw some of that in, as a treat. As the eggs started to cook, he turned the coffee maker on.

The smell of cooking breakfast and brewing coffee was enough to shake the last of the exhaustion from his bones. Maybe he had just been sitting still for too long. For a while, he worried that he had caught whatever bug Hyunjin had, but he didn’t have any other symptoms - he was just really, really tired.

Minho mindlessly scrolled through his phone as he ate his breakfast - technically lunch, but time was a social construct so breakfast was whenever he decided to eat scrambled eggs, thank you very much. By the time he was slipping the dishes into the sink, he realized he only had three minutes to log into his next class.

Scrambling a little, he managed to get into the call and set up just in time for his professor to do her usual greeting. He sat on the floor between the table and the couch, using the front of the couch as a backrest as he took notes on the table.

He realized this was actually kind of comfortable, and considered doing his classes from here all the time.

About twenty minutes into his class, the front door opened. He glanced over, wondering who it could be - all the boys in the apartment across the way knew when his classes were, and had been good about not bothering him until afterwards.

Jeongin shuffled in, closing the door silently behind him. Without looking Minho in the eye, the younger boy went over and crawled onto the carpet, resting his head on Minho’s thigh and hiding his face in his hyung’s stomach.

Minho didn’t say anything. He just ran his fingers through the boy’s hair comfortingly with his left hand as he took notes with his right. He was glad his professor hadn’t noticed her surprise student, because Minho wasn’t quite sure how he would explain what was going on - even he wasn’t sure why Jeongin was there.

Jeongin stayed silent through the rest of the class, barely moving at all from his position on Minho’s thigh the entire time. As Minho took notes, he couldn’t help but sneek concerned glances towards the boy. It was clear Jeongin wasn’t sleeping, because every few minutes he would shift his head and Minho could see how his eyes were open but unseeing.

He moved from playing with Jeongin’s hair to rubbing the boy’s shoulder. He could tell Jeongin needed the comfort, but he wasn’t sure why. Should he text Chan? Would Chan even know what was wrong? Minho knew the older boy was working at the studios with Changbin and Jisung to sort through the various recording clips they got the other day.

Minho barely realized the class had ended, the sounds of people leaving the call alerting him to the fact. He quickly logged out of the call and closed his laptop, pulling Jeongin to sit in his lap properly.

The younger boy instantly wrapped his legs around Minho’s waist, hiding his face in his shoulder. Minho held Jeongin’s waist, waiting for the boy to settle before saying anything. After a few moments, Jeongin fell still.

“Did something happen?” He hummed, running a hand up and down Jeongin’s back. He felt the boy nod against his throat. “Wanna tell hyung what’s wrong?”

“Got in a fight with Hyunjin hyung,” He muttered, turning his head so Minho could hear him properly. Minho stayed silent, waiting for the boy to continue when he was ready. “I know technically it was my fault, but...”

“What happened with Hyunjin, aegi?”

“I forgot to do the dishes,” He admitted. “It was my turn to do them, and I forgot, so it is kinda my fault, but hyung- he got so _mad_ at me. He started y-yelling at me, saying I never pull my weight... and that they always have to pick up after me. He said that... even though I’m the youngest, I should stop acting like a child...”

“Oh Innie,” Minho sighed, holding the boy a little closer. “He shouldn’t have said those things to you. He went way too far, but you have to remember he was just sick. He’s probably frustrated with himself for not feeling better yet, and is getting snappish with everyone else. That doesn’t excuse what he said, because again - it was completely out of line. Everyone forgets things, and the dishes are a fairly harmless thing to forget.”

“I just... I try so hard to be- to be mature like the others,” Jeongin whispered. “The others act more childish than I do most of the time. I never wanted to cause extra problems for anyone, especially not Channie hyung, but what if that’s all I am? A problem...”

“No,” Minho pulled Jeongin away from the hug to look him in the eye. The boy looked close to tears, but wasn’t crying fully. “Jeongin, you are NOT a problem. You’re so thoughtful, and caring. You should be allowed to act your age now and again. I know how hard you work for Stray Kids, but I also know how hard you work for your friends. You’re so smart, and amazing. You don’t have to force yourself to be mature all the time. It’s okay to let go.”

“I’m just... really tired,” He sounded exhausted, but it was a different kind of exhaustion - the kind that bore deep into your bones and rooted itself there, weighing you down as it grew larger and larger. It was the kind of tired that made it impossible to get out of bed, no matter how much sleep you got. “I don’t know what to do...”

“Wanna go nap with hyung?” Minho could tell there was something else weighing on the younger boy’s mind. An argument with Hyunjin would obviously upset him, but there was something about the glazed look in Jeongin’s eye that told Minho there was something more going on in his head.

“Yes please...”

Minho helped Jeongin stand - he wasn’t nearly as strong as Chan, but if he could have carried Jeongin, he would have - and they made their way towards the bedroom. Crawling under the covers, Minho pulled Jeongin close but made a point to leave a little space between them so he didn’t feel trapped.

They were silent for a few moments, and Minho started to feel himself nodding off, until he felt Jeongin shifting in his arms.

“Hyung?”

“What’s up, aegi?” Minho asked softly. He could physically feel how Jeongin melted at the pet name, and that secretly made him happy. He loved pet names more than anything, especially when they had such a visceral reaction.

“Would it make me a bad person if I said I don’t want to sign with YW?”

“Why would that make you a bad person?”

“I know how hard everyone is working, and I know it would mean we’d get all these opportunities we’d never even thought about before... but I- I don’t want people to know what I look like.”

“Why is that? You’re so handsome, Innie,” Minho’s thumb rubbed along the strip of skin exposed at the small of Jeongin’s back. “Everyone would love you instantly.”

“That’s the thing,” Jeongin sounded frustrated, but it wasn’t aimed at Minho. “I-I know they won’t. I know there’s going to be people who hate us, no matter what we do. We already get so much hate, just based on our voices and our music... Just thinking about what those people could use to hurt us- to hurt me...”

“For every one person who hates you, there are a hundred people who love and support you,” Minho kissed the boy’s forehead. “Even if you weren’t famous, there will always be people who just... don’t like you - for literally no reason. They’ll just look at you and go ‘that kid’s face pisses me off” and there’s nothing we can do about that. What we CAN do is focus on the people who love us and want to help us succeed.”

“That’s easy for you to say...”

“What do you mean?” Minho furrowed his eyebrows a little. Jeongin glanced at the older boy before his face twisted and he tried to hide in the pillow.

“You’re perfect, hyung,” Jeongin’s voice was muffled and quiet, but Minho was just barely able to hear what he was saying. “No one looks at your face and hates you... I’m not like that... I’ve always been told how scary I am when I’m not smiling. I know I’m not any kind of visual, but I’m so scared that they’re going to- to pick apart everything that’s wrong with my face and my body, and- and I’ll never be able to love myself because all I’ll ever see is what they see...”

Jeongin started crying lightly, his shoulder trembling. Minho’s chest felt tight as he took in what the younger boy was saying. Why? Why was it always the best people who hurt the worst? Why was it always the ones who deserved the most who hate themselves?

“Aegi...” Minho’s heart broke as Jeongin just started crying harder. He pulled the boy closer, letting him sob into his shirt. He wished there was something more he could do - something he could say that’ll make Jeongin realize how precious and amazing he was. He wanted to make Jeongin see himself the way Minho and the others saw him - a bright, lovable, talented young man who deserved the whole damn world.

“I’m scared that-that no one will ever really love me,” Jeongin whispered so quietly that his words were almost completely lost. Minho felt ice run through his veins. Oh, this was so painfully familiar... “I-I love my hyungs so much, and I kn-know they love me too, but it’s just... It’s not the same! One day they’re going to- to find people they l-love for real and they’re going to leave me behind... Channie hyung’s already d-d-doing that...”

“Channie hyung is NOT leaving you behind,” Guilt was joining the concoction of emotions brewing in his chest. He had been monopolizing Chan’s time, hadn’t he? He was CB97 before he was Minho’s hyung. Had he been taking their leader away from Stray Kids? “He loves you so fucking much... I see the way he looks at you, and the others. He looks at you like you’ve hung the damn stars in the sky. He would do anything for you.”

“I’m so scared of being alone...” Jeongin sounded so small as he curled into Minho’s arms more. “I-I can’t do it... I can’t handle being all alone. I’ll die if I’m alone-”

Minho told himself he would deal with the consequences afterwards, seeing how he had a pretty good idea of what would happen - or at least, he hoped more than anything that he was right, because otherwise... He pulled Jeongin up and kissed the boy, cupping the back of Jeongin’s head gently. He could feel Jeongin freeze before melting into the kiss, his hands coming up to grip the front of the older boy’s shirt.

He tugged Jeongin onto his lap, cupping the younger boy’s cheeks in his hands. Jeongin looked down at him, his eyes wide and red.

“Jeongin, my pup,” Minho whispered, pulling him down for another, softer kiss. “You are so lovable it’s almost scary. Do you know the effect you have on people? The first time I met you, I wanted to make sure you were always happy.”

“Hyung...” Jeongin sounded almost scared, as if he was afraid of what Minho was going to say next.

“You don’t have to worry about loving yourself just yet,” Minho kissed him again, letting his lips linger against Jeongin’s for a moment. “Because you have your hyungs to love you enough to count for you too,” Another kiss. “And we’ll be here to show you how much we love you until you believe us.”

Jeongin looked like he was going to say something, opening his mouth before closing it again. His face crumpled as more tears ran down his cheeks, but instead of hiding his face, he pushed Minho down on the bed and reconnected their lips.

There was something almost desperate about the kiss, as if Jeongin was trying to find a reason to believe Minho’s words. Minho kissed him back, his arms snaking around the boy’s waist.

If Jeongin wanted a reason, Minho would give it to him.

Minho sighed, petting Jeongin’s hair softly. The younger boy had fallen asleep soon after pushing Minho down, his body betraying him. He whined as Minho tucked him in, muttering something about more kisses, but Minho knew what he needed most was sleep.

Now Jeongin was resting peacefully, and Minho had to have a very important conversation with a very important person.

He texted Chan and asked him to come over whenever he was free, praying he had been correct in his assumptions.

If not, he may have just burnt the bridge to the only good thing in his life.

He didn’t know how long he sat on the edge of the bed, running comforting fingers through Jeongin’s hair as the younger boy slept soundly, not even twitching. It wasn’t until he heard his front door open and close that Minho stopped what he was doing and left Jeongin to sleep a little longer.

“Hey,” Chan’s entire face softened when he saw Minho coming out of the bedroom, his arms opening. Minho, not needing any more prompting, immediately walked into them, letting Chan hold him close to his chest. Chan’s hugs were some of the best Minho had ever felt - the second Chan’s arms were around him, it was as if nothing bad could ever happen to him. It was as if Chan was able to scare away anything that might want to hurt him. “How were classes?”

“Good,” Guilt started pooling in his gut. What if he had been wrong? The image of Chan’s beautiful face collapsing in betrayal and despair made his breathing pick up a little. What would he do if he lost Chan? If he lost everyone? What would he do if he was left all on his own again, no one to care if he lived or died? He had been so scared of the words coming from Jeongin’s mouth, because they were the exact thoughts that had danced through Minho’s own mind countless times before. “I, um... I managed to get my extra credit assignment in.”

“Mm, that’s good,” Chan grinned, his dimples showing and making Minho’s heart skip a beat. “I know how stressed you were about that.”

“Mm...”

“There’s something more, isn’t there?” Chan’s voice dropped, as did Minho’s stomach.

“We need to talk...” He whispered, unable to speak any louder. As he feared, Chan’s face dropped, fear shining in his beautiful eyes - god, Minho was a despicable person, wasn’t he? Anyone who put such a look on Chan’s face was nothing short of a monster.

“Ah, that’s never a good thing to hear,” He tried to joke, but the chuckle that followed after fell flat. After a beat, Chan pulled them over to the couch and sat them both down. Minho stared at his hands. He dug his nails into his thigh, trying to keep himself calm. “Minho, baby... what’s wrong?”

“I talked to Hyunjin and Jisung,” Minho had NO idea how to start this conversation, and it seemed Chan didn’t quite realize where he was going with it either. “Hyunjin mentioned it in passing, but forgot because he was sick, and Jisung... he explained the kind of relationship you and the others have.”

Chan sat as still as a statue, a faint ringing in his ears as he listened to Minho talk.

“They both seemed... scared of me finding out,” Minho continued, trying to dig his nails into his skin, but the fabric of his jeans was too thick. What did he even say next? “Jeongin came over, a few hours ago. He and Hyunjin got into a fight, so he came and sat with me when I finished my class.”

“Mm.” Chan hummed, quietly urging Minho to continue. As calm as he seemed, Chan was a mess inside - was this where everything went wrong? This was where it went wrong last time.

This was where they were told they were disgusting. They were called whores for all sleeping with each other. They were told no one would be able to accept a relationship like they had, because they were being greedy and slutty and horrid.

This was when their ninth member walked out on them, after catching Jisung and Chan together in the younger’s bed.

“He said he was scared of revealing his face, because he was scared that people would hate him, and that it would make him hate himself,” Minho could feel his voice shaking more than he could hear it. “And I... fuck... I just wanted him to know he was loved... I wanted to- I needed him to know he wasn’t alone.”

“What happened baby?” Chan, as scared as he was, could feel the fear radiating from the younger boy.

“I kissed him,” Minho finally admitted, covering his mouth with his hand as his face twisted. “I-I just- and you all are already- but I just- and I- I’m so sorry hyung please don’t hate me!”

He burst into tears. He had tried so hard to keep it together, but it was all starting to hit him at once. He couldn’t lose Chan. He couldn’t lose Changbin, and Hyunjin, and Jisung, and Felix, and Seungmin and Jeongin. Meeting Stray Kids had been a far off fantasy of his for years now, but he never bothered to even humor it because it was so impossible... but now he might lose them for good.

“Why would I ever hate you?” Chan answered softly, pulling Minho’s hands away from his face and wiping his tears with his sleeve. “Thank you, for taking care of Innie when I couldn’t. You did exactly what I would have, and it puts me at ease to know there’s.... There’s someone else to love them the way I do.”

“W-wait, you’re not mad?” Minho blinked at him, a stray tear or two clinging to his eyelashes desperately.

“I’m not mad, kitten,” Chan leaned in and kissed away the tears. Minho was still stiff as he sat on the couch. Did he even deserve to touch Chan after this? “I’m actually... I’m actually so fucking relieved- oh my god, I think I’m gonna barf-”

“What?” Minho screeched, standing up and frantically looking around for a bucket, or a bowl, or a bowl like container-

“Sit down, dummy,” Chan chuckled as he tugged Minho back onto the couch. “I meant that I’m so relieved I feel like I could throw up... Minho, I really, _really_ like you. I’ve been... fucking agonizing for DAYS trying to figure out a way to bring this up without scaring you off, because I don’t want to lose you... I don’t want the boys to lose you...”

“Bring what up, hyung?”

“The reason we have this... relationship with each other is because it’s impossible to open up to new people,” Chan said after taking a deep breath. “We all have our own shit and past issues, and for years we were the only ones who had our back. The seven of us... we were completely alone until we found each other. We- well, we kind of made this unspoken promise to never bring anyone else in again, so we don’t have to worry about being judged.”

“What do you mean ‘again’?”

“The last person who found out... he didn’t take is as well as you are,” Chan’s eyes stung painfully. “I was shattered after he left us, but in a way I was also relieved? Because we didn’t have to tiptoe around the apartment anymore, or worry about being found out.”

“Is that what happened with the member that left?”

“Mm.”

“But... why do you trust me then?” Minho didn’t understand.

“I don’t know,” Chan chuckled weakly. “I’ve been asking myself the same thing since the day we met. You just... clicked - with everyone. I overheard Jisung asking Hyunjin if he thought you’d want to stay.”

“But what if I like you in a different way?” Minho asked, messing with the sleeve of his sweater. The yarn was coming unraveled, and he only continued to make it worse because he could never leave it alone.

Chan, instead of answering, reached over and took Minho’s sleeve. With steady hands, he carefully took the two pieces of yarn he had been tugging on and tied them in a tight knot, preventing it from unraveling any farther. When he was done, he didn’t let go of Minho’s sleeve.

“What if I said I liked you in a different way too?” He asked back, lacing their fingers together. “I love my boys, and I would do absolutely anything for them... but you’re..” he trailed off for a moment as he played with Minho’s fingers. “You’re special.”

“What would we even call ourselves?” Minho asked with a breathless laugh. “Dating each other, but friends with benefits with the other six?”

“Um...” Chan blinked before smiling shyly. “I think that sums it up pretty well... if that’s what you want, of course. I’d- I’d never push you for anything you didn’t want-”

“I do,” He said quickly, making Chan whip his head around in shock. They stared at each other in silence for a moment before Minho broke first, letting out a string of clear, bright laughter. He fell back, letting his head hang over the back of the couch. “God, what kind of reverse harem anime is this?”

“A really fucking good one,” Chan chuckled, his face lighting up. It was as if all the fear and worry and guilt had washed away, leaving his chest lighter. “I can’t wait to see what happens in season two.”

“So... does this mean you’re asking me out? Like, officially?”

“Lee Minho,” Chan scooped Minho’s hands into his own, making them both stand. “Would you do me the honor of letting me call you my boyfriend?”

“Holy shit...” Minho breathed, his eyes opening wide. “I’m dating CB97.”

“You are,” Chan grinned so wide that his cheeks started to ache. He picked Minho up, spinning the younger boy around before wrapping his thighs around his hips and kissing him deeply. “Fuck... you’re so beautiful.”

“You’re one to talk,” He pressed another kiss against Chan’s lips hungrily. “I’ve been in love with the concept of you for years, but now I can actually love the real you.”

“Do you two want the bedroom?” Jeongin’s voice came from the hallway. Both Chan and Minho jumped, the elder almost dropping Minho in his surprise. Minho scrambled to stay in his arms and prevent the inevitable concussion he would have if he fell and slammed his head on the table.

“Innie!” Chan squeaked, his ears burning bright red. “Wh-when did you wake up?”

“Around when Minho hyung started crying...” Jeongin looked at his feet. “I was worried something happened so I came to check if he was alright... I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“Is it really eavesdropping if it involves you?” Chan questioned, gesturing for the younger boy to come over. Jeongin did easily, leaning into Chan’s side.

“Were you serious, hyung?” He asked, looking at Minho with wide, hopeful eyes. “Do you really- are you going to stay? With us?”

“Mm, you can’t get rid of me now,” Minho smiled, his entire body warm as if he had drained an entire bottle of soju in one go. “You’re stuck with me.”

Jeongin’s face lit up. He ducked out from under Chan’s arm and threw himself at Minho, kissing the older boy as Minho caught him mid-jump. Minho let out a shocked gasp, mostly because of the sudden weight of an entire boy in his arms - but Jeongin used that to his advantage, licking his way into Minho’s mouth.

“I think we should have a group meeting,” Chan chuckled at the sight, pulling his phone out and telling everyone to meet in the living room. After a moment, he quickly snapped a picture of Jeongin practically shoving his tongue down Minho’s throat and sent that. Within milliseconds, the chat was exploding. Jeongin hopped down from Minho’s arms and giggled at the notifications that continued to roll in. “The others seem pretty excited.”

“What the fuck just happened?” Minho asked himself breathlessly as he felt himself being tugged towards the other apartment. If this was a dream, he hoped he would never wake up.

“Something amazing.” Chan answered, pressing a kiss to his cheek as they left the younger’s apartment. Minho could already hear the screams and shouts from behind the closed door, and his stomach fluttered.

Those were his boys, he realized with a start. His mouth lifted in a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D :D :D :D the moment we've all been waiting for!! But of course it could never be easy it had to be angsty and there had to be tears, because otherwise it wouldn't be a Starlight Classic (tm) 
> 
> Since I managed to finish my school work surprisingly quickly today (I'm actually a little worried about how easy it was but that's a problem for future Keira to worry about) I'm going to keep writing the next update! I should use up all the spare time I have! No use wasting it by sitting around XD
> 
> Also if anyone thinks there are tags I should be including, let me know!


	9. An Additional Stray

The apartment was complete pandemonium. Jisung and Hyunjin were fighting over a single phone - Minho wasn’t sure who it belonged to, or why the other couldn’t just get their own. Changbin sat on the couch, staring at his own phone, eyes wide and jaw slightly open. Seungmin was casually standing off to the side, filming everyone freaking out with a shit eating grin while Felix jumped up and down, squealing excitedly.

“Hey! Shut up!” Chan called, the room instantly going silent. Everyone’s head whipped around to look at the three who just entered, a sense of tension growing in the air the longer the quiet stretched out.

“Um, hey guys...” Minho waved awkwardly.

“Hyung!” Felix screeched, racing towards Minho and jumped at him, wrapping his legs around the older boy’s waist. Minho managed to catch him at the last second, and was so focused on not dropping the younger boy that he didn’t realize Felix was kissing him until a beat after he connected their lips.

Felix smiled into the kiss, cupping Minho’s cheeks, trusting the older boy completely not to drop him.

It was only when Felix started kissing down Minho’s neck that the others seemed to come back to life. Chan grabbed Felix from Minho’s waist, placing the younger boy on his feet before pulling him into his side.

“Alright everyone, calm down and sit,” Chan chuckled, waving a hand to get the others to listen. Changbin stayed on the couch while Seungmin sat on his lap. Jeongin curled up on the other end of the couch, purposely stretching out a little to keep Jisung from squishing in with them. Pouting, Jisung sat on the floor, resting his chin on the table.

Hyunjin pulled Felix away from the eldest two and sat on the other side of the table, Felix sitting in Hyunjin’s lap. “So it may have some to your attention that there’s an announcement that needs to be made.”

“No shit!” Jisung called, eyes glued to Minho. Minho, however, was kind of... staring into space. He still couldn’t quite understand what was happening, and with how Felix just kissed his breath away, he was a little disoriented. He kissed three people in the same day - when had he EVER kissed more than a single person in the span of a day? Or a week even?

“Shut up,” Hyunjin smacked Jisung’s arm. “The sooner Channie hyung says what he wants to say, the sooner we can kiss Minho hyung.” Jisung pouted but fell silent - it seemed he wanted a kiss from Minho more than he wanted to be obnoxious.

“Anyway,” Chan gave an exasperated chuckle before snaking an arm around Minho’s waist and pressing a kiss to the younger boy’s temple. “Minho and I have done some talking. He knows about our relationship, and he’s not only comfortable with it, but he wants to be a part of the whole thing.”

“Hyungs’ll be dating for real, but he’ll treat us the way we treat each other.” Jeongin chimed in when he saw how red Minho was getting.

“So Channie hyung gets to call Minho hyung his boyfriend, but I can still get railed by them both.” Hyunjin nodded sagely, as if he were saying something inspirational. Jisung hummed, nodding along with him.

Minho let out an embarrassed whine, covering his face with his hands. He could feel more so than hear Chan chuckling next to him.

“Not to pull rank here, but I think - as Minho’s boyfriend - I think I should be allowed to sleep with him first.” Chan laughed at the shocked sounds that filled the air.

“You guys haven’t fucked yet?” Jisung screeched, looking almost as scandalized as Minho was feeling.

“Why are you so surprised?” Chan blinked.

“I dunno hyung, maybe it’s because you’ve been hanging off Minho hyung’s dick since the moment he came over for dinner?” Changbin grinned cheekily. “Or maybe it’s because you look like you’re about to rip his clothes off basically all the time? Or maybe-”

“I get it Changbin!” Chan wheezed, finally starting to feel the same level of embarrassment that was consuming Minho. “I get no respect in this house...”

“It’s not Channie hyung’s fault,” Seungmin chimed in. “Minho hyung is just that hot. He can’t help but seduce us without even trying.”

The room erupted in laughter, but Minho’s ears were ringing.

How many times had he been accused of leading someone on? Of being too fucking flirty and seducing them, only to change his mind at the last minute and pissing the other person off? Is that how the others saw him?

He couldn’t help but think about all the people who said they liked him - told him how beautiful and talented he was, and how badly they wanted to get to know him - only for them to get bored when Minho wouldn’t put out. He was terrified of being in a relationship that was based on sex, because they always ended with him getting his heart shattered into a million pieces and being left to pick up the pieces all by himself.

And now he was going to have that same kind of relationship with Stray Kids. Six of them were going to use him for sex, but once they get what they want... would they leave him? Would they grow bored of him? Would they realize how worthless he really is? How little he actually had to give?

All he ever wanted was to be loved. He used to dream of having more than one partner - of having many people to love him and shower him in affection and hold him when his mind got too loud - but he accepted long ago that he would never get that.

He would never deserve that much love. He didn’t even deserve a single partner that loves and respects him as a person. How could anyone stay faithful to someone as pathetic and plain and worthless and stupid and-

“Hey! Minho,” Chan grabbed Minho’s cheeks, holding the younger boy’s face firmly. He didn’t know what happened - one moment they were making jokes at Chan’s expense and the next Minho was pulling away from Chan, silent tears running down his cheeks. “Kitten, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Minho just shook his head, trying to bite back a sob. Why was Chan even bothering? Why would he get Minho’s hopes up, only to crush them later? He wouldn’t be able to survive another heartbreak - he had lived through so many... a heartbreak as big as losing Chan and the others... it would break him completely.

No amount of coping mechanisms or distractions would be enough to keep him from taking the hurt from his chest out on his skin.

“Minho, can you hear me?”

“What can we do?”

“Is he okay?”

“I...” Minho whispered, his voice cracking. “I’m sorry- I’m s-so sorry... I’m-”

“Why are you apologizing Angel?” A voice came from next to him. Changbin took Minho’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I’m...” He tried to curl in on himself. It was then that he realized he was on the floor, kneeling on the worn carpet. “I’m not good enough for you...”

“Hyung... that’s bullshit!” Hyunjin shouted, pushing Changbin and Chan out of the way and kneeling before Minho. He grabbed Minho’s face, forcing the older boy to look at him. “Stop saying shit like that!”

“Hyunjin, don’t yell,” Chan pushed Hyunjin back again. “Minho, baby, look at me.”

“No... no...” Minho shook his head. Why did he ever think he was worthy enough for these boys? “This is going to blow up in my face... It’s too fucking good to be true and everything’s going to go wrong and it’s going to be my fault for taking more than I deserve-”

“Why do you think you don’t deserve us?”

“I-I just want to be loved...” Minho whispered weakly. “I want- I have to keep reminding myself that I’m n-not good enough for a single partner. Even if I wanted more, it would never work out that way because I don’t deserve-”

“If you say you don’t deserve us one more time, I’m going to pin you down and make you believe that we care.” Chan threatened. What broke his heart the most was the conviction in Minho’s eyes - the younger boy genuinely believed what he was saying. He believed that he wasn’t good enough for them with his entire being.

“I-” He closed his eyes tightly. “I can’t lose you...”

His words had been so quiet that only Chan could hear him. The older boy sucked in a sharp breath when he realized what was going on. He gathered Minho in his arms and began running a comforting hand up and down his back.

“Minho, aegi, you’re not going to lose any of us,” He promised. “They’re not going to leave you if you sleep with them. They aren’t like all the other assholes that made you think you weren’t good enough. They’re still going to love you even if you don’t want to fuck them, you hear me? They’re going to want to hang out with you, and be your friend, and make you happy even if you never even kiss them. They aren’t here because they think you owe them sex - they’re here because they care about you and want to be a part of your life.”

“If you don’t want to do anything with us, it’s okay hyung,” Jisung said, resting his forehead against Minho’s arm. “Just accepting us and not hating us or being weird is already doing so much for us.”

“You’re not weird...” Minho muttered, rubbing his sore eyes. “You guys deserve to be happy...”

“Did we pressure you?” Hyunjin asked, sounding distraught. “I-I didn’t mean to push you! I was just teasing... I’m so sorry hyung-”

“No!” Minho’s eyes flew open. He leaned forward and took Hyunjin’s face between his hands. His throat stung as he felt how warm the younger boy’s face still was. Two days later and he still had a faint fever? “No, aegi you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“We just want you to like us,” Hyunjin’s voice wobbled. “Please don’t h-hate us because of this-”  
Minho cut him off by pulling the younger boy into his chest. Hyunjin hid his face, refusing to cry. Minho pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.

“I could never hate you,” He promised softly. “I’m sorry if I made you think this is your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong... I’m just- I’m just really fucked up Jinnie. I’m broken...”

“We’re all broken,” Chan wrapped his arms around both Minho and Hyunjin. “That’s why we fit together so well. Everyone always talks about being broken, and not being able to piece yourself back together again, but who needs to be put back the exact same way?”

“What do you mean?” Minho asked, looking at him. His eyes were so vulnerable that Chan’s heart ached.

“What do you do with broken glass?” Chan asked. When he was met with silence, he smiled softly. “You make a mosaic - and what do you need to make a mosaic? You need a bunch of pieces in a bunch of different colors to make a new picture. That’s what we are - we complete each other’s mosaics.”

“I... I like that,” Minho sniffled, offering Chan a small smile in return. “Thank you. I’m sorry for making you all worry.”

“It’s our job to worry,” Changbin lovingly punched his arm. “Let us do this for you.”

“Hyung, you don’t have class tomorrow, right?” Seungmin asked. Minho nodded in confirmation. “Do you wanna stay and watch a movie with us? Just hanging out in the living room, no expectations or stress.”

“That sounds nice,” Minho muttered. His panic and despair was quickly being replaced with embarrassment. Why did he have to lose his cool like that? He spent his whole life making sure to only break down when he was alone. He couldn’t remember a single time he actually had a full panic attack in front of someone else. There was a reason they called him a loner in high school - it wasn’t because he didn’t want friends. It was because he isolated himself on purpose so he wouldn’t bring anyone down with his own bullshit. “I should change-”

“Here, you can borrow some of my clothes,” Jisung said, helping Minho to his feet. He could see Chan open his mouth, as if to protest, but his jaw clicked shut when Minho nodded and smiled. “We’ll be right back.”

They went deeper into the bowels of their apartment, entering the second room on the right. There were three beds, one shoved against each wall, with two dressers shoved in the corner, the closet overflowing with various black clothing items.

“Channie hyung and Binnie hyung and I room together,” Jisung explained, gently pushing Minho down on the bed with the plush elephant sitting by the pillow, as if to protect whoever slept there. “I used to room with Seungmin, but because the three of us have such shit sleep schedules, it was easier to just room together and not keep everyone else up.”

“I’ve never had a roommate before,” Minho commented. “Is it fun?”

“Most of the time, but sometimes it’s really annoying,” Jisung chuckled as he went to one of the dressers. “It got a lot better when we realized it didn’t matter if our clothes got mixed up and that we didn’t have to try to jerk it without anyone knowing.”

“I bet that takes some of the awkwardness away,” Minho found himself smiling. “Is that how you all started... you know, being together?”

“Kinda?” Jisung pulled out a pair of sleep pants with little ducks all over them and a pastel pink hoodie. “It was all kinda gradual so there’s no real, like, moment that it happened, you know?”

“Tell me about it?” Minho asked, looking up at Minho with wide eyes.

“Mm, here, change into these,” Jisung said, sitting on the bed as Minho stood. Jisung made a point to focus on picking fuzzies from his blanket and not Minho, who seemed hesitant to strip in front of him. “I think it started with me and Hyunjin. When we first all met, me and Jinnie were always at each other’s throats. It sucked seeing how we had to share a room, but one night I was super fucking tired cuz we had been working extra hard on some new songs, and I had started a part time job bagging groceries at the store, and I was just having a really rough time. I guess I still didn’t feel super comfortable with the others yet, so I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it... but yeah, that night he pushed me just a little too far and we started fighting for real. He managed to hand a solid punch on my cheek but I pinned him down and just... I just kissed him. I don’t know what made me do it, but it turned out to be a really good thing, cuz after that instead of fighting we just fucked it out.”

Minho listened as he changed, finding it almost hard to believe. From what he’s seen, Jisung and Hyunjin seemed glued at the hip - they were partners in chaos. He couldn’t imagine a time when they hated each other enough to resort to physical blows.

“Then I started messing around with Binnie hyung,” Jisung continued easily. “We would come home before Chan hyung most of the time, so we’d be alone in the room until he came back, which normally wasn’t until like, three in the morning. It was one of those ‘cuddling and talking about deep shit at ass o’clock in the morning and next thing you know you’re making out and sucking his dick’ kind of thing.”

“Ppft-” Minho couldn’t hold back a snicker. Jisung grinned at him, his eyes shining up at the older boy.

“Then it all kinda fell into place from there,” Jisung shrugged. He stood and stopped in front of Minho, reaching out to play with the strings of the hoodie. It was extra large on Jisung, and while it wasn’t as large on Minho, it was still comfortably baggy. “Innie would get nightmares when he was still in high school, and kissing was the best way to calm him down. Channie hyung would get so wound up and stressed that he would make himself literally sick, so we’d lock him in a room and either fuck him, or let him rail us until he could sleep properly.”

“I guess that explains some of the sounds in the back of your songs.” Minho chuckled, causing Jisung to rub the back of his head awkwardly.

“Mm, Channie hyung didn’t realize it wasn’t pretend for the longest time,” Jisung’s grin curled impishly. “I think it makes it more genuine.” Minho blinked, thinking back to the times he would laugh about the fake moaning in the back of their songs. Turns out, they weren’t fake moans at all. “Hey, hyung?”

“Mm?” Minho blinked, coming back to the present. “What’s up?”

“How are you feeling?” Jisung asked, tugging on the hoodie strings again.

“Better,” Minho admitted softly. “I just... needed a chance to calm down. I don’t normally have panic attacks around other people...”

“You don’t have to feel bad,” Jisung leaned forward and rested his forehead against the older boy’s. “I’m sure you’ll see all the ugly, obnoxious sides of us soon enough.”

“You could never be ugly.” Minho said instantly. Jisung’s eyes widened, and for a moment, Minho could have sworn the boy held the universe in them.

“Can... can I kiss you?” Jisung asked, sounding unsure. “You can say no-”

Minho leaned forward and kissed the younger boy, wrapping his arms around his waist. Jisung reached up to wrap his own arms around Minho’s neck, giving him a little leverage to deepen the kiss.

Jisung nipped at Minho’s bottom lip, gently licking where he bit, almost as an apology for being so rough. Jisung’s mouth tasted like strawberries and pineapple - he must have been eating fruit just before they barged in with the meeting.

“Thank you...” Jisung whispered.

“For what?” Minho asked, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“For making everyone so happy,” Jisung sucked a mark into Minho’s throat, just above the fading marks left by Chan. “I know how scared they’ve been, especially after that asshole left... he made them feel like absolute shit. Jeongin wouldn’t let any of us touch him for weeks after - not even hugs or anything. If we tried to tap his shoulder, he’d move away... It took forever to get him to open back up to us, but you’ve just- just barreled into our lives and managed to fit so perfectly... it’s like you were made for us.”

“Mm, I feel... like I finally belong.” Minho breathed. Jisung all but melted against him at the confession, his already shining eyes getting glassy.

“If you ever feel like you don’t deserve us, or if your brain is being a fucking dick, come find us,” Jisung nudged Minho’s jaw with his nose, getting the older boy to look at him properly and offering him a soft smile. “That’s the good thing about having so many people to look after you - even if some of us are busy, there’ll always be someone who’s free.”

“You have no idea how much I’ve... I’ve dreamed of having people to care about me like this,” Minho admitted. He felt Jisung curl in closer to his chest. “So... be patient with me? It’s... it’s going to be a bitch and a half to get me to accept that- that this isn’t some kind of joke.”

“We’ll remind you every goddamn day,” Jisung grinned. “And that’s a threat.”

“Perfect.” Minho grinned back, the last remnants of his panic attack finally fading away fully.

“Hey, are you coming out?” Seungmin poked his head into the room, not seeming phased in the slightest to see Jisung pressed tightly against Minho.

“Minnie, you and I both know I came out YEARS ago.” Jisung said, his tone deadpanned. There was a beat of silence before Minho threw his head back and laughed. Jisung couldn’t help but join in, his face glowing as if Minho had just given him the secret to the meaning of life.

“I can’t stand you,” Seungmin shook his head, but there was a small smirk on his lips. “If you want to stay here for a bit, the others won’t mind. I’m sure we can find something to entertain ourselves if you need a little more time.”

“Nah, I appreciate it but I’m kinda looking forward to the movie,” He pulled away from Jisung, letting his arms linger around the boy’s waist. “I haven’t really had... friends to have a movie night with in a while.”

Wow that sounded pathetic. Minho wilted a little at the realization. Did the others see him like that? Like a pathetic stray they felt compelled to take in?

“Stray Kids...” He breathed to himself. Of course - of course they would take him in, because they were all strays too. Chan brought them all together, and he was just another stray in their pack.

“Hyung, what’re you thinking about?” Jisung asked as Seungmin ducked from the room.

“You,” He answered honestly. “And the others. I think I get it.”

“Get what?”

“Why I fit in so well,” He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Jisung’s mouth, laughing to himself a little as the younger boy tried to chase after the kiss. “Come on, let’s go out to the others.”

“Mm.”

They made their way back to the living room, where the couch and table had been pushed to the side to make room for a messy pile of pillows and blankets that now took up the entirety of the middle of the floor. Minho thought back to the night they all got drunk at his apartment and felt his chest warm. Even then, they were treating him as one of their own. Chan came over and tugged Minho into his chest, his arms falling naturally around the younger boy’s middle.

“You look cozy.” He hummed, pressing a kiss into his temple.

“I feel cozy,” Minho leaned into Chan’s warmth. “Jisung and I talked, and... I feel a lot better now. Thank you for being so patient with me.”

“Thank you for letting us in,” Chan replied easily. Minho wanted to apologize as well - for making such a scene, and for causing them to worry, and a hundred other things that he couldn’t even put into words - but he refrained. He remembered how his therapist once told him he apologized too much, and that he should start thanking people instead. It was a hard piece of advice for him to follow. “Let’s find a seat before the boys start fighting.”

“Why would they fight?” Minho asked, his head tilting to the side a little. Chan just stared at him for a moment before covering his face and whining a little.

“You’re so fucking cute,” He said after a moment. His ears and neck were bright red as he tugged Minho over to the chaos that was the blanket pile. Instantly, the room exploded into shouts of who got to sit next to Minho. “At least I get automatic Minho rights.”

Minho couldn’t help but laugh. There was just something so... warm about the fact that they wanted to be near him that badly.  
In the end, Felix was the one who pouted his way into curling against Minho’s side, his head resting on the older boy’s chest as Minho leaned against Chan.

He had no idea what was going on in the movie they had picked, but it wasn’t quite his fault that he couldn’t pay attention, seeing how Chan’s hand hand slipped down his sleep pants and was resting innocently on Minho’s bare thigh as Felix’s hands moved up his chest, under Jisung’s hoodie, his small fingers tracing something - shapes, or words, or something else - into the bare skin of Minho’s chest.

Neither pushed it past that, and the feeling on skin on skin made Minho’s eyes sting. It was so simple - the bare minimum, really - but fuck did it feel good. All he ever wanted was to feel loved, and now...

“You alright?” Chan asked when he felt Minho hide his face in his shoulder. Minho didn’t respond for a moment before nodding. Chan seemed to understand what was going through the younger boy’s head because instead of saying anything more, he began to run a gentle thumb along the fading lines on Minho’s thigh. He could barely feel them, only the occasional snag of the more raised ones to remind him of the pain Minho had been through.

He pressed a kiss to Minho’s temple, happily soaking in the warmth of the younger boy. Minho settled against his chest, his eyes beginning to grow heavy. The combined touches of Chan and Felix were lulling him to sleep - he felt like a housecat, and if he could purr he absolutely would be doing so. He couldn’t remember a time he felt more content.

He wondered if Felix could feel the way Minho’s heart seemed to beat slow and steady, none of the panic from before left.

He could get used to this, he thought to himself as he felt Felix leave a feather light kiss to his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up to so many notifications of comments of people just screaming about ot8 finally happening and it made me so happy ToT 
> 
> So now that their relationship has it's foundation, the next chapter is going to start to introduce the real driving plot of this fic. I always joke that slow-burn and I don't get along (I mean look at this - Minho moved into his apartment like, maybe two weeks ago? Time lines are stupid and hard to keep track of) but the fact that I managed nine whole chapters just to build up to the main plot? Move over Shakespeare you're outta the job!


	10. The Beginning of the Fall

Minho hummed along with his headphones, one of Chan’s trial tracks playing through the wire. Chan had given Minho access to his music samples, wanting his boyfriend’s opinion on the pieces they were still playing with. To Minho, of course, the songs were already perfect, but Chan was so hard on himself.

He pushed his way into the café, his eyes instantly going to the pastry case on the counter. They had been out of his favorite scones for the last week, yet he went back every few days to see just in case.

Minho grinned when he saw the scone in question and quickly got in line, ordering two of them, as well as his regular caramel macchiato. He had been good when it came to overpriced, over sugared coffees recently, so he figured he deserved it.

Paying, Minho stood off to the side to wait for his coffee. Something in the corner of his eye caught his attention.

“Bin?” He went over to where Changbin was sitting at one of the tables tucked in the corner of the café. The younger boy had his headphones on, and was frantically clicking away at his laptop, three separate notebooks laid out in front of him.

“Hyung?” Changbin blinked, his eyes rimmed with red. How long had he been staring at his screen?

“I thought you were working at the studio today,” he said, sitting across from the younger boy. “Is everything alright?”

“Mm, just needed a change of pace,” Changbin sighed, pulling his headphones down around his neck. He rubbed his face and sighed heavily, sounding years older than he really was. “We were starting to snap at each other, so we split up. Hyung stayed in the studio, and I think Sungie went to the public library.”

“I’m guessing you’re having some trouble with the song?” Minho frowned, reaching his hand across the table. Changbin didn’t hesitate to take it and placed it against his cheek, leaning into Minho’s touch. It made Minho think of a cat asking for affection.

“I just... I don’t know why this isn’t working,” Changbin sounded close to tears. “We’ve never had this much trouble before, but with all the new restrictions YW is giving us... it feels like trying to run through a fucking mine field. Everything we try to do goes against some stupid fucking rule or another.”

“They’re already giving you guidelines?” Minho raised an eyebrow.

“This is supposed to be our- our test,” Changbin bit the inside of his cheek. Minho tapped the same cheek with his thumb, reminding the younger boy to be kind to himself.

“They want to see if we can handle their restrictions, and it’s starting to look like- like we can’t do it after all...”

“What are you stuck on?” Minho asked. He might not know much about music production, but he knew that sometimes it helped to just talk through the problem with someone who had no idea what was going on.

“Mostly the bridge,” Changbin turned his laptop around to show Minho the program. A worker came over to the table and gave Minho his coffee and scones, nodding to him when he offered them a soft thanks. He offered Changbin a scone, raising an eyebrow when he tried to decline at first. With a sigh and a small smile, Changbin took the scone. After a few moments, he swallowed his bite and turned back to the problem at hand. “We can’t get it to flow into my rap at all. Normally we can do something experimental as a segway, but they’re being so frustratingly specific.”

“Here, sing me the bridge first,” Minho suggested. “Then show me your rap. Maybe hearing them back to back will give us some ideas.”

“Hm, maybe,” Changbin took his hand back and quickly ate another bite of scone before washing it down with a dangerously dark iced coffee. “Just... remember that this is a rough version. It’s not going to be perfect...”

“You know how much I love your music, aegi,” Minho smiled warmly, loving the way Changbin’s ears burned red. “I’m your number one fan for a reason.”

Changbin chuckled almost bashfully before taking a breath. He sang lightly, trying to keep his voice just between him and Minho. His eyes fell close as he sang, his head bobbing in time with the lyrics. Minho could hear the distinct Stray Kids sound, but there was something missing.

He paused for a moment, taking another breath before starting to rap. It was a classic SpearB verse, with his favorite unusual pattern and tempo change. Minho fought back the urge to frown - the lyrics seemed almost... watered down compared to the things they normally sang about.

When he was done, he opened his eyes and looked at Minho expectantly, his face open and painted with hesitation.

“Well?” He asked after a moment. “What do you think, hyung?”

“Firstly, I loved it,” Minho took his hand and kissed the back of it. “Secondly, I think if you could work in a key change, or maybe just a half step up or down could be interesting. You already have a tempo change, which always sounds so good with your voice, so maybe switching it up a little between verses could help?”

“Mm, maybe,” Changbin took his hand back and quickly started typing away at his laptop - Minho had no idea how music programs like the one Changbin was using worked, but he could tell the younger boy was working a thousand miles a minute as his fingers typed frantically. He pulled his headphones back on and tapped a few more keys, his head bobbing along to whatever he was hearing. After a few moments, his entire face lit up. “Holy fuck! Hyung, I think that might have been it!”

“Yeah?” Minho’s chest fluttered. After so many years of listening to Stray Kids, now he was helping SpearB himself write their next hit song. It was like a dream come true.

“I gotta send this to hyung and Sungie, like, ten minutes ago.” He said, eyes wide and glued to his screen.

Minho watched Changbin type away with a fond smile, resting his cheek in his hand. He could watch Changbin work for hours, with no need to break the silence. There was just something so enchanting about the concentration in the younger boy’s face that made Minho feel as though he were watching something magical.

“Have you eaten real food yet?” Minho asked as Changbin’s stomach growled loudly.

“Uh...” Changbin stopped typing abruptly, clearly caught red handed. “I had... scone?”

“That’s not-” Minho sighed and shook his head with a fond smile. “Come on aegi. Pack your things up - let’s go get lunch.”

“I should keep working,” Changbin frowned at his laptop. “I just managed to actually make some progress. If I stop now, it’ll be a bitch to get back into it-”

“Please Binnie?” Minho knew it was a cheap trick, but he knew the boys - all seven of them - were weak to his pout. As expected, Changbin took one look at his expression before sighing and saving the program. He closed his laptop and gathered his belongings, stuffing them into his backpack.

“You’re lucky you’re cute...” He muttered, unable to fight back a small smirk. Minho just grinned and snuck a kiss, his cheeks warming at the absolutely smitten look on the younger boy’s face afterwards. He took Changbin’s flustered state to slip the younger boy’s backpack from him and swing it onto his own shoulder. Changbin tried to object only for Minho to steal another kiss, effectively shutting the younger boy up.

They left the café, Minho holding his coffee out for Changbin to sip at.

Neither noticed the camera trained on them as they left.

* * *

Minho hung his clothing on a wooden rack in his living room. He didn’t own many things that couldn’t go in the dryer, but there was enough to make a drying rack a reasonable investment. Layers of fuzzy socks, a pair of yoga leggings, a few pairs of lacy underwear, and a delicate blouse lined the bars, making his living room smell like fabric softener.

“Hyung?” A knock came from the door before it opened. Seungmin poked his head in, his shoulders relaxing a little when he saw Minho.

“Hey Minnie, what’s up?” Minho asked, putting the last pair of panties onto the rack and rolling his sleeves back down.

“I... um,” Seungmin stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind him. “I guess I have a question?”

“It is a ‘talk as I make us lunch’ kind of question or a ‘sit down with no distractions’ kind of question?” Minho didn’t like the look on the younger boy’s face. Out of the six, Seungmin was the one who was the least touchy with him. He cuddled with Minho - he would be just as eager to fight for a chance to be held - and he seemed to preen happily when Minho placed soft kisses on his face, but he never searched Minho out for affection like the others did. Seungmin almost looked... nervous, and that didn’t sit right with Minho. What could be making the ever-level Seungmin so uncomfortable?

“Um, the second kind...” Seungmin said, sounding small.

“Couch or bed?” Minho asked, going over to the boy and petting his bangs gently.

“Bed.”

“Mm.” Minho took Seungmin’s hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. He closed the door firmly behind him, hoping the extra layer of protection from the outside world would help put the younger boy at ease. True to his hopes, Seungmin seemed to relax a little as he sat in the middle of his hyung’s mattress.

“I have something to tell you...” Seungmin started after a few moments of silence. Minho sat next to him, offering his hand. The younger boy hesitated before placing two fingers against Minho’s palm. Minho loosely closed his hand around the offered fingers, making it clear that Seungmin could take his hand back at any time.

“You can tell me anything you’re comfortable with,” Minho assured him. “Nothing that’s said here will get out to anyone else.”

“Well... Even though I, you know, do things with the others, it’s never because I’m like, horny, you know? I like making them feel good, but I never really feel the need to get off like they do.”

“You’re ace?” Minho asked, just wanting to clarify.

“Mm, to some level I guess,” Seungmin bit his bottom lip. “I never was like, disgusted by the idea of sex but I’ve never really sought it out myself. If someone comes to me I’m more than happy to help them.”

“That doesn’t make your sexuality any less valid, aegi,” Minho assured. Seungmin paused for a moment, but it was clear the younger boy was affected by his words. “You can be ace and still enjoy sex.”

“I... I know that,” Seungmin said, sounding as though he were trying to convince himself more than Minho. “I do, really. I- I know that... I just...”

“Take your time, pup.” Minho said, giving the younger boy’s finger a gentle squeeze to remind him that he wasn’t alone.

“I overheard Changbin hyung earlier,” Seungmin’s voice dropped. “He was talking to Jinnie about what kind of things he’s been wanting to try. He said that... that he wanted to be dominated - ropes, gags, whips, blindfolds. Hyunjin said he wasn’t enough of a top for that, but someone must have those kinds of preferences, you know?”

“Mm.” Minho hummed.

“For the first time, I felt like I wanted to- you know,” His blush was quickly working its way up his neck and across his cheeks. “And it scared me, because- well, I was fine with my sexuality, but- but what if...”

“What if what, baby?”

“What if I’m just faking it?” Seungmin sounded scared, and it made Minho’s chest ache painfully. “What if I’m just pretending to be ace? So many people say that we’re j-just faking it for attention, but I never thought that was what I was doing, but why would I get hard hearing hyung talk about that?”

“Firstly, thank you for trusting me with this,” Minho kept his voice low and even. The last thing Seungmin needed was for Minho to get emotional. “It can’t be easy to talk about something so personal. Secondly, you feeling horny doesn’t make you any less ace than you were before. If that’s the label that feels most comfortable, you aren’t faking anything.”

“But-” Seungmin started to interject before sighing, his shoulders slumping.

“Do you think maybe it was the idea of having that power over Changbin that made you feel that way?” Minho suggested. Seungmin’s eyebrows raised as he thought about the question. “Sometimes the dynamic itself can be more attractive than the act.”

“Can that happen?” He looked at Minho, eyes wide and vulnerable.

“Of course,” Minho said, his tone solid and sure. “And that doesn’t make your sexuality any less valid.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm, I promise.” Minho smiled softly. Seungmin moved his hand to lace their fingers together properly.

“Thank you hyung,” He sounded a little more sure of himself. “I... I don’t know why I was freaking out so much. It’s stupid-”

“It’s not stupid,” Minho hadn’t meant to cut him off, but he couldn’t sit by idly and listen to the younger boy talk that way about himself. “Seungmin, you shouldn’t belittle your concerns. If something’s bothering you, you can come to me and talk through it. I don’t want you to think you’re alone.”

“Thank you hyung,” Seungmin’s tongue darted out, wetting his bottom lip. He seemed lost in thought. “I...”

“Are you hungry, pup?” Minho asked carefully. Seungmin nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Mm, perfect. I haven’t eaten yet either, and Chan hyung will gently berate me if I don’t use up the chicken in my fridge.”

Minho and Seungmin made their way back to the kitchen. Seungmin was quiet as Minho started preparing their lunch, happily listening to the older boy prattle on about this and that - school and the shitty professor that kept getting on his nerves, the pair of lace underwear that he accidentally ran through the dryer and had to throw out, the time he tried to make ramen but he had been so drunk that he accidentally put vodka in the cup instead of water because he kept his vodka in a water bottle in the back of his fridge.

Seungmin came over and wrapped his arms around Minho’s waist, resting his cheek on the older boy’s back. Neither said anything as Minho continued to cook, a soft humming filling the kitchen.

“You have a nice voice hyung.” Seungmin said after a while.

“Chan hyung said the same thing, but I don’t really get it,” He chuckled as he plated up their food. “I’m nowhere near as good as you.”

“Why are you always so hard on yourself?”

“What?”

“You always put yourself down,” Seungmin muttered, his voice getting lost in Minho’s shoulder. “You... never let us say anything nice about you.”

“I don’t...” He tried to defend himself, but he knew Seungmin was right.

“Let us love you, hyung.” He pressed a soft kiss to the back of Minho’s neck. Minho shuddered at the sensation, and it didn’t get pass Seungmin’s notice.

“We should eat.” Minho pulled from Seungmin’s arms, turning to hand the younger boy his plate.

“Hyung-”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Minho cut him off. Seungmin looked at him with a complicated expression before nodding. Glad to have something to do, Minho nodded back and pulled a bottle of juice from the fridge, handing it to the younger boy.

“You’re a really amazing person, hyung,” Seungmin said, only once they were halfway through their lunch. Minho blinked mind bite, caught off guard by the sudden conversation. “I’m serious. You’re so nice, and you always know what to say when something’s wrong.”

“I just... I know what I would have people to say to me when I’m going through some shit, so I guess I just go from there,” Minho picked at the last few bites on his plate. “It’s really not anything that outrageous.”

Seungmin stood and took their plates, slipping them into the sink before taking Minho by the wrist and tugging him from the kitchen. Minho followed without resistance, wondering why the younger boy was taking him somewhere.

He felt himself being pushed down onto the couch, a weight pressing against him before he could figure out what was happening. Seungmin’s arms wrapped around his neck, the younger boy hiding his nose in Minho’s shoulder. Minho held Seungmin’s waist, letting the boy straddle him comfortably.

After a moment, Seungmin relaxed fully in Minho’s arms, nuzzling his hyung’s throat, his breath tickling his skin.

Minho had work to do, but for the time being he was more than content to just sit on the couch, Seungmin dozing off on his lap.

* * *

  
“Binnie said you helped him out yesterday?” Chan asked as they settled onto Minho’s couch, each with their own laptops on their laps. Their legs were tangled together in the middle, their backs resting against their respective armrest. Seungmin had left a short while ago, and Minho was attempting to catch up on his assignments.

“Mm, he looked really stressed,” he recalled with a small frown. He looked up from his essay - one that he was barely putting any effort into to begin with - and caught Chan’s adoring gaze. “I thought the song sounded good, but he looked like he was going to cry.”

“We’ve all been really stressed about this, but Binnie’s been worse than me or Sung,” Chan sighed and ran a hand through his fluffy bangs. “He feels more responsible cuz it was his verse that was giving us the most trouble... I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means to me that you were able to help him...”

“I’d do anything for him,” Minho said without a second thought. They both know he meant all of them - not just Changbin. “I’m just worried that it’ll get bad again...”

“With both of us looking over them, I think they’re going to be okay.” Chan set his laptop aside before doing the same with Minho’s, pulling the younger boy onto his lap once they were free of their work.

Minho instantly leaned into the kiss, letting Chan lick his way into his mouth. There was just something so addicting about the way Chan touched him. He couldn’t hold back a shuddering sigh as Chan’s hands wrapped around his waist, forcing him to lightly grind down on his hips.

Chan took the opportunity to bite Minho’s lip, urging the younger boy to whimper at the sharp bursts of pain before kissing the ache away. He began kissing down Minho’s throat, sucking harsh marks into his skin as his hands slipped down Minho’s sweatpants.

“Fuck...” Chan chuckled breathlessly as he felt Minho buck against his hand. “You’re dangerous, you know that?”

“Hyung...” Minho could feel his body warming. Chan’s hands always felt so good on his body, the older boy always able to spark a fire in his veins that consumed his mind.

“You’re so pretty,” Chan whispered, biting harshly into Minho’s shoulder. “I just want to ruin you...”

“Th-then do it.” Minho ground down, smirking a little at how Chan’s eyes rolled back before closing tightly.

“Don’t test me, kitten.” He licked a stripe up Minho’s throat before capturing the younger boy’s lips again.

Minho could feel his thighs shaking as he held himself over Chan. He wanted nothing more than to let the older boy absolutely destroy him - in fact, he felt as though he might actually explode if he didn’t have Chan’s hands on him - in him - in the next five minutes-

“H-hyung?” A soft voice came from the front door. Minho and Chan froze, their heads whipping up. “Fuck... I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come-”

“Hyunjin,” Minho breathed, his chest aching from how quickly the arousal drained from his body, leaving him hollow. “No, aegi, come in.”

“I’m s-sorry, I just-” He cut himself off with a small sob.

“Hyung, can you go back for a little bit?” Minho asked Chan as he crawled from his lap.

“I...” Chan glanced between Minho and Hyunjin, who was crying silently. “Of course. Text me later.”

“Mm,” Minho went over to the younger boy and pulled Hyunjin into a tight hug as Chan let himself out of the apartment. “Is it getting bad again?”

“S-so bad,” Hyunjin sobbed into his shoulder. Trembling fingers gripped Minho’s shirt, the threads snapping under the stress. “Hyung, I-I-I want to f-fucking hurt myself so f-fucking badly I want to throw up-”

“You’re okay,” Minho whispered, holding the boy close. “You’re safe aegi. Hyung is here for you. You’re not alone.”

“Hyung-” Hyunjin cut himself with a soul crushing sob. Minho scooped the younger boy into his arms, carrying him quickly to the bedroom. The covers were still wrinkled from when he and Seungmin had their talk.

“You’re alright baby,” Minho rubbed his back, letting Hyunjin sob into his chest. “Hyung’s here for you. You’re not alone. You’re so strong. I’m so proud of you for coming to find me.”

Hyunjin continued to cry for what felt like ages, though was probably closer to half an hour. By the time his sobs started to calm, his entire face was swollen and blotchy, his eyes painfully red and his breathing shallow.

“I’m s-sorry.” He whispered weakly, hiding his face.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Minho assured him quickly. “I’m so proud of you for coming to find me.”

“I blue balled you,” Hyunjin sounded distraught. “You and-and Channie hyung deserve to be happy and I’m ruining everything-”

“Aegi, talk to me,” Minho cut him off. “What happened?”

“That’s the problem!” Hyunjin’s voice raised as he pushed away from Minho. He threaded his fingers through his hair tugging roughly at the roots as the elder tried to stop him from hurting himself. “Nothing’s fucking wrong! Everything’s fine! So-so why do I feel so fucking bad? I j-just woke up and everything sucked and my head hurt and everyone kept- kept pissing me off and all day it felt like-like my skin was too fucking tight and I need to get it off! Hyung, I need to get it off or I’m going to fucking suffocate-”

“Breathe with me,” Minho said firmly, taking Hyunjin’s hands in his own. Hyunjin fought it for a moment before he stopped resisting entirely. “In, and out. Good, baby, follow hyung. In.. and out...”

Minho continued until Hyunjin’s breathing was even again, even if the younger boy couldn’t look him in the eye.

“You’re okay aegi,” Minho pulled Hyunjin into his chest, resting the younger boy’s head against his chest. “Sometimes we just wake up and everything sucks. That’s not your fault - your brain just decided to be a dick today. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I want to give in,” Hyunjin admitted weakly. “I-I- my leg itches so badly and-and my chest hurt and I just want to make it stop.”

“I know, but you’re doing so good,” Minho began to rock gently. “You’re so strong. How many days has it been?”

“Like... two weeks?” He sniffled, and Minho couldn’t hold back a bright grin.

“Two weeks? Hyunjin that’s amazing!” He made the younger boy sit up and look him in the eye. “You said it yourself you can’t go for more than a week, but you’re already doubled that. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

“R-really?” Hyunjin asked, his voice cracking. The heart breaking vulnerability and fear in the younger boy’s eyes... it made Minho’s throat burn.

“Mm,” He swallowed back his tears. Hyunjin needed him to be strong. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

“It’s still there...” Hyunjin’s eyes closed tightly. Minho knew what he meant immediately - the urge was still there, breaking down Hyunjin’s resolve more and more by the second.

“Do you want hyung to distract you?” Minho asked. Hyunjin nodded quickly, and Minho pulled his face up to his.

He kissed Hyunjin gently at first, giving the younger boy complete control. Hyunjin instantly deepened the kiss, desperate and silently begging Minho to take care of him. Holding him by his thighs, Minho picked Hyunjin up and placed him back down on the bed underneath him. He looked down at the younger boy - his tear stained cheeks and the desperation to be comforted so clear on his face - and found himself weak to Hyunjin’s whims.

Pinning the younger boy’s arms above his head, Minho leaned back down and kissed Hyunjin deeply, his hips grinding down.

“Hyung...” Hyunjin sobbed softly, looking up at Minho as if he was the only thing tying him to the earth anymore. “Please...”

“Of course, baby,” Minho promised. “Just tell me what you need.”

Minho watched Hyunjin sleep. They didn’t fully sleep together, but he coaxed enough orgasms out of the younger boy to knock him out. He had a feeling Hyunjin would be sleeping for a while, especially after the emotional and physical exhaustion he just went through.

Hyunjin shifted in his sleep, rolling onto his back to show the mosaic of bruises that littered his skin, stretching from just under his jaw, all the way down his bare chest. Minho traced a few, wondering if he had been too rough. Hyunjin had asked - had _begged_ \- Minho to go harder, to be rougher.

He was replacing one form of pain with another, and Minho hoped Hyunjin realized the difference between the two.

The memory of Hyunjin cursing at him to bite harder was seared into Minho’s mind. Of course, he refrained from hurting the younger boy too much.

He would have to have a serious talk with Hyunjin when he woke up. It wasn’t healthy to use rough sex as a replacement to self harm - using it as a distraction worked well enough, but it couldn’t become another addiction, or it would go against the whole recovery thing.

A light chime echoed through the room. Minho checked his phone and saw a new message from Chan. He glanced at Hyunjin once more before hitting the call button.

“Hey.” Chan said, picking up on the third ring.

“Hey...” Minho whispered. He knew Hyunjin was out cold, but he still wanted to be careful.

“Is... is Hyunjin alright?”

“Mm, he just...” Minho sighed heavily. He couldn’t tell Chan without Hyunjin’s permission - if Hyunjin found out he told anyone, the younger boy wouldn’t trust him anymore, and he would end up pushing everyone else away. Minho couldn't leave him alone like that. “He was stressed - said he woke up in a bad mood and I guess everything kind of hit him at once.”

“But he’s better?”

“Yeah, he’s sleeping now,” Minho reached over and mindlessly began petting the boy’s head. “I’m gonna keep him overnight.”

“That’s okay, as long as he’s being taken care of,” Chan paused. “Min, if something was bothering you, you’d tell me, right?”

“Of course... why bring that up all of a sudden?” Minho didn’t like how tight his chest was.

“Seungmin talked to me a little bit ago. He told me that you talked to him about the whole Changbin thing.”

“Mm, how’s he doing with that?”

“Better, thanks to you,” Chan fell silent again. “Minho, you have no idea what it means to me that you care for my boys as much as you do... but remember to take care of yourself too, okay?”

“Of course.” Minho didn’t understand how to put himself before someone else, especially someone he cared about who needed him. Did Chan not realize that about him yet?

“I was hoping I could... take care of you, the way you’ve been taking care of us, but...”

“Next time,” Minho smiled. He could hear the faint frustration in Chan’s voice and it set off a flurry in his stomach. Chan really cared about him, huh? “You should go to sleep now. I’ll text Binnie and Jisung and berate them too.”

“You’re too good to us,” Chan sighed, his exhaustion finally bleeding through his words. It made Minho’s own fatigue deepen. “Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?”

“I’m not alone,” Minho whispered into the phone. “Not anymore, at least.”

“Let’s go on a date tomorrow,” Chan suggested. “I haven’t taken you out properly since we became boyfriends.”

“Sounds perfect,” Minho chuckled a little. Chan was just so cute. “I’ll make sure to dress up extra nice, just for you.”

“Mm,” Chan yawned, and Minho could hear his jaw clicking from how wide he had to open his mouth. He must have been even more exhausted than Minho initially thought.

“You’re stunning no matter what you wear.”

“Goodnight hyung.” Minho smiled softly.

“Night kitten,” Chan yawned again. “Mm... love you...”

“Love you too.” Minho didn’t think twice about returning it. Chan hummed again before hanging up, leaving Minho alone with Hyunjin.

It scared him, a little - how easily he could tell Chan he loved him. Sure, he joked about being in love with CB97, and how they were soulmates, but it wasn’t the same.

“Love you hyung.” Minho repeated to himself, knowing Chan couldn’t hear him. As curled up next to Hyunjin, he wondered what kind of date Chan would take him on in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time is so wack man I thought it had been a few days since I updated this already but jokes on me it was literally yesterday ToT 
> 
> There were actually two hints to the upcoming angst, if anyone could catch them! I feel like the one was more obvious than the other, but who knows :3


	11. The Cat's Out of The Bag

“Are you sure you’re not getting bored, hyung?” Changbin questioned, glancing behind him to where Minho was sitting. They were in the rented studio room - Minho, Changbin, and Jisung. The eldest was sitting on the small couch that was pushed into the corner while Changbin and Jisung were fiddling around on their computers. He had been watching the younger boys work for the last two or so hours, completely content. Unfortunately, Chan had been called out of the studio to talk to some YW bossman, so he hadn’t been seen in almost an hour.

Changbin blinked before smirking and swiveling around fully in his chair. He had a feeling Jisung was being a little two quiet, and now he knew why.

Jisung was seated in Minho’s lap, straddling the older boy. Minho was holding him around the waist as the younger boy lazily sucked marks into his throat. Minho could feel his cheeks warm, but otherwise it was actually a very comfortable position.

“If he’s bothering you, you can kick him off.” Changbin noted with a chuckle. At his suggestion, Jisung held onto Minho tighter, as if afraid of being pried off his hyung’s lap.

“It’s okay,” Minho rubbed the small of Jisung’s back gently. “I’m actually really comfortable. I just don’t want to be a distraction...”

“I have the feeling we won’t be getting any more done today anyway,” Changbin stretched his arms above his head and groaned as his spine cracked. “We’re mostly just polishing the rough patches. We have like... two or three weeks before our deadline, which is... fucking amazing.”

“Thanks to you, we were able to get a fuck ton of work done in the last two days,” Jisung said against Minho’s neck, his tongue lapping against one of the harsher bite marks.

Minho wondered briefly if anyone would notice the excessive amount of hickies littering basically every inch of his body, but whenever he went out, he didn’t notice any extra stares. That might have been because he almost always had someone clinging to his arm, or holding his hand when he left the apartment, so maybe people were less judgmental? “We’re so ahead of schedule, even Channie hyung’s been a little more relaxed.”

“He actually came back home before midnight last night,” Changbin added with a nod. “I can’t remember the last thing that’s happened. It’s hard to get him back at a decent hour on a normal day, but when we’re working towards a deadline he’s a thousand times worse.”

“I’m glad he’s resting more,” Minho felt his face soften, as it always did whenever he thought about Chan. “Maybe I’ll make him a special dinner tonight.”

“Mm, hyung’s so lucky.” Jisung sighed, pressing a soft kiss to Minho’s jawline.

“If only you’d like us as much as you like him.” Changbin pouted a little, moving to stand behind Jisung. He pressed his chest against the younger boy’s back, grinding his dick into Jisung’s ass lightly. Minho felt Jisung freeze, his thighs tensing around his waist.

“Hyung...” Jisung’s face lit up red - he was supposed to be the shameless one!

“You’re both so pretty,” Changbin chuckled, snapping a picture from his angle, showing off how he was pressing Jisung down onto Minho. “The others are going to be so jealous.”

“Oh to be part of Minho hyung’s first threesome,” Jisung said wistfully, causing the older boy in question to laugh. Jisung sat back and looked at Minho with mock horror.

“Unless... unless Minho hyung has already had a threesome? Was it with Channie hyung? I thought I was your second favorite! You could have at LEAST invited me to join in!”

“I haven’t had a threesome yet,” Minho grinned, almost surprised at how easily he could talk about something like that without feeling awkward. He found it impossible to be awkward around his boys, no matter what they were talking about. “If the situation comes up, you’ll be the first person I call.”

“You know... we could check that off the bucket list right now,” Changbin pointed out with a purse of his lips. “We have the studio room until midnight, so no one would come to bother us...”

“Don’t tease me,” Jisung whined, slumping tiredly against Minho’s chest. Minho just hummed and rubbed the boy’s back in a comforting manner. “You can’t say shit like that and not deliver. It’s against the rules.”

“What rules?” Changbin asked with a smirk, lightly grinding against Jisung’s ass again, causing the boy to whine.

“My rules!” He snapped, whipping his head around to glare at his friend. “Jisung’s rules state if you’re gonna suggest a threesome, you gotta go through with it!”

“Well,” Changbin’s smirk curled even more, his hands finding their way around the youngest boy’s waist. “If those are the rules...”

He leaned in and kissed Jisung’s shoulder, the younger boy’s eyes falling shut happily.

“Hyung-” Jisung was cut off by the sound of the phone ringing. All three boys jumped, their hearts thudding against their chest. Changbin went to answer the call as Jisung slid off Minho’s lap and laid sideways on the couch, his hand against his chest and eyes staring, unseeing, up at the ceiling.

“What- hyung, slow down,” Changbin said. Minho sat up, instantly not liking the tone of the younger rapper’s voice. “What happened? I’m putting you on speaker.”

“Where are you guys?!” Chan’s voice all but shouted from the phone.

“What? We’re still at the studio-” Jisung sat up, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Did something happen?” Minho stood and went over to Changbin. Unlike usual, Chan had audio called them - Chan loved to facetime, because he liked being able to see his boys’ when he spoke to them. For Chan to be hiding his face was very concerning.

“Fuck, okay,” He sounded frantic. “Fuck, don’t leave the building. I’m on my way. Please just... don’t go anywhere until I get there.”

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Minho asked, taking the phone.

“I-I’ll explain when I get there,” It was clear he was running. “Please... just stay where you are.”

“Hyung-” Minho tried, but Chan had ended the call. Before either Changbin or Jisung could say anything, Minho was handing the phone back. “Pack everything up. We need to be ready to go when hyung gets here.”

“What’s going on?” Jisung sounded almost scared. Minho turned and pulled him into a hug, holding the boy’s head against his chest for a moment.

“It’ll be okay,” Minho promised, already feeling sick to his stomach - he knew more than anyone that he would most likely end up lying to them. If Chan was so scared, it must be something bad. “Pack your things up.”

Jisung nodded and went over to the desk, saving his programs and shoving his laptop into his bag. Minho checked his phone, wondering if he missed something while the three of them had been distracted. The new group chat - Stray Kids plus Minho - had over a hundred notifications, but before he had a chance to try to back read, he got a notification.

It was one of the sudden news notifications from Twitter, that normally just told him shit that he really didn’t care about, but this time he cared a lot.

_Faceless group Stray Kids, rumored to be signing with YellowWood entertainment, identities leaked by anonymous source_

“Oh fuck...” Minho felt his stomach lurch. He quickly tapped the notification, his heartbeat getting louder and louder in his ears with every second it took to load.

He was greeted with blurry pictures of Changbin at the café and... and Minho walking next to him. The first set of photos caught Minho leaning over and kissing Changbin before the two made their way from the building.

_Anonymous source said they heard the boy on the left rapping and recognized SpearB’s voice. The true identity of the boys are unknown, as of now._

_SpearB, member of rising group Stray Kids, identified as Seo Changbin, age 21._

_Seo Changbin’s school record released - SpearB a delinquent student?_

_Friends of Seo Changbin, also known as SpearB of Stray Kids, identified as Lee Felix (20) and Hwang Hyunjin (20)._

_Hwang Hyunjin released from his modeling contract due to controversy growing around Stray Kids._

Minho could feel his breathing pick up. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help but scroll through what people were saying. So many people were supporting them - calling out Koreaboo, Dispatch, and the other news sites that were already twisting things. There were miles of tweets of people telling the sites to mind their own business - Almost every other tweet was something along the lines of ‘I’ve never even heard of Stray Kids until this but even I can tell they don’t deserve this shit”.

What scared him were the tweets with the complete opposite energy.

_How can we trust someone with a criminal record?_

_No wonder they hid their faces - they’re fucking ugly!_

_YW already has enough artists signed under them. They don’t need a problematic group to ruin their reputation._

_If this group signs with YW, what’s going to happen to our favs? They don’t deserve for their company to put all their funding towards damage control for a DIFFERENT GROUP._

More pictures started pouring in - shots of Changbin and Jisung walking towards the studios from this afternoon, pictures of Changbin from his high school yearbook. Pictures of Hyunjin’s modeling shots and illegal pictures taken in the lobby of the apartment building.

“Hyung... what’s going on?” Jisung whispered, his words trembling.

“Um...” How could he explain this without freaking them out more? “Someone... someone heard Bin rapping and recognized his voice.”

“Oh?”

“Someone else saw the pictures they posted, and recognized Bin from high school, apparently,” Minho saw how Changbin’s face went white as snow, his eyes glassy and utterly horrified. “Now... people are speculating who the other members are... they’ve already found pictures of Felix and Hyunjin.”

“Why-” Jisung’s question was cut off as the studio door flew open. Chan rushed in, looking wild. The moment he saw Minho, he slammed the door shut and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, hiding his face in Minho’s shoulder.

“Hyung...” Minho breathed, holding the older boy tightly.

“We have to go,” Chan whispered, sounding broken. “I don’t- I don’t know why they’re already targeting us but...”

“What happened?”

“They know we rent rooms here,” He twisted shaking hands into Minho’s shirt. “There’s a small mob waiting out front.”

“Why?” Jisung yelped. “We’re not that popular! Why does it matter that our identities were leaked?”

“Because people like the drama,” Chan hissed. “They think we’re going to- to fuck up the reputation of YW, and the other groups under them, apparently.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Jisung exclaimed, slamming his hands down on the desktop. “We didn’t do shit!”

“It’s mostly bandwagon hate,” Minho added softly, trying to calm Chan a little. “I was reading through twitter. It looks like most people are just as confused as we are, and the ones that are trying to start shit are trying to start shit for the fun of it. Hopefully it’ll blow over as soon as people realize there aren't actually any scandals to bring back up.”

“B-but there are...” Changbin croaked, looking close to passing out.

“Bin?”

“It was years ago,” Changbin’s voice shook harder. Minho had to pull away from Chan slightly to look at the younger boy. He had tears rolling down pale cheeks, and had wrapped his arms around himself. “Back when I was still in High school... I got suspended for smoking. I-I didn’t care back then. I didn’t even expect to fucking graduate at all, so I just... fucked around... If my school records have been made public... oh my god, we’re fucked and it’s all my fault-”

“Binnie,” Minho rushed over to his side and caught him just as he fell to his knees. Changbin tried to cover his face to muffle his sobs, but Minho let the younger boy cry into his chest. “Baby, it’s not your fault. What you did when you were younger doesn’t define who you are as a person. Just because you did some bad things doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Besides... What other things could you have done? Skipped class? Got into fights? Changbin, aegi, those are things that all teenagers do.”

“H-hyung...” Changbin cried harder, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“I know my record has some shit on it,” Minho admitted. “I got into fights every other week because kids kept trying to bully me for being into guys. I skipped class at least three or four times a month just for the hell of it. I got sent down to the guidance counselor all the time because the teachers were ‘worried’ about me but didn’t actually care enough to do anything about it themselves... What I’m trying to say is that just because you have a record from years ago, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Fifteen year old Binnie had no idea what his future held. He was just trying to survive high school.”

“Come one aegi,” Chan knelt next to them, helping Changbin stand. “There should be a Lyft waiting around back to take us home.”

“Wanna go h-home...” Changbin sniffled weakly, looking seconds away from bursting into tears again.

“Mm, let’s go home pup.” Chan kissed Changbin’s forehead. Minho took Changbin’s bag in one hand and Jisung’s hand in another, pulling the youngest from the studio.

He could feel Jisung’s fingers trembling in his own.

* * *

  
“What are we going to do?” Seungmin was the first to break the silence. After Chan brought them back to the apartment, all eight of them had been sitting in the living room, no one quite sure what to say. Minho tried to discreetly keep up with the news, but it seemed Chan confiscated the others’ phones to prevent them from doing exactly that.

“Lay low for now,” Chan sounded exhausted - more so than Minho had ever heard him sound before. “I have a meeting with YW soon about PR shit, but for now, all we can do is keep a low profile and try to stop any more shit from getting out.”

“How can we do that?” Felix asked. His eyes were rimmed red and was curled into Jeongin’s side, the younger boy doing his best to comfort his friend.

“Hopefully, if we can keep from adding any fuel to the flames, it’ll help this whole situation blow over.”

“What if something happens and we get cornered or something?” Jisung asked. He was sitting on the couch next to Hyunjin, who had a shell shocked look on his face.

“In that situation... just do whatever you can to get out without any conflict,” Chan swallowed thickly. “Our whole message is about acceptance and making sure people know they aren’t alone. Our real fans will support us through this and as long as we stick to our morals, everything is going to be okay, I promise.”

“How can you promise that?” Hyunjin whispered. “H-how can you promise anything is going to be okay? This- this could be the end of everything... how could we have thought revealing our faces would be a good thing?” His voice started getting louder. “How could we have been so stupid? It’s all fucking over! Everything we’ve done! It’s fucking GONE-”

Hyunjin sprung to his feet and tore out of the living room, leaving a ringing silence behind. Minho could feel his mouth trembling as he fought back tears. He had no right to cry - it wasn’t his life, or his career that was on the line. No matter how close he felt with the others, he was still an outsider in this aspect of their lives.

Minho saw himself out, going as silently as possible. When he closed the door to his own apartment behind him, he let out a breath. No one noticed him go yet, and he was hoping Chan would be able to focus on helping his boys now that Minho wasn’t there.

His chest felt heavy as he went to his bathroom. He felt so powerless - how could he possibly make anything better for them? All he wanted to do was take care of them, and make their lives a little easier, if he could.

Now he was completely useless. No amount of platonic fucking could solve this, and what else did Minho have to offer other than that?

He turned the shower on, hoping the scalding water would be enough to give him the answers he craved and he would be able to go back to Chan with some kind of solution. Stripping out of his clothes, he grimaced a little. His boxers were a little stiff from before, when Jisung and Changbin were teasing him. It just served as another reminder to how quickly everything seemed to go wrong.

Catching sight of himself in the mirror, Minho paused.

Who was the person staring back at him? Because it certainly wasn’t the Minho he used to know. This new Minho was littered with hickies and bites and scratches covering his throat, his chest, his stomach and thighs and back. This Minho seemed more mature, and maybe his eyes were a little less dead.

He thought about the fear and hopelessness in Hyunjin’s voice. His eyes stung, tears clinging to his eyelashes. They fell down his cheeks, but he made no move to wipe them away or pull himself together just yet.

His previous way of getting his pain and anger out was no longer on the table, so all he could do was cry.

He cried for Chan, and for the stress he was already under. He cried to Changbin, and how scared the boy was when he realized his record had been leaked. He cried for Felix and Hyunjin, who were already outed and targeted. He cried for the others, who were probably scared shitless that they would be next.

Stray Kids did so much for Minho - they saved his life with their music, and their voices calmed his panic attacks. When he finally met them in real life, they gave him a home to come back to. They gave him all the love he never thought he would deserve.

And now they were hurting, and it was partially his fault.

If he had waited to get back to the studio, or the apartment, before asking Changbin to rap for him, this entire situation NEVER would have happened. Their identities would have been revealed at their own pace. It was all his fault that they were going through this much strife and pain.

His thigh itched. He deserved to hurt himself. This was all his fault - he deserved to be punished for being so thoughtless and cruel.

“Fuck...” Minho shook his head and stepped into the shower, quickly washing himself and turning the water off before it started to cool. His skin was tinted pink from the heat as he slipped on a pair of sweatpants. His skin was crawling, and he couldn’t stomach the idea of boxers or shirts pressing against his body. He just wanted to stop existing for a little bit because the thought of having to continue being alive exhausted him.

His front door clicked shut. Minho stepped out of the bathroom at the same time as a body came barreling into him.

“Hyunjin?” He asked, catching the boy.

“Hyung, please-” Hyunjin’s nails dug into Minho’s chest as he scrambled for something to hold on to.

Before Minho could ask what Hyunjin needed, he felt himself being dragged towards the bedroom. Minho was thrown onto the bed and felt himself being straddled, Hyunjin grinding down hard against him. There was something closed off about the boy’s expression.

“Jinnie-” Minho felt his head falling back as Hyunjin ground down again, rolling his hips expertly. The younger boy’s body moved like water, pressing down in all the right places and taking Minho’s words right from his mouth. He groaned low as his dick started to roll up to meet Hyunjin’s hips.

“Hyung,” Hyunjin sounded breathless. “I need you.”

“Wh-”

“Please?” Hyunjin rutted against Minho’s dick, the thin fabric of his sweatpants doing nothing to separate them. “I want hyung to wreck me. I want hyung to destroy me... throw me down and fuck me until I’m sobbing. I want hyung’s cock to make me forget my name... I want hyung to hit me and make me hurt. I w-want hyung to make me bleed-”

“Aegi,” The tone of Minho’s voice made Hyunjin freeze, his eyes widening in horror and vulnerability. Minho maneuvered the younger boy so he was sitting more innocently on his lap, trying his best to ignore how painfully hard he was. He shifted his hips away so Hyunjin wouldn’t feel the damp patch growing on his sweatpants. “Talk to hyung.”

“I c-can’t do it,” Hyunjin whispered brokenly. “I’m- I’m not strong enough... I’m fucking weak and pathetic... I tried wh-what you s-s-said but it-it didn’t w-work and-”

“Can you take your clothes off for me, aegi?” Minho had a sinking feeling he knew what Hyunjin was panicking about, and he prayed that he was wrong - he never wanted to be wrong more in his entire life.

Hyunjin hesitated before slowly pulling his shirt off. The first thing Minho saw was the red welts ripped down his arms, where his nails had dug into flesh and pulled. Molten purple bruises were already starting to form along the scratches, and there were a few spots where blood had started to bleed through the skin.

“Hyung, I’m s-sorry-”

“Is there any more?” Minho asked calmly.

Hyunjin’s hands went up to his arms, subconsciously starting to drag his nails down the tracks on his skin. Minho grabbed his hands and pulled them away, pinning his wrists to his chest. He could feel the heat radiating off the abused flesh.

“Please,” Minho whispered. “I just want to help. You don’t have to be alone.”

“I’m sorry...” Hyunjin slipped his sweatpants off, and Minho almost let out a sob of relief.

Instead of the massacre he had been expecting, there were only a few thin lines placed over the healing scars. They couldn’t have been made with anything sharper than a pair of scissors, which meant there was very little bleeding, and the scratches that had started to bleed had already clotted completely.

“Thank you for showing me,” Minho ran a thumb over the scratches. Hyunjin shuddered under his touch. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Wh-why would you be p-proud of me?” Hyunjin whimpered. “I fucked up-”

“You could have hurt yourself so much worse,” Minho pointed out, pressing a kiss to the burning skin of his arms. “But you didn’t. You had the chance - the reason to hurt yourself worse, but you help back. That takes so much strength.”

“I wanted to so badly, but- but I didn’t wanna disappoint you.”

“You could never disappoint me, angel,” Minho pressed a long kiss to his temple. “I’m so fucking proud of you... and one day, if you want hyung to treat you that rough, I will, but only when you’re in a good head space. I know what you’re trying to do, and I don’t want to hurt you in place of you hurting yourself.”

“I’m s-sorry... I didn’t want you to-”

“Shh, it’s alright,” Minho knew Hyunjin hadn’t been trying to make him replace his self harm - he probably hadn’t even realized the connotations of what he was asking. He just wanted a distraction, and his body was craving pain more than comfort. “Hyung’ll take care of you, okay?”

“Please...” Hyunjin asked weakly. “I don’t know what to do...”

“Just rely on your hyungs,” Minho kissed Hyunjin’s tears away. “We’ll do whatever it takes to make things okay.”

“How? Everything’s gone to shit!”

“Because... because it isn’t the end yet.” He hummed, running his fingers through the boy’s hair to tug out the tangles.

“What?”

“Things aren’t okay right now, but that’s alright because everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay yet, then we still have time. It’s not the end.”

“Chan hyung said the same thing.” Hyunjin let his weight lean against Minho, who blinked in pleasant surprise. When Chan said he liked the saying, he hadn’t anticipated the older boy taking it and using it to comfort his boys. It made his chest warm to know he was able to have some kind of impact.

“Do you want to go to sleep?”

“Still want hyung to fuck me...” Hyunjin hid his face.

“Mm, alright aegi,” Minho laid Hyunjin out under him, running a hand down the boy’s chest, his fingers ghosting over his stomach. “Tell hyung what you want.”

“Touch me? Please?” Hyunjin closed his eyes, his ears burning. Minho hummed and slipped Hyunjin’s underwear off, tossing them towards the rest of the younger’s discarded clothing. Now that he was bare, Hyunjin seemed bashful. He turned, hiding his scars in the sheets of the bed.

“Don’t hide from me,” Minho ordered gently, tapping the boy’s hip. “Let hyung see how pretty you are.”

“Hyung...” Hyunjin whined, rolling back to lay flat.

“Mm, so pretty for me,” Minho nipped along Hyunjin’s throat, pressing a kiss to his pulse point before continuing down. “Such a good boy.”

Minho and Hyunjin had done things together before, but they hadn’t gone all the way yet - they’ve done just about everything leading up to it though. It seemed fitting that their first time together was to show Hyunjin how loved and supported he was, even if he felt unworthy because he relapsed.

He grabbed the bottle of lube from his bedside drawer - it didn’t escape his notice that it was already half empty, even though Chan had bought it only a few days before. Hyunjin sighed happily as Minho touched him in all the right ways, placing gentle, loving hands all over his skin, his body starting to burn hotter.

“You’re so good,” Minho whispered into the younger boy’s mouth as he kissed his open lips. His fingers worked Hyunjin open, each move calculated and thorough. Hyunjin whined and tried to push down on Minho’s hand, only to be held in place. “I’m so proud of you aegi. You’re so pretty and strong. You feel so good around hyung’s fingers... you’re going to feel even better around my cock. You want hyung, baby?”

“Mmm,” Hyunjin whined. “Hyung, please!”

“Such a good boy for me,” Minho showered the younger boy in praises, never letting a moment pass where he wasn’t whispering something sweet into Hyunjin’s ear. He pressed in without resistance, watching for any sign of discomfort and finding none. “I’m so proud of you... such a pretty pup for hyung.”

“Hyung,” Hyunjin cried, tears streaming down his cheek, soaking into the pillowcase as he writhed under Minho. “I-I-”

“Use your words Princess.” Minho cooed, coaxing those addictive sounds from his partner’s swollen lips.

“I love you hyung,” Hyunjin sobbed, covering his face as he blubbered wetly. Minho stilled, causing Hyunjin to whine and thrash a little, trying to get the older boy to start moving again. “Wh-why did you stop? Keep going...”

“I...” Minho rolled his hips, his heartbeat picking up at the soft sigh that escaped Hyunjin’s mouth. “I love you too, aegi.”

Hyunjin didn’t seem to realize what either of them had said, far too focused on how the older boy seemed to know exactly how to move to make fireworks explode in his blood with each thrust.

Minho tried not to think about - at least, not yet.

Minho held Hyunjin close to his chest. Both were still naked, but Minho had wiped them down before letting Hyunjin fall asleep. The sheets needed to be changed, but he threw some towels to cover the mess and saved the work for future Minho to handle.

Did he love Hyunjin? He knew he loved Chan - he was in love with Chan. He also knew he loved the other boys - they were all so important to him, but was it the same kind of love that he felt for Chan?

He didn’t know.

Footsteps creaked towards the bedroom, the door opening for just a moment before closing again. Minho felt someone crawl into bed with him, curling up being his back, their forehead pressing against his spine.

“Felix.” Minho didn’t need to see to know who it was.

“Hyung...” Felix whispered back. “Does Jinnie feel better?”

“Mm, I hope so,” Minho shifted so Felix could curl into his side properly. There was no way for the younger boy to not know Minho was completely naked, even if Felix was wearing a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt. “How are you feeling?”

“Scared,” He admitted softly. “But I feel better now.”

“Mm?”

“Now that I’m with you,” Felix leaned up and kissed Minho softly, his lips lingering on the older boy’s mouth before surging back up again. Minho kissed Felix back, careful not to jostle the sleeping figure on his other side. Felix pulled back after a few moments, leaving Minho’s mouth tasting like soju. “Thank you.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Can you fuck me without waking Jinnie up?” There was a hint of a smile in Felix’s request. Minho chuckled lightly as he pressed a soft kiss to the boy’s cheek.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I can,” Minho let Felix’s hand explore his chest. “He’s pretty konked out, but I feel that he might wake up if the whole bed started swaying.”

“Mm, you’re probably right,” Felix huffed a soft laugh, his breath ghosting over Minho’s nipple, making him gasp a little. “Go to sleep hyung.”

“Wh-?” Minho’s eyes flew open when he felt Felix duck under the sheets. Felix gave a cheeky ‘shhhh’ before making Minho whine under his touches. Minho bit his pillow to keep himself from whimpering too loudly. He was still a little sensitive from before, but Felix was persistent and was good at what he was doing. Hyunjin hummed in his sleep, pressing his bare chest against Minho’s arm.

In that moment, Minho realized something dangerous.

He loved his boys, and maybe it was less platonic than it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keira end a chapter without them falling asleep challenge failed XD I didn't even realize I was doing that until I went back to reread what I have so far and started noticing a pattern.
> 
> I tried to keep the smut somewhat vague, but I definitely wanted to include it because it's a huge point in Hyunjin's personal plot. I know some people aren't comfortable with it, so I try to make smut within a larger story a little vague about the physical details but ramp up the emotional ones, if that makes sense? One shots that are specifically about fuckin' are gonna be detailed tho lmao
> 
> This was one of the two plots I hinted at in the last chapter! The other one won't come into play for a little while yet, but it's gonna be angtsy af


	12. The Not so Calm Before the Storm

Minho struggled to carry the bags into the apartment building. He wished he could ask someone to come help him, but that would negate the entire point of him going out to get groceries for the others in the first place.

It had been a full week since the first set of pictures dropped, and things have done anything but settle. It seemed almost everyday there was some new ‘evidence’ of past discretions, or rumors being started based on blurry pictures. Someone claimed Changbin spiked their drink at a high school party. Another claimed Felix knocked her up and abandoned her - Minho was filled with white hot fury as Felix sobbed into his chest, begging Minho to believe that he would never do something like that.

In that week, YW had been completely silent. Chan had gone to them several times - on the phone and in person - to try and get a meeting with someone - anyone! - and talk about what’s going on, but they kept redirecting him in circles.

Minho thought he felt useless before, but now... now he felt completely lost. Every single night since the news broke, someone slipped into his apartment. The first night had been Hyunjin and Felix. The second had been Jeongin, woken from a nightmare about his identity being leaked and being attacked on the streets. The third night brought

Changbin over, who felt too guilty to stay in the same apartment as the others. The fourth night, Hyunjin came back, shaking and in tears but thankfully unharmed. Minho made sure to praise him as much as he could that night. Seungmin came on the fifth night, bringing a zombie-Chan with him. They basically had to restrain Chan to the bed to get him to sleep. On the sixth night, Jisung snuck in while Minho was sleeping, not saying a word as he slipped out the next morning. The only reason Minho knew he stayed over at all was because he popped awake and turned over, seeing the younger boy sleeping with a scowl on his face. The second time he woke up, Jisung was gone and the sheets next to him were cold.

He wished there was something more he could do, but as of that moment, the only things he could do for them was get their groceries and coffee orders, and shower them in as much affection as he possibly could.

Seven days later, and Minho hadn’t let him think about his realization that first night. He might have brought it up to Chan, at some point, but it was clear his boyfriend had far more important things on his mind at the moment.

Minho knew that, which was why he made sure he was always smiling. He made sure there was always water in his kettle to make tea, and lube in his bedside drawer for anyone who needed a distraction, or reassurance. He started to memorize their coffee orders, and was able to guess what sort of things they would ask for from the grocery store. He wished he could pay for it all himself - he wanted nothing more than to be able to at least help in that aspect - but feeding seven boys wasn’t an easy task. He managed one trip before he caved and let Chan give him the band’s card.

“Hyung’s back!” An excited cry came as he exited the elevator. Several sets of feet came stampeding towards him. Hands started taking bags from him as arms were thrown around his neck. Minho smiled, any frustration or fatigue suddenly gone.

“Welcome home!” Felix grinned as he nuzzled Minho’s jaw.

“I wish we could go with you,” Jeongin pouted. “I’m going crazy being stuck in the apartment like this...”

“You spend most of the day on Minho hyung’s bed anyway,” Jisung teased. Minho could see the dark bags under his eyes, and the way the boy’s bottom lip trembled as he tried to hold onto his smile. “You might as well move in with him.”

“No one’s moving in with Minho,” Chan stepped out of the apartment, his tired eyes softening at the sight before him. Despite everything, his boys were still there - were still with him, and still somewhat happy. He met them halfway, taking the last bag from Minho before wrapping an arm around the younger boy and pulling him into a soft kiss.

Chan’s lips tasted like coffee, and it made Minho crave more. “Welcome home, baby. I’ve missed you.”

“You just saw him this morning!” Felix pouted, cross that Minho had been stolen right from under his nose.

“Let him have this.” Seungmin said softly, watching as Chan peppered feather light kisses over Minho’s cheeks and nose. The sound of Minho’s giggling put them all at ease - at least they had someone to keep them grounded.

“I picked some things up to make you all dinner,” Minho announced as they made their way into the larger of the two apartments. “I can start that as soon as we put everything away.”

“Don’t you have homework to do?” Changbin asked quietly. Minho hated how quiet the younger boy had become - it was as if he had receded into himself, and none of them knew how to get him back yet.

“Nothing that future Minho can’t handle,” He said with a light chuckle. He gave Changbin a quick kiss on the corner of the mouth before moving to the kitchen. He didn’t mention the assignment he already asked for an extension on, saying he was having a ‘family emergency’ and needed more time. “Do you want to help?”

“Sure, what can I do?” Changbin asked. It was clear he was trying to ignore his own problems, and unlike that night with Hyunjin, this was at least a somewhat healthier way to do it without Minho needing to intervene.

“These need to be chopped...”

* * *

The apartment is just a little too quiet, especially because Minho knew he heard the door opening and closing a few minutes before. Normally when someone let themselves into his home, they made their way directly to the bedroom, knowing that was most likely where Minho would be, but whoever it was this time seemed to be stalling.

Minho went out to the living room, wearing only his socks, boxers, and one of Chan’s hoodies that he had claimed for his own.

At first, he didn’t see anyone. No one in the bathroom, no one in the living room, no one in the kitchen. Minho furrowed his brows, more confused than ever. He knew he heard something... did they open the door just to leave again?

Just as he was turning to go back to his room, he heard a faint rustling. He turned back and saw a shadow crouched against the wall, almost tucked into the corner - as if whoever it was didn’t want to be seen.

“Hey,” Minho said softly. He still didn’t know who it was, but he could now hear faint huffing, as if the person was breathing too harshly. “Why don’t we go to my room-”

“Hyung-” The person gasped painfully, and Minho instantly knew who it was.

“Binnie,” He gathered the smaller boy in his arms, his own heartbeat picking up when he felt how fast Changbin was breathing. “You’re alright. Hyung is here.”

It seemed Changbin couldn’t hear him, however. The younger boy began to whisper something as he panted, his breathing getting more and more irregular with each passing second, and Minho knew he would faint if he didn’t stop hyperventilating.

“Come on aegi, let’s go somewhere more comfortable, yeah?” He pulled Changbin to his feet, helping to carry him back to the bedroom. Changbin had just enough muscle on his short frame that Minho couldn’t outright carry him, as much as he wished he could. The second the younger boy was placed on the bed, he curled in on himself.

Minho rubbed his back, whispering comforts, but nothing seemed to get through to him - it was as if Changbin couldn’t hear him at all. When the boy’s breathing got even more ragged - he had been so close to getting him to calm down, at least a little - Minho felt panic rush through his system.

“Changbin, baby, I need you to look at me,” Minho said gently. He carefully pried Changbin’s face away from his hands, cupping his damp cheeks with soft touches. “Hyung’s here. You’re not alone.”

“Hyung... hyung it’s- it’s all m-my fault-” He started gasping for air again, his eyes widening in horror as he found himself unable to do so.

“No, pup, it’s not your fault,” He knew he needed Changbin to calm down, and quickly. “I need you to breathe with me, okay? Can Binnie be a good boy for hyung and follow what I do?”

Changbin nodded weakly, his gaze fixated on the pattern of the comforter but not actually seeing it at all. Minho took the boy’s hand and put it on his chest, taking an exaggerated breath in for him to feel.

It took longer than Minho was comfortable with to get Changbin’s breathing steady again, and he was scared he hadn’t quite pulled the boy away from the edge just yet. He continued to coach Changbin for a few more moments until he was sure the younger boy was breathing fine on his own again.

“How are you feeling?” Minho asked, because he knew he couldn’t ask ‘what happened?’. He couldn’t ask ‘why do you keep doing this to yourself?’ or ‘why can I do more to help you?’

“Tired,” Changbin’s voice was raspy in an unfamiliar way. It wasn’t the same rasp that he added to his raps, or the raspiness that Minho had come to expect first thing in the morning. No, this was a different kind of exhaustion, one that Minho was far too familiar with. “Hyung... I’m so fucking tired.”

“I know baby,” Minho held him close. For a moment, Changbin fought the embrace before slumping into the older boy’s chest, defeated. “I can’t even imagine how exhausted you must be right now...”

“I keep sleeping, but it never gets better.”

“You’re going to be okay,” This was even worse than he feared. If Changbin was feeling the way Minho did - the way Minho was - then there was even less the older boy could do to help than he thought. “Hyung won’t let anything bad happen to you, okay? You’re safe here. Nothing can touch you when you’re in my apartment - when you’re in my bed.”

“I just want it to stop,” Changbin cried quietly, tears soaking into Minho’s hoodie. “I just... I can’t make it stop...”

“Aegi...” Minho whispered, rocking the boy slightly. He didn’t know what to do anymore - he wanted to comfort Changbin, but what else could he say that wouldn’t be a complete lie? It scared him how defeated the younger boy sounded, because it reminded him of himself, back when he was in high school.

It reminded him of the way he sounded, when he didn’t expect to live another year.

“Hyung... it hurts.”

“I know baby,” Minho held him closer. “You’re safe. You’re not alone. Hyung loves you so much.”

* * *

  
Minho nudged his way into his apartment, his bag slung heavily on his shoulder. He had taken his homework to a different café, farther away - he didn’t want to be recognized at the one he and Changbin had been caught at - because he wanted to give the boys his apartment if they needed it.

He could tell they were starting to go a little stir crazy - past the somewhat joking complaints he had been hearing at first. Before, they would pretend to be irritated, but now it was clear their irritation was very real and getting stronger with each day they were unable to leave the apartment building.

At least he could give them his apartment as a somewhat secondary location to escape to.

He had barely gotten anything he needed to get done finished, and he could feel the stress starting to build in the back of his throat. He told himself he was fine, because he always got his work done, even if it took him a near breakdown to do so. Besides, he had more important things to focus on.

Like Seungmin, who was sitting on his couch like a doll.

“Hey there pup,” Minho put his bag down by the front door, slowly approaching the boy as one would a hurt animal. Seungmin didn’t give any sign that he heard Minho. Even when Minho knelt in front of him, placing a hand on his knee, Seungmin barely even blinked. “Seungmin? Can you hear me?”

“Mm...” He hummed, his eyes glazing over as he stared at the table.

“How long have you been sitting here?” Minho asked, getting just a silent shrug in response. “Did something happen?” A slight shake of the head.

Minho pushed Seungmin’s legs apart a bit so he could sit comfortably in front of the younger boy, resting his cheek on Seungmin’s thigh. Looking up, he could see the complete apathy on Seungmin’s face, and it made his chest tighten.

“Aegi, look at me?” Minho prompted, only to get no response. The tight feeling in his chest got worse the longer Seungmin sat in silence. “Seungmin, hyung needs you to look at me, okay?”

Finally, after what seemed like a tough internal battle, Seungmin managed to lift his eyes to meet Minho’s.

“Can you feel anything right now?” Minho asked, having a distinct feeling he knew what the answer was going to be. Seungmin shook his head, his eyes getting glassy. “That’s alright baby. It’s okay to feel numb right now. A lot has happened recently... I don’t blame you for having a hard time dealing with it all.”

“Hyung...” Seungmin’s voice was rough, as if he hadn't spoken in a while.

“I’m here. You’re okay.”

“I... what’s the point?”

“What?” Minho’s heart stopped.

“Why are we even bothering?” Seungmin’s tone was flat and quiet. “Everything’s going to go wrong anyway... why should we even care anymore?”

“Because you’ve worked too damn hard to roll over and let yourself be beaten,” Minho took the boy’s hands. Seungmin didn’t move to return the gesture. “They’re trying to break you down, but you can’t let them do that. You’ve done so many amazing things - that’s alone is enough reason to keep fighting.”

“I don’t-” A tear worked its way down Seungmin’s cheek, but the boy’s face stayed frozen, his eyes half lidded and empty. “It’s too much. There’s no point anymore...”

“Don’t you dare say that,” Minho hadn’t meant for his tone to be so harsh, but he couldn’t allow Seungmin to talk like that. He needed to break that thought process immediately, before the boy started to genuinely believe it - if he didn’t already. “There’s always a point. You... you guys saved my life - you’re making a difference to so many people. Just because these fuckers think it’s funny to capitalize off the drama doesn’t make your work any less important or your message any less meaningful.”

“I don’t wanna feel like this anymore...” He hung his head. Minho could feel him trying to pull away, and for once he didn’t allow that to happen. Seungmin stopped fighting the second he realized Minho wasn’t going to just let go.

“Want to watch a movie?” Minho suggested. “We can put on something stupid and cuddle and order take out, yeah?”

“I guess...”

“And if you need to cry, you don’t have to hold back,” Minho reached up with his free hand and wiped away a tear that was just starting to fall. “Sometimes, when we feel numb and dried up, we just need a good cry to get our emotions working again.”

“And that works?”

“Mm, I do it all the time,” He offered a small smile, and his heart seemed to explode when Seungmin managed to return it with an even smaller lift of his lips. “That’s my good boy. I love you so much aegi.”

Minho surged up and peppered kisses across his nose and cheeks, brushing away any spare tears that remained. Seungmin’s faint tug of the lips turned more into a hesitant smile, and Minho found himself able to take a deep breath again.

He put something stupid on the TV and pulled Seungmin into his lap, not saying a word as the younger boy cried silently into his shoulder.

* * *

“NO-” A scream woke Minho up. He sat upright in his bed, his heart pounding wildly as he looked around his dark room. He didn’t need to look far to find the source of the scream, however.

Jeongin thrashed next to him, the boy’s face twisted in fear as he sobbed weakly, trying to get away from whatever was tormenting his mind. Minho instantly reached out and made the younger boy sit up, whispering to him that it was just a dream.

“Don’t touch me-” Jeongin’s eyes flew open as a second scream started to build in the back of his throat. He struggled against whoever was holding him, the images of the faceless people holding him down, and hurting him and touching him-

“Jeongin, aegi, it’s hyung,” Minho tried desperately, but it seemed Jeongin still didn’t realize where he was. Jeongin’s fist lashed out and hit Minho’s cheekbone, the punch instantly throbbing, but he refused to acknowledge it. “Please, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“H-hyung?”

“Mm, it’s be baby,” He let out a small huff of relief when the younger boy started to wake up a bit more. He stopped struggling against Minho’s grip and instead slumped against it, letting his entire weight rest against the older boy’s chest. “You’re safe. It was just a nightmare, pup. Nothing’s going to hurt you here.”

“H-hyung...” He started sobbing, scrambling to hold onto Minho’s shirt. “It- I- it was- I can’t-”

“Shhh, you don’t have to say anything,” Minho whispered softly. “You’re okay. Hyung’s got you.”

After another fifteen minutes, Jeongin finally calmed down enough that his sobs had turned into soft sniffles, his grip on the front of Minho’s shirt weak. Minho reached over and grabbed the box of tissues that sat on the top of his bedside table, handing a few to the boy, who took them gratefully and blew his nose loudly. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Minho broke the tension.

“Want to talk about it?” He asked quietly. “You don’t have to.”

“I-I was out doing something,” Jeongin’s voice trembled. “And-a I was cornered. None of them had faces, but they w-were hitting me and saying they were g-g-g-gonna kill the others... then they started...” He started trembling harder.

“You’re safe aegi,” Minho wanted to stress that. “Nothing can hurt you here.”

“They started touching me,” Jeongin whispered, his voice breaking. “I t-tried to fight them but I couldn’t move and when I screamed n-nothing came out-”

“Oh fuck,” Minho felt the floor open up under him. He held Jeongin close, but kept his grip light, so the boy didn’t feel trapped. “No baby, Innie, no one is ever going to touch you like that, understand? Hyung will protect you, no matter what. You’re safe here. No one’s going to hurt you.”

Jeongin broke down in his arms, crying out the fear and adrenaline leftover from the nightmare. Minho could do nothing but promise again and again that Jeongin was safe - that nothing was going to hurt him, and that he was loved, and that everything was going to be okay soon enough. He offered to call Chan, but Jeongin vehemently shook his head, almost as if he were afraid to let his leader know what happened.

Minho held Jeongin as he fell back to sleep, staying up for the rest of the night to chase off any nightmares that might try to plague the boy.

* * *

Minho let himself into Chan’s apartment, the older boy having texted him and asked if he could come over to watch the kids while he went to finally talk with someone from YW.

Minho knew the boys didn’t need someone to watch them, obviously, but it made him feel wanted to know that Chan specifically asked him to spend time with them while he was away.

The second he opened the door, he knew something was wrong. He went right to the kitchen, where Hyunjin was desperately trying to fan smoke out of the small window with a dishtowel. There was a pan in the sink, something black charred to the bottom. The entire apartment smelled like charcoal and something else, but Minho wasn’t sure what the boy had been attempting to make in the first place.

“Need help Jinnie?” Minho asked with a lopsided smile, one eyebrow raised up to his hairline. Hyunjin spun around, his face twisting as he rushed over and wrapped his arms around the older boy.

“Hyung...” He whined, but there was no teasing tone. He sounded close to tears.

“What happened aegi?” He asked, giving the boy’s middle a comforting squeeze.

“I tried to make lunch, but I burned everything,” His voice wavered dangerously as he hid his face in Minho’s shoulder. “I can’t even cook right... I’m so fucking useless-”

“Hey, none of that,” Minho tugged Hyunjin back, forcing the younger boy to look him in the eye. Hyunjin’s face was blotchy and his eyes swollen. He looked like he had been holding back his tears for a while now, but the comfort of Minho’s presence was enough to break his resolve. He wiped the tears from the boy’s face, only for them to instantly be replaced. “It was an accident. You didn’t mean to burn anything. You aren’t useless because you accidentally burned some food.”

“But-”

“Shh, you are NOT useless,” Minho pressed, running the pads of his thumbs gently under Hyunjin’s eyes, tracing the bruise like bags that were growing under them. “We love you so much. Thank you so much for wanting to make us dinner.”

“It’s not good enough-”

“You ARE good enough,” Minho pushed back. “You think I’ve never burned dinner before? Or that Channie hyung never fucked something simple up? That no one ever put something red in with the white wash? Or used bleach instead of fabric softener? We all make silly little mistakes, and they seem big at the time, but it’s all okay. We can remake dinner together.”

“I just wanted to help but I’ve made everything so much worse...” He stumbled over his gasping breaths, eyelashes clumping together. “Why do I always make everything fucking worse-”

Minho cut him off with a kiss. Hyunjin tasted like salt and iron from where the boy had been chewing on his lip. Hyunjin instantly deepened the kiss, his desperation for affection almost tangible. Hyunjin ended up being the first to pull away, unable to breathe through his nose because of his tears.

“You wanna go sit down for a bit?” Minho asked, smoothing down the boy’s hair. Hyunjin shook his head, scrubbing his face with his sleeve. “Alright aegi. You wanna help hyung make dinner?”

“Mm.” He nodded, eyes trained on the floor.

“Perfect,” Minho kissed his cheek. “Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite sous chef.”

“Really?” Hyunjin gave him a small smile.

“Mm, the others are too noisy,” He grinned, handing Hyunjin an onion to dice. “You’re the perfect kitchen partner.”

Hyunjin’s smile widened a little, his cheeks warming as he turned to start his task. Minho watched him chop the vegetables, his chest warming. He really did love his boys.

* * *

“No, hyung,” Minho scowled, his arm barring the door. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Minho, I have to-” Chan scowled back, trying to push past the younger boy, only to find two hands shoving him back into the smaller apartment.

“You’re going to turn your ass around and sit the fuck down or else.” Minho growled. He never thought he would have to use that tone of voice with Chan, but it was clear the older boy wasn’t going to take care of himself without intervention.

“Or else what?” Chan challenged. Minho glared at him, and Chan instantly deflated. He did as he was told and went to sit on the couch, his whole body tense and uncomfortable looking as he fought against the soft cushions. Minho sighed and closed the door before going over and sitting next to his boyfriend.

“Hyung...” He started, suddenly not knowing what to say. With the others, he seemed to always know exactly what they needed to hear, but with Chan it was different. Maybe it was because Chan was older, or because Minho was used to Chan being the one to take care of others.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Chan sighed, turning and pulling the younger boy into a hug. The angle was a little awkward, but Minho made it work, rubbing his boyfriend’s back comfortingly. “I don’t want to take this all out on you...”

“It’s alright,” Minho kissed the side of his head. “You’re under a fuck ton of stress right now. I don’t blame you for getting a little frustrated here and there.”

“Frustrated is fine but I can’t be lashing out at you,” Chan curled in on himself. “None of you, but especially not you.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“So much...”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I just...” Chan sat back before hunching forward, hiding his face in his hands, his elbows propped up on the tops of his thighs. “I’m having even more trouble sleeping than before because my stress is fucking with my insomnia, I can’t eat because the second I think about putting something in my stomach, I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’ve barely been able to function as the oldest... I can see my boys falling apart around me and there’s nothing I can do to help them...”

“You do so much,” Minho promised. “They love you. I love you.”

“You’re the only reason we haven’t completely collapsed,” Chan admitted quietly, as if it were a life or death secret he was spilling. “I... I’ve seen how you’ve been helping everyone... you’ve been doing everything I should be doing - everything I can’t bring myself to do anymore... You’ve been a better hyung for them in the last month than I have in the last year.”

“That’s not true,” Minho brushed some of Chan’s hair behind his ear. “They look up to you so much. If they didn’t love you, they would be so worried about you.”

“Why would they be worried?”

“Are you serious?” Minho let out a short snort. “I’ve been getting texts all day from everyone individually, asking me to make sure you ate and slept.”

“Really?” Chan looked up, his eyes begging Minho to comfort him.

“Mm, really,” Minho pressed a quick kiss to the older boy’s lips. “They love you so fucking much... and I do to. So much that it scares me a little sometimes.”

“I don’t deserve you...” Chan trailed off, his voice thick with tears.

“Come on, I have an idea.” Minho stood, pulling Chan to his feet as well. They made their way to the bathroom, where Minho gently pushed Chan to sit on the closed toilet seat.

Chan watched his boyfriend move around the room, hanging two towels up, turning the water on and adjusting the knobs until there was steam gathering against the ceiling, hooking his bluetooth up to his phone and putting on some soft music.

“What are you-” Chan was cut off by Minho’s hands pushing his shirt up.

“Strip for me, pretty boy.” Minho teased, nipping at Chan’s exposed collarbone. He could feel the way Chan shuddered, and the frantic air as he ripped his clothes off, throwing them off to some random corner of the bathroom.

Chan followed Minho into the shower, his ears burning red at the sight of his boyfriend’s bare ass, the curve of his back, the faint flush on his cheeks. Minho had no idea how dangerous he was, did he?

They stepped into the shower, letting the hot water hit their shoulders for a moment before Chan pulled Minho close to him, their fronts pressed flush against each other. He kissed the younger boy, his tongue instantly finding its way into Minho’s mouth. Minho smiled into the kiss and reached around Chan, one hand gripping his ass tightly and the other grabbing something from the shelf.

“Minho-” Chan growled as his boyfriend kneaded his asscheek, only to whine when the younger boy pulled away completely.

“Turn around aegi.” Minho purred. Chan obeyed without hesitation, the use of the pet name towards him making him melt. He and Minho both used it for the younger boys, but for Minho to use it on him? It made his dick twitch a little, if he was being honest.

With his back to Minho, Chan didn’t know what the younger was planning until he felt fingers running through his hair. He leaned into the touch, the familiar scent of Minho’s shampoo filling the air.

“Fuck...” Chan moaned sensually as Minho worked the suds through his curls. It felt so good - Minho’s fingers were so gentle but thorough, managing to make him melt under his light touches.

“Feel good?” Minho asked, soapy fingers playing with the hairs at the nape of Chan’s neck, causing a shiver to go down the older boy’s spine.

“Mm... never stop...” Chan could have cried from how nice it felt.

“Anything for you hyung.” Minho hummed as he gently tugged Chan’s head back, rinsing out the shampoo before grabbing his body wash next. Chan’s mouth parted slightly as Minho began to run the body wash along his shoulders, letting his fingers trail down Chan’s pecs and stomach. Chan’s abs tensed under his touch, the soap bubbles dripping down his skin.

“I love you so much,” Chan whispered, suddenly turning around and hiding his face in Minho’s damp shoulder. Minho loved when his boys did that, because it made him feel as safe as it made them feel. “Fuck... I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Good thing you don’t ever have to know,” Minho kissed Chan’s head. “Rinse off hyung, I wanna cuddle.”

“Mm...” Chan hummed and did as he was told. Minho took a moment to appreciate his boyfriend’s body - how was he so lucky to have someone as attractive AND kind to love him? It almost didn’t seem real.

They rinsed the rest of the suds away and turned the water off, silently patting themselves dry and leaving the bathroom together. They made their way towards the bedroom, letting their damp towels fall onto the ground as they climbed under the sheets, not caring that their hair was still wet enough to leave splotches on the pillowcases.

“God you’re beautiful.” Chan whispered, his breath hitting Minho’s lips.

“You’re prettier, hyung.”

“I really liked it when you called me aegi...” He admitted softly. “Made me feel small. Good.”

“Mm, my Channie,” Minho cooed, running a thumb along Chan’s cheek. “My aegi... I’m so lucky to have you.”

“You have no idea what you do to me.” Chan’s eyes darken as his arms wrap around Minho’s bare waist. Minho’s breath caught when he felt Chan’s half hard cock pressing against his thigh.

“Why don’t you show me then.” He challenged, rubbing his thigh between Chan’s legs, making the older boy whine. His grin only curled more when Chan’s hips rutted against his leg, chasing the friction.

“Kitten, please...” And oh, how lovely Chan’s begging was. He had only dreamed of taking care of Chan like this a hundred times already.

“Tell me what you want, aegi.”

* * *

  
“Jisung, where do you think you’re going?” Minho asked, instantly hating how much like his own Mother he sounded like. When did he become a middle aged mom? Jisung just glared at him, only his eyes visible above the mask hiding the lower half of his face and the cap pulled over his head.

“Out.” He grunted, hoisting the bag farther up his shoulder.

“I don’t think so,” Minho stood in the doorway, his face twisted in a frown. “You know what hyung said about leaving the apartment.”

“I don’t care!” Jisung snapped, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was gripping the strap of his bag.

“Well I do.”

“I never fucking asked you to care!” Jisung shouted, his voice bouncing around the living room. Heads started to pop out from around corners, concerned eyes trained on the two who were stuck in the middle of a standoff. “Jesus fuck! Get out of my way. I have shit I have to do and you’re just getting in my way. Again.”

“No,” Minho refused to let Jisung see how badly his words cut him. He knew Jisung was scared, and lashing out. He knew it wasn’t Jisung’s fault he was acting this way, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. “You’re not going to talk to me like that-”

“And why not?” Jisung challenged. He tugged his mask down, showing an almost sadistic smile, the tilt of his lips cruel. “Why should I listen to you? It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything. I'm not anything to you, so you have no right to tell me SHIT-”

“Jisung...” Minho’s eyes stung against his will. He bit the inside of his cheek hard, the taste of iron helping to ground him a little. “If you need to get out that badly, go to my apartment. You’re not leaving this building until it’s safe.”

“Whatever.” Jisung stormed past him, slamming the door behind him. Minho spun around only to hear the door across the hall slamming moments later. His shoulders slumped a little - at least Jisung wasn’t in danger.

“Hyung...” Felix inched out of his room, his eyes wide.

“It’s alright Pixie,” Minho gave the boy a tired smile and went over, putting a hand on the younger boy’s head. “He just needs to blow off some steam.”

“He didn’t mean what he said,” Felix whispered, taking Minho’s palm and placing it on his cheek, nuzzling into the touch. “He loves you a lot. We all do. He’s just scared.”

“I know,” He kissed Felix, smiling as he felt Felix nip at his lower lip gently. “I’m going to go talk to him. Keep the others here, okay?”

“Mm, take care of him.”

“Of course,” Minho quickly kissed him again before slipping from the apartment and heading across the hall. His own apartment was quiet when he entered the living room. He strained his ears, trying to hear Jisung. Faint sounds were coming from his bedroom, which was what he expected.

Minho went to the kitchen first, putting the kettle on and pulling down two mugs. He put a little extra sugar in the one on the left, the one with Minho’s Hogwarts house crest on it - that was for Jisung. The other one, with a witty saying that was gifted to him by Seungmin, was for him. As soon as the kettle started to whistle, Minho filled the two mugs, adding a splash of creamer to both before throwing in a tea bag.

He stirred them both for a few moments, leaving the bags in as he took the mugs down the hall. He knocked on the door with one of the mugs, careful not to spill the tea down the front of the wood.

“Sung? Can you open the door for me?”

“Go away...” Jisung’s voice was muffled.

“I wish I could, but then this’ll go to waste.” Minho hoped it was enough of a mystery to grab Jisung’s attention, and he had been right. Moments later, the door creaked open and Jisung stuck his nose out. The first thing Minho noticed was how red and swollen he younger boy’s eyes were. He sobbed softly as he opened the door wider, letting Minho in.

“Hyung...” He mumbled, looking down - as if he was afraid to meet Minho’s eyes.

“Here baby,” Minho handed him the mug before guiding him back to the bed. “Careful, it’s hot.”

Jisung took the mug without a word, instantly bringing it up to his mouth. He didn’t sip at it yet, but let the steam hit his mouth. It was comforting, in a way. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each drinking their tea. It wasn’t until Jisung brought his mug down, resting it in his lap, his eyes trained on the last view sips left in the bottom, that Minho decided to break the tension in the air.

“Sung...”

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” His voice broke, tears instantly running down his cheeks again. “I- fuck, I didn’t mean it... I didn’t mean any of it... I was just-”

“It’s alright aegi,” Minho took both of their mugs and placed them on the bedside table to avoid being bumped. “I know you didn’t mean it... Hyung loves you so much.”

“How!? How could you love me-” Jisung snapped through his tears before his face quickly crumbling. “Fuck, wait no I’m sorry...”

“Shh, it’s alright,” Minho opened his arms, waiting for Jisung to crawl into his lap. “You must be so overwhelmed with everything going on... I’m so proud of you. You’ve been working so hard.”

“I’m such an asshole...”

“Nah, you’re my baby,” Minho nuzzled the younger boy’s cheek, pressing light kisses along his blotchy face. “My good boy... hyung’s good pup.”

“Hyung...” Jisung’s ears began to burn, his lips threatening to turn up.

“So pretty and good and talented,” Minho continued, loving how flustered Jisung was getting after just a few compliments. “I love the cute little sounds you make for me.”

“Mm, just you for hyung.” Jisung’s eyes closed as Minho kissed down the boy’s throat, nipping and sucking marks as he went. He knew how much Jisung loved being marked - especially when they last for days after.

“So good for me...” Minho bit down harshly. He felt Jisung thrash in his arms, arching his back but moaning loudly. Minho could feel how hard the boy was getting as he rutted down against Minho’s hips.

He would have to have a serious talk with Jisung after this - something needed to be done to prevent him from exploding like that again - but for the moment, Minho was happy to remind Jisung that he was good.

Remind Jisung that Minho wasn’t angry with him. That Minho loved him.

“Hng-” Jisung threw his head back, sweat starting to bead on his forehead. “Hyung-”

“I love you Sungie,” Minho purred, rolling his hips. “Now scream for hyung.”

* * *

  
Minho sipped at his coffee, finally letting himself take a deep breath. He was out with the intent to get more groceries for his boys - Felix had used all the heavy cream and strawberries making a cake, and as soon as he told Minho he wanted more, the others chimed in with this and that. It wasn’t a long list, thankfully, but it was nice to get out of the apartment.

He loved his boys, but he was getting worn a little thin. He already had an intervention from one of his professors - he had taken her classes in the past, and she knew what kind of student he was. He wasn’t the type to skip class and miss assignments left and right, but that’s all he did in the last week and a half.

He was failing two of his classes. He had three assignments due, one past due and one that he wasn’t even going to bother trying on. He knew he needed to keep his grades up if he wanted to stay in his program, but...

But the lives of his friends were more important than a stupid program. He needed to make sure his boys were taken care of, or else something bad might happen.

Something like Hyunjin slitting his thigh open and bleeding out. Something like Seungmin, completely apathetic, letting himself step in front of a car. Something like Jeongin overdosing on sleeping pills just to get away from the nightmares. Something like Changbin, or Jisung, or Chan taking their guilt out on themselves. Something like Felix, with all his talk of wanting to be a bird, trying to learn to fly.

Minho knew what it was like to feel like your life is forfeit, and he was terrified to see that same look on the faces of the people he considered his entire life. It had officially been nine days since the news broke, and Stray Kids were falling apart.

There had been no news from YW, despite Chan going to the company almost daily to demand some sort of action to be taken. News has been ebbing and flowing - some days they were trending, some days it was like nothing happened at all. The few times Minho left the building, he saw people loitering outside on the sidewalk, watching the front doors with keen eyes. Thankfully no one’s realized he was the second person in Changbin’s photo, so he was still free to come and go as he pleased.

He didn’t know how long that was going to last.

Checking his phone, he saw a few messages from the group chat, but they were all reactions to a photo of Jeongin pinning Changbin down onto the carpet, the younger boy grinning darkly down at his hyung. It made Minho’s jeans a little tight, and he wanted to get through this shopping trip as quickly as possible.

Dropping his empty cup into a nearby trash can, Minho turned towards the grocery store, mentally going over the list he had been given. Before he could even get close enough to activate the sliding door, his phone was ringing.

“Lix?” Minho answered, seeing the cute picture Felix had taken on his phone and set as his own contact.

“Hyung!” Felix sounded like he was crying. Minho stopped dead, his heart pounding painfully against his ribs.

“Felix? Where are you?”

“I-I’m- the store- I tried-”

“Aegi, you need to take a deep breath for me,” Minho did his best to school his tone. He could hear how panicked Felix was. “Where are you? I’m going to come get you.”

“Store... bathroom... hyung please-”

“The grocery store?”

“Hyung please-”

“I’m on my way.” Minho kept the phone against his ear, but Felix wasn’t making any sense. He kept rambling, his words being cut off by sobs. It felt like the bathrooms were miles away, even though they were just on the other side of the store.

He instantly saw the issue, and he thought he could breathe fire in that moment.

“What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?” He shouted, his voice echoing across the entire store. The small crowd waiting outside of the men’s bathroom all jump, turning to look at him as if he were some sort of ghost. “Get the fuck out! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“You can’t talk to us like that-” One girl tried to say, her phone obviously out and recording. It just served to make Minho see RED.

“I can do whatever the FUCK I want when you’re HARRASSING and STALKING my fucking boyfriend!” He was so fucking close to just... swinging. He wanted to hit as many of the people keeping Felix trapped in the bathroom as possible. The mob seemed to sense his absolute bloodlust and instantly started dispersing, a few staying a safe distance away, their cameras still trained on him.

As soon as the path was cleared, Minho stormed into the bathroom. The first thing that greeted him was a scared scream, as if Felix thought he was someone had come to hurt him. He rushed to the largest stall - the only one with the door closed. Without a second thought, Minho climbed under the stall door, rushing over to Felix and scooping the younger boy into his arms, holding him firmly against his chest.

“Hyung’s here, aegi,” Minho whispered, letting Felix sob painfully into his shirt. The smaller boy’s body was wracked with his cries, and Minho was worried he might start gagging from the force. “You’re safe now Felix.”

“They- I didn’t think they’d r-recognize me-” He tried to say.

“Baby, why did you leave the apartment?” Minho asked, desperately trying to wipe the boy’s tears away, only for Felix to reach up and do the same. He was horrified to see a handprint starting to form around Felix’s thin wrist, the pale skin turning red. He could feel himself starting to shake in absolute, mind-numbing rage.

Who DARED put their hands on Felix?

Who touched his baby?

“I just... I wanted to m-make brownies...” Felix’s voice cracked painfully. The fury in Minho’s chest soothed into heart breaking worry as he did whatever he could to comfort the smaller boy. “E-everyone’s b-b-been so stressed, and I wanted to- I wanted to do something s-s-special.”

“You could have asked me to pick the ingredients up for you.”

“I wanted to-to surprise you too, hyung.” Felix’s sobs had calmed, but his words still wavered dangerously.

“Oh Pixie,” Minho breathed. Felix was so good, and this was how he was treated... It made him sick to his stomach. “Come on aegi, let’s go home, okay? Hyung’ll make some tea, and we can cuddle. Maybe Channie hyung can-”

“No!” Felix’s eyes flew open, desperation coloring his already tear-flushed cheeks. “No, please... don’t tell Chan hyung what h-happened.”

“But-”

“Please...” He begged softly. “Please, h-he’s already got so much to worry about... I can’t- I can’t add to that.”

“I can’t promise I won’t tell him forever,” Minho started hesitantly. He knew this was something he needed to tell Chan, but Felix was looking to him with such desperation that it made it hard to think properly. The younger boy’s eyes instantly filled with tears again, already expecting Minho to tell despite his begging. “But... but I can keep this between us for now. Just for a little bit.”

“He’ll find out soon enough,” Felix said, sounding far too defeated for Minho’s comfort. “They had cameras... they were filming me. I’ll be all over twitter before tomorrow.”

“Well, you and me both,” Minho said with a small huff. Felix looked at him, red eyes turning up in confusion. Minho gave an awkward smile before shrugging a little. “I may or may not have cursed them out. Loudly, and, um, aggressively.”

“What? Why?” Felix surged up, taking Minho’s cheeks between trembling hands.

“They hurt you,” Minho breathed, letting his eyes close for a moment as he leaned into the smaller boy’s touch. “They scared you, and cornered you in the fucking bathroom. Of course I’m going to lose my shit. They’re lucky I didn’t start beating the fuck out of them-”

“Hyung, you can’t do that,” Felix frowned. “You’ll get in trouble, and then who’ll.... Who’ll keep us together?”

“I don’t do all that much,” Minho chuckled weakly before pulling them both to their feet. His legs tingled from the position he had been sitting in. “But I’ll still do anything for you.”

“You do so much hyung,” Felix hid his face in Minho’s chest. “Please don’t leave us...”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” He kissed Felix’s forehead. “You’re stuck with me. Forever.”

“Mm, good,” With a light giggle, Felix pressed a wet kiss to Minho’s cheek. “Can we go home now?”

“Of course baby,” Minho pulled his hoodie off and slipped it over Felix’s head. While it was already large on Minho, it seemed to down Felix, the hem falling almost at the smaller boy’s knees. Felix wriggled his head out of the top and offered Minho a tired smile. “Let’s go home.”

He wrapped his arm around Felix’s shoulder, pulling the boy’s hood firmly over his face, and escorted them both from the bathroom. It seemed the employees had scared off anyone who tried to loiter, but Minho had a feeling that wasn’t going to stop the stories from spreading around the internet.

Chan would find out soon enough, but Minho hoped he would have some time to calm Felix down and properly comfort him before the shit storm really hit the fan.

When did things get this bad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being way longer than expected lmao I could have split it into two, but then they would have been too short to meet my chapter length quota! Actually, this was supposed to be even longer, but I hadn't anticipated doing a scene for each member - initially it was just going to be Felix and Chan, but it felt wrong to leave out those scenes where Minho was comforting them all in different ways. I also checked my plot map and saw how I left the end undecided in case I decided I wanted to do something different, and I think I'm going to go with my second option, which means this fic will probably be closer to 20ish chapters by the end.
> 
> If you have a specific interaction or scene or what have you that you want to see, let me know!! I try to work in every suggestion I get in some way, shape or form. Sometimes I genuinely can't get it to mesh well, but 9.5 times out of 10 I'm able to make it work!


	13. Relapse

“Did you eat today?” Chan asked as he pressed a kiss to Minho’s cheek. The older boy had just let himself into the apartment, making a beeline to the living room coffee table, where Minho had set up all of his school stuff. It had been a quiet day, and he was trying to play catch up on basically two full weeks of classes all at once.

“Of course,” Lies. When he tried to eat breakfast, he managed two whole bites before it came back up to say hello. He kissed Chan back. “I just really need to get this stuff submitted. I’ve already gone over my extension.”

“Min... I’m so sorry.” Chan sat down next to Minho, letting his head rest on the younger boy’s shoulder. Minho continued to type furiously, the caffeine in his system making his hands shake as he did so.

“What’re you sorry for?” He asked, not taking his eyes away from his screen.

“You’ve been so focused on helping us that you’re falling behind in school,” Chan sounded close to tears. It made Minho’s fingers pause over his keyboard. “Your education should be prioritized but now... and it’s all my fault-”

“No,” Minho turned and wrapped his arms around the older boy, not caring that the odd angle pulled at his spine weird. “No, aegi, it’s not your fault. You’ve been doing everything you can and then some. I just wanted to make things a little easier for you.”

“You have,” Chan sighed and leaned into the embrace, as if he hadn’t been held in several years. “You’re literally holding us together. Between trying to get a hold of someone at YW and keeping everyone from killing each other and trying to clear up rumors... I would have absolutely lost my sanity on like, day three.”

“I’m just glad I can help,” He turned and closed his laptop. He wasn’t going to be able to get any more work done anyway - his brain was absolutely fried. “But... there’s something you could help me with, if you’re feeling up to it.”

“Mm?” Chan looked up, the expression on his face tired but willing.

“It’s been so long since my Channie hyung’s fucked me,” Minho play-pouted, pulling away and crossing his arms as if he were upset. Chan blinked at him before chuckling. “I feel abandoned! Left to rot-”

“We can’t have that, can we?” Chan asked, scooping Minho up in his arms easily, as if the younger boy was weightless. Despite how tired he was, Minho couldn't help but giggle as he clung to Chan. He loved how small Chan made him feel.

He was placed carefully on the bed, drinking in the sight of Chan already pulling his shirt off over his head and discarding it somewhere. Minho wasn’t even sure who the shirt belonged to initially, seeing how it had jumped between their wardrobes a few times in the last couple of weeks.

Before he could say anything - not that his tongue and brain were communicating all that well in that moment - Chan was looming over him, jean clad knees on either side of his hips. Warm hands slipped under his sweater, tugging it up under his chin, prompting him to hold it there as Chan explored the expanse of Minho’s chest.

“You’ve lost weight,” Chan murmured against the younger boy’s stomach, his words vibrating the sensitive skin. Minho sighed happily at the sensation of Chan’s breath going lower down his stomach. “I need to feed you more.”

“I’ve been- AH- busy,” Minho jumped when he felt Chan’s teeth on his hipbone. “I d-didn’t mean to skip meals...”

“Mm, you’re so beautiful,” Chan’s voice was soft, like he was witnessing a miracle before his very eyes. “The others have done a number on you.”

“I like it when they do,” Minho closed his eyes as he felt Chan tracing past marks with his tongue, his hands coming to still the younger boy’s hips. “Makes me feel... claimed.”

“You’re ours,” Chan’s words made Minho’s dick twitch. God, he was so weak to them - it was borderline dangerous how easily he melted under their touch. “No one else gets to touch you like this. See you like this... hear the pretty sounds you make.”

“I’m yours,” Minho said out loud, the confirmation almost as important to himself as it was for Chan. Judging by the way Chan’s grip on his waist tightened, it had the same effect on the older boy. “So take me.”

“With pleasure.” Chan ripping Minho’s sweatpants off at the same time he leaned down to connect their lips, his tongue hungrily forcing its way into the younger boy’s mouth.

Minho couldn’t hold back his whines and whimpers, but something didn’t feel right.

Not Chan, of course - never Chan. The older boy was touching him in all the right ways, making his head swim and his blood sing. He could barely form a coherent sentence, the only things falling from his lips were devastated moans and curses. His mind was so fuzzy he couldn’t think of anything beyond how deep Chan reached inside of him, and how the older boy’s touch set his skin aflame.

The feeling receded to the back of his brain, the rest of his focus dedicated to how Chan was stroking him in time with his harsh thrusts as he whispered soft assurances into Minho’s bruised lips.

Whatever it was could wait. For the moment, Minho was going to let himself be loved.

“I really don’t want to leave you.” Chan hugged Minho closer. After they finished in the bedroom, they shared the shower again. They were freshly cleaned and wearing Minho’s clothing, standing in the living room as if they were parting for good.

“I know, but you have to,” Minho offered a smile, but that feeling from before was rooting itself in his chest again. It made him anxious. “It’s been a little too quiet. My money’s on Jisung being in the middle of something stupid as we speak.”

“Mm, I definitely wouldn’t bet against that,” Chan chuckled, his dimples showing and making Minho’s heart skip a beat. The roots in his chest grew around his lungs, making him grit his teeth. He just wanted to be alone, and he didn’t know why. “I’ll text you later?”

“Maybe I’ll come over for breakfast,” Minho suggested. “I have some work to finish tonight, but if I can catch up I’ll be free all day tomorrow.”

“Sounds perfect,” Chan kissed Minho, his lips lingering on the younger boy’s, their breath mingling but neither pressing back in again. After a moment, Chan pulled away. “I miss you already.”

“I’m literally across the hall,” Minho laughed, his eyes turning up. Leave it to Chan to coax a true smile from him, even when the vines were beginning to encompass his heart, making it ache with each and every beat. “I love you, hyung.”

“I love you more, aegi.” Chan gave him one last kiss - right at the corner of Minho’s mouth - before slipping from the apartment, pausing in the doorway just long enough to way before disappearing from sight completely.

The second Minho was alone, the feeling in his chest pounced.

“Wh-what’s wrong with me?” He chuckled, but the sound was strained. He decided he needed a nap - that would solve this, right? A short nap then he’d be able to get back to his work, which continued to clutter his coffee table.

The work that’s been suffocating him for the last two weeks. What was even the point of trying to finish? He was already failing two of his classes, and just barely managing to stay above a D in the other two. Never in his life had he ever gotten anything lower than a high C, and now...

And now he was a failure. They were going to kick him out of the program - literally the only requirements were to pass your courses and check in with the internship, and he hadn’t done either in weeks.

He was going to lose his apartment. He would have to move back in with his parents, and his dad would hold it over his head until the day one of them died. Minho could already hear the man’s voice in the back of his head.

‘I told you so. I told you it was worthless to go to college for such stupid things. Now you’re back, leeching off my money.’

He would be far away from Chan, and the others. He wouldn’t be able to see them every day. He would be isolated again, no one but his cats and his phone to keep him sane.

The thought made bile rise in the back of his throat.

Why was he feeling this way? Sex had always been a sure fire way to shake the sludge in his veins, but now...

Why didn’t it work? He loved Chan! Sleeping with Chan in the past helped!

So... so why didn’t it help this time?

What was the point of anything anymore? It was his fault things with Stray Kids have gone so wrong. Pictures and videos of Felix, and his own little outburst at the grocery store had flooded twitter. His own information was being leaked - his name, age, what university he’s attending, what high school he graduated from. He saw familiar names chiming into the discourse, most defending him, but he recognized a few of his past hookups saying how hot and cold he was when they slept together.

His hands were shaking. His stomach rolled. His head throbbed. His face burned.

Minho went to his bookshelf, his rational side _screaming_ at him to walk away - to ignore the urge and to take a fucking nap and he’ll feel better because he was just being over dramatic and stressed, and he just needed to _chill the fuck out_ and he would be FINE-

It took him a few tries to open the clasp of the first journal, and when he did, he frantically shook the pages. When nothing fell out, Minho sobbed and threw it to the side, not caring that it knocked over the glass that had been sitting on the table. Glass and water soaked into his area rug as he reached for the second.

The urge to scream built in his throat as he realized the second journal was the same as the first - empty. Why had he been so fucking thorough? Why did he even bother trying to fight it? He needed it - he needed to feel the pain, because that was the only thing that would satisfy the creature growing in the center of his chest.

He opened the last snap journal, his stomach dropping in dread and relief when a single razor blade fell onto the floor. It was one he had stolen from his shop class, the kind that was put in box cutters. It was large, and sharp, and it would be Minho’s savior.

Collapsing onto the living room floor, Minho hesitated.

He was a year clean. He had worked so, _so_ hard. Was he going to throw all of that away? Was he going to undo all the hard work he’d put into loving himself?

His phone pinged. He glanced at the screen.

It was his mother. She had seen him trending on twitter. She was asking what he did. He threw his phone across the apartment. He heard it hit something, but he didn’t care.

Nothing mattered, did it? Nothing he did would make a real difference. He ruined his friends’ lives. He was worthless. He would never amount to _anything_ -

How could he think he was capable of being happy? Why did he think he could handle graduating college, or living on his own?

Maybe everyone really would have been happier if he just... killed himself in high school.

The first cut hurt more than he expected. He bit his hand to keep from screaming. It had been so long, it was as if his body forgot what it felt like to be slit open like a pig for slaughter. Blood instantly began dripping down his leg.

When had he gotten to the bathroom? The tiles were frigid under his bare legs.

His breathing picked up - he could barely take a full breath before he was sobbing. His lungs burned as they begged for him to calm down, but he couldn’t.

The second cut was a little deeper, but didn’t hurt nearly as bad. He let out a humorless chuckle. All he needed to do was be reminded, it seemed. Reminded of the pain, and of the rush that went down his spine after the initial spike of agony. His skin tingled as he made cut after cut, letting the crimson pool under him.

It felt cold against his skin. Why did people always describe it as hot, when it felt like ice as it stained his skin?

Minho sobbed weakly, all the strength in his body leaving him. Slumping against the tub, he wondered why he ever stopped hurting himself in the first place. The adrenaline that was coursing through his system made him feel on top of the world - no drug could quite replicate the high he felt when he cut just a little too deeply.

He wanted Chan. The realization made him sob harder. He was so cold, and so alone, and his leg hurt so fucking badly...

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t be greedy, or selfish - Chan needed to focus on his boys. They needed him more than Minho ever could.

They deserved his love more than Minho ever did.

Minho was disgusting - he was selfish. All he ever did was take and take and take, and what did he give in return?

Nothing.

He didn’t know how much time passed as he laid slumped against the side of the tub, but by the time he pulled himself upright again, the blood puddle had started to dry around the edges, and the rivers inked into his thigh were flaking.

It was almost too easy to fall back into old habits. His hands moved without his mind needing to tell them to - taking a washcloth, wetting it with warm water. Gently wiping the dried blood away. Cleaning his leg. Taping the gauze down, not bothering with any kind of medication or creams. Wrap the blade in toilet paper, hide in medicine cabinet. Rise the blood out, watch the red swirl down the drain. Scrub the floor. The tiles were tinted pink. He needed bleach.

Stand. Go to the laundry closet. Take the bleach. Go back to the bathroom. Pour some onto the washcloth. Scrub floor. Ignore the burning of his hands. Ignore the burning of his eyes and nose. Rinse blood and bleach from washcloth. Hang over hamper to dry, so it didn’t get musty before the next load of towels.

Go to the bedroom. Put on sweatpants - don’t let anyone see the bandages. Lay down, sink into the pillows.

Cry.

Repeat, later on when he needed to remind himself of what he was really worth once more.

Seungmin snuck his way into Minho’s apartment. It was almost three in the morning, and everyone else had gone to bed already. Minho had been silent in the groupchat since Chan came home, but that wasn’t completely out of the ordinary, especially after their hyung explained that Minho was working on school stuff.

Despite this, Seungmin still had a bad feeling. Walking past the bathroom, the cloying scent of bleach made him pause. Glancing in, nothing looked out of place. Maybe Minho had gotten sick, and used the bleach to clean the smell of bile away.

That made sense. Seungmin ignored how the bad feeling only grew at the excuse.

He went to Minho’s bedroom. His hyung was sleeping under the covers, his face hidden in his pillow. The older boy’s breathing sounded labored, like he had been crying.

Minho was just sick, Seungmin told himself.

He crawled into bed and pulled Minho against his chest, the elder’s back slotting against him perfectly. Minho didn’t stir as Seungmin settled. Minho’s skin didn’t feel fevered at all, but he was just sick, that’s all.

Seungmin never prayed for one of his friends to get the flu as hard as he was at that moment.

* * *

  
Minho could feel the scream building in the back of his throat before he even comprehended what was happening. His chest ached as he felt himself being pressed against the wall just outside of the apartment building, the coffee in his hand splashing onto his shirt as he tried to maneuver himself around the person in front of him.

“Is it true?” She asked, her face covered and her phone shoved in his face.

“What do you want?” Minho snapped, trying to get away without touching her. He knew, even though his panic and anger, that placing a finger on this girl would only create a shitstorm that would only hurt Stray Kids.

“You’re the one dating Lee Felix, right?”

“Where the fuck did you hear that?” Fuck, his thigh throbbed. Two days later, and the skin was still red and sore, rubbing against his jeans, and his sheets when he tried to sleep. The deepest of the cuts still bled when he peeled the gauze away, the dried blood ripping the scabs off and creating new lines of cherry red.

“You called him your boyfriend,” She pressed, so close to him that Minho could feel her body heat. It made his stomach roll. “I just wanted to confirm!”

“There’s nothing to confirm,” He snapped. “Leave us alone.”

“Us?” Her eyes sparkled cruelly. “So you are dating him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t recall saying fucking anything,” Minho bit his inner cheek. It was taking all of his strength not to throw his coffee in her face. “Now leave me alone before I call security out here.”

“Does Lee Felix know you’re cheating on him?” She asked, almost coyly. Minho’s blood turned to ice - he _knew_ he wasn’t doing anything of the sort, but what if that got back to the others? What if it got back to Felix? To Chan? “It’s a real shame... That SpearB boy isn’t nearly as cute as Yongbok...”

“Shut up,” He could feel his composure rapidly slipping. “You don’t know SHIT about us.”

“Unless...” Her grin curled cruelly . “Unless you’re messing around with both of them.”

“You-” Minho knew he gave too much away by letting his face pale at the accusation. The girl’s grin only grew, her face lighting up at the new information. “You are! Oh my god, are you fucking around with the others too? Are you Stray Kids’ whore-”

“Hey!” Thankfully, the apartment building’s security guard came barreling out the door - all the guards were told to keep an eye out for anyone stalking the building, as well as who SKZ plus Minho were, in case something happened to them. If only he had been five minutes quicker in realizing something was wrong. “Get away from him before I call the police! This is private property!”

“Fuck-” The girl glared at Minho one last time before running away.

“Are you alright?” The guard asked, placing a hand on Minho’s shoulder. Minho jumped, spilling more of his coffee on the ground before turning and giving the man a tight smile.

“Mm, thanks for getting rid of her,” He said, his tone clipped. “This... this is going to complicate things though.. How am I going to get them groceries if I’m going to be targeted too?”

He was asking himself more than the guard, and the man seemed to sense that. He just offered Minho a sympathetic look and escorted him back into the building, locking the doors to the lobby behind them. Security had increased since the whole scandal started, and now all residents of the apartment building had to check in with the front desk before entering the lobby every single time they left their homes.

Not everyone was exactly happy with the new routine.

Minho went straight up to the ninth floor, ignoring the stinging of his eyes. His coffee was almost half empty, and he had only taken a few sips from it. He didn’t know why, but the realization of how much coffee had actually been wasted seemed to be the final straw.

He choked back a sob, tears running down his cheeks. He wanted to throw the coffee out a window and watch it splash on the sidewalk, but he knew he wouldn’t feel any better after - it would just cause problems for the pedestrians trying to walk by.

He slipped into his apartment just as he heard the door across the hall open. Someone called out to him, but he didn’t hear who it was. The second he was behind his own door, he locked it - both the key lock, and the chain lock.

He wouldn’t be able to handle someone coming in to check on him. Almost as if he had summoned them, Minho heard his doorknob being rattled gently.

“Hyung?” It sounded like Hyunjin. The monster in Minho’s chest reared its head, its vines growing thorns that dug deep into his organs. Hyunjin had been working so hard to stay clean, and to get better, and what had Minho done? Broke the boy’s trust completely. He could _never_ let the others know what happened. “Are you okay? Minho hyung?”

Minho ignored the calls. Going to his bedroom, he closed and locked that door too, as if the extra level of protection would actually be enough to keep out the dark thoughts.

The ice in his coffee melted, the drink warming to room temperature as he sobbed into his pillow, praying some god would strike him down where he was so he didn’t have to feel this way ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been in a /mood/ so this chapter really came at just the right time lmao I don't know why I'm so irritated at everything but I am :( maybe after I do some more homework I'll begin the last chapter of Kingdoms. It'll do me some good to write the fluff scenes.


	14. Spiraling and Spiraling until You're Home Again

Minho could feel his heartbeat behind his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to blink. He felt guilty, but it was necessary - his friend from high school had been surprised to hear from him, but had been more than willing to sell Minho some Adderall to help him focus on his school work.

He had one chance to save his grades. He tried to explain to his professors the situation while sparing as many details as possible, and most of them were understanding. They gave him back a portion of the points they had deducted for lateness, and it gave Minho enough hope that he could pass this semester that he decided it worth it to turn to drugs.

His phone buzzed sadly. The screen was almost completely shattered, but he hadn’t bothered to get a new one yet. It had been two days since he had been cornered in front of the building - four since he relapsed - and Minho felt his world continuously falling in on itself over and over again. He hadn’t spoken to anyone in two days, and he wondered if his voice would be hoarse if he tried to say something.

He had heard several people try to get into his apartment, but he kept both locks firmly in place. At one point, he heard the key lock turn, but the chain lock kept them out.

Someone must have gotten the skeleton key from Seungmin’s aunt, but that did nothing against the secondary locking system.

He wondered when they would finally give up on him, like he deserved.

His hands shook as he typed frantically, his mind whirling dangerously fast. He wasn’t even sure if what he was writing made any sense, but as his one professor told him - something is better than nothing. A 50% is better than a 0%. As long as Minho submitted _something_ , there was a chance.

Like clockwork, there was a knock from his door.

“Hyung?” It was Jeongin this time. Minho felt anger bubbling deep in his chest. No, not anger - frustration? At himself, most definitely. They knew he was weakest to Jeongin, right after Chan, and Hyunjin. They sent the youngest on purpose, trying to guilt him into unlocking the door, but he wasn’t going to fall for it. “Are you awake? If... if you need anything, just text us, okay? Just... let us know you’re okay...”

Minho ignored him, clenching his jaw to keep his teeth from clattering against themselves. He was getting a headache from how his jaw kept rattling. After a few moments, he assumed Jeongin had walked away - until he spoke again.

“If we did something...” He trailed off, sounding choked up. It stabbed Minho right in the chest, but he couldn’t give in - not yet. He was still too fucked up, emotionally. They were going through too much right now. He couldn’t add onto that... and he just couldn’t handle talking to anyone at the moment. If someone tried to get a response from him, he would either start screaming or sobbing. “If we did something wrong, I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to hurt you... I-I didn’t mean to hurt you... even if you hate me, please talk to the others. They’re worried about you...”

Minho couldn’t do it. He couldn’t throw the door open and pull Jeongin into his chest and sob into the boy’s hair. He couldn’t show Jeongin his weak side - all his ugly, jagged edges. He couldn’t subject the poor boy to the broken shitshow that was Lee Minho.

He heard a faint sound, and a tear ran down his own cheek. Listening to Jeongin cry on the other side of his door, Minho opened Spotify on his laptop and put his depression playlist on, the volume low so no one could hear it from the outside.

He had to focus. He couldn’t be distracted.

* * *

  
Minho’s body convulsed as he spat bile into the toilet. This was the second time in as many days that his stomach instantly rejected what he tried to put in it. The only things he was able to keep down was water, tea, and the occasional cheese slice.

Looking down at his hands, he was almost surprised to see no cuts above his knuckles. It had been years since he last forced himself to throw up, but the motions were still so familiar - that might have been one of the only things he hadn’t relapsed with. He wanted to eat more than anything, because maybe it would fill the gaping fucking hole in his chest, but his stomach was just as hollow as the rest of him.

Minho felt like a puppet filled with helium. He had no control of his limbs, so empty that his body floated around the apartment.

He would have to go shopping. The last of his instant noodles now swam in the toilet bowl. He barely had any food left in his apartment - it had been almost two weeks since he went shopping for himself, and even with just one person eating from the fridge, two weeks is a long time to go without restocking.

What did it matter? Minho missed Chan. It didn’t matter. He missed the others. He didn’t matter. Why was he so tired?

He spat into the toilet, trying to spit the taste of bile from the back of his mouth. It didn’t help. He reached for the mouthwash - that was also running low.

Minho went back to his bedroom, his body aching in new ways. His stomach cramped but he wasn’t sure if it was from the hunger, or the nausea. Curling up in bed, he had a sinking feeling he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep any time soon.

* * *

  
He hated how he had to sneak around like an intruder in his own home.

Peeking around the corner, Minho made sure there was no one there. He had waited until the early hours of the morning to leave his apartment, using the back staircase - so he couldn’t be cornered in the elevator - to inch down to the lobby, then go to the 24 hour convenience store around the block.

His arms were weighed down with things he probably shouldn’t have gotten. Without Chan to be the sole person to care for his health, all he bought was instant noodles, junk food, soju, and three packs of cigarettes.

Minho hadn’t been lying when he told Changbin he had some things on his high school record. He got in trouble for more than just fighting and skipping class.

He was so tired. He was so alone. He was so...

Desolate.

Empty.

Pathetic.

He knew the others were worried about him - he KNEW, and yet he still couldn’t bring himself to reach out. He couldn’t do that to them. All he did was cause trouble and make things harder for them.

They told him he was what kept them together, but that was a lie. He wasn’t glue, he was an acid that burnt through all the good things that had the misfortune to touch him.

He was acid, and he had burnt them.

He never should have let them get close to him - he knew it would end with them getting hurt because of him.

Rushing for his apartment, he almost missed the mop of curly blonde hair that was just coming off of the elevator.

“Minho-” Chan dropped whatever he was holding and sprinted towards him, but it was too late. Minho already closed the door on him, instantly locking it twice. Chan knocked and knocked, begging Minho to come out, but he ignored it.

Putting in his headphones, he blasted his music and put his groceries away.

‘Groceries’.

What a laugh.

* * *

  
The smoke danced around his head, beckoning him to join it. He inhaled, the red end of the cigarette sparking bright in the night’s darkness. He sat on the windowsill in his living room, one leg tucked up against his chest and the other planted firmly on the floor. He wasn’t about to bother some poor soul with scraping him off the sidewalk. He had to pry the screen from the frame to sit there, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t eventually fix.

The nicotine filled something in him - something that was suspiciously Chan shaped. He wanted - _needed_ more than anything more than air more than food more than life itself - Chan to comfort him and promise everything would be okay, but he didn’t reach out.  
It had been just over a week since the last time he had seen Chan - the night they fucked and Minho began to spiral.

He had come completely unraveled at the seams in just a week.

Picking at the sleeve of his sweater, cigarette filter held between his front teeth, Minho ignored the stinging at the corners of his eyes. The tip continued to burn dangerously, the ember getting closer and closer to Minho’s nose the longer he ignored the flame in favor of his own sleeve.

The knot holding the two threads together came undone.

The cigarette dropped from Minho’s mouth, bouncing off his leg and falling from the propped open window and disappearing somewhere between him and the ground, nine floors below.

He remembered the night Chan had tied that knot for him. It had been when he agreed to join their group’s relationship. That night... he had been right about it.  
It was too good to be true.

And good things never lasted for him.

Without thinking, he tapped another cigarette from his pack and flicked his lighter to life, loving the feeling of the flame licking the tip of his nose. The pack was half empty.

A deep inhale. One... two... three... His shoulders relaxed as he exhaled slowly. Practiced. Familiar.

He wanted different familiarity.

He wanted a familiar dimpled smile, and familiar arms around him, and a familiar voice whispering how he loved Minho so fucking much you’re everything to me you’re my world, my starts, my moon-

He let the ashes drop onto his flannel sleep pants. They might have started as Jeongin’s but he couldn’t remember what clothing was left by who anymore. The ash didn’t burn, but it left a white smudge on the pattern, like a scar - unlike his own, however, these would wash away without a second thought.

His phone buzzed. He had ordered a new one, and it should be in any day. He didn’t even know if he cared enough to switch everything over.

He was fine now, so clearly he was doing something right. He took a long drag, a large chunk of ash dropping out the window. He wondered how many of the cigarette butts ended up on the sidewalk, and how many were spirited away somewhere else, never to be seen again.

Lucky bastards.

* * *

  
Minho felt like he was walking on autopilot. He didn’t remember entering the apartment, or stepping onto the elevator car to ride up to his floor. He didn’t remember unlocking his door, leaving it unlocked as he stumbled into his home.

His phone remained unlocked in his hand. He knew he should have never replaced it.

_**Your position in our program is in jeopardy-** _

The uncracked screen seemed to mock him.

_**Unsatisfactory performance in one or more requirements-** _

He really did it this time, didn’t he?

**_Schedule a meeting to discuss your options-_ **

He’s officially lost everything.

The program, his boyfriend, his sanity.

Gone.

He began to sob quietly. He didn’t have enough energy to make any real noise - the fact that he was able to cry at all anymore was a miracle in itself. He had been completely numb for the last three days - the last time he threw up, it seemed to take all his emotions with it.

He relapsed, managed a single day, then the incident with the girl. Two days of agonizing and carving into himself anytime his thoughts got too loud. Then the day he took the Adderall, also the first day he threw up everything he ate. The next day he kept throwing up, no matter what he tried to put in his body. A day of lying in bed, stomach and leg hurting too much to move. The day he had to sneak out for food. A day, ending in him smoking almost a full pack in one sitting. Then... today.

Exactly ten days after last seeing Chan, Minho’s entire world fell apart.

He didn’t like this... this numbness was scarier than any anxiety attack he’d experienced before. It was as if every nerve ending in his entire body had died, leaving him unable to feel anything at all, ever again.

Minho took steady steps towards the bedroom. He methodically took off his pants, folding them neatly before rolling the leg of his boxers up. Kneeling in front of his full length mirror, he traced the gashes with feather light touches. They were hideous-

They were beautiful. He wanted to make more - to make himself beautiful - but there was no room. Too much of his tanned skin was ripped to shreds, the outside of his thigh absolutely massacred. He deserved it. He was too scared to cut the inside of his thighs, or below the knee. Maybe there was hope for him - if he was scared, that meant there was still a part of him that cared about getting better... right?

He dug his nails into the closest cut. Blood instantly started to pool around his fingers, the scent of metal now a comforting thing. An insane laugh bubbled past chapped lips, the sound getting absorbed by the silence of the room around him. With no regard for the damage it would cause, Minho dug his nails back into a cut and ripped down, biting back a scream as the pain shot up his thigh. Blood was dripping onto the floor, soaking into the carpet.

He wanted to cry, but instead he laughed.

He laughed and laughed, tears streaming down flushed cheeks as his laughter got louder, and more unhinged.

What happened to him? It was like all the pain, and insanity, and breakdowns, and madness of the past year was hitting him all at once, shoving 365 days of agony into ten.

“Minho-” There were arms around him. He didn’t bother fighting, even when whoever it was began to smear blood on their clothes. Minho felt his wrists being restrained, but he didn’t try to resist. His head was swimming and his thigh was on _fire_ in the best, most addicting way possible. Why wouldn’t they let him scratch more? He just wanted to scratch the itch that was eating him alive - he just wanted to make the itch go _away_ -

He wanted to get better. He wanted to stop feeling this way. He wanted to go back to the boys - to _his_ boys. He wanted to watch the cuts heal into silver lines. He wanted to sit down and eat something warm and comforting. He wanted to sleep peacefully. He wanted it to all STOP-

“Aegi, please look at me?” the voice was low, but there was a layer of desperation bleeding into the words. Minho blinked, but his head felt... heavy. He realized there was a blanket wrapped around him. His thigh throbbed, but in a different way - it almost stung... He left a hand trail over the newly applied bandage.

When had that happened? Had he been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed his savior cleaning and bandaging his leg?

“Minho, I need you to look at me.” A hand on his chin pulled Minho’s face in the direction of whoever was speaking to him.  
Minho looked Chan in the eye for the first time in ten days, and couldn’t stop the tears that began to coat the older boy’s fingers, which were still holding his chin.

“Hyung...” His voice was fucked. Between the smoking, the vomiting, and the not speaking to anyone for days, he barely even sounded like himself.

“You came back to me,” Chan smiled, but it was weak, and watery. “Oh thank fuck... you were- you were gone. You were awake, but it was like- like you weren’t conscious...”

“Why...?”

“When I got back, the security guard stopped me and told me you came shuffling in like a zombie,” Chan fought to keep his words from trembling. “He was worried about you, and asked if I could come check on you... when I realized the door was unlocked, I knew something was wrong...”

It had been the first time the door had been left unlocked in ten days - he couldn’t really remember a single time he had locked it before that.

Minho didn’t say anything. He knew if he tried, words would keep tumbling and falling and spewing into the air until he was a sobbing, broken mess. He was too tired for that. Chan held him closely, and Minho could feel his hands shaking around the younger boy’s frame.

“When did you get so small?” Chan’s strength broke, quiet tears soaking into Minho’s shirt. Something in his chest tugged, a burst of emotion sending painful shots through his blood as he leaned into Chan’s warmth.

Minho still didn’t say anything.

“Please... please come home,” Chan’s sobs got louder. “Minho, we n-need you... none of us are okay without you... I’m- I’m sorry if I did something w-wrong. J-just, please go back to the others-”

“....” Minho mumbled something, his eyelids feeling heavy.

“What?”

“Sorry...” He tried again, his throat burning with the effort. “Not your fault... I’m... bad.”

“No, you’re not bad,” Chan sat back and cupped Minho’s cheeks. Minho tried to look away, but his boyfriend - did he even have the right to call Chan his boyfriend? After everything he’s done? - wouldn’t let him. Chan stared at him in silence for a moment, his eyes scanning Minho’s face, either looking for something or.... Or trying to memorize what was in front of him, as if he were afraid he’d never see Minho again. “You’re so fucking good. You’re too good.”

“Sorry...” A knot was forming in Minho’s chest. It was different from the creature that had rooted it’s vines along his organs.

“You don’t-”

“I’m sorry...”

“Minho-”

“I’m so fucking sorry-” The knot in his chest sprang apart, the sobs it had been holding back bursting forth. Minho let himself cry - his sobs were closer to screams than anything - the last ten days of agony and fear and loneliness all coming out at once. He had been so numb just a little while ago, but now it was like all his emotions came rushing back at once, completely smothering his senses.

“I love you so much,” Chan whispered over and over, holding Minho close so the younger boy couldn’t lash out. “Nothing will ever stop me from loving you.”

Chan knew something was wrong with Minho. The day after they slept together, and no one had heard from the second oldest, Chan knew something was wrong, but he convinced himself he was reading into way too much - Minho admitted to being swamped with catch up work, and that he would be busy for a few days. By day three, they had all tried knocking on his door at least once, but not a single one of them got any kind of response.

It was like Lee Minho up and vanished.

By the end of the third day, Chan _knew_ something was wrong. Seungmin didn’t voice a single complaint as his hyung asked for the skeleton key. Chan had mentally prepared himself to face whatever state Minho was in - prepared himself to be ready to do whatever it took to help Minho feel like himself again - only to run into yet another roadblock.

The chain lock. No skeleton key could undo that one. Not from the outside.

Over the next few days, they tried to keep watch, taking turns to stay up and listen for the sounds of a particular neighbor leaving his apartment. A few times, they almost caught him, but each time he slipped through the door leading to the back staircase before they could properly open the door and call out to him.

The last straw had been two nights before, when Chan had been shuffling home from yet another useless run around at YW. Stepping off the elevator, he saw a familiar figure slipping out from the back stairs, his arms laden with bags from the local 24 hour store.

His heart had physically stopped as he realized he was missing his chance to get his boyfriend back. He dropped his bag, not caring that his laptop was in it, and ran like his life depended on it. Even with moving as fast as his body could, he still wasn’t quick enough. He made it to Minho’s door just in time to hear the chain lock slip into place.

Chan had spent almost an hour begging Minho to open the door again.

Part of him wanted to be mad - to be angry at Minho for shutting them all out when he was so clearly hurting and for making them worry to the point where they were making themselves sick. He wanted to be mad, but he couldn’t be - the bigger part of him was just to fucking relieved to have Minho back in his arms.

A bleeding, sobbing Minho was more than he could ask for, when the alternative was, well...

Jeongin had been having a lot of nightmares of going to a funeral in the last few days.

He held Minho close, his own tears mixing with the younger boy’s. He never wanted to let Minho go again. He never thought being away from his boyfriend like that could cause so much agony, and he was determined to never let any of them feel that way again.

Minho eventually calmed, the air of the bedroom seeming to ring from the sudden silence. He hid his face in Chan’s soaked shirt, fear and embarrassment attacking him in equal parts. Was this the point where Chan realized Minho was too insane to love? Where Chan excused himself and never spoke to him again?

Instead of doing any of those things, Chan just leaned in and connected their lips. It was like that first night together, when they laid on the couch and shared light, gentle, almost playful kisses in the light from the television until they both fell asleep. Though there were no smiles to be pressed against one another, the same tentative, loving care was behind the kisses.

Minho kissed back, almost afraid to deepen it. He simultaneously felt like he was trying to approach an injured animal, and like he himself was the injured animal.

When Chan finally broke away, Minho didn’t chase after him. When Chan stood, Minho resigned himself to the fact that Chan was going to walk away, and he would never see the man who literally saved his life ever again-

“Hyung?” Minho yelped as he felt himself being lifted into the air. Chan smiled at him, the familiar turning up of the eyes and dimple made Minho want to cry all over again. For the first time in days, he felt like he was home again. When Chan started to walk out of the bedroom, Minho began to panic. “Where-?”

“We’re going to the others,” Chan said, holding onto Minho a little tighter, as if he were afraid of the younger boy vaulting himself from his arms. Minho tensed, unable to move even if he wanted to. “They... they need to see you’re okay...”

“I’m not...”

“They need to see you aren’t-” Chan cut himself off sharply. He didn’t look down at Minho as he bumped the door open with his hip. They stood in front of the larger apartment in silence for a moment, before Chan’s near-silent voice broke the quiet. “They need to know you’re still alive. That you haven’t... left us. Permanently.”

“Oh...” Minho didn’t know what else to think. Were they really worried that he would kill himself? But... Why would they care that much? It wasn’t like he was a good person - it wasn’t like he’d leave behind anything worth remembering once he finally ended it all-

“Hyung...” A single, near silent voice broke him from his self-deprecating thoughts. He looked up and saw everyone staring at him, their expressions ranging from shock to heartbreaking relief.

Chan put him on his feet, making sure to keep an arm around his waist - to steady him, or to reassure him, Minho wasn’t quite sure.

No one moved at first. Minho kept his eyes trained on the floor - he didn’t deserve to look at them. Not after everything he put them through-

He felt thin arms wrapping around his neck. His head shot up and he saw a familiar mop of hair pressing against his shoulder. Felix trembled against his chest, his hold around the elder’s neck gentle, almost as though he were afraid Minho would disappear in a cloud of smoke if he held on too tightly.

After a moment, Minho hesitantly wrapped his arms around Felix’s waist, burying his face in the boy’s hair. The room was silent for a beat, before everyone started talking at the same time.

“Hyung!”

“You’re okay!”

“I’ve m-missed you s-s-s- much!”

“Never leave us again you asshole!”

“I love you so much,” Felix muttered, his words shaking as badly as his body. “Hyung, I love you so fucking m-much...”

“I love you too Lix,” Minho whispered back softly. “I’m... I’m so sorry.”

Minho felt several pairs of arms wrapping around him - from behind, and from either side, and around his waist, and through the first layer of hugs. He quickly lost track of who was crying and who was hugging him and who was pushing who out of the way to get closer to the center of the pile.

Soon, Chan found himself carefully prying his boys away from Minho. As much as he wanted to give them their time with him, he also knew Minho probably wasn’t in the best mood to be mobbed at the moment, especially after how much he just cried back in his own apartment...

“Don’t crowd him too much,” He said, frowning at how Minho seemed to hide behind him. “He’s had a rough couple of days...”

“Hyung...” Hyunjin tried again, his eyes burning when Minho wouldn’t look at him properly. Minho didn’t deserve to look at any of them, but especially not Hyunjin - what if the younger boy relapsed because Minho hadn’t been there for him?

He promised Hyunjin that he would _always_ be there - that he could always find Minho when he felt like hurting himself, or if he felt like was starting to spiral, but he had lied.

He had left Hyunjin alone - he had left all of them alone.

If Hyunjin relapsed, it was all Minho’s fault. He had promised that Hyunjin would never have to be alone, and he lied. He broke that promise.

He left Hyunjin to fight by himself.

“I’m so sorry...” He whispered, knowing it wasn’t nearly enough to make up for everything he had put them through.

“Don’t apologize,” Jisung stood directly in front of him. They stared at each other in silence for a moment before the younger boy reached out, taking Minho’s face between his palms. Jisung’s face fell a little. “Fuck, hyung... you’ve gotten so skinny...”

“I’m-”

“If you say sorry one more time, I’m going to kick your ass,” Jisung threatened, but the tears gathering on his eyelashes were clear as day. “I just... you came home.”

“Mm, I’m home aegi.” Minho smiled softly. That was all it took to break Jisung’s resolve.

“Hyung-” He instantly started sobbing, hiding his face in the older boy’s shoulder. Minho almost couldn’t believe it - they didn’t hate him? They didn’t blame him?

“Shh, it’s alright Sungie,” His throat stung painfully, his arms tightening around the smaller boy’s waist. “I’m here... I’m not leaving again.”

“Why did you- how could you-” Jisung kept cutting himself off, clearly wanting to ask a thousand things but finding himself unable to properly word a single one. “Why?”

“I... I didn’t want to make things worse,” Tears started to soak into Jisung’s hair. How did Minho still have tears left? “I knew things were awful for you, so when I started to spiral... I figured it would be best to handle it on my own. You all didn’t need to add worrying about me to everything else already going on.”

“Who cares about the fucking scandals?” Jisung snapped, ripping himself from Minho’s embrace. “Who fucking cares about YW and the stalkers and-and the bullshit online? How could ANY of us give a single shit about that when you- when you were hurting? When you were _gone_?”

“I didn’t-” Minho felt as though Jisung had punched him in the stomach.

“Hyung, we were so fucking scared,” he continued, his face rapidly switching between anger and sorrow. “We just- we just wanted to know you were _okay_! We-we can’t lose you... you can’t leave us like that ever again!”

“I won’t,” Minho pulled Jisung back into his arms. He could feel the younger boy shaking lightly. “Hyung is sorry aegi... I’m not going anywhere. I just... needed some time.”

“Needing time is fine,” Changbin said, his voice tight. It made Minho’s stomach sink to the floor. “It’s okay if you need a break, or whatever, but cutting us out completely was... it was cruel of you, hyung. If you just t-told us you wanted to be alone, we would have given you space, but you just disappeared.”

“Changbin-”

“You just.... You just fucking left, and it was like Woojin all over again-” Changbin’s face crumpled as tears started falling down his cheeks. There were several gasps, and sobs, and whimpers from around the room.

Minho could have thrown up, if there was anything in his stomach.

How could he have done that to them? He knew what happened - their ninth member leaving them high and dry because he thought their relationship was disgusting, making the boys feel insecure and filthy for everything they did. They had been broken apart when he finally fucked off, and even Chan admitted that Minho filled a spot in their dynamic that they hadn’t even realized was open.

“I-” How could he ever apologize enough? Why couldn’t they just hate him the way he hated himself? He scratched his thigh, the cuts itching like mad under the bandage. He itched a little harder, just wanting some relief, when he felt his wrist being held.

Chan just looked at him sadly, holding onto the younger boy’s wrist to prevent any more damage from being inflicted on his thigh. Minho looked at his hand and saw dark red, bordering on brown, caked under his nails. It seemed Chan hadn’t been able to wash away every piece of evidence.

“Why don’t we take a nap?” Jeongin suggested softly. “I’m exhausted, and I know you guys are too.”

“Mm, we can set up in the living room again.” Seungmin nodded in agreement, his face pale and withdrawn. Minho had caused that as well - he did nothing but bring them down, and cause them to hurt-

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Chan asked, his voice low and comforting. Minho wanted to melt into the sound of it, letting his boyfriend’s words pillow him until he was better.

“I can’t believe how selfish I was....” He whispered, just loud enough for Chan alone to hear him. “I... I’ve always been able to handle my shit. I don’t know why I spiraled so badly this time... I can’t believe I did this to you... Changbin was right - I’m cruel-”

Chan cut him off with a chaste kiss. Minho didn’t deserve Chan’s kisses.

“You... none of us blame you, Min,” Chan rested his forehead against Minho’s. “We’re scared, but none of us are mad.”

“Bin seemed pretty pissed, not that I’d blame him,” He wanted to sink into the floor, never to be seen again. “I promised I would always b-be there, and I br-broke my promise, and n-n-now everyone’s hurt because of- because of me-”

“You promised us, but you didn’t break anything.” Chan’s thumb rubbed comforting circles along the base of Minho’s spine, the younger boy leaning into his chest.

“What?” Minho looked at him through his tears, his eyes shining as though they held every star in the universe.

“You’re still here, right?” He hummed, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Minho continued to stare, his confusion clear on his face. “You’re still here. You’re still with us - you haven’t left us. You’ve kept your promise.”

“But-”

“I should have noticed sooner,” Chan’s own eyes began to sting. He had been trying so damn hard to prevent himself from crying - he needed to be strong for the others, seeing how it was his neglect that led to this situation in the first place. “I knew you were struggling with school, and kept putting us first and letting your own health fall back. I could see you getting more and more stressed, but I was too focused on- on trying to contact Yellow Wood, and trying to fix this mess that... that I ignored you. I neglected you, as your boyfriend, and as your friend too... I’m so sorry Min.”

“It’s not your fault-”

“If we agree that it was no one’s fault, can we stop apologizing?” Seungmin asked, gently kicking a pillow into place. “I’m sick of all these sorries... no one is at fault for this. It was just shitty situation after shitty situation. We’re only human - we can’t hold the world on our shoulders and not expect to break down.”

“Seungmin...” Minho reached out, as if to catch the boy’s sleeve, only to quickly pull his hand back in again, cradling it against his chest. Seungmin sighed and stood in front of his two oldest hyungs, who were still holding each other close.

“Stupid hyung,” The boy murmured, leaning in and kissing Minho’s chapped lips. “Just let us take care of you, for once.”

“But-”

“This all started going to shit because you only took care of us and neglected yourself,” Seungmin pointed out. “Just let us return the favor? We want to take care of you as much as you want to take care of us.”

Minho recalled Chan fondly complaining about how the boys never letting him spoil them anymore, and he finally understood. At first he didn’t get why they would be so against it - being spoiled by Chan was like a dream - but they wanted to spoil Chan even more than Chan wanted to spoil them.

They didn’t let Chan buy them things, because they were trying to show him how much they loved him in other ways.

“Mm, alright pup,” Minho conceded with a small smile. “I’ll... I’ll try to work on not feeling guilty about others taking care of me...”

“Good,” the boy’s smile seemed to shine. “Because we’re going to do it, whether you like it or not.”

“Ominous!” Felix said from the other side of the room, a blanket already over his head like a cloak. The room fell silent for a beat, before Minho let out a single, ringing laugh. Like a spell being broken, smiles found their ways onto everyone’s face.

“I want cuddles...” Hyunjin whined loudly, stomping his feet a little as he did so. Minho just smiled and wiggled away from Chan to pull Hyunjin into a hug.

“I’m here aegi,” He said, not mentioning how Hyunjin was holding onto him as if he expected Minho to be a hallucination. “Do you wanna lay down?”

Hyunjin nodded, his face hidden in Minho’s shoulder. He lowered them to the nest of blankets and pillows, instantly finding himself surrounded by the others. Felix curled into his one side, Jeongin on the other. Jisung pressed himself flush against Minho’s back. Seungmin rested his cheek on Minho’s thigh as Hyunjin laid claim to the elder’s lap. Changbin sat slightly off to the side, just being able to rest his forehead on Minho’s shoulder, the angle of the others making it impossible for him to get any closer.

Minho closed his eyes and let their warmth soak into him. He still didn’t feel he deserved to be forgiven, but fuck if it didn’t feel good to be held again. Maybe... maybe he’d allow himself this small comfort.

Chan watched his boys sleep, a deep frown on his face. They had nodded off one by one, until they were a pile on the floor, arms and legs all over the place. He could barely see where one boy started and another ended.

He pulled out his phone and typed a short message - one he had been debating writing for days now. This evening was enough to make the decision for him. Without proof reading the email, he hit send and slumped back on the couch.

Things were about to get a lot more complicated, weren’t they?

_Though I’ve attempted many times to contact someone about this situation, I’ve come to a final decision. Intervene, or Stray Kids will pull from the contract entirely. You and I both know this scandal has brought YW attention and revenue, and you’d lose it all when we leave. Choose wisely, because I’ve already made up my mind - Bang Chan, CB97_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minho's going to be loved where he likes it or not!! There's no way they're gonna let him out their sight now UwU 
> 
> I've been given a request for an MX fic next, so as soon as I get a chance I'm gonna start plotting that out! I'm really looking forward to writing for them again, and I'm glad I've been given a kick in the ass to actually do it XD


	15. Home Across the Hall

Minho woke up and was instantly uncomfortably warm. He could feel the sweat gathering at the nape of his neck and the small of his back, but he found himself unable to move. Cracking his eyes open, he was met with Jeongin’s face directly in front of him, so close all he would have to do is lean in a fraction and he would be able to kiss the younger boy.

The night before came back bit by bit. His stomach sank farther and farther with each memory. His thigh seemed to throb in time with his horror.

How could he have broken down like that?

How could he have hurt the others the way he did?

What the fuck was wrong with him?”

He felt the arm draped over his waist shift, Felix rolling over and instantly cuddling Seungmin in his sleep, neither boy stirring for even a moment. Finally freed, Minho eased his way out from the pile of boys, doing his best not to step on anyone.

After what felt like a spy movie going-through-the-lasers scene, he looked around the living room. One, two, three, four...

He counted the boys still asleep in the pile and realized there was one missing. Glancing around, he could tell the rest of the apartment was empty, which meant Chan was nowhere to be found. Minho bit his bottom lip, concerned flooding his body and instantly washing away any guilt that was lingering. Was Chan okay? Did something happen?

Before he could panic too much, a note taped to the fridge caught his attention. It was addressed to him, which he thought was a little odd at first, but it made sense once he actually read it.

_Minho, I think I finally made it through to YW. I’ll try to keep everyone updated as the day goes on, but hopefully you won’t be out of the loop too much. There’s stuff in the fridge to make breakfast. I know you’re going to be the first one awake and I trust you to cook more than the others. I love them, but the last time Jisung tried to cook while still half asleep, he set a towel on fire. I love you so much kitten. I’ll see you soon -CB_

With a smile, he folded the tape over the top and creased the paper, slipping it into his pocket to go with his stash of notes given to him by his boys. Going over to the fridge as quietly as possible, Minho saw what Chan meant by food for breakfast.

It looked like he had bought half the grocery store, the shelves almost buckling under everything. He supposed seven boys would go through groceries fairly quickly, but after looking at his own empty fridge for so long, it was almost uncomfortable to see so much food in one place.

As much as he wanted to make breakfast for his boys, he needed to do something even more important. With practiced motions, he switched on their fancy coffee maker, packing the little tray with the ground coffee and clicking it into place. He didn’t know how he managed before having a personal espresso maker in his arsonal. The second the smell of brewing coffee filled the air, the exhaustion weighing Minho down seemed to evaporate, his body already invigorated by the scent alone.

Arms snaked around his waist, almost making him throw his mug in the air. Thankfully, only a few drops splashed out onto the counter.

“Hyung.”

“You’re up early,” Minho commented, wiping the coffee up as Hyunjin continued to cling to the older boy. “I figured you’d all be out for like, another hour at least.”

“You left and I got cold,” Hyunjin said into Minho’s shoulder blades. Minho felt a shiver go down his spine as the younger boy’s breath soaked into his skin. “Why are you up?”

“Couldn’t go back to sleep,” Minho admitted. They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes as Minho brewed a second cup of coffee, handing the younger boy the first one he made. “Jinnie...”

What could he even say to him? After everything he’s done... He would so disappointed in him - Minho had been coaching Hyunjin through recovery, and now he was the one relapsing and fucking everything up.

Hyunjin must be so disappointed.

“Hyung, talk to me.” It wasn’t a question.

“About what?” Minho was trying his best to avoid this conversation.

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Sung was right. You did get skinny...” Hyunjin said softly, his hands working their way under Minho’s shirt and resting against the older boy’s ribs, which definitely stuck out more than at any point since meeting one another.

“I haven’t had much of an appetite recently,” it wasn’t a lie, per say. “Ended up vomiting anything I tried to eat, and it wasn’t even on purpose this time.”

“I bet smoking didn’t help that.”

“What?” Minho tensed. “How did you-”

“You still smell like cigarettes,” Hyunjin’s lips brushed against Minho’s neck. “And Channie hyung caught you coming back from the convenience store and he saw the packs. I don’t think he wanted us to hear, but he was talking to Changbin hyung about how worried he was.”

“Oh...”

“We were all worried,” Hyunjin’s arms around him returned, the empty mug first placed on the counter. “Thank you for coming home...”

“I’m sorry aegi,” Minho sipped his coffee, burning his tongue a little as he did so. “I... Hyung was being selfish, wasn’t he?”

“Not selfish... just hurting,” Hyunjin’s voice sounded heavy. Minho prayed he wouldn’t feel tears soaking into the back of his shirt, because he didn’t think he would be able to handle making Hyunjin cry again. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Mm.”

“Can I see your leg?”

“Wh-” Minho felt his breath freeze in his lungs. Hyunjin held him tighter, as if physically stopping the older boy from running away from the conversation.

“I won’t be mad,” Hyunjin was clearly repeating the things Minho had said to him, and it hit some chord inside of him. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“When did you get so grown up?” Minho felt his own eyes stinging. It was too early to be this emotional, but he had a sinking feeling the rest of the day would bring little reprieve.

“When my friends needed me.” Hyunjin said with a sad chuckle.

Minho sighed and put his mug down, the last of his coffee splashing around in the bottom. He gestured for Hyunjin to follow him, closing the bathroom door behind them. He hesitated, now that they were alone. Would he be able to stomach looking at the damage he caused? Would he be able to expose poor Hyunjin to his mistakes?

“Can I?” Hyunjin asked, steering Minho to sit on the closed toilet seat.

“I’m guessing there’s no way to talk my way out of this?” Minho offered a weak, helpless smile. Hyunjin’s lips quirked up for a moment before he was able to level his expression.

“Sorry hyung,” He shook his head. “With Channie hyung... somewhere else, I need to make sure you’re being taken care of.”

“I’m sorry Jinnie.”

“What? Why?” Hyunjin blinked at him.

“I left you alone,” His smile felt desolate. Hyunjin’s face went slack for a moment before his eyes started to glaze. “I promised to always be there, and I left you... Changbin was right when he called me out... I can’t believe I did that to you all. I really am as bad as W-”

“No,” Hyunjin cut him off before he could even say the name. “You’re _nothing_ like him. You’re- you’re so loving, and you give everything to make us happy. You’re kind, and empathetic, and- and the most amazing fucking person I’ve ever met. You’re the farthest thing from that asshole.”

“You’re not going to like what you see,” Minho didn’t know what to say to what Hyunjin just told him - he knew if he tried to address it, he would burst into tears. “It’s... not pretty.”

“That’s okay,” Hyunjin murmured, pressing a kiss to the corner of Minho’s mouth. “I’ll be here no matter what.”

Minho sighed and shimmied his sweatpants off. He had been grateful that Chan thought enough to put his pants back on after bandaging his leg. He kicked his pants off to the side, hesitating to pull the bandage off. He was completely naked, not having been wearing anything under his sweatpants, but somehow having that gauze taped to his thigh made him feel even more naked than the lack of clothing.

“Can I?” Hyunjin asked, waiting for Minho to nod before gently peeling the medical tape from around the bandaging. The gauze stuck to the drying blood, pulling painfully as the boy had to tug a little harder to get it off. Fresh blood beaded up along some of the deeper cuts, and Minho was struck by just how much damage he had caused to himself.

He hadn’t seen his thigh before Chan had covered it, but seeing it now...

Minho clapped a hand over his mouth, tears streaming down his face as he swallowed back bile. Hyunjin just stared at the massacre, his eyes wide and face pale. It was nothing like what he had been expecting - it looked like Minho had tried to rip the flesh from his leg, almost every inch of his outer thigh was shredded, some of the larger cuts having ripped at the corners from where he dug his fingers in and pulled.

It was morbidly beautiful, in a way. The tan of his skin was almost completely washed out by the crimson and the bruising that was blooming not only along the cuts themselves, but where his nails had assaulted his leg.

“Hyung...” Hyunjin breathed, tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry Jinnie,” Minho smiled sadly. “I know it’s ugly-”

“You must have been in so much pain...” Hyunjin’s voice cracked, letting his finger trace over the smaller cuts with feather light touches. “What can I do?”

“About what?”

“How can I help?”

“I don’t know,” Minho said honestly, shrugging his shoulders a little. He watched Hyunjin wet a washcloth and gently start dabbing at the blood. “I... I’ll admit, I was pretty fucking lost the last couple of days. I don’t even know where to start with... everything.”

“That’s okay, hyung,” Hyunjin didn’t look up from his work. “We can figure it out together.”

“How-” Minho cut himself off. How could he ask Hyunjin if he relapsed while the boy was tending to his own wounds?

“You can ask me anything,” Hyunjin offered a quick, tired smile before going back to work. “You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine-”

“Did you relapse, Hyunjin?” He just spat it out, not knowing how else to bring it up properly. Hyunjin’s hands froze, the bloody washcloth hovering over his aching thigh.

“Hyung-”

“I’m so sorry,” Minho felt his throat closing. “I-I should have been there for you-”

“It’s not your fault, hyung,” Hyunjin whispered, sounding choked. “You- you shouldn’t have to take on all of our demons for us. I... I love you, and I’m so grateful that you’ve been here to help me. How the fuck could I possibly _blame_ you for anything? You’ve already done more than anyone else in my life has, other than Channie hyung.”

“Jin-”

“Me messing up doesn’t mean you failed me, or that you should blame yourself,” He continued, cutting the older boy off. “And besides... it wasn’t that bad.”

_it wasn’t this bad - it wasn’t as bad as what you did to yourself._

“Um... Jisung found me,” he continued, his shoulders slumping some. “He talked me through it, and helped clean it up... now you two are the only ones who know.”

“Have you thought about telling the others?”

“Yeah, I just don’t know how to bring it up,” he sighed. “Everyone’s been so stressed... I don’t want to bring anyone down.”

“Guess we’re in the same boat,” Minho chuckled. Hyunjin glanced up at him, maintaining eye contact for a moment before smiling and taping down the gauze. “We can figure something out later, okay?”

“Mm, sounds good.”

“Come on, let’s go make some breakfast.” Minho stood, pulling his pants back on and wrapping the bloody gauze in toilet paper, shoving it down in the trash can.

Before he could leave the bathroom, Hyunjin pulled Minho into a kiss, instantly deepening it when he felt the older boy’s lips part. Minho held the younger boy close, losing himself in the kiss. Hyunjin was so warm, and soft, and his tongue tasted like coffee, and god this is what he needed - this is what he’s been missing.

He needed his boys, and getting them back felt like taking that first breath of fresh air after being locked in a windowless room for days on end.

Hyunjin moaned needily into his mouth and a fire lit in his stomach. He knew the others would be waking up soon - if not naturally, then by the noises coming from the bathroom - and he should get started on breakfast, but fuck Hyunjin’s hand was on his dick and his fingers were pulling on Hyunjin’s hair and Hyunjin was gasping against his lips-

He decided breakfast could wait.

And if someone joined them in the bathroom? Minho wouldn’t complain.

“Last call for dishes.” Minho called over his shoulder. After they managed to congregate in the kitchen, the seven boys somewhat awake and sated, Minho had made everyone breakfast, declining any offers for help. They ate and chatted, no one mentioning the tension in the air over Chan’s absence.

Minho started cleaning up around ten, putting the bowls and plates into the dishwasher and hitting the green button. Growing up, he never had a washing machine in his house - his family just did them all by hand - so he enjoyed being able to use theirs.

He checked his phone, only to let out a disappointed breath - still nothing from Chan. He had been awake for almost three hours and hadn’t heard a single peep from his boyfriend past the note that had been left on the fridge.

To say he was getting worried would be an understatement.

“Feeling okay, hyung?” Jisung came over and jumped up to sit on the counter.

“Yeah, just a little worried,” He bit his cheek. “Still haven’t heard anything from Channie hyung, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing?”

“How could it be a good thing?”

“If he’s in a meeting, he could still be discussing your situation and hopefully making some progress with YW.”

“You think?” Jisung’s heels bounced off the counter as the boy swung his legs lightly.

“Mm, if anyone can do it, it’s hyung.” Minho went to stand between Jisung’s thighs, tilting his head up and silently asking for a kiss. Jisung gifted him the kiss instantly, smiling against his hyung’s lips. It was light, and soft, and made Minho’s chest _ache_ from how perfect it all was - he almost lost this? He would never forgive himself.

“Hey, any word from Channie hyung-?” Jeongin asked, walking into the kitchen. He only looked mildly betrayed that Minho was kissing Jisung and not him, but before he could playfully express his anger, there was a knock at the door.

Everyone froze.

After the apartment building went into lock down due to the sudden increase in stalkers, no one was allowed onto their floor unless given permission from the front desk, and no one was permitted other than the eight of them and Seungmin’s aunt.

So who the fuck was at their door?

“Stay here,” Minho whispered, pushing Jisung and Jeongin farther into the kitchen, away from the line of sight of the door. “No one say anything.”

“Hyung-” Seungmin started to protest, but Minho was already across the apartment. He took a breath, steeling his nerves, before opening the door just a crack. Standing in the hallway was a fairly large man, with beefy arms and a yellow shirt.

“Is this apartment of Stray Kids?” The man asked, and Minho could detect a faint accent in his words.

“Who’s asking?” He refused to open the door any wider until the man explained who he was, and why he was there.

“I work security at Yellow Wood entertainment,” He said, pointing to the badge hanging off his waist. “I’ve been sent to escort the members of Stray Kids to the company building to discuss their contracts.”

“And why should we trust you?” Minho’s eyebrows furrowed. “We’ve had too many problems with-”  
Just then, his phone rang. Checking the ID, he frowned harder.

“Minho?”

“Hyung?”

“Ah, I’m glad I caught you,” Chan said from the other side of the call. “They just sent someone over to escort you to YW. We need everyone here for a meeting ASAP.”

“Uh, alright hyung,” Minho felt a little numb from the shock. “I’ll get them ready now.”

“Love you baby!”

“Love you more hyung,” His frown finally softened as Chan hung up. He turned his attention back to the man, who didn’t seem bothered at all that Minho was making him wait in the hallway. “Give us a second. We’ll get ready now.”

“Mm, I’ll wait here.” The man nodded, and Minho was relieved that he didn’t have to tell the man to stay in the hallway - even if he was legit, Minho still wasn’t comfortable letting a stranger into the apartment.

“Alright everyone, get dressed,” Minho called out, six pairs of eyes glued to him from various places around the room. “Channie hyung just called, we’re going to YW.”

“What?”

“Really?”

“Right now?”

“Mm, to hurry,” Minho waved at them to go faster. “Hyung’s waiting for us.”

* * *

  
Minho sat with his legs together, hands folded neatly on his lap. Why was he sitting between Chan and Changbin in their Very Important Meeting?

He hadn’t expected to go into the room with them - he figured he’d go with them to the building and wait for the meeting to end, but he ended up finding himself being shuffled into the elevator that was going straight to the chairman’s personal office.

It was even more awkward seeing how there were only three chairs sitting opposite of the chairman. He had tried giving the spot to Jisung - it would make sense to have those three seated before the man they were going to bargain with - but before he could press it, he had several hands pushing him down onto the chair. They stood around the three seats, like protective guard dogs hovering over their owners.

Chan’s hand was warm on Minho’s thigh. Thankfully from the angle they were sitting at, the chairman wouldn’t be able to see how his boyfriend was comforting him - he could tell Chan was trying to calm himself down as well, if the shaking of his hand had anything to say - but knowing his luck, the man probably saw everything.

“Now that everyone’s here, let’s discuss what Christopher and I have been chatting about for the last few hours,” The chairman sounded a little bitter, and Minho could only imagine what kind of Hell Chan must have dragged him through all morning. “Now, it’s come to our attention that there’s been a bit of an issue of false rumors and leaked information.”

Minho suppressed the urge to scoff, but just barely.

“We’ve been talking about where to go from here, and I have an offer for you boys,” He scanned the gathered crowd, seeming to look through each and every one of them. “We acknowledge that this scandal is partially our fault. Rivals of our company take any opportunity to break us and our idols down. We’re not a large company yet, but the last few years have shown enough growth to pose a threat to the others.”

Minho bit back the words that were just on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to rip into this man, demand to know why it took so long for this to be addressed - why things were allowed to get so bad, and what they would offer to compensate them for everything SKZ had been forced to endure.

“Yellow Wood’s PR department has begun to track down those involved in the spreading of the false rumors, and our lawyers will persecute them to full extent of the law once they’re found,” The man tapped a pen on his desk, and it was starting to piss Minho off. Something about the chairman just didn’t sit right with him. “Now, when you sign, our lawyers will keep an eye out for any new rumors or attempts of defamation. Anything new that comes up will be handled accordingly, and your contracts will stay the same as before.”

“That’s unacceptable.” Minho finally said, unable to hold back anymore. Instantly the room dropped a few degrees as the chairman raised a single eyebrow at him. He stopped tapping his pen and sat it aside, adjusting himself in his large leather chair and crossing his hands, placing them on top of his desk.

“I don’t believe I know who you are,” He said, his tone calculating. Minho felt his mouth curl into a smile - slightly condescending but completely professional. It was the look he adopted when he had to deal with particularly rude customers, or professors that stepped out of line. “I’m familiar with the members of Stray Kids, and you aren’t one of them. So, who are you?”

“I think the more important question to ask is why should they sign to your company if you openly admitted to being the cause of the issue, yet aren’t changing their contracts to reflect that?” Minho didn’t hesitate for even a second. He friends back in high school used to joke that he would make a good lawyer, or interrogator. He never really understood why they thought that, until that moment. “Your actions - or rather, lack thereof, have put the members of Stray Kids in physical danger, and through emotional distress. They’ve been harassed, chased, even cornered in bathrooms. If you want them to sign to your company, it should at least be worth the pain they’ve gone through - because of you, might I remind you.”

“You...” The man clenched his jaw, eyes flashing. Chan’s hand on Minho’s thigh tightened, and he could hear the others murmuring behind him. The chairman finally took a breath and let his shoulders relax. “You bring up valid points... Christopher and I have been going back and forth with their contracts for several months now, and it’s been... difficult to find middle ground... I suppose I can make a few adjustments to their contract if it ensures our agreement.”

“Such as?” Minho wasn’t going to let a single one of his boys sign _anything_ until he was satisfied with the outcome.

“Let’s see...” The man grabbed a fairly thick stack of papers that had been clipped together and began flipping through them, scanning the extremely fine print coating almost every inch of the white. “I can offer creative freedom over song topics, as long as they don’t cross any lines, or bring issues to the company as a whole.”

“A good start.” Minho cocked his eyebrow, letting his chin raise a fraction. The chairman’s eyes narrowed, but Minho’s attention was quickly being divided - it was hard to pay attention to a middle aged man when his boyfriend’s hand was slowly moving higher up his thigh, Chan’s fingers wrapped around the inner curve, almost touching his dick.

“Because of all the publicity already, we can start looking into touring as soon as the staff - the choreographers, vocal coaches, the like - deem them ready,” He tapped one of the pages with his pen again, leaning back in his chair. “They’d have a confirmed debut, and an accelerated training period. As soon as they're up to par, they’ll be able to debut fully.”

“They get partial input on music video concepts, and have complete authority to say no to anything - choreography, costumes, sets... staff - that they don’t approve of.” Minho stared the chairman in the eye, refusing to blink first. After a moment, the man broke and blinked, looking back down at the contract.

“I suppose I can work that in,” He didn’t sound all that thrilled, but Minho could hear the whispers behind him getting more excited. “Any other demands?”

“Any scandals, rumors or attempts at defamation will be addressed immediately and publicly,” Minho said after a moment of thinking. “You’ll be very clear that there will be no room in your company for something like this to happen again. You will keep their health as your top priority - above profit. No diets, regular check ups, and therapy upon request.”

“You’re just... full of stipulations, aren’t you?” The chairman was starting to sound clipped, and Minho knew he was starting to press his luck.

“I haven’t requested a single thing that should be considered outrageous,” He licked his bottom lip before continuing. “If the safety and health of your idols aren’t your main focus, then we might have to start looking into companies that _will_ -”

“Fine! Fine, all of what you said will be included in the new contract,” The chairman cut him off, his face starting to turn an odd shade of red. He knew more than anyone how much revenue and attention the whole Stray Kids scandal has given Yellow Wood, and he would be an idiot to let an opportunity to sign them - especially when their debut would garner more attention than anything in the history of his company. “I’ll have a new document written up and will send for you when it’s ready. There’s going to have to be a decent amount of editing to accommodate your... requests for seven-”

“Eight.” Chan cut him off.

“Excuse me?” The chairman blinked.

“There’s eight of us now.” Chan repeated, his grip on Minho’s thigh tightening. He glanced at his boyfriend, his face so hopeful that it made the younger boy’s eyes sting. Chan really wanted him to join the group that badly? His boyfriend was practically begging him to agree, right in front of the chairman. After a beat, Minho nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips as the boys behind him burst into cheers.

“Fine... eight,” The chairman wrote something else down, writing the last few characters aggressively. “Now if there's nothing else you need from me, I’ll have someone escort you back to your apartment. The new contract should be ready by next week.”

“Thank you, for giving us this opportunity,” Chan said as he stood and bowed. Minho’s thigh was suddenly freezing now that the comforting warmth of his boyfriend’s hand was gone. “I swear we’ll prove to you that we’re worth it.”

“I’m sure that you will,” The chairman nodded tiredly. “Now, if that’s all...”

The eight boys bowed to him deeply before filing out one by one, letting the heavy oak office doors close being him. They were silent for a moment before Minho found himself being lifted off the ground.

“That was so fucking hot,” Chan growled, wrapping Minho’s legs around his waist, supporting the younger boy’s weight. He kissed his boyfriend hungrily, as if he was starving and Minho was a feast. It made Minho’s head dizzy. “God kitten, you have no idea how badly I wanted to bend you over that desk-”

“Save it for when we get home, hyung!” Jisung smacked Chan’s shoulder, a bright grin on his face.

“We gotta celebrate!” Jeongin said, jumping in place in his excitement.”

“You don’t have classes tomorrow, do you?” Chan asked Minho as he placed the younger boy back onto his feet. Minho swayed a little, only to be saved by a warm arm around his waist. He glanced behind him to see Hyunjin holding him steady.

“No, but I have to call someone about the program...” The thrill of the last hour was starting to fizzle out now that his real life was starting to crash back down on him. He had gotten that email the day before - was it too late to make that appointment?

“We can call when the others go shopping,” Chan pressed a soft kiss to Minho’s cheek, the complete switch from the hungry kisses mere moments before made Minho’s head spin. “If we give them a list, they probably won’t miss anything.”

“Have a little more faith in us, hyung.” Changbin pouted.

“Let’s walk and plan,” Chan grinned, pulling all of his boys into a group hug. He refused to cry, but fuck was he close. “We have a party to get ready for!”

* * *

“Ah- gentle aegi.” Minho winced when Jisung got a little too excited biting down on the older boy’s neck.

“Sorry hyung,” He didn’t sound sorry at all as he bit down harder. “You’re just so fucking hot.”

“Stop hogging Minho hyung!” Jeongin whined, pushing Jisung off Minho’s lap. Jisung was just drunk enough to be unable to catch his balance and fell onto the couch, letting out a string of bubbly giggles as the room spun around him. Jeongin pounced onto Minho’s now vacant lap with a grin. “Wanna take a shot with me hyung?”

“Of course,” Minho was fairly drunk, which only made him want to drink more. It definitely didn’t help that he was the unofficially King of Shots, and the others seemed eager to challenge that position. “Bring it on Princess.”

Jeongin flushed happily at the pet name before downing the shot in his hand. Minho realized after a beat that there wasn’t a second shot for him to take-

He didn’t need to worry about that, because the next moment found Jeongin’s lips pressing against his own. Minho opened his mouth and grinned as the pink vodka flooded his tongue.

“I might need to do that for every shot I take,” Minho grinned lazily. He could feel Jeongin lightly grinding down on him - not enough to make them desperately need to use one of the bedrooms, but enough for a nice rush to go through his alcohol fuzzy body. “Tastes even sweeter coming from you aegi.”

“Hyung...” Jeongin whined, covering his face. Minho thought it was cute how Jeongin could go from the most confident boy in the world to a blushing mess in mere seconds, and the drunker Jeongin was, the quicker he could switch between the two.

“Mm, why don’t you go find Binnie?” Minho suggested. He knew Changbin became even cuddlier when he was drunk, and judging by how quickly he had been throwing back shots earlier, he was probably the farthest gone. “I’m sure he’d love a pretty little baby sitting in his lap.”

“Yeah,” Jeongin giggled, his face flushed. “Binnie hyung...”

He rolled off Minho’s lap, giving himself a moment to center himself before stumbling over to the kitchen, where they could hear Changbin, Hyunjin and Seungmin screaming about something. Curious, Minho stood - giving himself a second for the room to stop spinning - and went over to see that the commotion was.

Everyone was forming a circle around the kitchen table, where Felix had set up a rube goldberg concoction. Eight glass cups were in a circle, all filled about halfway with an extremely dark beer that had a light tan topper, and eight shots filled with a suspiciously creamy liquor and what looked like whisky, perched precariously on the edge of each one. Felix was concentrating more than Minho had ever seen as he placed the final shot down, putting his hands up as he took a small step back.

“As soon as it drops, grab a cup and chug,” Felix grinned as he scanned the boys around him. “First to finish gets to pick the next game, last to finish gets to be the guinea pig for whatever the winner picks.”

“Three!” They cried out together.

“Two!” Minho was grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. It was almost impossible to believe that this time the night before he had been breaking down in Chan’s arms, his leg bleeding profusely. He could still feel the darkness at the edges of his mind - of course he did, there was no physical way to get better in just one day - but the warmth of the alcohol and the love from his boys was enough to scare it off for a night.

“ONE!” Felix tipped one of the shot glasses into its respective glass, which triggered the rest to do the same. The shot glass hit the beer with a splash, the beer splattering on the table as the glasses were snatched away.

Minho almost gagged from the bitterness of the beer but he persevered. Seungmin was the first to slam his glass down on the table, followed shortly by Jisung, Minho, and Hyunjin. Next was Jeongin, and Felix, who finished at the exact same time. Changbin and Chan took much longer, their faces twisted as they tried to keep the contents of their stomachs in place. In the end, Chan finished before Changbin, who had to rush to the bathroom before he was able to drain the last few sips of his drink.

Laughing, Minho grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and followed the rapper, the cheers from the drinking competition getting louder as Seungmin, the winner, took another celebratory shot.

“Aegi,” Minho hummed as he knelt behind Changbin, who was clinging to the toilet bowl pathetically. The boy’s body convulsed again, sending another wave of take out and alcohol into the water below. “That’s a good boy, let it all out. You’re doing so good for hyung.”

“Hurts...” Changbin whined... tears gathering on his eyelashes.

“I know love,” Minho, as drunk as he was, couldn’t help but empathize with the boy - he had been in this exact position too many times to count, but unlike Changbin, he never had someone to talk him through it and rub his back as he vomited his body weight in alcohol. “I have some water for you, for when you think you can handle it.”

“Thanks hyung,” Changbin muttered, taking a sip of water and using it to rinse his mouth out. Spitting that mouthful into the toilet, he managed to stand and flush his shame. He definitely looked better, but Minho would have to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid - like try to drink more, which he could already see the younger boy trying to do. “I was the first to tap out again, wasn’t I?”

“That’s alright baby,” Minho could see Changbin’s eyes watering. Though he threw up, it was clear Binnie was still intoxicated. “If anything we should be concerned about the others.”

“What? Why?” Changbin blinked, his expression starting to glaze over with exhaustion.

“Well, I’m about to tap out myself and I’m a borderline alcoholic,” Minho smiled a little when Changbin snickered at that. “And they’re still going at it. I’m gonna go shut the party down, actually. Don’t need anyone getting alcohol poisoning tonight. Wanna go to bed first, aegi?”

“Mm.” Changbin leaned into Minho’s side, relying on the older boy to keep him upright.

“Alright pup, let’s go to bed.” He couldn’t help the fond smile that took over his face as he led Changbin back to his room. He let the boy climb into his bed, making sure to position him on his side - in case he threw up again, it would go over the edge of the bed onto the rug, rather than drown Changbin, as it would if he were on his back - before tucking him in. He was sleeping before Minho even left the room.

“Hyung! I’ve missed you!” Felix cheered, instantly latching onto Minho’s side and nuzzling into his neck. Minho felt a shiver go down his spine as Felix’s teeth grazed his skin. “You’re so warm and pretty hyung... Lixie wants you... please hyung?”

“Not right now baby.” There was something about Felix desperately wanting him, even when plastered, that made Minho’s heart flutter. He could go to anyone, and he still waited for Minho to come back. The younger boy whined, reaching for Minho’s ass only to be stopped when Minho pinned his wrists behind his back.

“If you wanted to tie me up, you just had to ask.” Felix’s face turned sultry, and Minho was finding it harder and harder to resist the younger boy. Felix knew how dangerous he was when he made his cute, innocent face twist in lust, and he was prepared to use that against his hyung.

“We’re too drunk Pixie,” Minho said, kissing the corner of Felix’s mouth. The younger boy opened his mouth, as if to protest, before pouting and slumping in Minho’s hold.

“Come on, aegi. Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

“Will you stay with me?” His eyes turned glassy as he silently begged.

“If you’re still awake after I get the others to bed, I’ll come lay with you, okay?” Minho offered, knowing fully well Felix wouldn’t be conscious five minutes from then.

“Mm!” Felix hummed, letting Minho lead him back to his room. He put up no resistance as Minho lowered him down onto the bed other than wrapping his arms around the older boy’s neck, asking for a kiss.

Minho complied, pressing a smile to Felix’s pouting lips. He was sure Felix would try to deepen it, but to his surprise the younger boy just laid down and closed his eyes, his breathing leveling out almost instantly.

Five more to go.

One by one, Minho managed to drag his friends to bed. Jisung had been the most trouble, the younger rapper having been able to successfully get Minho pinned under him on his bed, hips grinding against one another. Minho’s mind had gone blank, and it was only thanks to Chan stepping in and maneuvering Jisung into a sleeping position that Minho had been able to escape with his chastity intact. Like the others, Jisung passed out almost instantly, his hard on not seeming to bother him in the slightest.

“We’re finally alone.” Chan hummed against Minho’s lips. Minho melted into the kiss, his drunken brain buzzing from the feeling of Chan’s hands firmly resting on his waist. He could kiss his boyfriend forever - no need to go any further either. Why would be need sex when he could feel Chan’s light chuckles against his lips? Feel Chan’s chest vibrate with small moans?

“We should get to bed too,” Minho pointed out reluctantly. “We’re just as drunk as they were.”

“Mm, but it’s been so long since I’ve been able to hold you like this.” To emphasize his words, Chan held Minho just a little bit tighter.

Minho’s stomach sank.

“I’m sorry hyung,” He whispered, resting his head on the older boy’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have... abandoned you all. I was being selfish-”

He was cut off by a kiss, this one a little more desperate than the ones before.

“Don’t apologize for that,” He whispered, pressing soft kisses between his words. “If you want to make it up to me... just stay.”

“Stay?”

“Here, with me,” Chan wrapped his arms completely around Minho, holding the younger boy as close as physically possible. “With us. Stay the night, stay forever... just stay.”

“I will,” Minho let out a watery chuckle. Chan always knew how to make him an emotional wreck. “I’ll stay.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you more, hyung.”

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” Chan pulled away after a few moments of comfortable silence.

“Mm.” Minho took Chan’s hand, leading them back towards the older boy’s room. Jisung and Changbin were dead to the world, not even twitching when Chan and Minho came stumbling in. Minho flopped down on the bed as Chan closed the door and turned off the light. A moment later, he felt the mattress dip next to him.

Warm arms surrounded him, and Minho leaned into Chan’s touch. He rested his cheek on the older boy’s chest, already being lulled to sleep by the steady beating of his heart.

“Thank you,” Chan whispered, just as Minho was about to fall asleep. “For loving me.”

“I should be the one... saying that to you...” Minho muttered, his eyes suddenly weighing a ton. He felt Chan chuckle under him before he completely passed out.

Even though his apartment was across the hallway, Minho was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! A little bit of a longer chapter to make up for how long its been lmao 
> 
> So this is technically the end of the original plot I had, but over time I decided to keep it going a while longer! I have about five more chapters planned that shows ot8 preparing for debut and being cute together. Part of me kinda wants to do an ot8 smut scene but that might be a little bit too much XD either way, there's still more of this fic to come so please look forward to it!


	16. A New Start, and New Problems

Minho flopped down on the couch, his head starting to pound. He was bone tired, but there was a kind of excitement in the exhaustion.

“Welcome home.” Chan came over and knelt before the couch, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s temple.

“I’m still not used to living together like this,” Minho mumbled into the pillow. “It’s nice to have someone to come home to at the end of the day.”

After signing to Yellow Wood, they moved Stray Kids from their apartment to a two story home just around the block in the residential area that the company was renting.

According to the chairman, it was easier for everyone to give Stray Kids their own house with a basement that had been split - half as a dance studio and half as a recording area - because there wasn’t enough room in the company dorms.

It was bullshit, but they were fine with it. If the chairman didn’t want them at the company building 24/7 like the other trainees, they wouldn’t argue. It was nice to have a real home to come back to each day.

Besides, Minho had a nagging feeling that the chairman knew more about their relationship than he let on, so maybe keeping them away from the other trainees wasn’t just for Stray Kids’ benefit. Even if the chairman wasn’t approving, he gave them a house to live in and that’s all that mattered.

“Has your diploma come in yet?”

“From what I’ve heard, it won’t get here for like, half a year.” Minho chuckled. When he had been ejected from the program, he had been completely inconsolable. Chan and the others did their best to take care of him during that time, even helping Minho pay rent on his apartment until they were able to find a better living situation - which ended up coming in the form of the house.

He had been kicked from the program, but he had been able to complete his degree at the end of the spring semester. He just barely passed - he had literally been three points above failing his one class, but since he didn’t actually fail, he was able to walk at graduation.

It had been a stressful few weeks just after that meeting with the chairman - between trying to get his grades up, figuring out what he was going to do with his apartment, and the constant back and forth with Yellow Wood in reference to their new living situations and their debut, which was still a few months off.

It was late May now, graduation only a few weeks prior. Their debut was set for September 24th, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. They had been given a secondary date in March of the next year, but all the boys agreed it was better to get their new careers going as soon as possible - holding out any longer would only give them time to agonize over the ‘what-if’s.

“Are you too tired for dinner?” Chan asked, pressing fluttering kisses along Minho’s cheeks and nose.

“Hm, maybe.”

“Do you want to take a nap?” Chan asked, knowing the house was going to get much more chaotic very soon, and if Minho wanted to rest this might be his own chance.

“Nap with me?”

“Of course.” Chan smiled, picking Minho up easily and carrying him to their shared room. They passed the other two rooms that lined the upstairs hallway - Seungmin,

Changbin and Felix shared one room, while Jisung, Hyunjin, and Jeongin shared the other. Minho had told them he was fine sharing with someone else, but they were determined to give Chan and Minho their own room.

‘Dad and Dad should get the master bedroom,’ Hyunjin had teased as they moved in. ‘Especially when they can fuck us in the nice, big bed.’

‘Or the nice big tub.’ Jisung had added with a cheeky smile.

Minho still thought it all felt a little cliche - how was any of this real? Getting a house through the company, being able to not only sleep with, but love his seven best friends, and their promised debut that was just a few months away...

It was all surreal.

“Goodnight, aegi.” Chan whispered, kissing Minho gently.

“Night hyung.” Minho yawned and curled into Chan’s chest. He knew he would have to get up soon, and get more work done, but at the moment he was very comfortable.

* * *

  
It had taken Minho a decent amount of time to get used to living with a roommate, let alone seven other people full time. Having one or two boys sleeping over at a time was fine, but this was... different. Before it had just been him, his mom, and his dad who was almost never home. When he moved out, it was just him on his own. Now, they had two and a half bathrooms to share between them, with the other boys coming in and out of their bedroom to use the master bath at all times of the day. He had to share the kitchen with six others as well - they needed to get two extra fridges to keep up with how much food they ate.

Doing laundry with each other, doing the dishes, preparing meals - it was all so different than living all on his own.

Another thing he found hard was the fact that no one seemed to remember to knock when they entered a room - he didn’t technically blame them, seeing how they never really had anything to hide, but it was definitely something Minho was _not_ used to.

Especially when he was balls deep in Hyunjin and the door flings open.

“Fuck-” Minho jumped so hard he practically impaled Hyunjin on his dick. The younger boy squawked, his eyes rolling back as his prostate was slammed.

“Ah, sorry hyungs,” Jeongin said, casually strolling into the room. “Just needed to grab some-”

He stopped dead, staring straight at Hyunjin, who was propped up on Minho’s lap, his back pressed against the older boy’s chest as he rode Minho.

Minho froze, seeing exactly where Jeongin was staring. Hyunjin was still seeing stars so he didn’t notice why Minho had stopped, whining and wiggling to get the older boy to get back to fucking him.

“Jeongin, you should go.” He whispered, afraid for Hyunjin’s sake.

“Hyung... does Hyunjin hyung-”

“Jeongin-”

“Mm, Innie?” Hyunjin cracked an eye open, smiling sweetly at the younger boy and holding a hand out. “Come kiss hyungie, yeah?”

“Hyung, how long have you been hurting yourself?” Jeongin whispered, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. It took a moment for Hyunjin to comprehend what the younger asked, and when he finally did, he pulled his legs up to his chest, hiding the evidence.

“Y-you- I don’t-” He stuttered, the lust quickly draining from his body, being replaced with cold fear.

Jeongin, instead of saying anything, just crawled onto the bed, tugging Hyunjin’s legs back down again. The older dancer seemed to lose all strength, letting Jeongin do as he pleased. Minho pulled Hyunjin off of his dick, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around the boy’s shaking shoulders.

“Hyung...” Jeongin whispered, tracing the healing cuts on Hyunjin’s thigh.

He had relapsed a few days prior, when he saw an onslaught of hate under his solo teaser video - they claimed he couldn’t move his body properly, and that he was too gangly to be good at dancing. Even though his name hadn’t been attached to the video, people managed to connect the dots based on his body type and the single lock of hair that had slipped from his hat. They criticized him based on the rumors that had already been denied by the company, saying the only reason he was debuting at all was because of his looks - that his dancing wasn’t good enough to be a trainee, let alone in the lineup for debut. It was absolute bullshit, since everyone knew Hyunjin was one of the most talented dancers they knew. They tried to convince him it was baseless hate, just to get under his skin, but no matter how hard they tried to convince him, it was clear there was a part of Hyunjin that still believed the comments.

It had hit the younger boy hard, seeing how his dancing was his pride and joy. He loved singing and rapping too, but his dancing was what he trained the most. To have himself criticized without even having officially shown his face really fucked him up.

“Does anyone else know?” Jeongin asked softly.

“Um... Minho hyung,” Hyunjin whispered, hiding his face in said boy’s neck to avoid seeing the look on Jeongin’s face. “And... Jisung.”

“Just them?” Jeongin’s heart broke as Hyunjin nodded in confirmation. “Is... is this why you stopped sleeping with us?”

“I-I didn’t want anyone to be disappointed in me.” Hyunjin whispered, feeling like a complete failure.

“What do you mean Innie?” Minho asked, having wondered the same thing himself - if no one knew, did that mean Hyunjin just... didn’t sleep with any of the others anymore?

Was he the only one Hyunjin trusted enough to be naked around?

“At first, hyung was super into fucking us and the other way around and stuff,” Jeongin gently traced one of the older scars, too afraid of hurting Hyunjin to go near the fresher ones. “He and Sungie hyung were the two that really brought us all together... but then after a couple of months of us all being... well, us, he stopped. He would still blow anyone who asked, and he loved to kiss us, but he never... How did none of us notice that he stopped undressing around us? I mean, we noticed, but we never said anything about it. We just thought... he didn’t want to - we weren’t going to push him if he wasn’t into it anymore.”

“Aegi, can you look at me?” Minho asked, nudging Hyunjin’s chin with his thumb.

“I’m sorry...”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” He said softly. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Hm?”

“If I was there with you, would you want to talk to the others? You and I both know they would be supportive, and it might help you to have more people to turn to. I know you feel guilty if you come to me too much, even though I could never be upset with you, no matter how many times you need me...”

“And we could sleep with you again,” Jeongin leaned in, nuzzling Hyunjin’s cheek softly, causing the older boy to flush. “I miss tag teaming Binnie hyung with you.”

“Ppft-” Hyunjin chuckled, a soft smile on his lips. “Mm, I miss it too. Binnie hyung really is cute when he’s all fucked out.”

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel comfortable, but I really think you should at least think about it,” Minho wrapped the blanket tighter around the boy. “I love you so much Jinnie. I just want you to be happy.”

“You really think they won’t be mad?”

“Were they mad at me?” Minho countered.

“No...”

“Exactly,” He kissed Hyunjin’s cheek. “But it’s up to you, aegi.”

“Um... when does everyone get home?”

“Channie hyung wanted to have dinner together, so by six at least.” Jeongin responded, sitting in Hyunjin’s bare lap.

“You wanna do it tonight?” Minho asked, biting back a smirk as Jeongin kissed along Hyunjin’s throat. He could feel the dancer wiggling in his lap.

“Yeah, but after dinner,” he gasped as Jeongin bit down. “Better to get it o-over with.”

“I’m so proud of you baby,” Minho kissed Hyunjin’s shoulder. “You’re so strong.”

“Mmm,” the younger boy whined faintly. “Hyung... stop teasing me...”

“Do you want hyung and Innie to take care of you until the others get back?” Minho grinned, running his hand along Hyunjin’s bare side. Hyunjin nodded quickly, his eyes clenched shut as Jeongin licked a stripe up to his jaw.

“Anything for you, hyung.” Jeongin purred, pulling the blanket aside.

  
“Um... can I say something?” Hyunjin asked as their dinner conversations started to dwindle, their plates almost empty.

“Of course Jinnie,” Chan said warmly. “You can tell us anything.”

“Mm, well...” Hyunjin reached under the table and took Minho’s hand, using the older boy’s touch to ground him as he gathered his strength. “Um, I... I’ve had a problem with... um, s-self harm for about a year and a half... Minho hyung was the first person to f-find out,” His voice cracked and he took a moment to sip at his water. No one said anything, giving him a chance to recenter himself. “Then Sungie found out during the time before we got everything settled at YW, and then Innie found out today...”

“What can we do?” Chan asked gently, seeing how panicked Hyunjin was looking.

“I-I don’t know...”

“When he feels like hurting himself, he can come find you all, right?” Minho asked, prompting Hyunjin to look up again. Instantly everyone was nodding, promising they would do everything they could to help Hyunjin if he needed it. “And when we start to notice him isolating himself, we’ll have to talk him out of his headspace.”

“Of course,” Chan moved to kneel next to Hyunjin. “I’m sorry for not noticing sooner, aegi, but Hyung is here now,” He took Hyunjin’s hand and kissed the back of it. “No matter what you need, we’re all going to be here for you.”

“I’m proud of you.” Jisung said, standing behind Hyunjin and hugging his friend.

“Was there anything else you wanted to tell us, angel?” Chan asked, and Hyunjin shook his head - even if he did have something else, just talking about his self harm was emotionally draining enough to make him need a nap. “That’s alright baby. Is it okay that you and me have a talk, just the two of us? Not till later, when you’re more up to it, okay?” Hyunjin nodded again, and some of the tension left Chan’s shoulders.

“Is there anything anyone else wanted to say?” Minho asked the others, glancing between the boys. The kitchen was silent for a minute, but just before Minho was going to end the conversation, Jeongin spoke up.

“I’ve been having more nightmares...” He said, picking at the scraps on his plate. “They’re different from the ones before, though, which is what I don’t understand.”

“What do you mean?” Minho asked the youngest. He felt Hyunjin relax more, now that the attention was no longer on him anymore. 

“Well, before it was always about real things that were scaring me, like being stalked or whatever, but now nothing in my dreams makes sense but they still freak me out.”

“When was the last one?”

“Last night,” Jeongin wrinkled his nose a little. “It was... I don’t even know if I can explain it? I was at someone’s house but I don’t know who they were, and for some reason they had zombie clown staff to clean and cook and shit and then I guess I tried to kill them cuz they were zombies, but I like, tortured them and tried to hide the bodies, then blood started seeping out of where I hid them, and I was terrified that I was going to be caught and when I woke up my heart was beating really fast for no reason.”

“Hm, that’s definitely weird,” Chan frowned a little. “How long have these weird dreams been happening?”

“A few weeks?”

“We can talk to your doctor about this,” Chan stood by Jeongin and ruffled the boy’s hair gently. “It might have something to do with your meds.”

“Oh, maybe,” Jeongin blinked. “I didn’t even think of that.”

“We should be getting to bed,” Seungmin said when he realized no one else was going to speak up. “It’s early but we’re supposed to be finishing learning the Double Knot choreography tomorrow and that shit’s hard as fuck.”

“We can change it-” Felix’s eyebrows tilted in concern.

“We can handle it,” Changbin pressed a kiss to the younger boy’s cheek. “It’s amazing choreography, baby. You and Jinnie and Minho hyung did so good on it - it’s just fun to bitch about things sometimes.”

“Oh, if you’re sure...” Felix trailed off, leaning into Changbin’s side as much as he could without falling out of his chair.

“Here hyung, I’ll help you clear the table.” Minho stood, cracking his back loudly.

“Thanks kitten,” Chan kissed his cheek as they started gathering the dirty plates. “Why don’t you guys go relax. You’re going to need your energy for tomorrow.”

“Yes hyung!” They chorused before running off, not bothering to offer to help - they all collectively wanted Minho and Chan to have this domestic moment together.

“We’re going to need more soap soon,” Minho hummed as he started loading the dishwasher. His chest quite literally felt like it was going to explode from how happy he was to be able to do something so... domestic. “And Felix has been talking about making a cake soon, so we should get him some icing next time we go out.”

“Hm, I’ll write it on the list,” Chan jotted the things down on the piece of paper that was stuck to the fridge with a little magnet, a pen knotted with a string taped to the fridge next to the paper so they wouldn't lose it. “Is there anything else you can think of?”

“Not at the moment,” He closed the dishwasher and started the rinse cycle before going and standing behind Chan, wrapping his arms around the older boy’s waist. “Hm, I’m really happy right now.”

“Me too,” Chan turned around in Minho’s arms and kissed his boyfriend deeply, cupping the back of his head carefully. “God, what did I do to deserve you?”

“I should be the one asking that,” Minho chuckled. “It really feels like a dream... like I’m going to wake up back at my apartment or back home with my mom, and have to come to terms that... that this wasn’t real - that you weren’t real.”

“I’m very real,” Chan grinned, his hand slipping down Minho’s hand and slipping into the other boy’s back pocket, giving his ass a firm squeeze. “And... we’re not going anywhere. You’re stuck with us - all of us.”

“Good, I wouldn't want it any other way.”

“Cheesy.” Chan hummed, pressing his lips to Minho’s forehead.

“This might be our last chance to relax,” Minho slumped a little against the older boy’s chest. They were all painfully aware of how quickly their debut was approaching, which meant the next three months were going to be exhausting, with few breaks and even less chances to be with one another. Minho was already anticipating the arguments and fights that were inevitably going to break out as they got more and more pent up. “Want to edge me for a few hours?”

“More than anything-” Chan scooped him up, kissing him deeply as he carried the younger boy to the master bedroom.

They were going to have a long day, but Minho was looking forward to the even longer night that awaited him.

* * *

  
“Did you use up all my conditioner?”

“Why would I use your conditioner when I have my own?”

“You were the last one to shower!”

“So, that doesn’t mean I used your stupid conditioner!”

Minho rolled over and covered his head with his pillow. As excited as he was to have roommates for the first time in his life, he was starting to understand why people had so many issues with living with other people.

“Is there any creamer left?”

“Ah, I finished it - sorry!”

“Ugh... okay I’ll put it on the list.”

He tried to close his eyes and go back to sleep, but a pillow and a closed door wasn’t enough to block out the shouts across the house.

“That’s my shirt!”

“No it’s not!”

“Yes it is! Hyung! Tell him to give it back!”

“What does it even matter? We all share clothes anyway. Just wait a few days and it’ll end back up in your dresser.”

“But that’s the one Minho hyung said makes my shoulder look broad so I want to wear it!”

“Minho hyung said he was going to take me out for coffee today, so I want to look good!”

Minho sighed and sat up, finally realizing there was no point in trying to go back to sleep - as tired as he was, trying to sleep with this much noise was impossible. He scrubbed his face, trying to wake himself up with little success, his eyes heavy and stinging from how tired he still was. The morning light streaming in through the window wasn’t that bright, but it still made him squint.

“Morning aegi,” Chan poked his head in, his smile growing at the sight of his boyfriend sitting up on his side of the bed, his hair sticking up in every direction and a sleepy pout on plush lips. “You still look exhausted.”

He went over and crawled onto the bed, pulling Minho into his lap. The younger boy wrapped himself around Chan like a koala, resting his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder and closing his eyes, Chan’s warmth enough to fight off the irritation of being woken up early.

“It’s our day off,” He grumbled. “Why is everyone so damn loud?”

“They’re just excited,” Chan chuckled. “It’s our free day in like, a month.”

“Mm, I guess...” He yawned, cuddling against Chan like a cat laying in a sunspot - Chan really was his sunspot, his safe place.

“Want me to carry you to the kitchen?”

“Yeth pwease...” Minho grumbled, his cheek squished against Chan’s shoulder.

“Anything for you.” Chan easily lifted Minho, the younger boy still wrapped around his torso, holding on as though his life depended on it. Chan held his thighs firmly, making sure there wasn’t a single chance Minho could fall.

They made their way down the stairs towards the kitchen, Minho starting to doze off again as Chan’s breathing and heartbeat lulled him to sleep. He jerked away when Chan sat him on the kitchen counter, standing between his thighs to look up at the younger boy, pursing his lips expectantly.

Minho smiled and leaned down, kissing Chan softly. Chan’s lips already tasted like coffee, which made Minho realize he desperately craved caffeine.

“Coffee...” He whined, batting his eyelashes in the way he knew Chan could never say no to.

“Of course.” Chan grinned and kissed Minho’s nose before going over to the espresso maker and starting a new shot. He knew exactly how to make Minho’s favorite drink, and it was something Minho thanked god for each and every morning.

Chan hummed one of the songs he had been working on as he poured some almond milk over ice and added the caramel syrup before dumping the espresso shot on top, mixing it all together with the designated mixing chopstick before handing it over to Minho.

He took a long sip, sighing happily as the familiar flavor woke him up.

“You’re too good to me.” He hummed, closing his eyes and taking another sip.

“You deserve it.” Chan wrapped his arms around Minho’s middle, making the younger boy hold his glass off to the side to avoid spilling any of it.

“How much time do we have before we have to be productive members of society?”

“Not till tomorrow,” Chan said, his words muffled by Minho’s shirt. “It’s against the rules to be perceived on our day off.”

“Anime binging?”

“Anime binging.” Chan nodded against Minho’s stomach.

“Did I hear anime?” Jisung stuck his head into the kitchen, his face lighting up at the sight of his hyungs cuddling on the kitchen counter. He bounced over and wiggled his way in between them so they were sandwiching the younger boy between them.

“Morning Sungie.” Minho chuckled, kissing the top of Jisung’s head as Jisung kissed alone Chan’s jaw.

“Morning hyung.” Jisung tilted his head back so Minho could press their lips together in an upside down kiss.

“What did you wanna watch-” All three boys jumped as something downstairs crashed loudly.

“Oh god...” Chan groaned, peeling himself away from his lovers. “They better not have broken anything important...”

“You want me to go check on them?” Minho offered, setting his cup aside and hopping off the counter.

“Nah, I can do it,” Chan kissed him again before giving Minho a tired smile. “Go set up the living room. I’ll gather the troops.”

“Mm, sounds good.” Minho smiled, and he could feel how warm his face was.

“Look out!”

“I didn’t do it!”

“HYUNG! It’s not what it looks like-”

“I swear-”

“It wasn’t our fault-”

Minho signed, picking his coffee back up against and draining it quickly. The cold of the drink energized him and he turned to Jisung, taking the younger boy’s hand.

“Wanna make out until everyone gets back?” The younger boy asked casually, causing Minho to snort out a laugh.

“Mm, sure Sungie.” He grinned, pulling Jisung into his lap. The opening preview for their anime played on repeat as Jisung got his secondhand caffeine boost from Minho’s tongue.

* * *

Even if he hadn’t been there when the videos were recorded, he would have been able to tell each of his boys apart in their masked dance videos. He had already watched them at least five times each, but he couldn’t stop replaying them. He just loved watching his baby boys performing and doing what they loved.

Hyunjin moved his body like a snake, complete control over every part of his body, while Chan was more aggressive with his movements. Jisung was bouncier with the choreo, while Jeongin flicked his wrists in a way no one else did. Changbin’s moves were firm and steady, landing each jump and kick with gently bent knees, and Felix moved as though he were weightless, and Seungmin gave certain moves a little extra flare that was so... him. It was beautiful to watch, though he avoided his own video like the plague.

The others told him how perfect he was in it, but every single time he saw it, he picked out all the things he messed up, or could have done better. It was also partially because he just... didn’t think he was good enough, much to the other’s distress.

He scowled as he reported a comment. That was another reason why he rewatched the videos so often - so he could at least attempt to moderate the comment section. Even though they didn’t put their names to the videos - they were numbered one through eight, their names and faces still hidden - people still found reasons to bitch. Despite this, people still speculated who was who based on the photos that had been leaked months prior. He was surprised to see how close some of the comments were already.

**_I don’t even know who this is but it’s clear he needs way more training before he’s ready to debut. His dancing is boring and even with his face covered, it’s clear he has no real personality._ **

Minho reported the comment. No one talked about Seungmin like that.

_**I can’t wait to find out who this is so I can put a face to the thighs that I want to crush my skull!** _

Minho hovered over the report button - he didn’t blame the commenter, because he also wanted Chan to crush his head with his thighs on a daily basis. After a moment, he kept scrolling, leaving that comment to live another day.

**_Their music sucked before, and it’s just going to flop under YW. Don’t bother stanning their songs are just keyboard smashes-_ **

Reported. Blocked. The police have been alerted. The swat team is on their way. A curse has been placed upon your bloodline-

_**I wonder what the order means! There has to be some kind of meaning behind what order the videos were released in, right?** _

Minho chuckled - they had drawn straws for the order of release, and the order ended up being Jeongin, Hyunjin, Chan, Changbin, himself, Seungmin, Felix and finally Jisung. Seeing all the threads of conspiracies and speculations cracked him up, and every time a new one surfaced, someone sent screenshots to the groupchat - the SKZ groupchat that he was officially added to. No longer were there two chats, one with seven and the other with eight. He was part of the main chat, which was an honor in itself.

“Minho, why are you still up?” Chan asked as he let himself into the bedroom.

“I should be saying that to you.” He locked his phone and plugged it in. He didn’t want to tell Chan that his brain was swirling with anxiety and fears over his own feelings towards the others starting to... shift. He wasn’t supposed to actually fall in love with them, yet... he was.

“Sorry, I got distracted,” The older boy tugged off his shirt and crawled into bed, resting his head on his boyfriend’s thigh. “I know we haven’t even debuted yet, but I already have so many ideas for our first comeback...”

“That’s my talented baby,” Minho cooed, petting Chan’s hair. “There was another comment about you crushing someone’s head with your thighs, by the way.”

“Another?” Chan chuckled weakly. “That’s like... the fifth this week.”

“You have very nice, head-crushing thighs, hyung,” Minho shrugged. “I can’t blame them - we’re only human, aegi. We can only be so strong in the face of such godlike thighs.”

“Min...” Chan whined, hiding his face. Minho grinned, almost able to feel Chan’s blush through his sleep pants.

“Go to sleep hyung,” Minho hummed, carding his fingers through Chan’s curls, gently working out the knots. “We have a long day tomorrow.”

“Everyday is a long day...” He trailed off as his eyes closed. Minho smiled softly and watched as Chan’s body started to relax.

“Hyung, I think...” He hesitated. Was this a good time to bring this up? Was there ever a good time to bring this up at all? “I know we’re dating, but I think I have feelings for the others too... all of them...”

The only response he got was a soft snore. Glancing down, Minho saw Chan was fast asleep. He sighed, not sure if he was disappointed or relieved that the conversation was to be left for another day.

“Love you hyung.” He kissed Chan’s forehead as he tugged the blankets up over the older boy’s shoulders, curling into his chest. Chan’s warmth lulled Minho to sleep, the anxiety about bringing up his newly accepted romantic feelings simmering in the back of his mind.

But that was a Future Minho problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH i hate writing exposition so much :') if anyone's read my other works (even this one counts) y'all'll know that I am the Dialogue Queen and will write so much talking there's almost nothing else! So writing that first chunk was /painful/. I really hope it didn't read the way it felt to write XD That's why I was avoiding writing this chapter for so long :')) I knew it was going to be like pulling teeth so I ~procrastinated~ but now that this chapter is out of the way, hopefully the rest of the story will go smoothly.
> 
> As for the smut scene, I've had several people express interest in it, so I decided to dedicate the final chapter solely to smut so anyone who isn't comfortable reading anything graphic won't accidently see it, but those who are interested can find it all in one place. I have two scenes already written, but if anyone has any specific parings/scenes/kinks they want to see... hypothetically you could drop a suggestion and I'll see what I can do 👀👀👀


	17. Minho's 'Special' Audio

Minho was about two seconds away from snapping. He was tired. He was sweaty. He was aching. He was _not_ in the mood for this at the moment, but there was only so much he could do when they were all on edge.

“From the top.” Chan said, his voice tight. Felix frowned, swallowing thickly as he went to his starting position. This was the third time they had to start this particular song from the beginning, and the boys were starting to get a little... frustrated.

“If we have to start over one more time...” Changbin muttered, looking like he was about to pass out, his face bright red and sweat soaking his shirt as though he had been walking around in a storm.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault in particular, but Felix was a little slow during the second bridge - Minho knew it wasn’t his fault, because he, Felix and Hyunjin had _just_ changed that part earlier that day - and Jeongin kept coming in a beat late on his part, and Jisung kept rapping his part just a little too fast. They were all tired, and making more mistakes as the day dragged on, and Minho knew if they didn’t take a break soon, it would result in a full out fight.

The music started, and Minho’s muscle memory kicked in. He could barely focus on what he was doing, his mind going foggy with exhaustion. If Chan didn’t give them a break after this run through, he was going to have to step in. As second oldest - and boyfriend to their leader, though that had slightly less pull than one might think - Minho had the ability to challenge Chan’s orders.

Especially when it came to the health of his boys.

“Step, kick, one, two, three-” He whispered, just loud enough for Felix to hear. The younger boy perked up, doing the combination correctly. As they moved to their next positions, he shot Minho a grateful smile before he needed to turn away again.

He nudged Jeongin gently as he went by the boy, preparing him a beat before his section of the song came on. The youngest managed to hit his spot just in time, his whole face lighting up when he realized he finally got it right.

He counted under his breath as he danced next to Jisung, helping the boy keep time for his rap. Jisung’s brow furrowed in concentration, and Minho could see him tapping the side of his leg to help him. When the rap was done, and he managed to do it at the right tempo, Jisung’s whole body seemed to slump in relief as the choreography continued on.

The final notes of the song played through the speakers, and Minho thought he might cry in relief. Changbin fell to his knees, bracing his forearms on the floor as he panted heavily. Minho went over to him and rubbed his back gently, helping the younger boy breathe evenly - he was bordering on hyperventilating, and Minho needed to stop that before it got to that point. The others slumped around in different positions - Hyunjin splayed like a starfish on the ground, Jisung with his back against the mirror they had mounted to the cement basement wall, his body heat fogging the glass in the perfect outline of the boy. Jeongin was fanning himself with his shirt as Seungmin used the hem of his to wipe the sweat from his face. Chan was checking his phone, his shirt soaked through and his chest heaving, as Felix handed water bottles around to anyone aware enough to take one.

“I think we need a break,” Minho said, before Chan even had a chance to call for another run through. “If we keep pushing ourselves like this, we’re going to get sick.”

“But-” Chan tried to interject, only to fall silent at the look on Minho’s face.

“We’re taking a break,” Somehow, despite not being the oldest, Minho carried a lot of the power and respect that the title brought. “We promised ourselves we wouldn’t work us into the ground before debut, and we’re close to doing that.”

“Mm, a break sounds good,” Chan said after a moment. “Actually... let’s just call it a night. We’ve been working for... fuck, five hours, and that last run through was the best we’ve done yet. I think we’re good to take it back up in the morning.”

“I miss being able to sleep in...” Jisung mumbled as Changbin loaded the younger boy onto his back.

“I miss being able to get drunk.” Changbin muttered back sadly. Minho made a mental note to talk to Chan - their debut was still two and a half months off, and they had been working their asses off almost every waking minute. They deserved a _real_ break soon.

One by one the boy made their way upstairs, halfheartedly calling dibs on the shower or calling for anyone who wants ramen to say it now so enough is made.

The only ones left in the basement were Minho - and Felix, who was still crouched in the corner, checking his phone and sipping at his water bottle.

“Why’re you still down here, aegi?” He went and sat down next to Felix, letting his head fall back against the wall.

“I should be asking you that, hyung.” Felix didn’t look up.

“You’re exhausted.”

“So are you.”

“Pixie,” Minho pushed, and Felix was weak to that particular pet name. The younger boy sighed and put his phone aside, sitting fully. “Baby, what’s going on?”

“Nothing...” He rested his arms on his knees, hiding his face. “I’m fine.”

“Clearly you aren’t.”

“It’s fine. It’ll go away.”

“Then it shouldn’t be an issue to talk about it,” Minho knew if something was bothering the younger boy, it was going to eat away at him until he was a complete, inconsolable mess, and he couldn’t stand the thought of his Felix breaking down. “Come on, Lix. You can trust me with anything.”

“I know, I just...” He trailed off, staring at the scuffs on the floor. “It’s- I just...”

“Take your time, aegi.”

“I feel stupid getting all upset when you and Jinnie are going through so much worse,” he finally whispered after what felt like ages. Minho’s breath was knocked from his lungs. “I know it’s stupid, and that’s why I’m so-so _mad_ at myself. I’m fine! I’m just... frustrated with myself, but that’s nothing compared to... to h-hurting myself... You guys don’t need any extra stress, especially when it’s something stupid and- and small.”

“Felix, you shouldn’t put your own problems aside because you don’t think they’re as bad as someone else’s. What might be nothing to you might be everything to someone else, and vise versa.”

“Whenever I start feeling overwhelmed, I just tell myself that it could be worse,” Felix’s face was apathetic as he spoke, his eyes flat. “It... I could be addicted to cutting, so this is fine in comparison.”

Minho couldn’t help but wince a little at how casually Felix talked about self-harm, though part of him was relieved that the younger boy was implying that he _hadn’t_ gotten low enough to try that. It was short lived, for he almost instantly saw tears sparkling, sticking his friend’s eyelashes together.

“Angel, what’s bothering you?” Minho asked gently, opening his arms. Felix glanced at him and hid his face again. Minho, understanding Felix didn’t want to be touched, let his arms drop as he gave the other boy a chance to gather his thoughts.

“I should be doing better,” Felix whispered, breaking the silence. “I’m- I helped make all of this choreography. I should be one of the people who has it _perfectly_ but I’m the one who’s been fucking it up the most... What if I mess up for our debut? What if I- if I ruin everything because I can’t do anything right? What if I fucked everything up?”

His voice cracked at the end, and Minho didn’t need to see his face to know Felix was crying into his arms. He reached over and began to gently run the top of the boy’s back, letting him cry his venomous emotions out, knowing Felix needed this.

At one point, Minho heard the basement door open again. Chan came down the first few steps, checking to make sure they were alright. As soon as he saw Felix sobbing his heart out, his eyes widened. He made to go to the boy’s side, but Minho just shook his head. Felix seemed hesitant to talk to one person, and he knew everyone was hesitant to go to Chan with their problems because they knew how stressed the eldest was - even more so than they were, since he was the one with the most responsibility. If Felix knew Chan was there, he would suck everything up and pretend he was fine.

Finally, after a moment, Chan gave a small nod and a concerned frown before going back up the stairs, closing the door silently behind him. Felix hadn’t noticed the interaction at all, his sobs still shaking his thin shoulders as though they were trying to rip themselves from his ribcage like a beast.

“It’s okay baby, let it all out.” He hummed, rubbing the boy’s back.

“I’m s-s-s-sorry...” He cried, finally looking up. His face was swollen and blotchy, but he was still one of the most gorgeous people Minho had ever seen.

“Why are you sorry?” he asked softly.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with my stupid f-fucking problems-”

“They’re not stupid,” Minho cut him off. “Pixie, stop undermining your own problems... that’s what Jinnie did, and he spent almost two years hurting without anyone to talk to. He’s only just started accepting that his problems are valid, and that he deserves to be cared for. You’re the same baby - you deserve to be cared for.”

“I’m sorry...”

“Shh, no more sorries baby.” He kissed Felix’s forehead. “I love you, and I’m going to be here to take care of you no matter what.”

“Can I tell you a s-secret?”

“Of course aegi.”

“I love you.”

“I know,” Minho smiled, wiping the boy’s tears away. “I love you too.”

“No, I’m...” He took a shaking breath. “I’m _in love with you_... the way you’re in love with Channie hyung, and- and I know I’m not allowed to be because you’re in love with Channie hyung and I’m not supposed to-”

Minho cut him off with a chaste kiss, cupping the boy’s cheek. Felix jumped, trying to pull away for just a moment before leaning into it. Minho deepened the kiss, licking along Felix’s bottom lip. He could taste the tears. Felix whimpered into the kiss, as if trying to hold back a sob as he silently begged Minho to make him feel better.

“Hyung...” He pulled back, a conflicted look of love and fear on his face.

“I love you,” Minho whispered, kissing his cheek. “I’m in love with you.”

“But-”

“Can I tell you a secret too?” Minho knew he was taking a risk, but he needed Felix to know - he needed the younger boy to understand.

“O-of course.”

“I... I’m falling in love with everyone, and it scares me,” He whispered, sitting so close to the other boy that Felix could feel Minho’s breath on his lips. “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with Chan hyung, let alone everyone, but... but I do. I love you, and Jisung, and Hyunjin, and Seungmin, and Jeongin, and Changbin, and Channie hyung... I love you all so fucking much, and I think it would actually kill me to lose you guys.”

“You’re never going to lose us,” Felix threw himself into Minho’s arms, almost knocking the older boy flat on his back. “You’re- you’re stuck with us forever.”

“Good,” He laughed, catching Felix and just barely managing to keep his balance as the younger boy curled into his chest. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Does... does Channie hyung know?”

“He...” His stomach sank. “I don’t know how to bring it up... I’ve tried, but- but it’s never worked out. I guess I’m scared he won’t take it well, but I don’t know why he wouldn’t, and that’s what’s fucking me up. I don’t want to mess anything up, you know? I’m so fucking _happy_ right now, and I’m scared of being too greedy and- and losing everything.”

“You’re not going to lose us, hyung,” Felix promised, holding tightly onto Minho’s neck, almost to the point of choking the older boy, but he wasn’t going to ask him to loosen his grip, because he needed this - Felix grounded him. “We all love you so much.”

“What if it’s not the same kind of love, though?” Minho hadn’t voiced these fears to anyone before. “What if I make someone uncomfortable, and they don’t want to be involved with me anymore, and it ruins the group?”

“I have a feeling that no one’s gonna be uncomfortable with you loving them,” Felix whispered, his lips ghosting along Minho’s throat as he spoke. “I really, really think- no, I _know_ it wouldn’t ruin anything... but you don't have to say anything until you're ready, hyung.”

Minho’s chest felt like it was about to burst - now that he let out of his insecurities out, he was begging himself to keep going - to keep talking and to spill his soul and to let out all of the fears he had been bottling up - but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Felix.

He couldn’t do that to anyone. He was their hyung - he was supposed to be strong and support _them_. He wasn’t allowed to unload his issues onto them like that, and Chan was too busy with a thousand other things to be bothered with his shit.

Minho needed to suck it up and figure out a way to handle it on his own - it’s the least he could do for the boys who gave him _everything_.

“Do you wanna go take a shower, aegi?”

“Together?” Felix sounded so hopeful that Minho couldn’t help but smile.

“Mm, I’ll even wash your hair if you want.”

“Really?” His eyes sparkled. Minho chuckled and leaned in, kissing away the last of the boy’s tears.

“And afterwards, if you wanna sleep with me and hyung tonight, there’ll always be room in our bed for you.”

“I love you hyung.” Felix whispered, and Minho could _feel_ the truth behind those words.

He didn’t just love Minho - he was i _n love_ with Minho, and the realization gave him the same butterflies as Chan did, whenever the older boy reminded him that he loved him.

Minho still couldn’t comprehend how lucky he was.

He loved his boys more than anything, and he was willing to put their happiness above everything else - even his own.

* * *

“Hyung?” A voice called from across the room. Minho shifted, not sure if he was awake or still dreaming. After a moment he sat up and squinted towards the door, where the faintest light came from the bathroom down the hall - the light always stayed on overnight, just in case something happened, and they couldn’t get their flashlights up.

“Innie?” He groaned, rubbing his eyes. Glancing to his side, he noticed - not of the first time that week, or month even - that Chan wasn’t in bed. He must still be down in the studio. He had been spending more and more time there, and less and less time with them.

“Can... can I sleep with you?”

“Of course, aegi,” Minho shuffled over, making room for the younger boy. Jeongin came over and crawled onto the bed, curling into the warm-spot next to Minho and instantly relaxed into his hyung’s comforting arms. “Is something up?”

“Not really...”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m just... anxious,” Jeongin said after a moment. “Starting next week, the second set of individual videos are going to drop.”

Minho instantly understood why Jeongin was so nervous. The first set of videos was completely anonymous, but the second set would reveal their names - the third set of videos was supposed to be what revealed their faces to the world, but after the scandals...

Just their names would be enough to connect back to all the pictures that leaked. As soon as those videos dropped, one by one, their privacy would start to disappear.

“It’ll be okay,” He kissed Jeongin’s forehead as they settled into the bed more. “YW won’t let anything happen to us. Besides... you’re so cute, aegi. Everyone will love you instantly.”

“What if they don’t?”

“Then I’ll personally beat them up.” Minho smiled a little as he felt Jeongin chuckling.

“I have that video of you yelling at the people outside of the bathroom saved,” He admitted softly. Minho jumped, almost having forgotten about that scene entirely. “It’s really hot, hyung. You’re so hot, it’s not fair.”

“I don’t think it’s that special...” He could feel his ears burning against his pillow.

“You look like you’re about to rip their heads off,” Jeongin muttered, sounding like he was about to fall back to sleep. “You’re dangerous, but in a sexy way.”

“I-I don’t-”

“I love you hyung...” Jeongin cut off his spluttering, much to Minho’s relief.

“I love you too, aegi.” He smiled, holding Jeongin just a little bit closer. He glanced at the digital clock that Chan kept on his bedside table and frowned again. It was almost three in the morning, and the boy in question was still MIA.

He would have to talk with Chan in the morning, but for the time being he held his baby close to his chest, letting Jeongin’s warmth and heartbeat lull him back to sleep.

* * *

“Minho, stop,” Chan said, cutting the track once again. Minho bit back a scowl as he looked away from the lyrics saved on his phone. He had been in the recording booth for... according to his phone, almost two hours, and no matter what he did, it seemed it was never good enough for Chan. “From the top.”

“Can’t you just-” Minho could feel himself getting mad and stopped himself, forcing himself to take a breath before continuing. The last thing he wanted to do was snap at his boyfriend, who looked as though he hadn’t seen a bed in weeks. “What do I need to change? Having me keep doing it the same way obviously isn’t getting anywhere.”

“I don’t know,” There was an edge to Chan’s voice, and Minho tried not to take it personally. “I just... there’s something missing, but I don’t know what.”

“Alright...” His shoulders slumped a little. “I’ll... I’ll do my best.”

Chan just nodded, his eyes glued to his computer. It felt like ages since he had looked Minho in the eye - it had felt like ages since Chan spent more than a fleeting moment with any of them.

The familiar beat filled Minho’s headphones and he closed his eyes, letting himself get lost in the music. By this point, he could sing this in his sleep, but he couldn’t figure out what it was that was missing - was his singing that flat? Was he boring?

He sang his part with his whole chest, determined to make Chan happy. Maybe if he did this right, Chan would be able to take a break and they could finally have a meal together again, or maybe even something more intimate... Minho hadn’t even kissed Chan in almost a week. If he could just get this right-

He knew as soon as his voice cracked, that fantasy was broken.

“Stop,” Chan sighed again, sounding like he had the weight of the world on his broad shoulders. “Why don’t we take a break?”

“Hyung-” Before Minho could say anything, Chan was walking up the stairs, leaving him alone in the booth.

His eyes began to sting as he pulled the headphones off. His hands shook as he hung them back up, almost dropping the expensive equipment before managing to catch them at the last second - the last thing he needed was YW on their ass for breaking the loaned technology, all because Minho couldn’t do his _fucking_ job right.

He sank to the floor, holding his knees close to his chest. The recording booth was less of a booth and more of a closet they had padded and replaced the door with one made of plexiglass, setting up a desk with the recording equipment just outside of it, so whoever was working with the recording could see the person in the booth.

Their debut was in less than two months, and he couldn’t even record his fucking lines right... how was he going to be able to perform properly? Felix’s fears of messing up flashed through his mind, but it only made him shake more.

Felix wouldn’t be the one to mess up - it would be Minho, and he would lose...

Everything.

They would blame him for ruining their debut - not that he would blame them. Of course it was his fault - he never should have been included in the first place. Obviously Stray Kids were perfect without him - he had listened to enough of their music on repeat to know they were amazing performers without his deadweight holding them back.  
He bit his knuckle, praying the slight pain would be enough to break him from the absolute meltdown he could feel coming, but he instantly knew it wouldn’t be enough.

Just like he would never be enough.

Why did he even bother? He should do them _all_ a favor and fuck off - from the group, and from their lives. He was clearly just a spare part. They were fine before he showed up, and they would be fine when he finally left. His thigh itched so badly he thought he was going to throw up, but he couldn’t give in. Chan would-

What did it matter? Chan was clearly done with how useless he was. His boyfriend hadn’t even glanced back at the booth as he went upstairs.

He must be regretting ever inviting Minho over for dinner.

Minho whimpered, holding back his tears to no avail. He knew Chan would be back eventually, and he couldn’t mess up _another_ take because he had been crying and make his already grating voice even worse to listen to-

“Hyung?” Someone opened the booth’s door. Minho curled in on himself, not wanting anyone to see him like this. He felt hands on him and flinched away. He almost wished whoever it was would just... just hit him. Maybe it would make him perform better for once. “Hyung? Can you look at me?”

He glanced over at Jisung, who was looking at him with an open, concerned expression.

“Hyung, are you okay?” He asked carefully, running a comforting hand up and down the older boy’s arm. Minho felt even shittier - he was supposed to be the one taking care of _them_ , not the other way around!

“Mm.” He hummed in a pathetic excuse for an affirmation.

“You know I don’t believe that, right?” Jisung asked, watching Minho curl in on himself even more, as if he were trying to disappear completely. “Did... did Chan hyung say something?”

Minho just shook his head. Chan didn’t need to say anything - it was clear as day that he was disappointed, both in Minho, and his own decision to bring the younger boy into their group in the first place.

“Hey, look at me?” Jisung tried, only to be met by a stubborn shake of the head. “Hyung, please?”

Still Minho refused, preferring to wallow. He didn’t deserve someone as nice and pretty as Jisung worrying about him. He was pathetic. He was talentless. He was bringing everyone down. He should just kill himself-

There were suddenly lips against his own. His eyes flew open, but he found he didn’t want to push Jisung away, no matter how much his mind screamed at him that he didn’t deserve to be touching the younger in such a way.

“You must be so stressed,” Jisung murmured, pulling away just a fraction. “Why don’t you let Sungie take care of you? You deserve to be worshipped.”

“I don’t-”

“You do,” Jisung interrupted, kissing him again, harder this time. Minho wanted to fight back - to push Jisung away and lock himself away in his bedroom - but he was weak. He was weak to the plushness of Jisung’s kiss, and the way the younger’s teeth bit his lower lip as if trying to keep him from escaping. “Can I?”

Minho knew what he was asking, and _god_ he wanted nothing more than to give up control to the younger boy, but he couldn’t. Chan was the only one he had bottomed to - he was their hyung. He needed to _take care_ of them, in every aspect. He couldn’t make one of his boys take his role because he was a shitty hyung-

He found himself nodding, and the smile that Jisung gave him was nothing short of absolutely blinding.

Jisung leaned back in, lacing his fingers through the back of Minho’s head and pulling on his hair harshly, making the older boy let out a yelp. He used that moment to lick along the inside of Minho’s mouth, the kiss becoming messier and more frantic.

“You’re so fucking pretty hyung,” Jisung growled, pushing Minho onto his back, looming over the older boy. “I’ve been dying to take care of you like this... I’ve had so many dreams of fucking you until you can’t talk anymore. I’ve woken up hard so many times it’s embarrassing, but it’s all worth it now that I can see your fucked out face under me.”

“Sung...” Minho whined, not entirely sure if he hated how quickly he fell into the submissive role. His blood felt like it was on fire, and he was desperate for Jisung to touch him - to stoke the flames.

“I wonder if we’re the first to fuck in the recording booth,” He teased as he quickly stripped Minho of his clothing, leaving the older boy naked under him. “I’ve missed being able to get such pretty sounds from my partner. Binnie and I used to fuck all the time in the YW studios, and no one ever knew. I still have all the recordings saved on my old laptop... they’re so hot. You can hear all the squelches and moans... fucking sinful.”

Minho let out a loud moan, Jisung’s fingers slim and practiced as they prodded at him, preparing to open him up there and then. He didn’t even see Jisung using lube, but the slide of his first finger was slick, so he must have.

His mind instantly fogged. Giving Jisung control was so different from taking care of the younger boy. Jisung was thorough but teasing, his filthy mouth saying things that would make Minho - if he were in his right mind - blush for days. It was just like Jisung said-

Completely sinful.

“Does Channie hyung fill you up?” Jisung teased lightly, his voice only just starting to show his exertion. “Does Channie hyung turn Minho hyung into a pretty little cum dump? I bet you’d look gorgeous with my cum dripping from your cute little hole. Poor hyung’s been left all alone recently, hasn’t he? You’ve been so patient with us, and if Channie hyung is too busy to reward you, I’ll do it - as many times as you want.”

Minho thought he was going to pass out. Jisung seemed to know exactly where to angle his hips to make the older boy see _stars_.

Far too soon he was tensing, his vision going white as he came down from his high.

“Good boy,” Jisung cooed, working him through it. Minho could feel himself shaking as Jisung rutted shallowly. He winced as the younger boy pulled out, the feeling of heat leaking down his thighs should have been uncomfortable, but all he could focus on was how fuzzy his head was, and how badly he wanted to take a nap.

“Sungie... sleepy...” He murmured, latching himself to Jisung’s side. The younger boy gave a loving chuckle and used his discarded shirt to wipe a majority of the mess from Minho’s body.

“I know baby,” Jisung kissed him gently - nothing like the rough kisses from before. “Let’s get you dressed and we can go upstairs, yeah? Take a nap?”

“Mm, please...” Minho looked up at Jisung, begging the younger boy with his eyes.

“I love you.” He responded, sounding heartbreakingly honest.

Minho wanted to say it back, but his legs weren’t quite working and it was taking all of his focus to walk up the stairs without collapsing entirely. Jisung really did a number on him, huh? He wondered if he would be able to dance the following day, or if he was going to have to sit out.

Jisung pulled Minho towards his room, all three beds empty when they got there. Minho didn’t know where the others were, but he was almost glad for it. He wanted to cuddle with Jisung without needing to be a hyung, at least for a little bit.

He curled into Jisung’s chest, allowing himself to feel small for just a moment. Soon, he would have to be a hyung again. He would need to be big and responsible and reliable, but for the moment, he wanted to be small and taken care of.

As he fell asleep, he wondered if Jisung would be willing to fuck him like that again sometime soon.

“Hu-wha?” Minho spluttered sleepily, not entirely sure where he was. The arms around him were strong and warm and familiar, but he was disoriented. The last thing he remembered was being with Jisung - oh right, he had fallen asleep on the younger boy’s bed, which would explain why he could hear Jisung calling something, but he was still working on waking up, so he wasn’t quite sure what was happening.

“My kitten,” A familiar voice purred in his ear. He felt himself be gently tossed onto a larger bed, a body instantly weight down on him. Chan kissed him, almost able to taste Jisung’s tongue on Minho’s lips. “Hyung didn’t mean to ignore you... I should have been rewarding my good boy this whole time. Forgive me?”

“Hyung? What’re you...” He trailed off, his eyes fluttering closed as Chan bit along the length of his chest.

“I hadn’t realized I left the recording equipment on when I went upstairs,” He said, taking a moment to suck a mark onto Minho’s lower stomach. “Imagine my surprise when I saw almost two hours of audio....” He trailed off and sat back on his heels, putting a bit of a gap between himself and Minho.

“Hyung...” Minho whined - Chan hadn't touched him in _weeks_! Why was he stopping?

“I’m so fucking sorry aegi,” Chan whispered, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Minho’s mouth, almost as if he felt he didn’t deserve to kiss the younger fully. “I... You were having a hard time and I just- I just left. The audio of you crying... I thought I was going to break in two. How could I have been so cruel to you?”

“Not cruel,” Minho murmured, torn between being sleepy and being horny. “Just stressed...”

“And then Jisung came down and took care of you the way I haven’t been,” The guilt was so thick in his voice that it made Minho’s eyes sting. “I know he was just- just teasing you, but fuck... I really have been ignoring you, haven’t I? I’ve been ignoring everyone... how many nights have I made you go to bed alone? I never wanted to put my career before my family, but that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“Shh, it’s alright,” Minho reached his arms out, asking for a hug, which Chan readily gave him. Chan was so warm, and he smelled like... home. “We’ve all been busy. Debuting is huge for us, and we knew even before signing that contract that it would be a lot of work.”

“The last time I neglected my boyfriend, he didn’t talk to me for ten days, and I almost lost him completely,” Chan whispered, sounding shattered. His arms tightened around Minho, as if convincing himself that the younger boy really was there. “I promised myself after that that I would never do that again... but th-that’s exactly what I’ve been d-doing. Fuck, I’m so sorry Minho... you don’t deserve this-”

“Hyung, look at me?” Minho cut Chan off. There must have been something in his tone that made Chan unable to disobey, for the older boy instantly did as he was told despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. “You’re so beautiful... I love you so fucking much. I’m a big boy, hyung. I can handle a few days without constant supervision. I just want to see you succeed - you’ve been working too fucking hard not to.”

“Not supervision,” Chan murmured softly. “But you should’ve been getting attention. Affection. I treated everyone like- like strangers.”

“Hello, stranger,” Minho smiled gently, hoping his teasing would bring Chan back from his internal depreciation. After a beat, Minho saw a faint lift of Chan’s lips. “Fancy meeting you here. Would you want to... come back to my place? I have this nice big bed... and a big bathroom. My roommates are angels, and maybe if you ask nicely, they’ll join in.”

“I love you,” Chan sighed, going practically weightless against Minho’s chest. Minho wrapped his arms around the older boy, holding him close as if he were afraid Chan would vanish into thin air. “Thank you.”

“I love you more,” Minho pressed a kiss to Chan’s cheek, wishing it was his mouth, which was hidden in his shoulder. “Do you wanna go to sleep, aegi?”

“Mm, after I fuck my boyfriend into the sheets,” He chuckled breathily, causing Minho to snort. At the sound, Chan sat up and grinned down at Minho, his face lighting up. “God, you’re fucking gorgeous.”

“Compliment me as you fuck me, hyung,” Minho teased back, his eyes sparkling. “I’ve missed you... you have a lot of orgasms to make up for.”

“I’m sure I do.” He swooped down and stole another kiss. Sure Minho was tired, and his body ached, and his ass was _killing_ him from before, but he wanted nothing more in the world than to have his Chan so close to him again.

“I love you.” He pressed a kiss to Chan’s shoulder.

“I love you so fucking much.” Chan replied with a smile, and in that moment, Minho was glad he had been invited to dinner, all those months ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to debut~ Technically only two chapters left before the end! I've gotten so comfortable with this au, it's going to be weird doing something different after this XD


	18. Two Truths and a Lie

Minho could feel his eyes stinging. The lights from the set were blinding, and he had been sitting in this uncomfortable position for just a little too long - but he persevered. As soon as they were done with this photoshoot, they were done with promotion prep. Their debut was in a few short weeks, and as soon as the pictures from this shoot were approved, they would start printing the physical albums.

It was actually a lot more fun than he had been anticipating. He had never liked being the center of attention unless he was performing, but he realized that this was a performance of sorts - Lee Know and Minho were two completely different people, so anytime he put on his idol persona, it was a performance.

He smirked at the camera, this outfit’s vibe being flirty and fun. He had already done a shoot in a leather jacket and ripped jeans, one in summer wear, and a third in a silky button up and skin tight black pants. Now he was wearing a collared polo shirt with light washed jeans, sneakers and a baseball cap - according to the photographer, they were going for ‘campus sweetheart’ vibes.

Winking, he bit his tongue playfully, looking right at the camera. He imagined the lens was Chan, and he was teasing his beautiful boyfriend. The sun was warm, but not too hot. The trees were green and the birds were singing. Maybe he was trying to get Chan to play with him in the park, or to convince him to buy them ice cream. He was cute, and he knew that, so he played the persona up for the flashing cameras.

“I think we’re good!” The photographer called, grinning wide. “You’re a natural, Lee Know-ssi. Are you sure you haven’t done modeling before?”

“Thank you,” Minho chuckled, letting his shoulders relax now that he was no longer under the scrutinizing gaze of the lenses. “And I’m still sure I’ve never modeled before, but if I recover a lost memory I’ll be sure to update you.”

The photographer laughed at his playful tone, waving the boy away. He was the last to finish, so when he opened the door to the dressing room, he was greeted by seven tired, but happy smiles.

“Hyung! How’d it go?” Felix asked, throwing his arms around the older boy’s neck, trusting Minho to catch him. He was still dressed in his last outfit, which was similar to Minho’s - it had more of a boy-next-door look, but Minho liked how they looked side by side.

“Why haven’t you changed yet?” He asked with a chuckle, kissing his freckled cheeks before carrying him back over to the others.

“I just got done too,” He pouted playfully. “I haven’t had the chance to return the outfit. Why? You don’t like it?”

“Maybe I just wanna see my cute little Pixie all stripped down for me.” Minho smirked as the younger boy lit up bright red, pushing away from him and running to the nearest person, hiding his face in Chan’s neck.

“Hyung....” Felix whined, clearly flustered.

“As if you haven’t been making comments about Minho hyung’s ass for the last five hours.” Jeongin snickered at his friend.

“That’s...” Felix trailed off, covering his face. Minho glanced at the younger boy, concern blooming in his stomach. Neither had mentioned the day in the basement studio, there they confessed their love for each other - it was a few weeks ago, but it seemed neither Minho nor Felix knew what to do about it.

Felix glanced up, making eye contact with Minho, his eyes sparkling with affection.

“Come here Pixie,” Minho opened his arms and Felix practically flew into them, cuddling against the older boy’s chest. “I love you aegi.”

“Love you too hyung.” Felix whispered back, just loud enough for Minho alone to hear.

“Are you gossiping about us?” Jisung asked, suddenly right next to them. Felix and Minho jumped apart, shouting a little in surprise.

“Of course we are,” Minho put a hand to his chest, his heart racing from the shock but his sarcasm not deterred. “Just about you though.”

“Hyung...” Jisung pouted, lightly punching Minho’s arm.

“Well, since Minnie’s done, we can pack up and head home,” Chan said, grinning at his boys fondly. They were all clearly exhausted, but there was an air of pride - they had done their best, and they were proud of themselves. “And since we’ve been working so hard these last few weeks, why don’t we take the whole weekend off.”

“The whole weekend?” Seungmin blinked, his face lighting up.

“Three entire days?” Hyunjin questioned, almost distrustful.

“Three whole, entire days,” Chan laughed, his grin widening. “And since we’ve been working our asses off, I made the executive decision that we’re going to get absolutely _shitfaced_ tonight.”

“Fuck yeah!” Changbin cheered, punching the air excitedly.

Minho watched his boys start to bounce around the dressing room, the exhaustion all but forgotten as they grinned and jumped on each other. Fuck, he was so in love with all of them, and that still scared him.

He always knew he had a lot of love to give - he would love with his entire heart, right off the bat, and ended up shattering when his love was abused. He wanted to give it openly, but it seemed there weren’t many people who actually wanted it.

But now there were seven people who wanted his love - wanted his affection.

Wanted _Minho_.

With each passing day, his resolve hardened more and more. Each morning he woke up across from Chan, someone squeezed in between them - each time they offered to help him cook, and when they saved him a seat on the couch for movie night, and when they waited up just to give him a goodnight kiss even though they were exhausted - that made him accept his feelings towards them.

He was in love with his friends, and nothing would take them from him again.

He just needed to figure out how to... express that properly.

“Minho?” Chan put a hand on Minho’s arm, making him jump. “You were zoning out babe. Let’s get those clothes returned to wardrobe and we can go home, yeah?”

“Mm, yeah.” Minho smiled, leaning into Chan’s warmth for a moment.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired,” Minho sighed. It wasn’t technically a lie, but by the look that his boyfriend was giving him, Chan didn’t believe him. “It’s... it’s complicated. We can talk about it when the others aren’t waiting on us. They’ll be pissed if we push off them getting absolutely fucking trashed.” He couldn’t help but giggle, his mouth turning up in amusement.

“Mm, they’ll never let us hear the end of it,” Chan agreed, kissing Minho softly. “We should hurry.”

“Yeah, we should hurry.” Minho wrapped his arms around Chan’s neck, deepening the kiss. He felt Chan huff a chuckle against his lips as strong arms snaked around his waist, holding him close. Minho felt so safe in Chan’s arms.  
Minho lost himself in Chan’s kisses, the older boy’s lips so soft and loving as he licked his way into his boyfriend’s mouth, tasting the candies he had eaten between shots.

Chan’s hands began to wander, fingers trailing along Minho’s lower back. He played with the waistband of Minho’s pants, teasing the younger boy with what was to come.

“Stop making out and let’s _go_ -” Jisung shouted, making Chan and Minho jump apart. He let out an awkward chuckle before stripping, quickly changing into his own clothes and folding his photoshoot outfit for the stylists to take back.

“Ready?” Chan asked, reaching his hand out.

“Mm.” Minho took it, smiling at how their fingers laced together perfectly.

* * *

  
“God it’s been forever since I played this game.” Minho chuckled as they sat in a circle in the living room, each boy holding their drink of choice while _several_ more sat on the table to refill, which would be needed often - they tended to drink like fish, and this evening was not going to be any different. There was a roll of paper towels tucked behind the couch, in preparation for when someone inevitably spilled something.

“Mm, normally it’s never have I ever or truth or dare,” Changbin downed a shot without blinking, sipping from his wine glass to cover the taste of the soju. He had been the one to ask for the Moscato, and it had been a hit. “This is going to be impossible to play after like, three rounds.”

Jeongin had been the one to suggest two truths and a lie - he had also been the one to add the stipulations that if your lie gets caught, you have to take a shot, but if you trick everyone else, they had to take a shot.

Changbin was right - they were going to be shitfaced way too quickly.

“Who wants to go first?” Chan asked, pulling Minho into his lap.

“I’ll go!” Jisung chirped, his cheeks already faintly flushed. “Okay so... I ate the last of the pizza yesterday... I’ve fucked everyone in this room at least once, and... I got banned from Club Penguin for making dick jokes.”

“Obviously it’s the second one,” Felix said, completely convinced. “There’s no way you topped Channie hyung or Minho hyung-”

“About that...” Minho glanced to the side awkwardly.

“Well, you see...” Chan said at the exact same time. There was a beat of silence before the living room exploded.

“YOU FUCKED CHANNIE HYUNG?” Felix’s jaw dropped.

“You didn’t know?” Hyunjin asked, equally as shocked.

“And you did?” Chan shot back towards Hyunjin, who just shrugged.

“The lie is the pizza one,” Jeongin called, grinning at the chaos. When the others turned to look at him, his grin widened. “I was the one who ate the last of the pizza and blew Jisung hyung to convince him to take the fall if anyone got pissed.”

Minho laughed loudly. Confident Jeongin was out and proud - it was only a matter of minutes before he got shy and quiet again.

“I’m a man of simple needs,” Jisung lamented dramatically. “Sometimes one must fill the void left by stolen pizza with a warm mouth-”

“Everyone but Minho hyung, Jeongin, and Jisung take a shot,” Seungmin called out, ignoring the whines of defeat. “They already knew the lie, so they weren’t tricked.”

“That’s stupid...” Changbin muttered, taking his shot.

“I pick... Jeongin to go next,” Jisung pointed to the youngest. “Since he ratted himself out already once.”

“Alright,” Jeongin smirked easily and sat back, his chin lifted. Minho knew Jeongin was attractive - all his boys were - but there was something about the youngest when he was being cocky that really hit different. “I’ve slept with a girl before, I’ve been skydiving, and my favorite flavor of iced coffee is mocha.”

“The first one has to be the lie.” Hyunin said, not sounding super confident.

“There’s no way he’s been skydiving!” Changbin said incredulously.

“His favorite iced coffee flavor is caramel with chocolate drizzle,” Minho said, his mouth curling like a cat’s. “As if I don’t have all of your coffee memorized.”

“Minho hyung’s right!” Jeongin grinned, the cocky look fading into something soft and fond. If he hadn’t been held down in Chan’s lap, Minho would have been scooping Jeongin up in a second.

“You’re been skydiving? I thought you were afraid of heights!” Chanbin looked betrayed.

“I never said I enjoyed it,” Jeongin’s face twisted. “My brother dragged me along and our parents wouldn't let him go if I didn’t, and I owed him from... something else.”

“Huh, makes sense I guess.” Changbin shrugged, taking his losing shot like a champ.

“You’re fucked a girl?” Jisung screeched, looking even more betrayed than Changbin had.

“Technically they’re nonbinary now, but they still presented as a girl back in high school,” He shrugged. “They were my first.”

“I feel lied to.” Jisung whispered dramatically, causing the room to explode in laughter.

“Pick someone else Innie.” Felix danced in his seat, his cheeks getting warmer and warmer with each shot he took.

“Why don’t you go, hyung?” Jeongin said right back. Felix blinked before his face twisted in concentration - it was clear he was trying his best to think of something with his mind already fuzzed from the alcohol.

“Um... I... I, um... I almost failed calculus in high school... I, uh, I fuckin- I thought I was a girl when I was little, and... uh- I almost cut my finger off in woodshop class?”

“The second one,” Jisung blinked, caught a little off guard by the options. “Right? It has to be the second one.”

“I’m with Sungie,” Minho said, returning the bright grin said boy shot in his direction. “I can definitely see Lix almost failing math and almost cutting his finger off. Very in character for him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Felix pouted before grinning impishly. “Take your shots everyone!”

“What?” Jisung’s eyes bugged out of his head as Felix giggled loudly, his entire face shining with amusement.

“When I was _really_ little, my older sister convinced me I was her sister. I was like, three or four, so I didn’t think she was lying to me. Right before my younger sister was born, my parents corrected me when I said I was going to be an older sister.” He explained. Minho choked on his shot, caught between coughing the soju up from his lungs and laughing.

“Now _that’s_ in character for Felix,” Hyunjin said between howling laughter. “The lie is failing calculus.”

“How did you know?” Jeongin asked.

“Cuz Felix never made it to calculus,” Hyunjin wrinkled his nose playfully. “He took geometry, then the level three math his junior year.”

“I’ve never claimed to be _good_ at math,” Felix pursed his lips. “I graduated, and that’s all that matters. Seungmin, your turn!”

“Hmm...” Though he had the same amount - if not more - of shots as the others, Seungmin was once again the most put together out of them all, right next to Minho himself.

They were the resident alcoholics of the group. “My promposal was rejected in high school, I have a tattoo, and I joined a BDSM group.”

“The second one!” Changbin called instantly.

“Yeah, if you had a tattoo, we’d know,” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “You should have picked something less obvious.”

“Are you sure about that?” Seungmin’s grin was downright evil. There was a beat where the boys stared at him in a mix of shock and horror as he pulled his hair aside, showing off the small crescent moon that rested just behind his ear.

“When the fuck did you get a tattoo?” Chan asked, staring at Seungmin as if he had never seen the younger boy before.

“Uh, like a year and a half ago?” Seungmin’s eyes scrunched as he tried to count backwards. “Remember when I went to the city for a weekend with Sanha, Haechan, Jaemin and their friends?”

There were nods of affirmation and partially confused hums of ‘uh, vaguely?’

“We got drunk and found a tattoo parlor close to the club,” Seungmin recalled easily, as if he were talking about a walk in the park. “The only ones ‘sober’ enough to get tattoos were me, Sanha and Shotoro, so we all got small phases of the moon somewhere hidden. Sanha’s is on the side of his ring finger and Shotoro’s is at the base of his neck.”

“Holy shit...” Changbin breathed in awe. “I can’t believe _Seungmin_ was the first to get a fuckin tattoo...”

“We can remedy that,” Seungmin’s grin curled mischievously. “As long as you’re not a little bitch about it, we can go get more after debut.”

“Who’s a little bitch?” Changbin stood and threw himself at Seungmin, letting the younger boy catch him before playfully biting his neck as punishment.

“Hyung, I love you but you almost passed out the last time you got blood work done.”

“Blood work needles are different from tattoo needles,” Jeongin added, earning a loud ‘exactly!’ from Changbin, whose words were muffled from the fact that he was still sucking marks into Seungmin’s skin. “So what was the lie?”

“You really think I went to _prom_?” Seungmin asked in retaliation, mock disgust twisting his pretty face. There was a beat before Jisung’s eyes flew open.

“You’re in a BDSM group?” His voice going up at the end.

“Now I am,” Seungmin didn’t explain. “Binnie hyung, why don’t you go next?”

“Huh? Me?” Changbin stepped back, licking the spit from his lips. “Shit, okay hold on... um... I like being tied up, I don’t like honeydew, and... and I used to wrestle in high school,”

“You never wrestled.” Felix announced instantly.

“What? How did you get it so easily?” Changbin pouted, his cheeks flushed from the shots and from the heat that had started to build from marking Seungmin.

“You being into shibari was one of the first things you told us when we all started fucking around.” Jisung rolled his eyes.

“And you’ve been very vocal about your hatred for honeydew,” Seungmin added. “I can never get honeydew milk tea without you complaining.”

“Oh... I guess I have to take a shot then...” He sadly picked up his new shot, so kindly poured by Jeongin, who may have added just a little more to fill it to the top. He threw it back like water but continued to pout. Seungmin tugged him over and pulled Changbin into his lap, both boys curling on the couch together. “Hyunjin, you go now.”

“Finally!” The dancer grinned, sitting up. Minho watched, amused, as he swayed a little in place for a moment. This was only the first game they’ve played, and between pregaming while waiting for their food to arrive, and all the bad lies, they were all learning more heavily towards drunk than tipsy. “Okay, so- I did track and field for two years in middle school, I’m enrolling for classes for the spring semester, and I gave myself a belly button piercing.”

“Um...” There was radio silence as the boys sat, desperately trying to think of which statement was the lie. They were all plausible - with his long legs, it was easy to imagine Hyunjin running track. Enrolling in classes wasn’t all that outrageous, but then again the boy hadn’t mentioned even considering going to college. The one about the belly button piercing though...

“You never pierced your own belly button,” Minho felt he, of all people, would be most familiar with Hyunjin’s naked body, seeing how he was the only one the younger boy trusted enough to sleep with recently. Hyunjin’s grin just grew and Minho knew he was wrong. “Shit... that wasn’t the lie, was it?”

“I never did track,” He danced in place as everyone groaned and poured themselves yet another shot. “Are you kidding me? I was absolutely a theatre kid - I took dance lessons in my free time.”

“When did you pierce your belly button?” Chan asked, not sure how he felt about how much he was learning about his boys.

“Uh, three or four years ago,” He shrugged easily. “I was feeling like shit but I had just dyed my hair and couldn’t get more bleach, so I just, you know - did the sewing needle with the rubbing alcohol thing.”

“Where did you get the piercing from if you were only seventeen?” Changbin asked.

“My friend had hers done, and had just replaced it with a fancier one, and she left me with the old one cuz I said I was thinking about.”

“Wow... Jinnie’s such a bad boy...” Felix’s giggles were bubblier than ever. He nuzzled his friend’s jaw, nudging Hyunjin with his nose like a kitten begging for affection. Hyunjin joined in the giggling and peppered kisses across Felix’s nose.

“I want Channie hyung to go next~” Hyunjin purred, looking at the older boy as if he had just sentenced him to execution. Chan choked on his mixed drink, which he had casually been sipping at as the others dry humped one another between rounds.

“Sh-shit-” He coughed the more-alcohol-less-juice mix Felix had made for him, causing Minho to bounce in his lap. “Okay, so... I used to swim competitively, I can’t bowl to save my life, and... I had a pet kangaroo growing up?”

“Hyung...” Changbin shook his head, a smirk playing at his lips.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Jeongin grinned.

“So I guess we found the third thing that Chan hyung can’t do.” Jisung snickered into his hand.

“Bowling, sledding, and lying while drunk.” Seungmin listed, nodding sagely.

“Hey! I thought I did pretty okay...” Chan pouted, resting his chin on Minho’s shoulder and tightened his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. “They were good, right?” He asked Minho, who just tilted his head and kissed the older boy’s cheek.

“I love you.” Was all he said, causing Chan to pout harder and the others to laugh hysterically.

“Fuck-” Jisung knocked his drink over - thankfully there was only a sip or so left, but the juice concoction got all over his hand and the table. Jeongin started mopping the puddle on the table with the paper towels

Hyunjin, however, simply took Jisung’s hand and started lapping the juice from his fingers, his tongue hot and wet against Jisung’s skin. Jisung let out a loud whine, his face going from alcohol-flushed to horny flushed in a matter of seconds.

“Give Minho hyung his turn before you start to fuck,” Changbin threw a pillow at them. Hyunjin batted the projectile away, his eyes turning up in amusement as Jisung hid his face in his hands. “Minho hyung, you can go.”

“Gee thanks,” Minho said, affectionately sarcastic. “Well... I used to want to be a vet, I can’t whistle and...” He trailed off, the shots making his mind foggy. His arms and legs tingled as the alcohol flooded his system, and he was at the point where he didn’t know if he wanted to go to sleep, or fuck someone. He knew that last shot was a mistake...

“Minho?” Chan whispered, noticing how his boyfriend had gone silent.

“And I’m in love with all seven of my best friends.” He whispered, staring blankly at the floor. The room fell silent as they took a moment to digest what Minho had said.

The longer the silence dragged on, the more the pressure in Minho’s chest seemed to press down on him. His eyes started to sting - why weren’t they saying anything? Were they angry?

Disgusted?

Disappointed?

“The lie is the whistling,” Felix was the first to break the silence. “I’ve heard him whistling along with music when he’s cooking.”

“Minho... when-” Chan started, only to seem to run out of words instantly.

“We love you too, hyung.” Hyunjin said softly.

“N-no, I-” Minho’s voice trembled, causing everyone to look at him in concern. “I-I mean _in_ love... like, in _love_ love-”

“We know,” Jeongin crawled over and took Minho’s face in his hands. Minho, drunk and scared, leaned into the touch desperately. He could feel Chan’s breath on the back of his neck, but all he could focus on was Jeongin’s soft, loving smile. “And we love you too. We’re _in love with you_ , Minho hyung.”

“But-” Minho’s breathing started to pick up as he pulled away from Jeongin’s touch. Chan wouldn’t let him go, even when he tried to wiggle out of his boyfriend’s arms. “I w-wasn’t supposed to fall in l-love with everyone! I’m being greedy-”

“That’s stupid, hyung,” Jisung scoffed gently. “It’s not being greedy... If you’re greedy for loving us, then we’re greedy for loving you back.”

“Jisung-”

“It’s not greedy or selfish to want to love people,” Jeongin tapped Minho’s nose, getting the older boy’s attention again. “Besides... we’ve all been tiptoeing around this for a while now.”

“Around what?” Minho hated how his voice wavered. He didn’t want to cry, but he was drunk, and his boys were looking at him with so much love and affection. Did he even deserve their love?

“Around the fact that we all love each other,” Seungmin answered, his arms still wrapped around Changbin’s waist, similar to how Chan’s arms were still around Minho. “Calling ourselves best friend fuck buddies was less complicated than... than outright dating each other.”

“But honestly?” Felix gave Minho a small smile. “I want what you have with Channie hyung but with everyone.”

“It gets a little lonely seeing how disgustingly in love you two are,” Changbin muttered, leaning heavily against Seungmin’s chest. “We want you to look at us the way you look at Channie hyung...”

“Binnie...” Minho couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. He had been agonizing over this for _months_ , but he genuinely thought he was going to have to sit on it forever - with their debut coming up faster and faster, he thought it would be selfish of him to add to the stress of the preparations. He learned his lesson on pulling away entirely last time, but this was something that he _could_ hide without getting too hurt.

“Can we love you, hyung?” Hyunjin looked at Minho with such wide, trusting eyes. Minho would have to be the biggest asshole in existence to make Hyunjin upset for any reason.

“I-I... y-yeah,” He nodded, tears starting to drip down his flushed cheeks. “Yeah, I’d like that...”

“Ah! I’m so happy!” Felix was the first to throw himself at Minho, almost knocking all three of them to the ground - it was only thanks to Chan managing to catch their weight that kept them upright. “This has been killing me for weeks.”

“What do you mean?” Chan asked, holding both boys as best as he could at that angle.

“Uh, we kinda talked about this earlier?” Felix answered, but it sounded more like a question than anything.

“He was the first I told.” Minho smiled softly.

“Why... why didn’t you tell me?” Chan’s voice had an edge of insecurity that made Minho’s heart _hurt_.

“I tried to but... the timing never worked out,” He sighed. “Either I couldn’t find a way to bring it up because the conversation just kept going and there were no breaks, or... or you fell asleep before I could get my shit together to say something.”

“I’m so sorry baby,” Chan pressed a kiss to Minho’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to...”

“It’s alright,” He let his head fall back so he could look at Chan better. “It’s mostly my fault for always having shit timing.”

“Who knew all it took to get seven boyfriends was a handful of shots and months worth of emotional trauma?” Jeongin said suddenly, making everyone burst into laughter. Even Chan, who started to protest the second part, gave up and shook his head, a smirk playing on his lips as he held Minho closer.

“Do we want to play another game?” Jisung asked, his eyes a little glazed from the confession, and from the copious amount of alcohol he had already consumed, despite it not being all that late in the evening.

“I’m down for another game,” Seungmin called back, heading to the kitchen. “Anything but smash though.”

“We don’t need another controller through a window.” Minho added, agreeing with Seungmin completely.

“Hey hyung.” Felix whispered, still kind of thrown into Minho’s arms, his back arched at an odd angle, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Mm?” Minho hummed, petting his hair absentmindedly.

“Does this mean we can all fuck each other at the same time?”

“Wh-” Minho’s eyes flew open, his face burning at the image that had instantly burned itself into his mind at the suggestion.

_Arms around him, fingers in him - two, three dicks inside of him, if he were lucky-_

“I think you broke him, Pixie.” Chan chuckled, seeing the look on Minho’s face. Felix just giggled and kissed the shocked expression from the older boy’s lips, instantly tasting the juice and alcohol on Minho’s tongue. It was addicting, how Felix moved against him.

“Either stop fucking in front of us or let us join,” Hyunjin complained with a faint pout. “It’s not fair to hog hyung all to yourself.”  
Minho’s brain completely short circuited... they could do it, right there in the living room-

“Soon,” Chan promised, as if reading his mind. “But right now we’re all a little too drunk to figure out how to do that without hurting anyone.”

“Mm.” Minho knew he was right, but he still felt a little disappointed.

“Don’t worry kitten,” His voice deepened, and Minho felt a chill run down his spine, starting where Chan’s hot breath ghosted over his skin. “I’ll make sure you feel good soon enough.”

“Good.” Was all he managed to squeak out before he was forced to pay attention to Jisung, who was explaining the rules of the new game. He could feel Chan’s hard on digging into his ass, and he knew it was going to be... _difficult_ to stay in the moment.

Thank god they had a three day weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah we're so close to the end! I might end up focusing on my fantasy au for a bit to prolong the inevitable :') Next chapter is going to be debut, and the one after that is going to be the smut scenes - if anyone wants to see something specific let me know and I can do my best to work it into the final chapter 👀👀
> 
> I really want to read more fics where we get ot8 over time. I've seen a lot where they're all already dating and I adore them, but I wanna see how other people write the buildup lmao

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! Another super complicated, multi-plot AU! I have most of this one planned out, but I wanted to at least start it soon. I'll finish the plot map eventually, and I'll probably end up focusing on my royalty au first so this will start out as a 'I can't focus on this fic anymore so I'll work on another' story until Kingdoms is complete.
> 
> I'll probably end up changing the summary eventually. I wasn't sure how to write it without giving away too much of the future plot, but let me know what you think! I always worry my summaries don't do the stories justice and that it'll be a turn off for people lmao


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